mary j blige

Quickie Post: Return of The Mack

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Listen.  This is my jam.  THIS! IS! MY! JAM!

marydance

True life: this is my go-to karaoke jam!

Happy Friday!

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Quickie Post: Got2BReal

Trash is still not really feeling it.

Please enjoy Queen Patti LaHelle and her masterpiece.

Bye y’all!

Sorry Y’all. Class is Busy Hitting Bitches (His Principal) With Bottles…

::cues up theme song for the day::

marydance

As y’all know…I’ve had it with my job and terrible principal. With 6 weeks remaining, I’m ready to bow out.

But before I go, I scheduled a meeting with the Assistant Superintendent and Superintendent to discuss what REALLY happened this year. Trust me, I don’t EVER want to work at this terrible school again, nor do I want to teach…excuse me RAISE tons of bad ass kids who parents don’t parent. It’s not worth it. These kids aren’t going to wrinkle my youthful skin and gray the waves in my hair. So i’m out. Officially.

I’m currently sending out my resume EVERYWHERE and applying EVERYWHERE. Only to find out that people think teachers have no skills. Girl BYE, i’d like to SEE someone who sits in an office from 9 – 5 do my job….This shit is exhausting, you get paid nothing, AND you get treated like dirt. So me and my Masters Degree in Music will be doing something else in life…What that is? F*ck if I know…But it will be way better than teaching raggedy children who don’t care. Pray for our future….

What I DO know is that this meeting this afternoon most likely will look like this….

Bey 1

Bey 2

Bey 3

Y’all know anyone hiring? OR rich baby daddies that want to take care of me? Anyone got an extra trust fund? Just let me know below.

Happy Wednesday y’all!

 

 

Trashy Thursday: Step Daddy

It’s Trashy Thursday!

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Which all of our new followers and readers (hey friends!) means that I dig into my well of YouTube playlists for some delightful piece of pop culture from the past.

Do you remember this??

marydance

So this is Hitman Sammy Sam.  Unfortunately, our king nor this bop has a Wikipedia page so I will have to remember his career from scratch.

Well…this was it.  But in 2003 or 2004, Hitman Sammy Sam brought us this bop about the tension that can rise from blended families.  Having moved in, our intrepid hero is dealing with having to take care of his lady’s offspring.  The kids are unruly and have irrational wants like food, going to the zoo and playing Uno!

He can’t be expected to deal with all of that!

He lets us know his frustration only to get sass from our teenage co-star and her iconic verse:

“This ain’t yo house no way!” SHUT UP!

ilive

Before Nicki Minachos was singing Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star, the visionary Hitman added “The Itsy Bitsy Spider” to his hit!

KING SHIT!

So I don’t think there’s more to this story.  I don’t know if he released an album or was signed to Cash Money.  Maybe he was a part of Murder Inc??  But at least we have this song to treasure and remember him by!

Do you remember this jam?  What are some of your favorite trashy jams from the past?  Let us know in the comments or over on Twitter at @ClassNTrashShow.

Also, just because, here’s the video for My Baby Daddy.  Just because.

 

Trashy Thursday – The Hoodrat Tunes of YouTube

It’s my favorite day of the week, y’all!

Now as evident by the daily tweet of hoodrat jams, I love a good vulgar rap song.  Today, I wanted to share a few of my favorites.

These are not safe for work, so headphones!

1) Shit’n On You Hoe – Geisha

So Geisha was brought to my attention via Kid Fury (@KidFury on Twiiter) and she’s the greatest.  She does hair on YouTube, raps, and dances. That’s 2 more talents than Ciara.

Geisha is not here for you fake friends, your shady antics, or basic bitches.  She’s better than you and you will just have to deal.

marydance

Trash’s favorite line: “Back up, I can’t breathe, bitch! BACK UP, I CAN’T BREATHE.  BITCH! You’se a pussy ass hoe.”

2) Checkmate – J. Doll

From the first moment that J. Doll sips fake wine from her glass in her oversized lace pink gloves, I’m hooked.  Then you throw in her lisp, hot pants, and headband and this is unstoppable.

What J. Doll lacks in singing talent, she more than makes up in enthusiasm.  Despite what sound like insults, I dig the song.  I bop along to the beat and the chorus is catchy.

krumpbattle

Trash’s favorite line: “I’ma be that bad bitch, I’ma be that hot bitch, I’ma be that smart bitch, I’ma be that pretty bitch!”

