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Another Feelings Dump

What’s up y’all?  While I wouldn’t expect a return to regular posting just yet, I do have some stuff on my mind that I need to get out of my system.  So what better place?

This list is not at all in order of importance.

1) Coping (How to Fail at It) featuring Trash

You all have to know what’s going on in Ferguson, MO at this point.  I’m not here to recap it.  I’m not even here to argue the facts.

I don’t have the strength to point out how all of this is because Black people and their lives are denied value in America.

You should already know that no matter what you wear, no matter how many degrees you have, no matter how much you avoid being “stereotypical,” you’re still just another black person.  When the chips are down, you can be shot.  They will get away with it.

We all know that this teenager is going be criminalized and smeared in the media, because any minor discretion is just another reason his life didn’t matter.  You’re constantly going to be reminded that any fault in his character justified his murder.

We all know that clueless assholes are going to idiotic statements.  Newscasters will say to use “water cannons.” The killer will talk about how his life has ended too, even though he’s at home on paid leave.  New Blacks are going to talk about how Black on Black crime and rap music is the cause of all of this.

You’ve already seen someone on your social media try to make it about them with clueless statements, incorrect information, and a general ain’t-shit demeanor.

Truth is, I’m tired.  I’m trying to deal with all of my outrage, my inability to create meaningful change, my inability to protect people I love from the same fate.  There’s not a day where I don’t think, “I’m blessed to be alive.”  I haven’t done anything to deserve it.  But I am.  Instead of productively letting it out, I’m just stewing in my anger and hopelessness.  It’s making me feel ugly inside and preventing me from enjoying the day-to-day.  I don’t want to be around people because all I want to do is talk about it and be angry.  I don’t have the luxury of taking off and being alone until I’m able to face regular society again.  I’m trying to just plow through life in order to sit home in the dark and think about this situation.

There’s no comfort in knowing that no matter what I do, no matter what advice I give my nephew and niece, no matter how many books I read, and no matter how polite I am, my life means nothing if a White person so deems it.

2) Taylor Swift

I haven’t really raged against the Swift in recent moments because she doesn’t really have a song out and she hasn’t been publicly dating anyone.  Not so lucky for me and the rest of the world, she released “Shake It Off.”

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I’m not going to link because she’s not getting a single view on my behalf.

But this is tangent to the first point.  The root of my hatred of Taylor Swift (and Jennifer Aniston) is that for my money they represent peak whiteness. This isn’t a critique of every white person (again, I should not have to say this) but of the dominant American culture.  I’ll let Omarosa take over…

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Where a “wholesome” and “sweet” girl who are just “hassled” are given passes for complete mediocrity because of her perceived girl next door image.  It’s like “Ooh, she’s bland and I can sing better than her.  Give her all my money!” 

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Throw in some questionable appropriation moments and her absolute refusal to sing on key and it’s already terrible.

But this song has a message of “SUCK IT HATAZ” for critiquing her image.  So she’s shaking off any criticism of her bland, mediocre, white bread music and image that appeals to middle-of-the-road, “put-upon”, middle class America. The very same America that is notably quiet whenever an unarmed Black man is killed in cold blood.

For me, this song is the essence of “First World Problems.”  And this is not the day, the week, the month, nor the year for this shit.

Sure, that may seem like a reach for some readers, but think about it this way.  Think back to a time where you felt depressed or upset over something in your life.  Now somebody you don’t particularly like (a coworker or classmate) comes up gloating about their promotion when you know they do nothing or a great exam score on a test where they have cheated.  You wouldn’t have the time for it.

And that’s what this song is to me.  It’s Taylor Swift singing a song that say “nah nah ni boo boo” to all you minorities for not being White.

Fuck.  Her.

3) Reality TV Thoughts

On a lighter note, Project Runway and Top Chef Duels have come to television.  Since So You Think You Can Dance continues to be pretty terrible, I had high hopes for each of these shows.

Project Runway is about as average as any of the other later seasons with some confounding judging thrown in.  Three of first four episodes have handed out wins to questionable garments. Props to Tom & Lorenzo as the source of these photos.  Also, if you love celebrity fashion, Mad Men, Project Runway, or RuPaul’s Drag Race, it behooves you to frequent their site.  Also, read their book!

