Dating

Faux Confidence, Sealing the Deal & My Self Image

Hey folks! I hope that you had a stellar weekend.  I definitely did and I’m excited to keep it going a little bit despite my current desire to crawl in my bed.

With all of the great times and friendship, I’m reminded of some of the specific points I made in this post where I stated that I just don’t have much of a personality.  Which is weird to say, but let me try and explain.

For the most part, I think I’m cute with a few pounds to lose, decently charismatic, and fun.  Occasionally, I get off a great joke and in the right circumstances I’m completely capable of owning a room.  I love to talk about television and music, especially the storytelling aspect for television and very specific takeaways from the songs that I’ve heard.  I have a need to relate to people even in cases where my experience is not-related but I’ve convinced myself that this is the way to a human connection.  I crave validation and shine when I hear compliments from someone objective.  And lastly, I do try to humble by downplaying any perceived success on my part while showing that I’m completely capable of holding my own.

Despite that entire paragraph, I’m not sure how it all fits together.  Based on my experience last night, I feel like I came across fun and exciting only to settle into a conversation and instantly feel like I wasn’t equipped to set up the end game.  Even with the obvious easy marks, I felt like I was fighting to find flirty things to say.  I defaulted to weak ass small talk because I truly don’t know what to say.  At least not in a way that would generate real results outside of a phone number exchange.

That 0 or 100% quark is back.  I’m either sounding like a candidate for a job who is trying to impress people or a slutbucket.  And since I don’t want to be perceived as super thirsty (despite evidence to the contrary) or super easy, I tend to ask the same dumb questions because that’s what I practiced in the shower before I got to the cluh.

My trashy Abilene mantra of “You is hot, You is sexy, Guys wanna hit” may get me through the night but it’s not sticking.  Faking it until I make it keeps leading me back to the blog to write this sort of self-involved drivel.  My actual self-image isn’t improving despite me knowing objectively that there are positive things about me.

Like a small example.  I know that my friends had a good time Saturday, but we didn’t do anything.  We just sat around and they joked about it.  I can take the joke, but since I really hate feeling like I’ve disappointed people, I spent a lot of the night upset that I didn’t create a more fun experience for them.  If people act on my recommendation, I feel personally responsible for their good time.  It’s my job to make sure that they are as happy as they could have been given the situation.  That may be coming down too hard on myself (and it really is), but I want everyone to want to visit me and to hang out.  I want people to like my ideas and the thought of doing this again.  Now take this kind of pressure and apply it to situations that lack the same certainty as best friends.

I’m scared to approach guys because I don’t want to rejected.  I don’t want to run up on someone only to feel fat and ugly because I’m not their type.  I’m a little too awkward to use the staredown/eye contact trick to get them to come to me.  And even if a guy does say something, I’m ill-equipped to keep his interest.  I may be over-thinking it and projecting, but this is the real Trash.  I struggle to get out of my own way.

My friend happened to be out last night and yelled at me for doubting myself.  He quickly pointed out that I was the only one that a certain someone approached.  I honestly just felt a friendly vibe but that could have been curving myself.

What is clear is that I still have to adjust my attitude and what I’m doing.  If you don’t like the results, you can’t keep using the same tools.  I now have to equip myself somehow and in a truly, genuine way.  I don’t have any interests that generally click with people. I simply don’t have a lot of normal likes and dislikes.  But I’m going to have to present these in a way that makes people want to engage in said activities with me.  I have to stop treating interactions like interviews.  I have to relax and know that what I’ve got and who I am are going to be enough for the right person.

In other news, Atlanta you have been so sexy this weekend.  Like the city always has some cuties, but I feel like the city has been crawling with potential boo things.

But as far as the meat of this post, I don’t have a real plan yet but I hope that this makes even a little sense.  What’s going on in your world, kind readers?  Hopefully you’re feeling like a million dollars.  Why don’t you leave us a nice comment?

Advertisements

Y’all Can Keep Your Online Dating

Hello friends. This is Class!!!

I am currently reconstructing my life and blogging just has taken a back burner but Trash keeps coming for my wig so… Here we go.