3) Make Me Nut – Coco Brown

This one is particularly vulgar, but it is also my personal favorite.  (Cues Class’s calling me Trash)

But really her flows are good.  She’s mastered product placement (evidenced in my favorite line of the song) and she’s got that thug mistress element that I really love.  Like she just got off from her shift at Popeye’s, picked up some lingerie from Cato, and recorded this masterpiece.  I’m here for that.

dineva bop

Trash’s favorite line: “Pussy so fresh like Listerine, and it smell like Crystal Springs!”

4) So Exotic – Young A

I don’t want you to think I’m only here for the ladies of YouTube.  Here we find a treasure from friend of the blog Sam!  She had to bring her future husband to our attention.  Young A also has the luxury of the most expensive camera AND a feature from Gucci Mane.

Unfortunately for Young A, he’s a worse rapper than J. Doll.  (I genuinely like Geisha & Coco’s rapping) But don’t let that lack of talent lead you to believe that I’m not bopping saying “SO EXOTIC” over and over again.

yankin bop

Trash’s favorite line: “Stop the hatin’, stop the fakin’, Stop the water hatin!”

I’ll stop here as this is a lot to take in!  Share with us some of your favorite YouTube classics and perhaps one will be the Hoodrat Tune of the Day!  Follow us over at @ClassNTrashShow on Twitter and share us with your friends!

New Feature: Trashy Thursdays

::slowly opens the bedroom door::

PICK UP THE PHOOOOOONE!

Welcome dear readers.  It’s time to introduce a new fun feature, Trashy Thursdays.  This is when #TeamTrash will walk through the minefield that is his YouTube favorites list and bring you some of the best trashy videos.  Today we’re focusing on some of my favorite commercials.

Above, you saw the elegant and sophisticated ladies from the 90’s sex lines.  As a young and slightly less trashy child, I remember this commercial vividly from watching “Strip Poker” on USA.

Yes, it was a real game show.  And yes, it was just as ridiculous as you imagine.

But back to the ladies.  Why is there a chain link fence inside? Where do I get that jewel-tone jumpsuit?  Most importantly, how much did they get paid for this?  I mean, I can strut seductively and sing off-key.

1-800-411-PAIN

A radio commercial from the Atlanta area, 1-800-411-Pain is after my heart and my pennies.  One of the key qualifications for being a friend of #TeamTrash is knowing the entire first verse of Khia’s “My Neck, My Back.”  (Be sure to let me know this at @ClassNTrashShow on Twitter.  I will always follow a fellow Khia stan!)

The enterprising lawyers from this firm knew that there were people like me who live for these moments and brought us a “marketing campaign” specifically built around it.

Sidenote: Maybe don’t sing this around your parents.  Or anyone who could fire you.

Just the idea that someone spent a portion of their marketing budget on this.

Marketing Assistant:I need a catchy jingle to bring in the customers but sampling Journey or the Monkees is too expensive!

Marketing Executive:We can’t even afford J-Kwon or Chamillionaire.  And people won’t remember Tony Yayo’s song which was free.

Marketing Assistant:What about Alicia Keys?  Her voice sounds like a car accident these days!

Marketing Executive:Nope, going with Khia.

Now we have this commercial to enjoy forever.  And we are all better for it.

The Amazing Swedish Diet

Looking to lose weight?  We at Class & Trash have the perfect product for you!  These three divas, their wigs, and bargain basement video editing techniques can only be promoting a high quality product.

While you’re opening a new tab to CVS to get your annual supply, do not miss these quality moments in the commercial.

1) The lean and point at :01
2) The booty shake and turn at :03
3) The slow and dramatic body rolls at :10
4) When they travel at :13
5) The hair flip at :17
6) The fierce snap at :18
7) The shoulder pops into a pelvic roll at :24
8) The “rap” at :29
9) Whatever is happening at :40
10) The smiling booty shawts at :41
11) The stiff butterfly at :50

Come back! Save some Amazing Swedish Diet for me!

Burger King “Crispy Chicken Wraps” featuring Mary J. Blige

Nothing I could say could be as funny as this.  Enjoy!