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The first two are from comeback contestant Amanda.  Fringe really shouldn’t be a thing.  The second two are from Sandhya.  I like the pink look with the metallic detail, but that poorly dyed, ripped shoulder, frayed edge abomination should have at least put her in the bottom.  No thanks.  That said, I do think that there’s some talent in the cast and the judges seem to be making good cuts.  I have hope that someday Michael Kors will come back.

Top Chef Duels is pretty good!  It’s a lot more low-key than your traditional Top Chef, but it brings back familiar faces and gives them space to be creative.  As a huge Gail Simmons fan, I’m glad she’s a part of the show.  I could live without Curtis Stone, but that’s not my decision.  I hope that the show does well and continues to bring back some great chefs.  (Although, go away Mike Isabella.)

Love & Hip Hop Atlanta is finally winding down after a particularly raggedy season.  When Karlie Redd is the source of your most entertaining moments, it’s time to take stock.  Seeing Rasheeda take Kirk back after complete and blatant disrespect for her, their child, his mother, their family, and her image (which is the family business) is not good television.  Seeing Erica and Scrappy be friends is nice for the sake of their daughter, they’ve been complete non-entities since we stopped seeing O’Shea Da Model and The Bambi.  Benzino continues to be neckless and ThiThi is the most obvious case of fame-hungry gold digger we’ve seen since Flavor of Love 3.  Stevie and Joseline’s soap opera relationship is not funny.  Joseline is best when talking shit about other girls, not crying about beefcake and her awful music.  Tammy & Waka are sweet but boring.  Karlie is trash on trash, but at least she gave us more terrible music and Yung Joc’s decision to air our her sexual habits.  Momma Dee & Deb are reliably fun though.

But let’s about Mimi again.  All of Mimi’s struggles, barring the death of her father, are her own doing based on her own choices.  Her absolute refusal to be told that she is wrong only serves to make her look like the weak-willed dingbat that she is. It’s painful to watch her get mad at people when she is forced to reveal her lies.  Like if you don’t want to hear what they have to say, stop going to them.  If you’re going to defend being wrong so vehemently, you’re going to continue to have to eat crow.

To be frank, I’d have cut her off when she accepted Stevie’s car.  Girl, you can’t be over him and accept things that aren’t child support.  Your dependency is showing.

But truth be told, she needs to leave the show.  Nothing has been good for her since it started and now the world knows her for being an idiot who is easily fooled and bought.  Sucks to be you.

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4) The Future Looks Bleak

If you haven’t gathered, I’m not in the happiest of places now.  As cliché and standard as it sounds, I’m used to telling myself that it will all work out. It will all be okay. But these two weeks have reminded me of the feeling of despair that I either ignored or suppressed as a part of the move.  It’s that I don’t know the future and not seeing much in the way of encouragement.  It’s not that I don’t believe God has a plan or that I believe I should have all the answers.  It just seems like I keep waking up to bad news. It’s like a nightmare. I want more than what this is for America and for my friends.  I don’t know how to tell them that, being someone who hates only tolerates melodrama/emotions.

That said, I’ll end this with simply.  I care.  I’m not great at letting people know that.  I may not ever say to your face.  But you’re cared about and I want what’s best for your mind, body, and soul.

Stay safe everyone and do your best to maintain positivity in your days.

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Winning At Reality Shows

It’s the first post of the week, so let’s just take this slowly.

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So last night was Part 3 of the Real Housewives of Atlanta reunion. Now I know that Class is working on his grades of the housewives’ performance this season, but I want to talk about it from a different perspective. I have watched so many (I mean SO MANY) reality shows over the years.  The people on these shows are not normal people and we aren’t to treat them as such.  They are performing in the vein of showing a “slice of life.”  But one thing that is clear is that there are still ways to win.

Let’s talk about them using this reunion as our examples.

