Friends

The Legend of Ratchetbelle

Shakespeare  once said, “A rose by any other name would smell as sweet.”

Aretha Franklin once said, “A rose is still a rose…Baby Girl, you’re still a flower.”

I bring you these wise words, not only to demonstrate how overused roses and floral imagery are in literary and artistic works, but to set  myself up for the story of how I love my friends, Class and Trash.

Sass here, reporting  for duty.

A little over a week ago, I returned from a much needed trip to see my boys. My favorite duo, Class and Trash. Well, really I went to see Trash, but Class can’t turn down a good time, and just happened to be in the area at the same time, accompanied by my newest boo thang Dash. We spent an entire weekend laughing, laughing until we cried, eating, cackling, guffawing and just fellowshipping in a way that most people will never experience in a lifetime. At a stressful and transitional time in all of our lives, I have to admit that this was well needed and much deserved.

The weekend began when I was picked up by a car of black men, one wearing a du-rag, as if I were some kind of Instagram honey, getting flown out to be tip drilled by the squad. You don’t know me well, but I don’t do those things anymore. This was hours after my plane was originally scheduled to arrive, so I arrived under the guise of night, with plans to turn alllllllllll the way up firmly implanted in my brain. Just as an FYI, we went to Trash’s beautiful apartment where an unfortunate bottle of Fireball dared to challenge us. Don’t worry – we handled that within a number of minutes.

We went to a bar, which didn’t give two shits or a damn about my vagina, if you catch my drift. The bartender there, though, God bless him. I’m positive that he hasn’t yet met a liver that he hasn’t destroyed, with his $3 drinks that were composed of 95% alcohol with a splash of mixer. This is not an exaggeration.  I have a healthy appetite for alcohol, and even I had to ask the bartender for an extra cup of the mixer so that my liver wouldn’t commit suicide on the first night. If there’s one thing that I know, it’s that a weekend with Class and Trash will have your liver praying to King Jesus to bring it home. I needed to pace myself so as to not lose on night one. No one likes that person.

I took my first praise break of the weekend during a 1:30 trip to Zaxby’s. If you’ve never been to Zaxby’s, you have 99 problems, and that is most definitely one.

On Saturday, we prospered and flourished, while sitting on the couch watching Orange is the New Black until about 5 PM. I mean, Class went for a run, because he’s the only one who is apparently serious about his position during the upcoming cuffing season. The rest of us got Chik-Fil-A. Agree or disagree with their policies, but that chicken is scrumptious. “When Jesus says ‘YES,’ nobody can say ‘NO'”

yas

That night, two groups went out. Me and my new lifelong best friend Asian Sensation went to a club where Trey Songz was “performing,” while Class, Trash and Dash went to another bar. I’m not one to gossip, so you didn’t hear this from me, but only four people went back to Trash’s house that evening *sips tea and lowers spectacles.*

Bloop

Since there were only a few of us going back to the apartment, we got CookOut and I had my second praise break of the weekend. Again, if you’ve never had CookOut, please call a friend because you’re not living right.

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So remember how I said only four people returned to Trash’s casa on Saturday night? Let me tell you how said person sauntered into the house on Sunday morning just as chipper as can be. The rest of us didn’t let said person CUM into the house without us all coming for their NECK. We made sure to GET IN THAT ASS with all the jokes that a good HAND JOB could muster (okay, that one was a stretch, but I heard said person needed to stretch after their night out, too). There’s nothing to do after an amazingly fun night out besides go to brunch. And continue to drink. Excessively. For hours. It would have been rude not to. We spent the rest of the day clowning at the pool, because drunk swimming is awesome. Another friend, ATRIPP, took us out around her hood, and we had a blast at a private party, like Trash didn’t need to be at work bright and early at 8 AM.

Now let’s come back full circle, friends. Remember how I gave you those inspiring and riveting quotes about roses at the beginning? And the title is, “The Legend of Ratchetbelle?” Let’s go back there, shall we?

