Porsha Stewart

Winning At Reality Shows

It’s the first post of the week, so let’s just take this slowly.

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So last night was Part 3 of the Real Housewives of Atlanta reunion. Now I know that Class is working on his grades of the housewives’ performance this season, but I want to talk about it from a different perspective. I have watched so many (I mean SO MANY) reality shows over the years.  The people on these shows are not normal people and we aren’t to treat them as such.  They are performing in the vein of showing a “slice of life.”  But one thing that is clear is that there are still ways to win.

Let’s talk about them using this reunion as our examples.

1) A Well-Timed Apology

Now this is only within the context of a reality show.  People arguing and backbiting, back pedaling and smeagle popping is par for the course.  But occasionally, you have to deploy the greatest deflection technique in a reality star’s arsenal: the apology. You have to know that you’ve done too much.  Being able to say I’m sorry and convey genuine interest in what you’re saying can erase episodes worth of damage.  If you add in a story about how hard you had it growing up, then you’ll be golden. Doing it wrong and you end up showing your ass a la Nene.

When Andy Cohen asked if she was regretful about her homophobic comments, this was the time to apologize and show remorse.  By making light of her “bosses” offense, she cast herself in a hole where she’s offended the largest portion of her fan base.  And with that being the finale, she’s not going to be on air anytime soon to defend herself.  The fact that Kenya is being cheered for over her is not a good position.

2) A Well-Placed Read

Again, when it comes to slice-of-life reality shows, you have to make people want to watch you.  Being funny is the way to do this.  That is the specific appeal of these shows.  Watching horrible people who make us giggle and gives us quotables.  Who doesn’t remember “Who gone check me boo?” and “Close your legs to married men!” 

The best way to win these shows is hide your horrible real-life personality by being someone who is fun to watch.  Getting a positive edit ensures bigger paychecks, primo real estate at reunion shows, and a lot of features in the clip shows.  It also serves as a way to climb your way up the reality show ladder. On the cusp of getting fired?  Read a bish real good and get yourself to the next season.

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See this?  Regardless of how you feel about the content, Kenya, Phaedra, or Apollo, there is no denying that this moment took the night.  Wigs on the ground, fake booty leaking silicone, make-up ruined.  There was no coming back from this.  It’s so specific and so direct.  Well. Played. Phaedra.

3) Tell The Truth & Have Your Receipts

This is true in life, but especially true on nationally-televised show.  If you lie and get caught, they are going to flashback to it several times.  But if you are going to argue (and you are!), being able to call back to specific arguments and events that can be supported with a sepia-toned clip will help you win every single time.   It’s indisputable.  It’s hilarious.

Kandi Burress is way more entertaining on this show than one would imagine.  At the reunion, she and Nene got into over her blog post.  After discussing the events of the Bailey Bowl, Nene argued that she would never run from a fight.  Kandi pulled up the infamous argument at the wine bar between Nene and Sheree!

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Nene ran out with Sheree calling out a “repo at the Home Depot.”  Kandi called it out and the clip aired.  Shots. Fired.  Flawless victory.

So now that I’ve taught these lessons, share your examples.  What are your rules for reality stars??

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You Can’t Have Fear and Faith at the Same Time

Don’t get it twisted…i’m still hitting tricks with bottles because i’m mad. My giving a crap about life tank is on empty…the gas light is on…and I have about one mile left before it dies.

Last night in the middle of kicking my feet in the air and crying, a la this real housewives of atlanta moment…..

Porsha Kick

I decided to revisit my homegirl, Real Talk Kim for some advice. (P.S. Someone let her and Iyanla go around fixing people lives…I PROMISE in a few years, everyone would be happier.)

“Wishing that you would get through this situation isn’t going to get you to get through it. WISHING that your finances would change ain’t gon get you finances better.”

“You gotta get up and help God help you.”

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Listen Real Talk Kim brings me to tears and makes me feel like things WILL get better. Trust and BELIEVE I’m hijacking your faith girl. I need it! (Literally as I’m typing this my Mom texted me and said “So it’s no thing cause you have Gods protection around you. They can’t do anything about that!!!!!!” My mother y’all…I love her and need her…I digress)

So dear readers, lets all shake it off. Rock bottom only mean that you can go up, right? (I just hope my climb up isn’t slow…can a brotha catch the elevator to success and abundant happiness?) If nothing else, tomorrow is Friday and that deserves all the praise!!!!

Be blessed….Stay Classy…and Stay Encouraged.

::turns on “The Storm is Passing Over” and enters praise and worship in office::