1) A Well-Timed Apology

Now this is only within the context of a reality show.  People arguing and backbiting, back pedaling and smeagle popping is par for the course.  But occasionally, you have to deploy the greatest deflection technique in a reality star’s arsenal: the apology. You have to know that you’ve done too much.  Being able to say I’m sorry and convey genuine interest in what you’re saying can erase episodes worth of damage.  If you add in a story about how hard you had it growing up, then you’ll be golden. Doing it wrong and you end up showing your ass a la Nene.

When Andy Cohen asked if she was regretful about her homophobic comments, this was the time to apologize and show remorse.  By making light of her “bosses” offense, she cast herself in a hole where she’s offended the largest portion of her fan base.  And with that being the finale, she’s not going to be on air anytime soon to defend herself.  The fact that Kenya is being cheered for over her is not a good position.

2) A Well-Placed Read

Again, when it comes to slice-of-life reality shows, you have to make people want to watch you.  Being funny is the way to do this.  That is the specific appeal of these shows.  Watching horrible people who make us giggle and gives us quotables.  Who doesn’t remember “Who gone check me boo?” and “Close your legs to married men!” 

The best way to win these shows is hide your horrible real-life personality by being someone who is fun to watch.  Getting a positive edit ensures bigger paychecks, primo real estate at reunion shows, and a lot of features in the clip shows.  It also serves as a way to climb your way up the reality show ladder. On the cusp of getting fired?  Read a bish real good and get yourself to the next season.

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See this?  Regardless of how you feel about the content, Kenya, Phaedra, or Apollo, there is no denying that this moment took the night.  Wigs on the ground, fake booty leaking silicone, make-up ruined.  There was no coming back from this.  It’s so specific and so direct.  Well. Played. Phaedra.

3) Tell The Truth & Have Your Receipts

This is true in life, but especially true on nationally-televised show.  If you lie and get caught, they are going to flashback to it several times.  But if you are going to argue (and you are!), being able to call back to specific arguments and events that can be supported with a sepia-toned clip will help you win every single time.   It’s indisputable.  It’s hilarious.

Kandi Burress is way more entertaining on this show than one would imagine.  At the reunion, she and Nene got into over her blog post.  After discussing the events of the Bailey Bowl, Nene argued that she would never run from a fight.  Kandi pulled up the infamous argument at the wine bar between Nene and Sheree!

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Nene ran out with Sheree calling out a “repo at the Home Depot.”  Kandi called it out and the clip aired.  Shots. Fired.  Flawless victory.

So now that I’ve taught these lessons, share your examples.  What are your rules for reality stars??

Finding Reasons to Smile in a HORRID Week…

Now I had a rant to present today but I decided to give my spirit a rest and not do it. No fears, I will save it for later and look on the bright side on this here Friday. So here are three things that I loved about this week from hell.

 

#1 The Queen.

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Y’all ALREADY know about the “On the Run Tour” and both Class and Trash will be in attendance to see the queen and her man shut it down one last time before she takes a well deserved break and tries to pop out another kid (yeah I know Bey like that.) I can not wait to End of Time stomp all up and the field in the Baltimore. IS IT JULY YET?! It’s kind of crazy how much joy and life Beyonce gives me…but whatever, get over it! Ya mad? STAY MAD!

#2 The Real Housewives of Atlanta REUNION.

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Nene

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In between praise sessions to get my spirits up, I watched the ratchet world these ladies live in. I can watch it over and over and over and NEVER stop laughing. Thank you Bravo, Andy Cohen, Nene Leakes, and Phaedra Parks (Mama Joyce as well) for remaining flawless on the reunion. You tried it Cynthia.I’ll be giving out their end of the season report card soon.

#3 Ariana Grande

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She dropped a new single this week and I am LIVING. She was my number one most played artist on Spotify with “Baby I” the most played song last year. I’m a Ariana Grande Stan and I’m PROUD!  It seems that this princess is here to STAY! If you haven’t listened to her new single “Problem” don’t talk to me.

So that’s it folks! One day i’ll fill up this post with a new job, my money right, and love in my life. Until that happens music and trashy reality TV will give me life!

But y’all…. ITS FRIDAY SO let’s enjoy this weekend thing!

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Now go to sleep wig! #PLONK

Tomorrow night = Real Housewives of Atlanta Reunion part one.!!!! As I am a life member of Team Nene, I have been preparing myself by reliving some of my favorite Nene Moments….

