angry

Another Feelings Dump

What’s up y’all?  While I wouldn’t expect a return to regular posting just yet, I do have some stuff on my mind that I need to get out of my system.  So what better place?

This list is not at all in order of importance.

1) Coping (How to Fail at It) featuring Trash

You all have to know what’s going on in Ferguson, MO at this point.  I’m not here to recap it.  I’m not even here to argue the facts.

I don’t have the strength to point out how all of this is because Black people and their lives are denied value in America.

You should already know that no matter what you wear, no matter how many degrees you have, no matter how much you avoid being “stereotypical,” you’re still just another black person.  When the chips are down, you can be shot.  They will get away with it.

We all know that this teenager is going be criminalized and smeared in the media, because any minor discretion is just another reason his life didn’t matter.  You’re constantly going to be reminded that any fault in his character justified his murder.

We all know that clueless assholes are going to idiotic statements.  Newscasters will say to use “water cannons.” The killer will talk about how his life has ended too, even though he’s at home on paid leave.  New Blacks are going to talk about how Black on Black crime and rap music is the cause of all of this.

You’ve already seen someone on your social media try to make it about them with clueless statements, incorrect information, and a general ain’t-shit demeanor.

Truth is, I’m tired.  I’m trying to deal with all of my outrage, my inability to create meaningful change, my inability to protect people I love from the same fate.  There’s not a day where I don’t think, “I’m blessed to be alive.”  I haven’t done anything to deserve it.  But I am.  Instead of productively letting it out, I’m just stewing in my anger and hopelessness.  It’s making me feel ugly inside and preventing me from enjoying the day-to-day.  I don’t want to be around people because all I want to do is talk about it and be angry.  I don’t have the luxury of taking off and being alone until I’m able to face regular society again.  I’m trying to just plow through life in order to sit home in the dark and think about this situation.

There’s no comfort in knowing that no matter what I do, no matter what advice I give my nephew and niece, no matter how many books I read, and no matter how polite I am, my life means nothing if a White person so deems it.

2) Taylor Swift

I haven’t really raged against the Swift in recent moments because she doesn’t really have a song out and she hasn’t been publicly dating anyone.  Not so lucky for me and the rest of the world, she released “Shake It Off.”

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I’m not going to link because she’s not getting a single view on my behalf.

But this is tangent to the first point.  The root of my hatred of Taylor Swift (and Jennifer Aniston) is that for my money they represent peak whiteness. This isn’t a critique of every white person (again, I should not have to say this) but of the dominant American culture.  I’ll let Omarosa take over…

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Where a “wholesome” and “sweet” girl who are just “hassled” are given passes for complete mediocrity because of her perceived girl next door image.  It’s like “Ooh, she’s bland and I can sing better than her.  Give her all my money!” 

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Throw in some questionable appropriation moments and her absolute refusal to sing on key and it’s already terrible.

But this song has a message of “SUCK IT HATAZ” for critiquing her image.  So she’s shaking off any criticism of her bland, mediocre, white bread music and image that appeals to middle-of-the-road, “put-upon”, middle class America. The very same America that is notably quiet whenever an unarmed Black man is killed in cold blood.

For me, this song is the essence of “First World Problems.”  And this is not the day, the week, the month, nor the year for this shit.

Sure, that may seem like a reach for some readers, but think about it this way.  Think back to a time where you felt depressed or upset over something in your life.  Now somebody you don’t particularly like (a coworker or classmate) comes up gloating about their promotion when you know they do nothing or a great exam score on a test where they have cheated.  You wouldn’t have the time for it.

And that’s what this song is to me.  It’s Taylor Swift singing a song that say “nah nah ni boo boo” to all you minorities for not being White.

Fuck.  Her.

3) Reality TV Thoughts

On a lighter note, Project Runway and Top Chef Duels have come to television.  Since So You Think You Can Dance continues to be pretty terrible, I had high hopes for each of these shows.

