over it

Another Feelings Dump

What’s up y’all?  While I wouldn’t expect a return to regular posting just yet, I do have some stuff on my mind that I need to get out of my system.  So what better place?

This list is not at all in order of importance.

1) Coping (How to Fail at It) featuring Trash

You all have to know what’s going on in Ferguson, MO at this point.  I’m not here to recap it.  I’m not even here to argue the facts.

I don’t have the strength to point out how all of this is because Black people and their lives are denied value in America.

You should already know that no matter what you wear, no matter how many degrees you have, no matter how much you avoid being “stereotypical,” you’re still just another black person.  When the chips are down, you can be shot.  They will get away with it.

We all know that this teenager is going be criminalized and smeared in the media, because any minor discretion is just another reason his life didn’t matter.  You’re constantly going to be reminded that any fault in his character justified his murder.

We all know that clueless assholes are going to idiotic statements.  Newscasters will say to use “water cannons.” The killer will talk about how his life has ended too, even though he’s at home on paid leave.  New Blacks are going to talk about how Black on Black crime and rap music is the cause of all of this.

You’ve already seen someone on your social media try to make it about them with clueless statements, incorrect information, and a general ain’t-shit demeanor.

Truth is, I’m tired.  I’m trying to deal with all of my outrage, my inability to create meaningful change, my inability to protect people I love from the same fate.  There’s not a day where I don’t think, “I’m blessed to be alive.”  I haven’t done anything to deserve it.  But I am.  Instead of productively letting it out, I’m just stewing in my anger and hopelessness.  It’s making me feel ugly inside and preventing me from enjoying the day-to-day.  I don’t want to be around people because all I want to do is talk about it and be angry.  I don’t have the luxury of taking off and being alone until I’m able to face regular society again.  I’m trying to just plow through life in order to sit home in the dark and think about this situation.

There’s no comfort in knowing that no matter what I do, no matter what advice I give my nephew and niece, no matter how many books I read, and no matter how polite I am, my life means nothing if a White person so deems it.

2) Taylor Swift

I haven’t really raged against the Swift in recent moments because she doesn’t really have a song out and she hasn’t been publicly dating anyone.  Not so lucky for me and the rest of the world, she released “Shake It Off.”

emmaoverit

I’m not going to link because she’s not getting a single view on my behalf.

But this is tangent to the first point.  The root of my hatred of Taylor Swift (and Jennifer Aniston) is that for my money they represent peak whiteness. This isn’t a critique of every white person (again, I should not have to say this) but of the dominant American culture.  I’ll let Omarosa take over…

omarosa

Where a “wholesome” and “sweet” girl who are just “hassled” are given passes for complete mediocrity because of her perceived girl next door image.  It’s like “Ooh, she’s bland and I can sing better than her.  Give her all my money!” 

whit

Throw in some questionable appropriation moments and her absolute refusal to sing on key and it’s already terrible.

But this song has a message of “SUCK IT HATAZ” for critiquing her image.  So she’s shaking off any criticism of her bland, mediocre, white bread music and image that appeals to middle-of-the-road, “put-upon”, middle class America. The very same America that is notably quiet whenever an unarmed Black man is killed in cold blood.

For me, this song is the essence of “First World Problems.”  And this is not the day, the week, the month, nor the year for this shit.

Sure, that may seem like a reach for some readers, but think about it this way.  Think back to a time where you felt depressed or upset over something in your life.  Now somebody you don’t particularly like (a coworker or classmate) comes up gloating about their promotion when you know they do nothing or a great exam score on a test where they have cheated.  You wouldn’t have the time for it.

And that’s what this song is to me.  It’s Taylor Swift singing a song that say “nah nah ni boo boo” to all you minorities for not being White.

Fuck.  Her.

3) Reality TV Thoughts

On a lighter note, Project Runway and Top Chef Duels have come to television.  Since So You Think You Can Dance continues to be pretty terrible, I had high hopes for each of these shows.

Project Runway is about as average as any of the other later seasons with some confounding judging thrown in.  Three of first four episodes have handed out wins to questionable garments. Props to Tom & Lorenzo as the source of these photos.  Also, if you love celebrity fashion, Mad Men, Project Runway, or RuPaul’s Drag Race, it behooves you to frequent their site.  Also, read their book!

amanda1 amanda2 sandhya1 sandhya2

The first two are from comeback contestant Amanda.  Fringe really shouldn’t be a thing.  The second two are from Sandhya.  I like the pink look with the metallic detail, but that poorly dyed, ripped shoulder, frayed edge abomination should have at least put her in the bottom.  No thanks.  That said, I do think that there’s some talent in the cast and the judges seem to be making good cuts.  I have hope that someday Michael Kors will come back.