Moment One…. THIS Phone call… The whole thing can be found on BravoTV.com but this is enough to give you LIFE!

And then Nene kicked Sheree off the show…. “You could use a bl-eaching.”

“Dirt and Grass” ~ Phaedra “I think I tweeted Neverland.” ~Nene Leakes

The older that I get…the more I find myself like Nene. How? Nene has no f*cks to give and no time for BS, BUT she also has a mad shady side and can stir the pot a bit… Now that I think of it, it sounds nothing like me….

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Anyway I hope y’all tune in to watch the first part of the Reunion tomorrow. The reunions are the best part of Real Housewives franchise. I promise if you start watching…you won’t stop.

Need a prievew? Here ya go….

Porsha

 

Do. Work. Porsha!

(Violence is never the answer kids…but when somebody pushes you, sometimes you need to let them know what time it is and push back. Life lesson brought to you by Class and Trash.)

My Favorite Real Housewives Tunes

We here at Class and Trash love terrible music, especially the songs of the Real Housewives.  So we got together with our friend over at Overactive Blogger to rank our top 3 favorite housewife singles.  There are bound to be some repeats (Trash purposely left off Chic, C’est La Vie) because you can’t dispute quality.  Let’s get started!

Overactive Blogger

1) Chic, C’est La Vie – Countess Luann (RHONY)

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2) On Display – Melissa Gorga (RHONJ)

 

3) Tardy For the Party – Kim Zolciak (RHOA)

Class

1) Tardy For the Party – Kim Zolciak (RHOA)

 

2) Money Can’t Buy You Class – Countess Luann (RHONY)

 

3) Who Gone Check Me Boo? – Sheree Whitfield (RHOA)

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Trash

1) Money Can’t Buy You Class – Countess Luann (RHONY)

 

2) Gone With The Wind Fabulous – Kenya Moore (RHOA)

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3) Bump It – Michelle Salahi (RHODC) 

 

So what are your favorites?  I’m super disappointed that we left out Google Me and Close To You. Let us know in the comments!

 

 

No ACTUAL Talent? Get OUTTA Here!

Move.

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I am annoyed. Why?

I love most shows on Bravo. I can sit all damn and waste it away watching everything on Bravo (except when they play actual movies ::snoozefest::). They all have lives that I want. The life where you wake up, drink mimosas, shop, nap, go out with yo friends,  cuss someone out, and repeat. Tired of that routine? They take a random trip to South Africa or Morocco dahhhhling.  It’s genius television. I love the cute music that some of the bravo-lebrities have given us. “Tardy for the Party” goes hard, “Chic Ce L’est Vie” taught me how to live, and “Money Can’t Buy You Class” is my personal anthem. (Stay classy y’all)

And then “Vanderpump Rules” Season 2 happened. I never cared  that much to watch this show until this scene….

Yes GAWD…. *SPOILER* After all of that the “dirty f*cking whore” did “bang” her boyfriend. ::rolls-eyes – #WhiteGirlProblems::

ANYWAY, the thing that pissed me off is that this show introduced me to aspiring singer Scheana Marie. BYE ASHY.

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LISTEN. We have GOT to stop letting basic trollops with TERRIBLE voices get on stages to perform. I COULD USE THAT STAGE (AND PAYCHECK) BETTER. I get that they may like to perform; but learn to act, mime, or ANYTHING that doesn’t involve….SINGING. Even mediocre singers of today have more talent than this trick. Britney could dance, Cassie…is pretty, Rihanna keeps giving us catchy hits, and Ciara…. Uhhh…..she gave us “Goodies” and is a glowing pregnant woman. ALSO F*CK the girl in the video for saying Scheana was awesome. That’s why you got slapped later in the season. Ho. Sit. Down.

Where in the entire heck is my record deal/reality TV show. I have questions. What I do know is that we have got to stand up and say NO to raggedy performers.

I’m out.