It’s Friday which most likely means I will spend my night with wine, contemplating my life as a bachelor.

Part of my reconstruction includes my love life or rather….the lack there of. Past relationships were great when they were great but when they flopped it took a toll on my trust. So I decided, to not date and just live life as a strong, sassy, independent woman (well man). But after a couple of years and some trashy hooker wig nights (which are NONE your business. yolo my readers!), I find myself prepared to love again.

I’m young. Fun. Got my looks together… So this should be easy right? Heck no.

This is where all you happy relationship people say , “OMG you should totes online date! Have you like tried tinder? What about Plenty Of Fish?”

Girl. Shut up.

A) Despite some of my choices, I’m extremely old school and will nevah have to say “Oh, we met online”. It ain’t going down like that. I get the changing climate of dating but I’m not giving up hope that one can find love in a more organic way that doesn’t waste my data plan with Verizon.

B) A lot of people on these apps are looking for a quick hookup. When you open an introduction with “How big is your wang?” You can go stand in the middle of a busy highway and wait for me to show you. I’ll be riiiiight there.

C) Some of y’all too damn clingy. Don’t start talking long term with someone YOU HAVE NEVER MET. It drives me crazy. I was just trying to be polite and you planning on moving in together. Fuck outta here.

D) To quote Heidi Montag, “They say I’m superficial.” And I just might be, but that doesn’t change that there are some people that can make a cockroach look appealing on these apps. By the same token, those of you who use your “model” shots as your main profile pic but two pics over we see the real you in a dirty mirror selfie… I have one thing to say to youuuu…. YOU ARE NOT FOOLING ANYONE! Get outta here with that. Have me all excited thinking I found Shemar Moore but really you look like a dying mongoose.

E) If you’re married or in a seemingly serious relationship and you are on one of these apps, you are nasty and I personally hope you penis (or vagina) falls off because we know what you’re doing and it ain’t cute. And no, YOU ARE NOT JUST LOOKING FOR FRIENDS YA NASTY HOOKER.

To my relationship friends who have never had to use online dating, leave us single folk who don’t want to date online alone. TRUST ME, it is not as glamorous as the eHarmony commercials make it look.

Moral of this blog is, I have no desire to date online. So leave me be. I don’t want a profile made, nothing. When a relationship is meant to happen, it will happen.

K thanks bye!

HAPPY FRIDAY! Get them bottles poppin’!!!

Transformations

Morning party people!  I’m feeling renewed after a long and interesting weekend.  But I’m figured it was time to really get back into this thing.  So let’s talk.

Now you all know that I’ve been working on me in terms of finding my inner skinny, becoming more mental healthy, and looking for a boo thing.  And to be honest, I’ve been relatively successful in my short time in Atlanta.  Next week will mark three months since I’ve moved and I’m down 10 more pounds, I managed to snag a date, and I’m not up at night worrying about tomorrow.  This isn’t meant to brag or boast, as I haven’t quite adjusted to all of these changes.

Today, I actually woke up on my first alarm, got out of bed, and went to the gym.  Me!

Shockandawe

You know how I feel about working out.  I still hate working out, but I know that it’s a necessary evil if I want to lose weight.  That combined more conscious versions of my favorite dishes have really helped. I’ve even found a brand of Greek Yogurt that doesn’t make me want to hurl.

While that doubt creeps in occasionally yelling “You’re fat, ho!” I know that I’m doing the best I can and not to beat myself up if I decide to grab a taco or burger.

I had a draft post discussing the challenge that friend of the blog, Asian Sensation, came up with last month.  Essentially, the goal was to have someone to flirt with by June 15th, otherwise you would have to go on a date with the first person online who messages you.  My matches are and have always been trash (and not in the good way), so it was imperative that this did not happen.

This has led to me going out SOOOOO MUCH.  By myself even.  And I hate doing that almost as much as I hate working out.  But you know, the efforts have paid off.  I’ve met some really nice people who I could see becoming great friends and even perhaps more.  There’s always a messy element when you’re coming into established groups of friends, but I’m navigating it as best I can.

