depression

Depression Is A Beast

Hey People,

Here’s hoping you had a great weekend and that this week is progressing the way you want.

As for me…not so much. I’m feeling completely burned out emotionally. I can’t pinpoint any one issue, but it’s like all I can do is sleep and spend time trying to fall asleep. I’ve been in this place before but not since the move back down South.

I have to find a way to change this because I’m not happy in this place. And the knowledge that there is another way to live life only makes this particular hardship worse.

So just send up a quick prayer this week and I’ll do the same.

Transformations

Morning party people!  I’m feeling renewed after a long and interesting weekend.  But I’m figured it was time to really get back into this thing.  So let’s talk.

Now you all know that I’ve been working on me in terms of finding my inner skinny, becoming more mental healthy, and looking for a boo thing.  And to be honest, I’ve been relatively successful in my short time in Atlanta.  Next week will mark three months since I’ve moved and I’m down 10 more pounds, I managed to snag a date, and I’m not up at night worrying about tomorrow.  This isn’t meant to brag or boast, as I haven’t quite adjusted to all of these changes.

Today, I actually woke up on my first alarm, got out of bed, and went to the gym.  Me!

Shockandawe

You know how I feel about working out.  I still hate working out, but I know that it’s a necessary evil if I want to lose weight.  That combined more conscious versions of my favorite dishes have really helped. I’ve even found a brand of Greek Yogurt that doesn’t make me want to hurl.

While that doubt creeps in occasionally yelling “You’re fat, ho!” I know that I’m doing the best I can and not to beat myself up if I decide to grab a taco or burger.

I had a draft post discussing the challenge that friend of the blog, Asian Sensation, came up with last month.  Essentially, the goal was to have someone to flirt with by June 15th, otherwise you would have to go on a date with the first person online who messages you.  My matches are and have always been trash (and not in the good way), so it was imperative that this did not happen.

This has led to me going out SOOOOO MUCH.  By myself even.  And I hate doing that almost as much as I hate working out.  But you know, the efforts have paid off.  I’ve met some really nice people who I could see becoming great friends and even perhaps more.  There’s always a messy element when you’re coming into established groups of friends, but I’m navigating it as best I can.

And lastly, let’s get a bit more serious.  Six months ago, I didn’t even like waking up in the morning.  I hate my job, my face, my body, all of that.  I was at a breaking point.  While I can’t say that I’m fully recovered from that depression, I’m really working to make sure that I see the value in my life and making sure that I try my raise my self-confidence.  I’m still going to meet with a counselor soon, but my hope is that the focus will be on my internal distress and not the environmental factors that drove me batty before.

So that’s the skinny on my life.  I’m on Episode 5 of OINTB and I’ll have my notes once I finish the season.  But needless to say, it’s amazing so far.

Let’s chat.  Have you been working to improve your life this year?  How are you progressing?  What’s your motivation?  Let me know!

You Can’t Have Fear and Faith at the Same Time

Don’t get it twisted…i’m still hitting tricks with bottles because i’m mad. My giving a crap about life tank is on empty…the gas light is on…and I have about one mile left before it dies.

Last night in the middle of kicking my feet in the air and crying, a la this real housewives of atlanta moment…..

Porsha Kick

I decided to revisit my homegirl, Real Talk Kim for some advice. (P.S. Someone let her and Iyanla go around fixing people lives…I PROMISE in a few years, everyone would be happier.)

“Wishing that you would get through this situation isn’t going to get you to get through it. WISHING that your finances would change ain’t gon get you finances better.”

“You gotta get up and help God help you.”

crazy-black-lady-in-church-o

Listen Real Talk Kim brings me to tears and makes me feel like things WILL get better. Trust and BELIEVE I’m hijacking your faith girl. I need it! (Literally as I’m typing this my Mom texted me and said “So it’s no thing cause you have Gods protection around you. They can’t do anything about that!!!!!!” My mother y’all…I love her and need her…I digress)

So dear readers, lets all shake it off. Rock bottom only mean that you can go up, right? (I just hope my climb up isn’t slow…can a brotha catch the elevator to success and abundant happiness?) If nothing else, tomorrow is Friday and that deserves all the praise!!!!

Be blessed….Stay Classy…and Stay Encouraged.

::turns on “The Storm is Passing Over” and enters praise and worship in office::