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“I don’t keep up with Joneses, I am the Joneses.” – Nene Leakes

Linnethea Monique Leakes (Nene Leakes) is a real housewife of Atlanta and one of my Queens. Now before you roll your eyes and stop reading give this a chance! Nene has a humble beginning: small town girl, stripped to pay the bills (bandz made her dance! Ayeeeee!), married rich, became a real housewife, became an actual actress outside of reality TV, saved her marriage, and managed to not make a name for herself merely by hopping on different trashy reality shows and fighting with people. Now yes, she can be loud but she keeps it real.  She described herself perfect; “Let me get you to understand I don’t bully anybody. I stand up for what I believe in and I’m very honest and I always tell the truth. I’m not a liar, I’m not manipulative and I don’t stab you in your back because I will stab you in your chest.”

So here are 5 life lessons that Nene has taught us.

1)   “Close ya legs to married men!” But really. It’s 2014. These trollops have GOT to stop sleeping around with married men, women, or both(didn’t want to leave anyone out). Just don’t do it. While I’m parked right here, all those cheaters in general, go somewhere else with that. Until you do right, your life will never be right. OKAY?! (snaps fingers in Z formation)

2)   “You touch me girl, I will wear that wig off your head. A straight hooker. Andy, I’m gonna respect you and let you do this interview next to this trashbox. Trashy hooker. Go on.” – Listen, sometimes you need to check someone and let him or her know what time it is. I try to remain calm, cool, and collected at all times. The problem is that it tricks people into thinking you are weak and they can walk all over you. No ma’am, not today or EVER! God gave of mouths, voices, words, and opinions. USE THEM (Wisely. You probably don’t want to pop off at the president of your company or Oprah). Don’t let anyone steal your shine.

3)   “I’m just not into trying to convince people to like me. I always say to myself, ‘It is what it is.’ I walk into a situation knowing that people are either going to love me or they’re going to love me or they’re not, and that’s OK. I’m just going to be me. You can’t be everything to everyone.”  Y’all I just ran around my room in praise in worship. Not everyone is going to like you in life. Point. Blank. Period. Don’t stress over it and REALLY take the time to appreciate those people that love you for YOU! Can I get an amen from the choir? It’s one of those lessons that people learn in their own time, but once you learn it your REAL friendships become stronger.

 4)   “I think that everyone is saying all kinds of things about ’rich.’ Not only am I rich from doing some of the things I’ve been able to do, but I’m rich in spirit. I’m rich in health. I’m rich in every possible way.”  I’m just as guilty as everyone in believing that while money can’t buy happiness, it surely can buy you a crap ton of things (or at least pay off my car and student loans). If someone put a million dollars in your bank account today, TRY and tell me that after you body rolled, whipped your hair, and popped your booty, you wouldn’t be ten times happier! That being said, while we all wait for this money to magically appear, we do need to begin shifting our focus to the richness in life that we have. Yes, it is hard to believe that we are rich in life every time an agent from our student loan providers calls wanting more money that we CLEARLY don’t have, BUT at least we are alive to receive that phone call, right?!

 5)   “I am here now because I am supposed to be here. And I guess when it is my time to cross over there, I will be over there. I am not religious, but I am spiritual, honey. My day is coming!” Be Patient. Be Daring. Be Bold. Be Great. Know that nothing in life lasts forever, so if you’re going through something, it has to end. What we can’t do is kick are feet back, eat Ben and Jerrys Milk and Cookies Ice Cream (GET INTO THIS FLAVOR THO! Thank us later), and expect life to change in the way we want it. Hard work is always rewarded at SOME point in life. If you’re really feeling down and out ask yourself, what would Beyonce do? Oh you know, Perform at the Presidents inauguration, Perform at the Superbowl, wake innocent people up early in the morning for a PEPSI COMMERCIAL (still pressed about it), go on a sold out world tour, be a wife, raise a child, OH and record a flawless album with accompanying videos (Girl WHAT and HOW?). Stan moment over but really….go and be GREAT y’all!

Who do you find inspiration in, be it your parent or a reality show star? Comment here OR tweet us @ClassNTrashShow. I’ll leave you with one of Nene’s finest moments. Need a lesson on how to set someone straight? Watch below and be sure to watch Real Housewives of Atlanta every Sunday. Now twirl on THAT! BLOOP!