Now far be it from me to tell people to lower the standards of what they are looking for in a mate. But I just need to have a word with my straight brethren. It seems that a lot of you ashy, crusty men have a laundry list of demands from the women you can’t attract, can’t date, and can’t keep. This came up in a conversation between Overactive Blogger, Class, and I last night when a mutual acquaintance tweeted some nonsense about how a woman can’t expect to keep a man when she doesn’t treat him like one.
See here’s the thing. There is this prevailing notion among some of you that “females” only exists to cater to your whims. To keep you house clean, breed a litter of ugly children, and fulfill your sexual desires. And sure, there are some ladies who will want to do that. But it should be their choice. We live in a world where two incomes is almost the minimum to survive. So your part-time hours at Stop & Shop aren’t going to cut it. If your wife or girlfriend is busy working and paying the student loans that she took out in order to get a job, then that just MAY cut into the time she has to lotion your toe talons and make a from scratch meal every single night. If you all have kids, between their activities, working, and household chores, your needs may simply come last.
Whenever I hear something like this, I feel as though it’s just your precious male ego taking a hit but women DO NOT NEED YOU to live a thriving, successful life. If anything, raggedy ain’t shit Tyrese-lite men like you are making it easier for them to know who to avoid. The only women who are going to put their own needs behind “her man’s” delusions are either women who choose to do so (as is their right) or women with such low self-esteem that they believe that is the only way to keep a man.
So here’s a few handy tips on not being an asshole. Because I’m generous like that…
1) STOP REFERRING TO WOMEN AS FEMALES.
Why are we still doing that? Saying female makes it sound like you’re describing a primate or a specimen. It’s not attractive and it’s irritating.
2) You can’t date Instagram models.
Now if you are single, there’s nothing wrong with treating yourself to a little eye candy. And if you happen to meet a girl you like that caters to your eye candy visions, good for you! But let me let you in on a little secret. You are at best AVERAGE. And the thing about these “bad bitch” accounts is that these bad bitches aren’t interested in dating your regular ass. That’s why Catfish is going into its 3rd season.
Get off the internet scouring for the woman who looks like Cassie, cooks like your grandmother, and f*cks you like Jenna Jamison.
3) It is 2014, not 1920.
Now I’m not a woman and I can’t speak for women. But I can tell you that in today’s world, equitable relationships are in vogue. Speaking specifically to African Americans, women are now getting more degrees and higher paying jobs and then having to come home and babysit a man-child who was never taught to take responsibility for his actions. And they simply don’t have the time for man-boy antics and selfish whims.
4) Your wife/girlfriend is not your mother.
Women aren’t responsible for getting your life together. It is not her job to upgrade you. It is not her job to make sure you go to work. Her job is to support, care, and love you just as you do to her. If she’s working late, make her a meal. If both of you are home, why not clean together? All that I’m trying to say is that you all seem to be looking for someone to fix your life and cover your faults, but Iyanla is booked. Motivate yourself to take care of her and you’ll be surprised what she’ll be willing to do for you.
5) Use discretion.
Listen, we all want to get some. It’s human. I’m going to say this once.
WRAP IT THE FUCK UP!
There are too many condoms brands for you to blame women for getting pregnant. There is too much free porn for your to catch chlamydia. Dating is hard enough without having to deal with you not getting tested, thinking that pulling out prevents pregnancy, and leaving women to be single mothers. Don’t stick your dick in everything and perhaps it will ease the burden of getting to know the type of women you want to date.
All in all, I simply want my straights to find happy, enduring relationships. While individual relationships may vary, you all have to stop creating these unrealistic expectations of women while you sit there with ashy elbows and chapped lips. Take care of yourself, take care of your lady, and you will find a happy medium where you both are happy and you don’t have to get on Twitter talking about how “Women these days don’t scrape the barnacles off the backs of they men like they use to!”
Ladies, how do you deal with raggedy men? Fellas, are you expecting too much? Let us know in the comments or over on the Twitter (@ClassNTrashShow).