The Purge with Class, Trash, & Asian Sensation

So I just saw a commercial for the Purge Anarchy and thought that this would be a fun quickie post.  And since Asian Sensation is here, she’s going to join me! The challenge is to come up with the first three people you’re taking out if the purge actually happened?

Let’s get started!

Asian Sensation

1) Rihanna

 

She’s just a terrible human being.  She can’t really sing.  I don’t love her music.  She’s a cyber bully.  An attention whore.  And I just don’t like her.

Don’t call people “Rice Cake.”  I’m Asian.  That’s racist.

Also, don’t come for Ciara.  THE. END.

2) Miley Cyrus

 

 

Also an attention whore.  She needs to stop twerking. White people!  She didn’t invent twerking!  Please cover up your pancakes.  (Her weirdly shaped butt). Stop grinding up on married men.

3) Johnny Manziel

You’re the king of the douchebags.

Trash

1) Kirk Frost

 

The epitome of the ain’t shit men who get away with less than shit.  The kind of simpering, chapped lipped, pleather wearing asshole who eats paste.

2) Ann Coulter

 

It’s one thing to be an asshole for Cable News checks.  It’s another to continue to speak when your 15-minutes of fame has run out and the only reason we still hear from you is because Twitter is free.

3) Everyone Who Hasn’t Washed Their Hands after using the Restroom.

Class

1) The President of FedLoan 

I’m clearing my debt.  Enough said.

2) Taylor Swift

I’m taking out Taylor Swift.  Stealing her money.  And returning her Grammy for Album of the Year to the right owner.  Beyonce for “I Am Sasha Fierce.”

3) George Zimmerman

Cuz we ain’t forgot.  NUCCA.

Share your list party people!

Happy Birthday, Class!

Class is officially another year older, another year wiser!  Let’s celebrate with a song from the elusive chanteuse herself, Britney Spears!

Make sure you send gifts! (cash and/or liquor ladies!)

Leave a nice note in the comment box won’t you??

Don’t date me if…

This is quick. But y’all need to know that if you’re going to holla at me please…

1) Don’t have crusty toes.

2) Please use Crest or Colgate whitening products.

3) Cut your hair.

4) TAKE CARE OF YOUR DAMN SKIN!

5) Did you take my number in a flip phone??? Oh well delete that….

6) Learn to dress. Just copy the mannequin at the front of the store.

7) Long finger nails are gross and make think you are on drugs. Cut them, gentlemen.

8) We know you went to school. Please have a decent grasp of the English language.

9) FIND A DAMN PERSONALITY. If the conversation dies after “How are you?” We are not meant to be….

10) just…. Don’t be creepy. Thanks.

Y’all feel me or nah? Happy Saturday y’all! Hope y’all are having more dating success than I!

Y’all Can Keep Your Online Dating

Hello friends. This is Class!!!

I am currently reconstructing my life and blogging just has taken a back burner but Trash keeps coming for my wig so… Here we go.

It’s Friday which most likely means I will spend my night with wine, contemplating my life as a bachelor.

Part of my reconstruction includes my love life or rather….the lack there of. Past relationships were great when they were great but when they flopped it took a toll on my trust. So I decided, to not date and just live life as a strong, sassy, independent woman (well man). But after a couple of years and some trashy hooker wig nights (which are NONE your business. yolo my readers!), I find myself prepared to love again.

I’m young. Fun. Got my looks together… So this should be easy right? Heck no.

This is where all you happy relationship people say , “OMG you should totes online date! Have you like tried tinder? What about Plenty Of Fish?”

Girl. Shut up.

A) Despite some of my choices, I’m extremely old school and will nevah have to say “Oh, we met online”. It ain’t going down like that. I get the changing climate of dating but I’m not giving up hope that one can find love in a more organic way that doesn’t waste my data plan with Verizon.

B) A lot of people on these apps are looking for a quick hookup. When you open an introduction with “How big is your wang?” You can go stand in the middle of a busy highway and wait for me to show you. I’ll be riiiiight there.

C) Some of y’all too damn clingy. Don’t start talking long term with someone YOU HAVE NEVER MET. It drives me crazy. I was just trying to be polite and you planning on moving in together. Fuck outta here.

