Real Housewives of Atlanta

Maybe I Don’t Want To Be Your DAMN Friend

You know what pisses my off? Those text messages of “Why don’t we hang out anymore.” “You’re so mean to me.” “You don’t want to be my friend.”

Girl shut UP.

Porsha

First of fucking all, the past few months have ROUGH for me personally. I’m exhausted physically and mentally and frankly. When the weekend hits I like to clean my apartment, drink some wine, and de-stress. Why? BECAUSE BITCH I’M GROWN! Oh and because it is the ONLY time that I get before another horrid week starts. Moral of the story: I don’t have the time to spend MY TIME around people I don’t genuinely give two shits about.

Second of all, thanks for worrying about my well damn being. You are so into yourself that you are only worried about……YOURSELF. So why am I going to waste my precious time listening to you talk about your stupid problems and talk about how great you are when I can be filling out job applications, working out, or napping. Hell I’d rather watch my pinky toenail grow before I step foot in your presence.

Dear bad friends of the world, LEARN TO BE A BETTER FRIEND. If you notice someone you consider to be a “good friend” suddenly change behavior, take the two seconds it take to be concerned for them before you jump to “wah wah wah you don’t like me anymore.”

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OKAY?! OKAY.

What is the lesson today class? STOP SUCKING AT BEING A FRIEND. TAKE STEPS IN LEARNING HOW TO NOT BE A SELF-CENTERED PRICK.

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Woo. Had to get that one out. I’ll try to be better at the Class side of this blog but a bitch is tired.

Happy Friday.

TURN UP.

Or nap…both are great options.

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Finding Reasons to Smile in a HORRID Week…

Now I had a rant to present today but I decided to give my spirit a rest and not do it. No fears, I will save it for later and look on the bright side on this here Friday. So here are three things that I loved about this week from hell.

 

#1 The Queen.

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Bey 1

Bey

Y’all ALREADY know about the “On the Run Tour” and both Class and Trash will be in attendance to see the queen and her man shut it down one last time before she takes a well deserved break and tries to pop out another kid (yeah I know Bey like that.) I can not wait to End of Time stomp all up and the field in the Baltimore. IS IT JULY YET?! It’s kind of crazy how much joy and life Beyonce gives me…but whatever, get over it! Ya mad? STAY MAD!

#2 The Real Housewives of Atlanta REUNION.

Porsha

Nene

Phaedra

In between praise sessions to get my spirits up, I watched the ratchet world these ladies live in. I can watch it over and over and over and NEVER stop laughing. Thank you Bravo, Andy Cohen, Nene Leakes, and Phaedra Parks (Mama Joyce as well) for remaining flawless on the reunion. You tried it Cynthia.I’ll be giving out their end of the season report card soon.

#3 Ariana Grande

Ariana

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She dropped a new single this week and I am LIVING. She was my number one most played artist on Spotify with “Baby I” the most played song last year. I’m a Ariana Grande Stan and I’m PROUD!  It seems that this princess is here to STAY! If you haven’t listened to her new single “Problem” don’t talk to me.

So that’s it folks! One day i’ll fill up this post with a new job, my money right, and love in my life. Until that happens music and trashy reality TV will give me life!

But y’all…. ITS FRIDAY SO let’s enjoy this weekend thing!

Turnt

You Can’t Have Fear and Faith at the Same Time

Don’t get it twisted…i’m still hitting tricks with bottles because i’m mad. My giving a crap about life tank is on empty…the gas light is on…and I have about one mile left before it dies.

Last night in the middle of kicking my feet in the air and crying, a la this real housewives of atlanta moment…..

Porsha Kick

I decided to revisit my homegirl, Real Talk Kim for some advice. (P.S. Someone let her and Iyanla go around fixing people lives…I PROMISE in a few years, everyone would be happier.)

“Wishing that you would get through this situation isn’t going to get you to get through it. WISHING that your finances would change ain’t gon get you finances better.”

“You gotta get up and help God help you.”

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Listen Real Talk Kim brings me to tears and makes me feel like things WILL get better. Trust and BELIEVE I’m hijacking your faith girl. I need it! (Literally as I’m typing this my Mom texted me and said “So it’s no thing cause you have Gods protection around you. They can’t do anything about that!!!!!!” My mother y’all…I love her and need her…I digress)

So dear readers, lets all shake it off. Rock bottom only mean that you can go up, right? (I just hope my climb up isn’t slow…can a brotha catch the elevator to success and abundant happiness?) If nothing else, tomorrow is Friday and that deserves all the praise!!!!

Be blessed….Stay Classy…and Stay Encouraged.

::turns on “The Storm is Passing Over” and enters praise and worship in office::

Now go to sleep wig! #PLONK

Tomorrow night = Real Housewives of Atlanta Reunion part one.!!!! As I am a life member of Team Nene, I have been preparing myself by reliving some of my favorite Nene Moments….

Moment One…. THIS Phone call… The whole thing can be found on BravoTV.com but this is enough to give you LIFE!

And then Nene kicked Sheree off the show…. “You could use a bl-eaching.”