And lastly, let’s get a bit more serious.  Six months ago, I didn’t even like waking up in the morning.  I hate my job, my face, my body, all of that.  I was at a breaking point.  While I can’t say that I’m fully recovered from that depression, I’m really working to make sure that I see the value in my life and making sure that I try my raise my self-confidence.  I’m still going to meet with a counselor soon, but my hope is that the focus will be on my internal distress and not the environmental factors that drove me batty before.

So that’s the skinny on my life.  I’m on Episode 5 of OINTB and I’ll have my notes once I finish the season.  But needless to say, it’s amazing so far.

Let’s chat.  Have you been working to improve your life this year?  How are you progressing?  What’s your motivation?  Let me know!

You Must Be This Tall to Ride This Ride

Hey people!

We’re back!  Both Class and I decided to take the long weekend and just relax a bit.  That doesn’t mean that we’ve forgotten about you.  As a brief update, I went out a bit this weekend, had a cookout at my new place, and ate all my lost weight in food.

cookie

But let’s get back into the dating scene.  I’m currently on the hunt for a boo-thing to spend time with.  I’m not even ashamed to admit that.  I was inspired to sit down and really come up with a list of qualities that I’m looking for.  I thought that I’d share them with you as a means of thinking my way through this process.  So let’s break this down:

Required

1) Nice Teeth

bh1

So seriously, you have to have your teeth in check.  A nice smile is so warm and inviting.  It just makes me want to talk to you and work hard to make someone smile.  Also, the attention to detail paid to teeth is a sign that you pay attention to the things that matter.  At least to me.

2) Positive Attitude

focus

So, I love sarcasm. I love being lazy.  But the truth of the matter is that whenever I do find someone, I really want someone who is willing to help me be better.  Like tell me to go to the gym or go work out with me.  Someone to tell me to study and get up from watching my 20th episode of Fairly Oddparents in a row.  It’s not that I won’t do it by myself, but it’s always nice to feel like you have someone’s support.  Especially as I continue to try and improve myself.

3) Rhythm

dance

I don’t think it’s a secret that I love to dance like Nathaniel. And I need my boo to keep up.  I also love a random dance party which involves me putting on a playlist and getting Janet Jackson around my house.  I need you to join me without even blinking.

4) Intelligence

smart

I’m not saying that you have to be a rocket scientist, but I do want to discuss real issues occasionally.  I want to feel like I can learn something from you and that you can do the same.  Silliness is way more fun when you know there’s some brain power behind it.

5) Sense of Humor

hilarious

I need to laugh, boo!  I want to go joke for joke.  I want to be in stitches when you tell me stories.  Please don’t take yourself so seriously.

This is a non-negotiable.  But honestly, if you can’t laugh together what kind of relationship do you have?

Would Likes

1) My Height or Taller

heights

I’m not a tall man.  I’m average height.  What’s wrong with being close to my height?  This used to be a hard and fast rule for me, but I’m working on being less superficial and therefore, have softened my stance.  It’s still a preference though.

2) Facial Hair

ambrose

Tee Hee, his name is Ambrose Burnside.  Who doesn’t love historical humor??

But seriously, I like a little bit of hair on a dude.  It’s not necessary, but it seriously improves some people’s looks.

3) Independent

independent

Let me be clear.  This is still a requirement, but I’ve moved it down to this section because I’ve loosened a bit on what independent means.  Independent means self-sufficient with a plan for the future.  I want you to have a car and a home, but I understand staying with a relative to save up money for a specific reason.  I understand cost cutting, especially while working on second degrees.

Essentially, I want an adult who is making reasonable adult decisions in order to live a better life.  I don’t have time to be childish.

So I think that this is my list.  I’m sure there are other traits that will come to light later.  What about you all?  What are the non-negotiables for you? What can you live without even if you prefer it.

The Return of Class!

Class is…

B –  to the mother effing -A-C-KKKKKKKKKKKK!!! Alrooooiiiiiight!!!!

tumblr_lz9b4hDTMa1qazciho1_250

::snaps fingers in Z formation::

Shout out to that trashy hooker Trash for holding down the fort but it is time for me to return! Life got really REAL the past two months. I swear I’ve been sick for weeks straight. The weather still remains to suck and then be fabulous and then suck the next day. I’ve actually been TRYING to be shit at work, applying for new jobs, rehearsing for a musical, performing in a musical, and manage to squeeze a workout in! WHO RUN DIS MOTHA?! Not me.