I live across the country from ALL of my friends. Where I live, I have friends, but it is the East Coast that knows me, loves me and allows me to be unapologetically me. When I come back to this side of the world, my friends show up, show out and get down. Which has somehow earned me a nickname…they call me Ratchetbelle. Similar to Tinkerbelle, I fly in, sprinkle you with Ratchet Dust and everyone seems to fly high and leave their manners, good sense and panties at home.

Ladies and gentlemen, I am the victim of a slander campaign. Don’t let Class, Trash, Dash, Asian Sensation or ATRIPP fool you into thinking that any of the good times mentioned this weekend are because of me. Whether you call me a rose, Sass or Ratchetbelle, I can’t take credit for the gut busting that laughter caused this weekend. These good times are because of US. A group of friends who wholeheartedly love each other, and enjoy the good things that each person bring to our lives. I could have visited these people in South Africa during Apartheid, and we probably would have made each other laugh, love and live as freely as we did.

The value of a genuine friend is something that everyone should know. I am honored to have spent my time with these people, and I truly cannot wait until all of our paths cross again. With or without my Ratchet Dust.

So to Class, Trash, Dash, Asian Sensation, ATRIPP and everyone else I saw that didn’t get a shout out because this entry is too long already: Thank you for being a friend. Traveled round the world and back again. Your heart is true; you’re a pal and a confidant. *DUN DUN DUNNNNN* And if you threw a party…invited everyone you knew….you would see the biggest gift would be from me, and the card attached would say (all together now) THANK YOU FOR BEING A FRIEND.

xxoo, Sass.

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Aloha Class & Trash Readers!

I know it’s been a little while.  We miss you!  How was your week?

This is going to be quick but I thought that I would give you a rundown of the past week and some thoughts.

1) On The Run Tour

Flawless.  No pun intended.  The show was immaculately put together.  It reminded me of how big a Jay-Z fan I am.  And it is always a delight to see Beyonce do what she does best.

Also, Beyonce covered Ex-Factor.  Which…

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2) So You Think You Can Dance

This season is the pits.  I’m not going to mince words here.  I was nervous when I saw the cast announced and it felt even more bland that usual.  And the performance show happened.

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These kids are talented dancers, don’t get me wrong.  But there isn’t enough diversity of styles.  There’s an immaturity to their movement.  They all even look alike.  It feels like they can all only handle contemporary and the choreography is catering to this at the expense of the show.   I’m trying my best to stick it out as this has been my summer show for years.  But really, I’m not sure how much more I can handle it.

How are you feeling about the season?

3) Lonely

Still boo-hunting?  Yep.  But as per usual, the time after hanging out with some of my best friends is one of complete devastation for me.  I don’t know if anyone feels this way.  But my life is so much better when they are around.  I feel more confident.  I feel more fulfilled.  I feel like there’s hope for me.

That’s a lot to put on a group of people.  But in a way, they are where I get a lot of my energy.

4) Hope For The Future

I’m not one to give out great inspirational advice.  My life isn’t one to model yours after.  However, I do want to tell everyone not to give up.  (including me)

Things get hard.  Life can be unforgiving.  Disappointment is real.  But we can’t stop. Giving up isn’t an option.  Letting today’s problem take us out isn’t going to fix anything.

We’ll get there.

Alright, that’s all I have.  Leave your thoughts below good friends!

 

Maybe I Don’t Want To Be Your DAMN Friend

You know what pisses my off? Those text messages of “Why don’t we hang out anymore.” “You’re so mean to me.” “You don’t want to be my friend.”

Girl shut UP.

Porsha

First of fucking all, the past few months have ROUGH for me personally. I’m exhausted physically and mentally and frankly. When the weekend hits I like to clean my apartment, drink some wine, and de-stress. Why? BECAUSE BITCH I’M GROWN! Oh and because it is the ONLY time that I get before another horrid week starts. Moral of the story: I don’t have the time to spend MY TIME around people I don’t genuinely give two shits about.

Second of all, thanks for worrying about my well damn being. You are so into yourself that you are only worried about……YOURSELF. So why am I going to waste my precious time listening to you talk about your stupid problems and talk about how great you are when I can be filling out job applications, working out, or napping. Hell I’d rather watch my pinky toenail grow before I step foot in your presence.

