class and trash show

Happy Birthday, Class!

Class is officially another year older, another year wiser!  Let’s celebrate with a song from the elusive chanteuse herself, Britney Spears!

Make sure you send gifts! (cash and/or liquor ladies!)

Leave a nice note in the comment box won’t you??

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Trashy Thursday: Step Daddy

It’s Trashy Thursday!

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Which all of our new followers and readers (hey friends!) means that I dig into my well of YouTube playlists for some delightful piece of pop culture from the past.

Do you remember this??

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So this is Hitman Sammy Sam.  Unfortunately, our king nor this bop has a Wikipedia page so I will have to remember his career from scratch.

Well…this was it.  But in 2003 or 2004, Hitman Sammy Sam brought us this bop about the tension that can rise from blended families.  Having moved in, our intrepid hero is dealing with having to take care of his lady’s offspring.  The kids are unruly and have irrational wants like food, going to the zoo and playing Uno!

He can’t be expected to deal with all of that!

He lets us know his frustration only to get sass from our teenage co-star and her iconic verse:

“This ain’t yo house no way!” SHUT UP!

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Before Nicki Minachos was singing Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star, the visionary Hitman added “The Itsy Bitsy Spider” to his hit!

KING SHIT!

So I don’t think there’s more to this story.  I don’t know if he released an album or was signed to Cash Money.  Maybe he was a part of Murder Inc??  But at least we have this song to treasure and remember him by!

Do you remember this jam?  What are some of your favorite trashy jams from the past?  Let us know in the comments or over on Twitter at @ClassNTrashShow.

Also, just because, here’s the video for My Baby Daddy.  Just because.

 

Guest Post – Relationships Are Garbage

(Sorry to interrupt, but I wanted to introduce Sass, our first guest poster!  We know you’re going to love her.  Now on to the post!)

Not all the time, obviously. There are the good times – dates (that lead to doing it), long conversations (that lead to dirty talk and sexting, which leads to doing it), vacations (doing it away from home), making up after arguing (which inevitably leads to doing it), cuddling (doing it), and enjoying each other’s company (which is either foreplay, doing it or afterglow, depending on the moment). But in the end, relationships are comprised of an individual attempting to share his/her space and life with another person, all while maintaining his/her sense of self, reaching personal and professional goals and attempting not to drown in the sea of baggage that every person brings with them. *cue Queen Erykah Badu “Bag Lady”* Not everyone has 10 kids, 14 baby mama’s, a police record and a latent drug habit, but adapting your life to involve another will always be work. And I’m not sure I’m here for it.

Although I have a history of miserable relationships, I never grew up around bad relationships. My parents were married after college, a year or so before the birth of my older brother, their first child. Thirty-plus years later, they still enjoy each other and are slightly obsessed with one another. They talk to each other all day, have date night and are partners through everything. However, their example doesn’t, and hasn’t, shielded me from the bevy of damaged individuals muddying the dating pool. I’ve dated liars, cheaters, verbal abusers, men with money who needed control, men with no job or ambition who needed a mother figure, whores, psychos and complete weirdos. Actually, this was all one person, but it was a long relationship and he was a mess throughout the whole thing.

So what’s the common denominator? Obviously, it’s me, but what is the seemingly insurmountable wall that prevents a successful relationship? Many factors could be considered, but in my case, I think it’s two-fold. On one hand, you have to sacrifice a lot of yourself to make your intricate puzzle fit properly with someone else. I’m a middle child: I had to fend for myself a lot growing up because my parents were too busy allowing the oldest to spread his wings, and babying the baby. It was a rough life, I promise you. Anyway, I say that to illustrate that I don’t sacrifice much of myself. Ever. The other side of this highly unfortunate relationship coin is the ability (or lack thereof) to admit defeat and throw in the towel on a relationship when it’s kind of dead, as opposed to waiting until it’s on life support in a medically induced coma hoping for a brain and a heart (like the Scarecrow and Tin Man, respectively). I can never seem to quit. I tend go for the long haul at full throttle, without realizing all four tires are flat.

