okcupid

Y’all Can Keep Your Online Dating

Hello friends. This is Class!!!

I am currently reconstructing my life and blogging just has taken a back burner but Trash keeps coming for my wig so… Here we go.

It’s Friday which most likely means I will spend my night with wine, contemplating my life as a bachelor.

Part of my reconstruction includes my love life or rather….the lack there of. Past relationships were great when they were great but when they flopped it took a toll on my trust. So I decided, to not date and just live life as a strong, sassy, independent woman (well man). But after a couple of years and some trashy hooker wig nights (which are NONE your business. yolo my readers!), I find myself prepared to love again.

I’m young. Fun. Got my looks together… So this should be easy right? Heck no.

This is where all you happy relationship people say , “OMG you should totes online date! Have you like tried tinder? What about Plenty Of Fish?”

Girl. Shut up.

A) Despite some of my choices, I’m extremely old school and will nevah have to say “Oh, we met online”. It ain’t going down like that. I get the changing climate of dating but I’m not giving up hope that one can find love in a more organic way that doesn’t waste my data plan with Verizon.

B) A lot of people on these apps are looking for a quick hookup. When you open an introduction with “How big is your wang?” You can go stand in the middle of a busy highway and wait for me to show you. I’ll be riiiiight there.

C) Some of y’all too damn clingy. Don’t start talking long term with someone YOU HAVE NEVER MET. It drives me crazy. I was just trying to be polite and you planning on moving in together. Fuck outta here.

D) To quote Heidi Montag, “They say I’m superficial.” And I just might be, but that doesn’t change that there are some people that can make a cockroach look appealing on these apps. By the same token, those of you who use your “model” shots as your main profile pic but two pics over we see the real you in a dirty mirror selfie… I have one thing to say to youuuu…. YOU ARE NOT FOOLING ANYONE! Get outta here with that. Have me all excited thinking I found Shemar Moore but really you look like a dying mongoose.

E) If you’re married or in a seemingly serious relationship and you are on one of these apps, you are nasty and I personally hope you penis (or vagina) falls off because we know what you’re doing and it ain’t cute. And no, YOU ARE NOT JUST LOOKING FOR FRIENDS YA NASTY HOOKER.

To my relationship friends who have never had to use online dating, leave us single folk who don’t want to date online alone. TRUST ME, it is not as glamorous as the eHarmony commercials make it look.

Moral of this blog is, I have no desire to date online. So leave me be. I don’t want a profile made, nothing. When a relationship is meant to happen, it will happen.

K thanks bye!

HAPPY FRIDAY! Get them bottles poppin’!!!

Quickie Post: Tips for Flirting

Hey lovely people,

Class and I are struggling for post ideas today but since I just got a message on OkCupid, I thought it would be fun to share a few tips for flirting with me on the internets.

1) Talk to me.

I know that sounds simple, but I like talking to potential suitors. I want to get to know you and I want you to know me.

2) Save your nudes for later.

You know, I’m a simple man who appreciates the beauty of your body. But I don’t know your real name. I don’t need to see your peen.

At least not yet…

3) Hygiene is key.

You all already know that showers are important. But you know, clean your mirrors before you selfie. Make sure your room is clean in the background. LOTION YOUR BODY.

Alrighty, are you all dating online? What do you want to see in your potential matches? Let us know in the comments or on Twitter at @ClassNTrashShow.

No, My Name Ain’t Baby!

Ms. Jackson, if ya nasty!

janet-jackson-nasty-o

Hello Everyone and Happy Friday!

So my mind has been in the gutter lately.  You know basically becoming one of those lustful, cat deddy type of men that Robin was so dismissive of during ANTM Cycle 1.

I don’t know if it is because I have way too much free time right now or I simply want someone to cuddle with.  Either way, my thirst has been out of control.  But the problem is that the ones I’m thirsty for do not live anywhere around me.  I open up that little profile and I see the following:

1) People who look like they haven’t bathed in several years

pigpen

2) People with interests that lead me to believe they are serial killers

jason

3) People with shirtless pictures who shouldn’t be shirtless.

Rick-Ross-shirtless-450a102908

By the by, I’m not saying you can’t be big and sexy.  Just put your best foot forward in the profile.  

Now I know that my taste tends to run a little…obvious, but I have been attracted to normal guys before.  I just can’t seem to find ones that don’t frighten me who are also interested in me.  I get that I’m not exactly the popular type for the North, but this drought is something serious.  Hell, I almost texted someone from my past, the thirst has gotten so intense.

So I’m opening the floor to you all readers.  What do you do when you find yourself in lust with no partners?  Are there dating sites where people know to clean their mirrors before taking a selfie?  Is there anyone interested in simply getting to know each other before swapping nudes?

Let me know in the comments!  Like now.  Thanks.