Project Runway is about as average as any of the other later seasons with some confounding judging thrown in.  Three of first four episodes have handed out wins to questionable garments. Props to Tom & Lorenzo as the source of these photos.  Also, if you love celebrity fashion, Mad Men, Project Runway, or RuPaul’s Drag Race, it behooves you to frequent their site.  Also, read their book!

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The first two are from comeback contestant Amanda.  Fringe really shouldn’t be a thing.  The second two are from Sandhya.  I like the pink look with the metallic detail, but that poorly dyed, ripped shoulder, frayed edge abomination should have at least put her in the bottom.  No thanks.  That said, I do think that there’s some talent in the cast and the judges seem to be making good cuts.  I have hope that someday Michael Kors will come back.

Top Chef Duels is pretty good!  It’s a lot more low-key than your traditional Top Chef, but it brings back familiar faces and gives them space to be creative.  As a huge Gail Simmons fan, I’m glad she’s a part of the show.  I could live without Curtis Stone, but that’s not my decision.  I hope that the show does well and continues to bring back some great chefs.  (Although, go away Mike Isabella.)

Love & Hip Hop Atlanta is finally winding down after a particularly raggedy season.  When Karlie Redd is the source of your most entertaining moments, it’s time to take stock.  Seeing Rasheeda take Kirk back after complete and blatant disrespect for her, their child, his mother, their family, and her image (which is the family business) is not good television.  Seeing Erica and Scrappy be friends is nice for the sake of their daughter, they’ve been complete non-entities since we stopped seeing O’Shea Da Model and The Bambi.  Benzino continues to be neckless and ThiThi is the most obvious case of fame-hungry gold digger we’ve seen since Flavor of Love 3.  Stevie and Joseline’s soap opera relationship is not funny.  Joseline is best when talking shit about other girls, not crying about beefcake and her awful music.  Tammy & Waka are sweet but boring.  Karlie is trash on trash, but at least she gave us more terrible music and Yung Joc’s decision to air our her sexual habits.  Momma Dee & Deb are reliably fun though.

But let’s about Mimi again.  All of Mimi’s struggles, barring the death of her father, are her own doing based on her own choices.  Her absolute refusal to be told that she is wrong only serves to make her look like the weak-willed dingbat that she is. It’s painful to watch her get mad at people when she is forced to reveal her lies.  Like if you don’t want to hear what they have to say, stop going to them.  If you’re going to defend being wrong so vehemently, you’re going to continue to have to eat crow.

To be frank, I’d have cut her off when she accepted Stevie’s car.  Girl, you can’t be over him and accept things that aren’t child support.  Your dependency is showing.

But truth be told, she needs to leave the show.  Nothing has been good for her since it started and now the world knows her for being an idiot who is easily fooled and bought.  Sucks to be you.

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4) The Future Looks Bleak

If you haven’t gathered, I’m not in the happiest of places now.  As cliché and standard as it sounds, I’m used to telling myself that it will all work out. It will all be okay. But these two weeks have reminded me of the feeling of despair that I either ignored or suppressed as a part of the move.  It’s that I don’t know the future and not seeing much in the way of encouragement.  It’s not that I don’t believe God has a plan or that I believe I should have all the answers.  It just seems like I keep waking up to bad news. It’s like a nightmare. I want more than what this is for America and for my friends.  I don’t know how to tell them that, being someone who hates only tolerates melodrama/emotions.

That said, I’ll end this with simply.  I care.  I’m not great at letting people know that.  I may not ever say to your face.  But you’re cared about and I want what’s best for your mind, body, and soul.

Stay safe everyone and do your best to maintain positivity in your days.

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Y’all Can Keep Your Online Dating

Hello friends. This is Class!!!

I am currently reconstructing my life and blogging just has taken a back burner but Trash keeps coming for my wig so… Here we go.