A short story to back up my second point: My roommate (let’s call her BigBootyWhiteGirl), has been dating a guy (let’s call him Unsuccessful-Drug-Dealer-With-No-Car-or-Job-who-Lives-With-His-Mother, UDD for short) since June or July of last year. BigBootyWhiteGirl drives the 30-minutes to UDD’s house, takes him to get food, and brings him over. It’s always the same: the enjoy each other’s company (see explanation above) for the first 8 hours, argue, she threatens to call the cops and kicks him out of the house. UDD then stands on the sidewalk soliciting rides from people until someone comes to pick him up. BigBootyWhiteGirl opens her window and berates him, he shouts death threats at her, his ride comes and he leaves, usually leaning out the window shouting at her so that he can have the last word. She deletes his number, fuming, until her next day off approaches. She then breaks into his Facebook, finds his number, they reconcile via phone until the next time that she picks him up and the cycle continues.

Me?

I sit in my room, open a bottle of wine, pick a trashy show on Hulu or Netflix, and toast my single and drama-free life.

Yeah, relationships are garbage. I’ll pass.

How to Not Be An Asshole at the Airport

Happy  Monday!  I hope that you all are as pumped as I am for this season of Drag Race to start.  Class and Trash will be following the season here cheering on our favorites and shading those who need to sashay away.

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But I’m flying back home today. We’ve all been there.  You’re trying to get to your gate, check your social media platforms, clear a stage of Candy Crush when some trick slows down your progress and pisses off everyone.

I thought I’d share some tips for all you travelers so that you don’t make everyone (Read: Me) hate you!  I’ve used handy cat gifs because this is the internet.

1) Do: Use your smartphone to check-in, if possible.

Now if you still have your Moto Razr, obviously, you can’t do this.  But seriously, do this even if you don’t fly often.  Download your airlines’ App and check in.  This saves you a step when you arrive at the airport, keeps you out of the full service line, and makes the process that much faster.  It also allows you to track your flight status, so you’re not berating the agent when your flight is delayed.

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2) Do: Weigh your checked bag before leaving home.

Yes, your personal scale will work here.  DO NOT YELL AT THE AGENT IF YOUR BAG IS OVERWEIGHT.  It is not their fault, you tried to check a set of dumbbells.  It’s your bag and it is your responsibility to ensure that you fall within the restrictions.

Yes, 51 pounds is greater than 50 and now I have to wait longer to sit down because you have to remove something from your bag in a huff.

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3) Do: Pack your watch, belt, and jewelry in your carry-on.

Listen.  Just save yourself and everyone else the trouble.  When you arrive, place these items in an accessible pocket in your carry on bag.  This gets you through security faster and reduces the amount of bins you have to wait on at the end of the security checkpoint.

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4) Do: Place your wallet & boarding pass into your carry-on after checking with TSA.

You won’t need them again until you board the plane.

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5) Do: Move from the end of the X-Ray belt.

It’s easy to think, I can put myself together quickly at the end of the belt.  YOU CAN NOT.  You are slowing down everyone and being selfish.

Use the Golden Rule here.  If you were in a rush to get to your flight, you’d hate it if someone stood in your way while you wanted to get your bag.  So don’t do it.
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6) Don’t: Travel with your favorite toiletries.

I can not reiterate that all of the rules about what can fly are available way before you watch the TSA agent throw away for $100 condor egg hand cream.  If you are not checking a bag to avoid fees, bring only items that meet the size restrictions or that you would be comfortable throwing away.

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7) Do: Buy Travel Sized Toiletries when you arrive at your destination.

Don’t pack them for the trip down and save yourself the headache of dealing with the restrictions.  Stop when you land and get what you need.

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8) Don’t: Get in line to board until your area/zone/row is called.

YOU ARE IN THE WAY.  MOVE!

Like they announce this every time.  And here you’re stupid ass is standing at the gate while people sitting in the appropriate rows have to move around you.