Despite my efforts to be GREAT I remain: broke, unfulfilled in my job, wanting to move someplace new and start over but not wanting to give up the comfort I have now, single, not in the sickening shape I want to be, single as hell, not Beyonce, not on Broadway or on a reality show, without a yacht, no penthouse in my name, oh and did I mention single as F*CK?

1

So the single thing has really been on my nerves. It has been a GOOD moment since I’ve had anyone worth a damn in my life. It really got to me when my rotten toothed, bitchass, rude, and just terrible coworker found her a boo-thang. If that over-sized Gollum looking creature can find someone…then it really must be me y’all.

I’m not going to do this today…. Let me calm myself….

As I approach 27……

glorage

( moving on)…..I just feel that I should feel more like an adult and have an adult life and adult things. But alas, I’m still stuck in broke (really broke) college kid mode with a job that ACTUALLY requires me to put in effort. (Damn I miss those college jobs where you were paid to show up and be the funny black person in the office.) So what will it take for me to achieve greatness? A trust fund would be a great start. Or a rich baby daddy…

twerk

But until that happens….I guess I’ll continue to be mediocre? Blah. So this is where you give me tips on how to be great! Ready?! GO!!!!

 

 

 

Quickie Post: Tips for Flirting

Hey lovely people,

Class and I are struggling for post ideas today but since I just got a message on OkCupid, I thought it would be fun to share a few tips for flirting with me on the internets.

1) Talk to me.

I know that sounds simple, but I like talking to potential suitors. I want to get to know you and I want you to know me.

2) Save your nudes for later.

You know, I’m a simple man who appreciates the beauty of your body. But I don’t know your real name. I don’t need to see your peen.

At least not yet…

3) Hygiene is key.

You all already know that showers are important. But you know, clean your mirrors before you selfie. Make sure your room is clean in the background. LOTION YOUR BODY.

Alrighty, are you all dating online? What do you want to see in your potential matches? Let us know in the comments or on Twitter at @ClassNTrashShow.

Nobody’s Supposed To Be Here

Let’s let Deborah Cox preach a word as I write this.

So I have a friend.  We’ve been friends for a long time.  Like since high school long time.  And we’ve gone back and forth for years between friendship, flirting, and almost dating.  The distance has always kept us from crossing that bridge (Texas/NC or NYC/Boston).  A few months ago, he tried the fuck out of me though.  As Class remembers, he rolled up into my text messages on some high horse like I was the reason we were not gay married.

bitchmode

 

Needless to say, I had to tell him about himself.  Nobody here is innocent, but sir your list of transgressions are ONLY acceptable because we were never official.  You better be glad, I’m working on my forgiveness and shit.

After a cooling off period, he apologized for showing his ass and we decided to just be friends.  No romance or any of that.  We were and still are super close.  No need to throw away years of friendship because our supposed romance fell apart.

But of course, I mentioned in this post that my thirst is starting to  get the best of me.

I admit that there’s always those residual feelings there.  I’m not above it.  I can cut people off, but I think the reason that he is still around is because we’ve never been official. It is almost like a part of me just wants to do it so that there can be a clean break.  And of course, my superficiality can’t seem to resist that sweet smile.  Add a couple of cocktails and a group full of couples and I’m sending text messages that should have stayed in my mind.

Doctor-Who-In-The-Rain

 

But what’s done is done.  I know that it’s never going to work out between the two of us.  But damn it, sometimes you just want to flirt and feel wanted.  I’m not above it.  Maybe I’m too old to act this way, but whatever.  I’m so sick of being lonely just like Field Mob.

I end with Jazmine Sullivan who perfectly describes this relationship.

Have you all ever kept talking to someone to boost your ego?  Or do you still have that person in your phone that you’re waiting to date?  Let us know in the comments or over on Twitter (@ClassNTrashShow) so I don’t feel so ridiculous.