It’s Friday which most likely means I will spend my night with wine, contemplating my life as a bachelor.

Part of my reconstruction includes my love life or rather….the lack there of. Past relationships were great when they were great but when they flopped it took a toll on my trust. So I decided, to not date and just live life as a strong, sassy, independent woman (well man). But after a couple of years and some trashy hooker wig nights (which are NONE your business. yolo my readers!), I find myself prepared to love again.

I’m young. Fun. Got my looks together… So this should be easy right? Heck no.

This is where all you happy relationship people say , “OMG you should totes online date! Have you like tried tinder? What about Plenty Of Fish?”

Girl. Shut up.

A) Despite some of my choices, I’m extremely old school and will nevah have to say “Oh, we met online”. It ain’t going down like that. I get the changing climate of dating but I’m not giving up hope that one can find love in a more organic way that doesn’t waste my data plan with Verizon.

B) A lot of people on these apps are looking for a quick hookup. When you open an introduction with “How big is your wang?” You can go stand in the middle of a busy highway and wait for me to show you. I’ll be riiiiight there.

C) Some of y’all too damn clingy. Don’t start talking long term with someone YOU HAVE NEVER MET. It drives me crazy. I was just trying to be polite and you planning on moving in together. Fuck outta here.

D) To quote Heidi Montag, “They say I’m superficial.” And I just might be, but that doesn’t change that there are some people that can make a cockroach look appealing on these apps. By the same token, those of you who use your “model” shots as your main profile pic but two pics over we see the real you in a dirty mirror selfie… I have one thing to say to youuuu…. YOU ARE NOT FOOLING ANYONE! Get outta here with that. Have me all excited thinking I found Shemar Moore but really you look like a dying mongoose.

E) If you’re married or in a seemingly serious relationship and you are on one of these apps, you are nasty and I personally hope you penis (or vagina) falls off because we know what you’re doing and it ain’t cute. And no, YOU ARE NOT JUST LOOKING FOR FRIENDS YA NASTY HOOKER.

To my relationship friends who have never had to use online dating, leave us single folk who don’t want to date online alone. TRUST ME, it is not as glamorous as the eHarmony commercials make it look.

Moral of this blog is, I have no desire to date online. So leave me be. I don’t want a profile made, nothing. When a relationship is meant to happen, it will happen.

K thanks bye!

HAPPY FRIDAY! Get them bottles poppin’!!!

Pull Over! Team Trash is Back!

Woop Woop!

Hey people, I’m finally feeling like myself again.

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Despite my good mood, y’all hoes continue to try the fuck out of it.  Let’s take a look.

“Natural Hair for White Girls”

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Where do I even start at this point?  Like don’t you all ever get tired?  This dumb broad didn’t read this and think, “Oh, I might offend everyone with my malformed attempt at satire?”  She didn’t take any time to actually look at what natural hair means to Black women.

But let’s slow down.  The first “joke” is that she is part of the most statistically oppressed group in America. This is a trap.  What you absolutely never want to do is compare your struggle in an effort to out “oppression” anyone.  Especially as a white woman.  Every person has their individual struggles and every group has a goal that they are working towards.  To recklessly make a joke about being an oppressed white woman without context is dangerous and frankly, irresponsible.

Let me pull a direct quote from this thing.

“We can’t simply refuse to shampoo and condition and get that look in the way that women of color can. This is the face and scalp of black privilege, and if we want a more cohesive society, we need to peel that black scalp back and take a look at the systems that oppress us.”

This ashy ho has somehow interpreted natural hair as not washing or maintaining hair.

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Source: RealityTVGifs)

Besides the sheer inanity of this statement, there really is a far worse implication here.  That natural hair as it grows is “dirty” and “unkempt”.  Without knowing it (because obviously she’s too dumb to function as a real member of society), she has insulted all Black women.  With the actual amount of issues black women encounter on a regular basis (included casual insults from other Black people), now is definitely not the time to sound like a slave master arguing the 3/5 rule.