D) To quote Heidi Montag, “They say I’m superficial.” And I just might be, but that doesn’t change that there are some people that can make a cockroach look appealing on these apps. By the same token, those of you who use your “model” shots as your main profile pic but two pics over we see the real you in a dirty mirror selfie… I have one thing to say to youuuu…. YOU ARE NOT FOOLING ANYONE! Get outta here with that. Have me all excited thinking I found Shemar Moore but really you look like a dying mongoose.

E) If you’re married or in a seemingly serious relationship and you are on one of these apps, you are nasty and I personally hope you penis (or vagina) falls off because we know what you’re doing and it ain’t cute. And no, YOU ARE NOT JUST LOOKING FOR FRIENDS YA NASTY HOOKER.

To my relationship friends who have never had to use online dating, leave us single folk who don’t want to date online alone. TRUST ME, it is not as glamorous as the eHarmony commercials make it look.

Moral of this blog is, I have no desire to date online. So leave me be. I don’t want a profile made, nothing. When a relationship is meant to happen, it will happen.

K thanks bye!

HAPPY FRIDAY! Get them bottles poppin’!!!

Maybe I Don’t Want To Be Your DAMN Friend

You know what pisses my off? Those text messages of “Why don’t we hang out anymore.” “You’re so mean to me.” “You don’t want to be my friend.”

Girl shut UP.

First of fucking all, the past few months have ROUGH for me personally. I’m exhausted physically and mentally and frankly. When the weekend hits I like to clean my apartment, drink some wine, and de-stress. Why? BECAUSE BITCH I’M GROWN! Oh and because it is the ONLY time that I get before another horrid week starts. Moral of the story: I don’t have the time to spend MY TIME around people I don’t genuinely give two shits about.

Second of all, thanks for worrying about my well damn being. You are so into yourself that you are only worried about……YOURSELF. So why am I going to waste my precious time listening to you talk about your stupid problems and talk about how great you are when I can be filling out job applications, working out, or napping. Hell I’d rather watch my pinky toenail grow before I step foot in your presence.

Dear bad friends of the world, LEARN TO BE A BETTER FRIEND. If you notice someone you consider to be a “good friend” suddenly change behavior, take the two seconds it take to be concerned for them before you jump to “wah wah wah you don’t like me anymore.”

OKAY?! OKAY.

What is the lesson today class? STOP SUCKING AT BEING A FRIEND. TAKE STEPS IN LEARNING HOW TO NOT BE A SELF-CENTERED PRICK.

Woo. Had to get that one out. I’ll try to be better at the Class side of this blog but a bitch is tired.

Happy Friday.

TURN UP.

Or nap…both are great options.

Finding Reasons to Smile in a HORRID Week…

Now I had a rant to present today but I decided to give my spirit a rest and not do it. No fears, I will save it for later and look on the bright side on this here Friday. So here are three things that I loved about this week from hell.

 

#1 The Queen.

Y’all ALREADY know about the “On the Run Tour” and both Class and Trash will be in attendance to see the queen and her man shut it down one last time before she takes a well deserved break and tries to pop out another kid (yeah I know Bey like that.) I can not wait to End of Time stomp all up and the field in the Baltimore. IS IT JULY YET?! It’s kind of crazy how much joy and life Beyonce gives me…but whatever, get over it! Ya mad? STAY MAD!

#2 The Real Housewives of Atlanta REUNION.

In between praise sessions to get my spirits up, I watched the ratchet world these ladies live in. I can watch it over and over and over and NEVER stop laughing. Thank you Bravo, Andy Cohen, Nene Leakes, and Phaedra Parks (Mama Joyce as well) for remaining flawless on the reunion. You tried it Cynthia.I’ll be giving out their end of the season report card soon.

#3 Ariana Grande

She dropped a new single this week and I am LIVING. She was my number one most played artist on Spotify with “Baby I” the most played song last year. I’m a Ariana Grande Stan and I’m PROUD!  It seems that this princess is here to STAY! If you haven’t listened to her new single “Problem” don’t talk to me.

So that’s it folks! One day i’ll fill up this post with a new job, my money right, and love in my life. Until that happens music and trashy reality TV will give me life!

But y’all…. ITS FRIDAY SO let’s enjoy this weekend thing!