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9) Don’t: Lean your seat all the way back.

This is SUCH AN ASSHOLE MOVE.  There is approximately enough room for my big toe in front of my seat and here you are putting your headrest in my chin.  BYE ASHY!

But seriously, if you have to recline, only go halfway back.  It’s super obnoxious either way, but at least maybe I can use my laptop to get some work done this way.

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10) Don’t: Stand up as soon as the plane lands if you are anywhere after row 2.

SIT YO ASS BACK DOWN!

Seriously, you are in row 32.  You are not getting off the plane before me.  You are not getting off the plane before anyone.

And when you do happen to get ahead a row, now you’re just in the way of the people who were sitting there and are now trying to retrieve their items.

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11: Do: Pre-board if you are traveling with nuggets.

Listen up and listen good. If you have a child who you wouldn’t leave at home alone, board the plane when they announce preboarding.

I know it says 2 years old or younger.  IGNORE THEM.

Get seated.  Be prepared.  No one will stop you.  It gives you a chance to find your seat and put away the bags.  It gives your child a chance to adjust to their surroundings.  It saves times for the rest of us when we board.

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What are you biggest travel pet peeves?  Am I the only one who is ready to start a new Purge when they are in the airport?  Let us know in the comments or on Twitter at @ClassNTrashShow.

This Is My Confession…

Alright guys.  I have to tell you a secret.  I’m really depending on you to keep this secret.

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I…

I…

I hate going to the gym.

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I know! I know!  I’ve heard all of the reasons.

You feel so much better when you finish!

I don’t.

Don’t you want to be healthy!

Nope. 

You’ll live so much longer.

I don’t care. After age 75, I’m going to be on my couch eating Doritos and switching between drinking Simply Apple and Coconut Rum. 

Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels.

Have you had German Chocolate Cake?

Now, this post isn’t to bash anyone who loves fitness and gets their high from a good workout.  I’m just not one of those people.  I couldn’t give two hot holy damns about the gym.  I hate to run and I hate lifting weights.  I would die trying to do yoga and I almost bashed my face into a wall messing around with Shaun T.

I do it because I’m going to be sickening in a few months and then you hoes aren’t going to be able to take me.  And once I’m skinny and rich, I’m going to get the fat sucked out because I’m sick of sweating.

Where are other inner fat kids who don’t have time for the elliptical?  And if you like working out, ummm maybe Class will do a post on that.  I got nothing.

Hit us up at @ClassNTrashShow on Twitter or leave a comment below!

Quickie Post: Lashauwn Beyond

As we gear up for the premiere of RuPaul’s Drag Race on 2/24, we here at Class & Trash want to pay tribute to one of our favorite moments from Season 4.

Let’s set the scene.

Jiggly Caliente is a hot mess.  Lashauwn Beyond, who sews, is over her hot potato couture.  The argument heats up leading to the greatness that is…

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WERQ!

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This is a perfect use of the cliche pointed out by Rich from the FourFour and now over at Gawker.  See this video for evidence.

And the bass in his voice when he yells BEST BUDDIES BIIIIIITCH!!!

The greatest.

So WERQ Leshauwn Beyond and your fly ass ponytail!  We love you over here!

Quickie Post: Good Evening

Do you all have one particular video that makes you giggle senselessly every single time you watch it?

I have several, but today I wanted to show some love to Krissychula (@thekrissychula on Twitter) who makes hilarious videos about her daily life and pop culture.  She is amazing and super clever.  Now, prepare to be seduced.

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(Souce: FourFour)

I just love that.  When she smirks and says “And aren’t you just a salty motherfucker?” I lose it every. single. time.

Go on over to her page on YouTube and subscribe so you don’t miss out on her updates.  Also, I’d be remiss if I didn’t tell you to watch the following:

Lana Del Rey’s Face

Dear Miley…

Say No To Lacefronts

What are some of your favorite YouTube gems?  Link us in the comments or share via Twitter @ClassNTrashShow.

Good Evening.