“The two black women I know – Acura and Delicious, coworkers of mine – come into the teachers’ lounge every day with a sense of confidence that I could only hope to one day fake. Where does that proud sista-girl disposition come from? It comes from their exotic manes.”

Acura and Delicious are obviously real coworkers.  She didn’t make these up these “ethnic” names for the sake of insulting stereotypical Black names while also insulting their attitudes.  Why do they get to be proud of who they are?  Why do they get to enjoy their lives?  It can’t be because they worked hard to get their education degrees and obtain employment.  It can’t be because they are happy with who they are.

It must be their “dirty” afros that give the confidence that I so clearly lack because I’m not doing enough in my own life.  They are so exotic and different. I simply can’t accept their choices because it makes them different than me.

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(Source: RealityTVGifs)

 

“But, how can I have it? How can I get that ethnic flavor? How can we, as white women, cast off the shackles of the patriarchy and achieve true beauty and agency through the power of natural hair? How can we join in and have a part of that look – the part that is naturally owed to us as women?”

Because these women, Acura and Delicious, are happy ONLY BECAUSE OF THEIR HAIR, I’ve decided that I deserve that same happiness.

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I don’t just deserve it, I’m OWED it because I’m a woman.  Our struggles are EXACTLY the same and the only fix to this is for me to somehow obtain an afro.

Sorry, I have to cut the sarcasm here again.  Though this is “satire”, she still does not get how much she has just marginalized an entire group of people.  To ignore all of the actual challenges that Black women face in an effort to jokingly wonder how white women will ever catch up is so selfish and ignorant.  It truly blows my mind that the phrase “oppressed white lady hair” is actually something she typed.

For YEARS, Black people (women and men) used dangerous chemicals in order to fit in with white people.  Relaxers, weaves, and hot combs are all products used to straighten out the natural curls and kinks of our hair in order to fit the standard.  Shit, Countess Vaughn got incredibly sick because of a lace-front wig.  Madame C.J. Walker became the first Black female millionaire through hair care products.  Your “white” hair is not oppressed.  It served and continues to serve as the absolute standard of beauty for all people.  This is in fact why the natural hair counter-culture developed. Natural hair helps to empower Black women because they are allowed to believe who they are is enough.  The “instructions” that this asshole gives in order to change their look to an afro makes light of Black history and the continued struggle to assimilate into “American” culture.

The next few paragraphs of this fuckshit go on to “instruct” white women to use a combination of motor oil, Vaseline, gasoline, and bleach to strip all of the nutrients out of their hair. Making their hair so fragile and unhealthy is the key to happiness, Black lady style!

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Like I said earlier, the implication here is that the hair that grows out of Black women’s head is unhealthy, weak, and less than ideal.  Don’t forget that it’s all dirty and unkempt!  Pride comes from being a gross Black lady!

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Now listen, I’m a dude.  I’m not a woman with natural hair, so I don’t claim to be an authority on the topic.  But what I do know from discussions with my friends and family is that the power to choose how you want to look is one of the reasons that these women feel confident in themselves.  Their hair is not exotic.  Their hair is not to be mocked in some dumbass “Thought Catalog” blog because you think that you are so clever.  Making jokes about race, especially in light of the past few years, is not easy and not for the stupid.

What this woman has done in an effort to get a few chuckles is reinforce the notion that Black women are unclean and unnatural.  She has implied that Black women should not have the facility to decide how they want to look based on their own merits.  Every decision made is an attempt to embarrass white women.  There is a conspiracy to use their “gross” hair to take over.

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The fact that the editors at a blog called “Thought Catalog” didn’t see the problem with this piece is scary as well.  This was not funny, not informative, and not an opinion that we needed.  To see people defend it and frame Black people as quick to jump to offense lack basic critical reading skills.  I’ve mentioned to a few people that the worst type of racism (for me) is the complacent type who are resistant to change because it makes them uncomfortable.  They would rather not say anything and comfort themselves with the belief that it is “not me” who is being racist and therefore it’s okay.  It’s dangerous and these are the people who block change silently.  I’ll take the KKK over you any fucking day.