Dear bad friends of the world, LEARN TO BE A BETTER FRIEND. If you notice someone you consider to be a “good friend” suddenly change behavior, take the two seconds it take to be concerned for them before you jump to “wah wah wah you don’t like me anymore.”

boo

OKAY?! OKAY.

What is the lesson today class? STOP SUCKING AT BEING A FRIEND. TAKE STEPS IN LEARNING HOW TO NOT BE A SELF-CENTERED PRICK.

hallelu

Woo. Had to get that one out. I’ll try to be better at the Class side of this blog but a bitch is tired.

Happy Friday.

TURN UP.

Or nap…both are great options.

No New Friends! (But why are some of my old ones raggedy?)

Maya Angelou once said, “The first time someone shows you who they are, believe them.”

I’m sure the first time we heard this saying, we snapped out fingers, screamed YASSSS, and thought that a word was delivered to our hearts.

yas

Problem is that we all have that one friend that no matter how many times they let you down, we accept them right back in our lives. For example, this is that friend that you’ve planned to go drankin’ and dancin’ on Satruday all week long. You planned that you’re going to get sopapillas at the local Mexican restaurant, the large margarita, continue to turn-up, and go man/woman hunting. So Saturday rolls around and you do your daily routine. Two o’clock hits and you give your friend the “GURL I CAN’T WAIT!!!”  phone call. You get forwarded to voicemail. Whatever, it IS early in the day right? So you continue to do your thing, clean the apartment, and run some errands. Now it is six o’clock and no word from your “friend”. You call again and this time they have turned their phone off. You are left at home feeling defeated.

Now there are some people that we have no problem saying “B*tch get out of my life with yo ashy feet!” But for some reason, there are those friends that we can’t shake. How many missed hangouts are too many? How many blatant lies should we accept? WHY DON’T THEY VALUE MY FRIENDSHIP THE WAY I VALUE THEIRS? It’s weird because I truly feel that the older we get the smaller our circle of friends gets.  Because our circle shrinks, every friendship that we have becomes more meaningful. The value of that friendship goes up. It especially sucks when you watch your friend lie and continually ditch you to go in a direction that is not going to leave you them a prosperous life. (I.E. Are you really ditching me to hang out with someone that can’t keep a job? Someone that won’t take the time out for you but you’re constantly chasing after them?) It’s ESPECIALLY rude that they never make time for you BUT magically remember your phone number when they want to complain about their life.

Am I the only one who feels this way? Readers help!!!! When is enough, enough? How do you get the strength to walk away once and for all? Don’t you HATE feeling like your friendship is being taken for granted?

ByeAshy

If you happen to be one of those bad friends I’m talking about, here is another Maya Angelou quote that you MIGHT want to pay attention too. “I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”

Now to my real and true people who KNOW how to be a good friend. We love y’all! Keep up the good work!

Quit lookin backwards! LOOK FORWARD!

Here is a little morning encouragement while we all get our day started!

::excuse me::

yas

::still not done::

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Okay.

We LOVE Real Talk Kim here sooooo much!!!!  Literally, love her. All of her messages are so inspiring and encouraging! While we here at ClassAndTrash enjoy all of the bad pop culture and deliver reads on some of not so favorable moments in life; sometime we have to give praise and be reminded that are tests in life are just apart of our testimony.

That being said PLEASE visit her website (realtalkkim.com). Follow her on twitter (@RealTalkKim). That twitter follow is KEY because she STAYS giving your timeline strong and important messages throughout the day. RealTalkKim has been a true blessing in what has been a long and stressful week.

Happy Saturday y’all!

You don’t need other people to validate you

I had to share this. I HAD TO. I just…..

yas

After watching this I about ran around my apartment in praise.

One of my Facebook friends shared this video and I am SO GLAD that I saw it. I’ve been going through some things and I needed to hear this TODAY. This is @RealTalkKim. After finding her on Twitter, I clicked follow so fast. I hope you do the same thing. Just take a listen and remember to protect your anointing TODAY!