Asides

Finding Reasons to Smile in a HORRID Week…

Now I had a rant to present today but I decided to give my spirit a rest and not do it. No fears, I will save it for later and look on the bright side on this here Friday. So here are three things that I loved about this week from hell.

 

#1 The Queen.

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Y’all ALREADY know about the “On the Run Tour” and both Class and Trash will be in attendance to see the queen and her man shut it down one last time before she takes a well deserved break and tries to pop out another kid (yeah I know Bey like that.) I can not wait to End of Time stomp all up and the field in the Baltimore. IS IT JULY YET?! It’s kind of crazy how much joy and life Beyonce gives me…but whatever, get over it! Ya mad? STAY MAD!

#2 The Real Housewives of Atlanta REUNION.

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In between praise sessions to get my spirits up, I watched the ratchet world these ladies live in. I can watch it over and over and over and NEVER stop laughing. Thank you Bravo, Andy Cohen, Nene Leakes, and Phaedra Parks (Mama Joyce as well) for remaining flawless on the reunion. You tried it Cynthia.I’ll be giving out their end of the season report card soon.

#3 Ariana Grande

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She dropped a new single this week and I am LIVING. She was my number one most played artist on Spotify with “Baby I” the most played song last year. I’m a Ariana Grande Stan and I’m PROUD!  It seems that this princess is here to STAY! If you haven’t listened to her new single “Problem” don’t talk to me.

So that’s it folks! One day i’ll fill up this post with a new job, my money right, and love in my life. Until that happens music and trashy reality TV will give me life!

But y’all…. ITS FRIDAY SO let’s enjoy this weekend thing!

Turnt

You Can’t Have Fear and Faith at the Same Time

Don’t get it twisted…i’m still hitting tricks with bottles because i’m mad. My giving a crap about life tank is on empty…the gas light is on…and I have about one mile left before it dies.

Last night in the middle of kicking my feet in the air and crying, a la this real housewives of atlanta moment…..

Porsha Kick

I decided to revisit my homegirl, Real Talk Kim for some advice. (P.S. Someone let her and Iyanla go around fixing people lives…I PROMISE in a few years, everyone would be happier.)

“Wishing that you would get through this situation isn’t going to get you to get through it. WISHING that your finances would change ain’t gon get you finances better.”

“You gotta get up and help God help you.”

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Listen Real Talk Kim brings me to tears and makes me feel like things WILL get better. Trust and BELIEVE I’m hijacking your faith girl. I need it! (Literally as I’m typing this my Mom texted me and said “So it’s no thing cause you have Gods protection around you. They can’t do anything about that!!!!!!” My mother y’all…I love her and need her…I digress)

So dear readers, lets all shake it off. Rock bottom only mean that you can go up, right? (I just hope my climb up isn’t slow…can a brotha catch the elevator to success and abundant happiness?) If nothing else, tomorrow is Friday and that deserves all the praise!!!!

Be blessed….Stay Classy…and Stay Encouraged.

::turns on “The Storm is Passing Over” and enters praise and worship in office::

The Return of Class!

Class is…

B –  to the mother effing -A-C-KKKKKKKKKKKK!!! Alrooooiiiiiight!!!!

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::snaps fingers in Z formation::

Shout out to that trashy hooker Trash for holding down the fort but it is time for me to return! Life got really REAL the past two months. I swear I’ve been sick for weeks straight. The weather still remains to suck and then be fabulous and then suck the next day. I’ve actually been TRYING to be shit at work, applying for new jobs, rehearsing for a musical, performing in a musical, and manage to squeeze a workout in! WHO RUN DIS MOTHA?! Not me.

Despite my efforts to be GREAT I remain: broke, unfulfilled in my job, wanting to move someplace new and start over but not wanting to give up the comfort I have now, single, not in the sickening shape I want to be, single as hell, not Beyonce, not on Broadway or on a reality show, without a yacht, no penthouse in my name, oh and did I mention single as F*CK?

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So the single thing has really been on my nerves. It has been a GOOD moment since I’ve had anyone worth a damn in my life. It really got to me when my rotten toothed, bitchass, rude, and just terrible coworker found her a boo-thang. If that over-sized Gollum looking creature can find someone…then it really must be me y’all.

I’m not going to do this today…. Let me calm myself….

As I approach 27……

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( moving on)…..I just feel that I should feel more like an adult and have an adult life and adult things. But alas, I’m still stuck in broke (really broke) college kid mode with a job that ACTUALLY requires me to put in effort. (Damn I miss those college jobs where you were paid to show up and be the funny black person in the office.) So what will it take for me to achieve greatness? A trust fund would be a great start. Or a rich baby daddy…

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But until that happens….I guess I’ll continue to be mediocre? Blah. So this is where you give me tips on how to be great! Ready?! GO!!!!