You Can’t Have Fear and Faith at the Same Time

Don’t get it twisted…i’m still hitting tricks with bottles because i’m mad. My giving a crap about life tank is on empty…the gas light is on…and I have about one mile left before it dies.

Last night in the middle of kicking my feet in the air and crying, a la this real housewives of atlanta moment…..

I decided to revisit my homegirl, Real Talk Kim for some advice. (P.S. Someone let her and Iyanla go around fixing people lives…I PROMISE in a few years, everyone would be happier.)

“Wishing that you would get through this situation isn’t going to get you to get through it. WISHING that your finances would change ain’t gon get you finances better.”

“You gotta get up and help God help you.”

Listen Real Talk Kim brings me to tears and makes me feel like things WILL get better. Trust and BELIEVE I’m hijacking your faith girl. I need it! (Literally as I’m typing this my Mom texted me and said “So it’s no thing cause you have Gods protection around you. They can’t do anything about that!!!!!!” My mother y’all…I love her and need her…I digress)

So dear readers, lets all shake it off. Rock bottom only mean that you can go up, right? (I just hope my climb up isn’t slow…can a brotha catch the elevator to success and abundant happiness?) If nothing else, tomorrow is Friday and that deserves all the praise!!!!

Be blessed….Stay Classy…and Stay Encouraged.

::turns on “The Storm is Passing Over” and enters praise and worship in office::

Quickie Post: Tomorrow Will Be Better

“With everything that has happened to you, you can either feel sorry for yourself, or treat what has happened as a gift. Everything is either an opportunity to grow or an obstacle to keep you from growing. You get to choose.”

— Wayne Dyer

Sometimes you have to do yourself a favor and pull yourself out of your own downward spiral…so here I go.

Let’s make this a great Thursday y’all!

Sorry Y’all. Class is Busy Hitting Bitches (His Principal) With Bottles…

::cues up theme song for the day::

As y’all know…I’ve had it with my job and terrible principal. With 6 weeks remaining, I’m ready to bow out.

But before I go, I scheduled a meeting with the Assistant Superintendent and Superintendent to discuss what REALLY happened this year. Trust me, I don’t EVER want to work at this terrible school again, nor do I want to teach…excuse me RAISE tons of bad ass kids who parents don’t parent. It’s not worth it. These kids aren’t going to wrinkle my youthful skin and gray the waves in my hair. So i’m out. Officially.

I’m currently sending out my resume EVERYWHERE and applying EVERYWHERE. Only to find out that people think teachers have no skills. Girl BYE, i’d like to SEE someone who sits in an office from 9 – 5 do my job….This shit is exhausting, you get paid nothing, AND you get treated like dirt. So me and my Masters Degree in Music will be doing something else in life…What that is? F*ck if I know…But it will be way better than teaching raggedy children who don’t care. Pray for our future….

What I DO know is that this meeting this afternoon most likely will look like this….

Y’all know anyone hiring? OR rich baby daddies that want to take care of me? Anyone got an extra trust fund? Just let me know below.

Happy Wednesday y’all!

 

 

Class Has a Question for Rupaul.

Well….Trash is le tired and I don’t have the time to go in depth about the episode but what I want to know is…

HOW THE F*CK IS DARIENNE LAKE STILL ON THIS SHOW?!

Listen she has walked on that stage every damn week in her finest Lane Bryant, Cato, and Ross Dress for Less fashions. TRANSLATION, SHE LOOKED BASIC AS HECK week after WEEK! To top it off she had the NERVE to walk out there in her final runway look, lookin like a sparkly turd. Ma’am, Latrice would NEVER! And she keeps clomping down the runway in orthopedic looking heels. #BYE

BenDeLaCreme is polished and the only one that could keep up with Queen Bianca Del Rio. Unfortunately, the final lip sync left much to be desired from both. I hope Kelly Clarkson never catches wind of this lip sync cause…. ::yawn::

SO the top 3….IN ORDER will HAVE to be:

1) Queen Bianca (if she doesn’t win, i’m not watching the show again.)

2) Courtney Act (She may not be the best but at least she’s pretty and consistant)

3) Adore damn Delano (This should have been Trinity, Joslyn, or DELA’s spot)

RuPaul…I never disagree with you but…you f*cked this one all the way up. If Darienne doesn’t roll on home next week, I don’t know what I will do…

Class has spoken.