“Dirt and Grass” ~ Phaedra “I think I tweeted Neverland.” ~Nene Leakes

The older that I get…the more I find myself like Nene. How? Nene has no f*cks to give and no time for BS, BUT she also has a mad shady side and can stir the pot a bit… Now that I think of it, it sounds nothing like me….

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Anyway I hope y’all tune in to watch the first part of the Reunion tomorrow. The reunions are the best part of Real Housewives franchise. I promise if you start watching…you won’t stop.

Need a prievew? Here ya go….

Porsha

 

Do. Work. Porsha!

(Violence is never the answer kids…but when somebody pushes you, sometimes you need to let them know what time it is and push back. Life lesson brought to you by Class and Trash.)

Stay Out Of My BUSINESS

Nosey. Ass. Coworkers…. That’s that ish I DON’T LIKE!

One of the struggles about being young in the work place is that some coworkers look down upon our youth and beauty. They act like we are incapable of doing our jobs. Well, you have it twisted….check my credentials. I went on the same damn interview that you went on.

Here’s my situation:

After two years of teaching high school, I felt it was time to jump off of a sinking ship. Sure I loved the crap out of my students but love was not keeping me sane. Not willing to give up on teaching, I spent the summer searching for a new job. I stressed out all summer and then a music position FINALLY opened up. I’m really good at interviews and landed the job. This is where things got awkward…

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I am a band guy. Frankly strings (especially middle school age) irritate me. Well…..SURPRISE I’m required to teach band and ORCHESTRA! The other surprise? The previous director WAS PULLED FROM HER POSITION and is STILL ON STAFF.

Nene Drink

Let me tell you about this ho. She is the f*g 3000 girl (F*g 3000). She is the one I had to block on Facebook because she tried to rat me out about some bull (that was none of her BUSINESS). She constantly comes knocking on my door, looking around my classroom, asking to borrow my lesson plans, and being down right ANNOYING. This morning she comes to me…”did you skip the clinic last weekend?”

Jersey Shore Fight

Bitch, are you having a good day?! Don’t answer because I DON’T CARE! Stop worrying about my life. No, I did not go on Saturday and the other BAND DIRECTORS (which you are no longer one of) knew. I have the email saved as proof you jerk. I am so sick of her meddling in my business. Girl, even if I left next year you STILL WOULDN’T GET YOUR JOB BACK because you are NOT good at what you do. Fall Back. Even when she bought a new car, it became “Now you don’t have the newest car anymore ::giggles aways::” Trick, are you FIVE YEARS OLD?

She has one more time to shade me about my eating habits. “I know you’re watching your figure but…” “No one on staff sees you eat?” “Why do you workout so much.” I just want to say…look at me….now look at yourself. I’ll keep doing what I’m doing while you down 35 sodas in a day, eat all the fried, processed, terrible foods for your body; YET you still complain about turning 40, being single, and having high blood pressure and diabetes. You don’t want to this to me.

Nene Wig Gif

I’m not a damn kid. You do not have to babysit me. Stay out of my office, classroom, and email inbox. No one likes you. You are mean, nosy, and you look like a garden gnome. I have had it with you trying to throw me under the bus. Have you noticed, that your students don’t miss you? I’m not the one you want to play with. Okay?!

Thank you and GOOD. DAY.

Nene Hairflip

Y’all have annoying coworkers or nah? Comment, follow, and all that jazz!

Love ya for reading!!!

No ACTUAL Talent? Get OUTTA Here!

Move.

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I am annoyed. Why?

I love most shows on Bravo. I can sit all damn and waste it away watching everything on Bravo (except when they play actual movies ::snoozefest::). They all have lives that I want. The life where you wake up, drink mimosas, shop, nap, go out with yo friends,  cuss someone out, and repeat. Tired of that routine? They take a random trip to South Africa or Morocco dahhhhling.  It’s genius television. I love the cute music that some of the bravo-lebrities have given us. “Tardy for the Party” goes hard, “Chic Ce L’est Vie” taught me how to live, and “Money Can’t Buy You Class” is my personal anthem. (Stay classy y’all)

And then “Vanderpump Rules” Season 2 happened. I never cared  that much to watch this show until this scene….

Yes GAWD…. *SPOILER* After all of that the “dirty f*cking whore” did “bang” her boyfriend. ::rolls-eyes – #WhiteGirlProblems::

ANYWAY, the thing that pissed me off is that this show introduced me to aspiring singer Scheana Marie. BYE ASHY.

ByeAshy

 

LISTEN. We have GOT to stop letting basic trollops with TERRIBLE voices get on stages to perform. I COULD USE THAT STAGE (AND PAYCHECK) BETTER. I get that they may like to perform; but learn to act, mime, or ANYTHING that doesn’t involve….SINGING. Even mediocre singers of today have more talent than this trick. Britney could dance, Cassie…is pretty, Rihanna keeps giving us catchy hits, and Ciara…. Uhhh…..she gave us “Goodies” and is a glowing pregnant woman. ALSO F*CK the girl in the video for saying Scheana was awesome. That’s why you got slapped later in the season. Ho. Sit. Down.

Where in the entire heck is my record deal/reality TV show. I have questions. What I do know is that we have got to stand up and say NO to raggedy performers.

I’m out.

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