Top Chef Duels is pretty good!  It’s a lot more low-key than your traditional Top Chef, but it brings back familiar faces and gives them space to be creative.  As a huge Gail Simmons fan, I’m glad she’s a part of the show.  I could live without Curtis Stone, but that’s not my decision.  I hope that the show does well and continues to bring back some great chefs.  (Although, go away Mike Isabella.)

Love & Hip Hop Atlanta is finally winding down after a particularly raggedy season.  When Karlie Redd is the source of your most entertaining moments, it’s time to take stock.  Seeing Rasheeda take Kirk back after complete and blatant disrespect for her, their child, his mother, their family, and her image (which is the family business) is not good television.  Seeing Erica and Scrappy be friends is nice for the sake of their daughter, they’ve been complete non-entities since we stopped seeing O’Shea Da Model and The Bambi.  Benzino continues to be neckless and ThiThi is the most obvious case of fame-hungry gold digger we’ve seen since Flavor of Love 3.  Stevie and Joseline’s soap opera relationship is not funny.  Joseline is best when talking shit about other girls, not crying about beefcake and her awful music.  Tammy & Waka are sweet but boring.  Karlie is trash on trash, but at least she gave us more terrible music and Yung Joc’s decision to air our her sexual habits.  Momma Dee & Deb are reliably fun though.

But let’s about Mimi again.  All of Mimi’s struggles, barring the death of her father, are her own doing based on her own choices.  Her absolute refusal to be told that she is wrong only serves to make her look like the weak-willed dingbat that she is. It’s painful to watch her get mad at people when she is forced to reveal her lies.  Like if you don’t want to hear what they have to say, stop going to them.  If you’re going to defend being wrong so vehemently, you’re going to continue to have to eat crow.

To be frank, I’d have cut her off when she accepted Stevie’s car.  Girl, you can’t be over him and accept things that aren’t child support.  Your dependency is showing.

But truth be told, she needs to leave the show.  Nothing has been good for her since it started and now the world knows her for being an idiot who is easily fooled and bought.  Sucks to be you.

dumbledore_welp

4) The Future Looks Bleak

If you haven’t gathered, I’m not in the happiest of places now.  As cliché and standard as it sounds, I’m used to telling myself that it will all work out. It will all be okay. But these two weeks have reminded me of the feeling of despair that I either ignored or suppressed as a part of the move.  It’s that I don’t know the future and not seeing much in the way of encouragement.  It’s not that I don’t believe God has a plan or that I believe I should have all the answers.  It just seems like I keep waking up to bad news. It’s like a nightmare. I want more than what this is for America and for my friends.  I don’t know how to tell them that, being someone who hates only tolerates melodrama/emotions.

That said, I’ll end this with simply.  I care.  I’m not great at letting people know that.  I may not ever say to your face.  But you’re cared about and I want what’s best for your mind, body, and soul.

Stay safe everyone and do your best to maintain positivity in your days.

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A Hiatus & A Last Word

Hey everyone, this is going to the last post for a bit.  I’ll explain as this post unwinds.

To say that this week has been completely draining would be the understatement of the year.  There’s only so much rage you can feel.  There’s only so many days where you can feel hopeless.  There’s only a few times I’m going to let you tell me that wearing a suit will protect me.  We don’t want to hear any more lies or coverups.

While this blog has been amazing for getting these feelings out, I’m not really in a place to give you the fun stuff that attracted you here in the first place.  It’s not gone forever and there may be a post here or there, but for now, this is a smooth see you later.  But I do want to leave you all with a few mini-playlists to hold you over.  So here goes nothing.

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Depression Is A Beast

Hey People,

Here’s hoping you had a great weekend and that this week is progressing the way you want.

As for me…not so much. I’m feeling completely burned out emotionally. I can’t pinpoint any one issue, but it’s like all I can do is sleep and spend time trying to fall asleep. I’ve been in this place before but not since the move back down South.

I have to find a way to change this because I’m not happy in this place. And the knowledge that there is another way to live life only makes this particular hardship worse.

So just send up a quick prayer this week and I’ll do the same.

Quickie Post: Lies, Fairy Tales, & Fallacies

So this is real quick since I finally get to go back to Atlanta today!  (Which is really starting to feel like home)

But you know, some of you have to stop lying on these little profiles girl.  Now I’m not as opposed to online dating as Class but I do have many of the same issues he has.