 

 

 

No ACTUAL Talent? Get OUTTA Here!

Move.

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I am annoyed. Why?

I love most shows on Bravo. I can sit all damn and waste it away watching everything on Bravo (except when they play actual movies ::snoozefest::). They all have lives that I want. The life where you wake up, drink mimosas, shop, nap, go out with yo friends,  cuss someone out, and repeat. Tired of that routine? They take a random trip to South Africa or Morocco dahhhhling.  It’s genius television. I love the cute music that some of the bravo-lebrities have given us. “Tardy for the Party” goes hard, “Chic Ce L’est Vie” taught me how to live, and “Money Can’t Buy You Class” is my personal anthem. (Stay classy y’all)

And then “Vanderpump Rules” Season 2 happened. I never cared  that much to watch this show until this scene….

Yes GAWD…. *SPOILER* After all of that the “dirty f*cking whore” did “bang” her boyfriend. ::rolls-eyes – #WhiteGirlProblems::

ANYWAY, the thing that pissed me off is that this show introduced me to aspiring singer Scheana Marie. BYE ASHY.

ByeAshy

 

LISTEN. We have GOT to stop letting basic trollops with TERRIBLE voices get on stages to perform. I COULD USE THAT STAGE (AND PAYCHECK) BETTER. I get that they may like to perform; but learn to act, mime, or ANYTHING that doesn’t involve….SINGING. Even mediocre singers of today have more talent than this trick. Britney could dance, Cassie…is pretty, Rihanna keeps giving us catchy hits, and Ciara…. Uhhh…..she gave us “Goodies” and is a glowing pregnant woman. ALSO F*CK the girl in the video for saying Scheana was awesome. That’s why you got slapped later in the season. Ho. Sit. Down.

Where in the entire heck is my record deal/reality TV show. I have questions. What I do know is that we have got to stand up and say NO to raggedy performers.

I’m out.

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Lauryn Hill STILL Rules The World

First. HAPPY FRIDAY! We all made it through another long week. TURN UP my friends!

Second, if for some reason you don’t know who Lauryn Hill is or you don’t know about Sister Act 2, you have homework to do. Sister Act 2 was THAT movie back in the day and still SLAYS. I don’t want to talk about the fact that it came out in 1993 (Dear Lord I’m old).  It was and is a PERFECT damn movie from beginning to end.  Here’s one of several flawless moments…

::dies laughing:: Never gets old….

This movie gave us a killer rendition of “His Eye is on The Sparrow” (Shout to Tanya Blount on that harmony tho!), “Joyful Joyful”, AND Ms. Lauryn Hill emerged to kill the scene. Her voice is out of this world extraordinary. No one compares. She sang her heart out in “Killing Me Softly” with The Fugees; so much so that it is the only version of that song that exists (No shade Roberta Flack). Then in 1998 she dropped a once in a lifetime album. “The Miseducation of Lauryn Hill” . This album STILL is relevant and perfect album. An album in which I revisit regularly. Ex-Factor? Can’t Take My Eyes Off of You? Tell Him? TELL HIM?!?!?!??! The album is just ***FLAWLESS!

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Woo now that I got that out of the way….. I think we know what happens next in her life….

The moral of the story is before I went to sleep last night I said, “I wonder if she’s been performing lately.” I jumped on YouTube. And y’all. She’s back. Her voice in this Stevie Wonder cover of “I Never Dreamed You’d Leave in Summer” gave me chills all over. GET INTO IT.

She also performed “Final Hour” and I got my entire life. Sounds NOTHING like the album version. She’s out here snatching wigs. Get READY!

MUSIC. MUSIC!!!!!! THIS is the quality of music that we should be expecting form our artists. No one is making GOOD music like this on the regular anymore.

“No one makes albums anymore.” ~ Beyonce

We’ve grown to comfortable with “pop music” and quick hits. We miss you Ms. Lauryn Hill. We miss music with a message. While Beyonce BETTER win all of the Grammys next year….I won’t be mad if Lauryn sneaks up with a new album and takes a couple. She deserves it.

Can we also note how GORGEOUS she is? When she hits you with that smile at the end? Stunning. We LOVE you Ms. Hill!!!!

 

Ok I’m out y’all.

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You don’t need other people to validate you

I had to share this. I HAD TO. I just…..

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After watching this I about ran around my apartment in praise.

One of my Facebook friends shared this video and I am SO GLAD that I saw it. I’ve been going through some things and I needed to hear this TODAY. This is @RealTalkKim. After finding her on Twitter, I clicked follow so fast. I hope you do the same thing. Just take a listen and remember to protect your anointing TODAY!