However, ladies and gents, we have to keep it real in these mean online streets.  Put your actual height.  Put your actual weight (not your goal weight or your pre-college weight).  Don’t say you love something that you don’t.  Put up a recent picture.  You know, if you actually want to date someone on these sites, don’t be a disappointment when you meet in person.  My plan is to put up pictures of me at my average (which is to say including what I look like at work) with one picture of me when my genes are on 100.  I also save it for last, because I don’t look like that everyday.  That’s me snatching wigs.  This first pic is the Trash you’re going to see during the week.  And if you like that, you damn sure are going to love when I’m feeling my beat and my bang.

So that’s all.  Have a great one and I WILL be back for Trashy Thursday!

Smooches!

Y’all Can Keep Your Online Dating

Hello friends. This is Class!!!

I am currently reconstructing my life and blogging just has taken a back burner but Trash keeps coming for my wig so… Here we go.

It’s Friday which most likely means I will spend my night with wine, contemplating my life as a bachelor.

Part of my reconstruction includes my love life or rather….the lack there of. Past relationships were great when they were great but when they flopped it took a toll on my trust. So I decided, to not date and just live life as a strong, sassy, independent woman (well man). But after a couple of years and some trashy hooker wig nights (which are NONE your business. yolo my readers!), I find myself prepared to love again.

I’m young. Fun. Got my looks together… So this should be easy right? Heck no.

This is where all you happy relationship people say , “OMG you should totes online date! Have you like tried tinder? What about Plenty Of Fish?”

Girl. Shut up.

A) Despite some of my choices, I’m extremely old school and will nevah have to say “Oh, we met online”. It ain’t going down like that. I get the changing climate of dating but I’m not giving up hope that one can find love in a more organic way that doesn’t waste my data plan with Verizon.

B) A lot of people on these apps are looking for a quick hookup. When you open an introduction with “How big is your wang?” You can go stand in the middle of a busy highway and wait for me to show you. I’ll be riiiiight there.

C) Some of y’all too damn clingy. Don’t start talking long term with someone YOU HAVE NEVER MET. It drives me crazy. I was just trying to be polite and you planning on moving in together. Fuck outta here.

D) To quote Heidi Montag, “They say I’m superficial.” And I just might be, but that doesn’t change that there are some people that can make a cockroach look appealing on these apps. By the same token, those of you who use your “model” shots as your main profile pic but two pics over we see the real you in a dirty mirror selfie… I have one thing to say to youuuu…. YOU ARE NOT FOOLING ANYONE! Get outta here with that. Have me all excited thinking I found Shemar Moore but really you look like a dying mongoose.

E) If you’re married or in a seemingly serious relationship and you are on one of these apps, you are nasty and I personally hope you penis (or vagina) falls off because we know what you’re doing and it ain’t cute. And no, YOU ARE NOT JUST LOOKING FOR FRIENDS YA NASTY HOOKER.

To my relationship friends who have never had to use online dating, leave us single folk who don’t want to date online alone. TRUST ME, it is not as glamorous as the eHarmony commercials make it look.

Moral of this blog is, I have no desire to date online. So leave me be. I don’t want a profile made, nothing. When a relationship is meant to happen, it will happen.

K thanks bye!

HAPPY FRIDAY! Get them bottles poppin’!!!

Changing Me

Hey people,

 

This is really quick but I figured that  could share a bit more about my life right now.  I’m working on getting my sexy on as part of the #GetChose2014.  (Props to Freshalina who has a new podcast that is life.)

But as part of my mission to end this single, overweight life, I’m having to take stock of what consequences my actions have.  And that is the hardest thing.  I can’t just make excuses for my choices.  I don’t have a lot of self control.  I’m incredibly lazy.  I’m pretty superficial.  I’m incredibly awkward.

gone

But I’m not going to let that stop me.  I will have to keep going to the gym.  I will have to resist Zaxby’s siren song.  I will have to stop waiting for things to happen to me.  I have to take charge and create opportunities.  So what if it’s fake confidence right now?  I’ll get there.

Are you all working on yourself?  How do you stay focused?  Let a bish know!

I Need A Nap

So I haven’t caught you all up on my move.

floptyra

Still flopping pretty hard honestly.  I mean, things have definitely progressed.  I’m in my new apartment.  I have AC.  I actually have work to do.  My Uhaul is in Atlanta.  I have furniture.  For the most part, I’m almost there.  In fact, I should be fully done on Saturday.

This is exciting because it seriously has been more than a month.  You know, let me be frank.

I AM SO OVER IT.

Jersey Shore Fight

It really isn’t super bad.  Life isn’t hard.  I’m just really tired of trying to get things done.  I want to live in my house normally.  I want to have a group of friends.  I want to sleep in my bed.

But you know, I think that I’m going to be happier soon.  Once I feel settled, I think my posts will have a more positive tone.

yankin bop

But until then…bye!