In addition, one of the frequent complaints that I’ve heard about feminism is their refusal to acknowledge the difference in the struggle of the minority woman.  The complete disregard of intersectionality has weakened the movement and creates more problems than the group seems to be able to solve.  To me, this article demonstrates the clear amount of disrespect that black feminists complain about.  I’m not even a woman and I’m livid.

What are your thoughts?  Do you think I’m overreacting?  (I’m not.)  Do you think that the post should be removed?  (It should.) Let me know in the comments.  Seriously, I would love to you all weigh in on the issue.

 

Fridays Are BETTER With Serena Williams

I’m having a pretty horrific Friday. This is literally what I want to do to everyone.

Porsha

 

How did I make myself smile?

Serena. Williams. Dancing.

It doesn’t get ANY better than this! Not only is she best Tennis player in the world but she is the best dancer! So please go home, practice, and take these moves to your nearest club this weekend.

But i’m in my office dying of laughter even tho I want to punch everyone in the face.

Here’s hoping you all are having a better day.

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Stay Out Of My BUSINESS

Nosey. Ass. Coworkers…. That’s that ish I DON’T LIKE!

One of the struggles about being young in the work place is that some coworkers look down upon our youth and beauty. They act like we are incapable of doing our jobs. Well, you have it twisted….check my credentials. I went on the same damn interview that you went on.

Here’s my situation:

After two years of teaching high school, I felt it was time to jump off of a sinking ship. Sure I loved the crap out of my students but love was not keeping me sane. Not willing to give up on teaching, I spent the summer searching for a new job. I stressed out all summer and then a music position FINALLY opened up. I’m really good at interviews and landed the job. This is where things got awkward…

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I am a band guy. Frankly strings (especially middle school age) irritate me. Well…..SURPRISE I’m required to teach band and ORCHESTRA! The other surprise? The previous director WAS PULLED FROM HER POSITION and is STILL ON STAFF.

Nene Drink

Let me tell you about this ho. She is the f*g 3000 girl (F*g 3000). She is the one I had to block on Facebook because she tried to rat me out about some bull (that was none of her BUSINESS). She constantly comes knocking on my door, looking around my classroom, asking to borrow my lesson plans, and being down right ANNOYING. This morning she comes to me…”did you skip the clinic last weekend?”

Jersey Shore Fight

Bitch, are you having a good day?! Don’t answer because I DON’T CARE! Stop worrying about my life. No, I did not go on Saturday and the other BAND DIRECTORS (which you are no longer one of) knew. I have the email saved as proof you jerk. I am so sick of her meddling in my business. Girl, even if I left next year you STILL WOULDN’T GET YOUR JOB BACK because you are NOT good at what you do. Fall Back. Even when she bought a new car, it became “Now you don’t have the newest car anymore ::giggles aways::” Trick, are you FIVE YEARS OLD?

She has one more time to shade me about my eating habits. “I know you’re watching your figure but…” “No one on staff sees you eat?” “Why do you workout so much.” I just want to say…look at me….now look at yourself. I’ll keep doing what I’m doing while you down 35 sodas in a day, eat all the fried, processed, terrible foods for your body; YET you still complain about turning 40, being single, and having high blood pressure and diabetes. You don’t want to this to me.

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I’m not a damn kid. You do not have to babysit me. Stay out of my office, classroom, and email inbox. No one likes you. You are mean, nosy, and you look like a garden gnome. I have had it with you trying to throw me under the bus. Have you noticed, that your students don’t miss you? I’m not the one you want to play with. Okay?!

Thank you and GOOD. DAY.

Nene Hairflip

Y’all have annoying coworkers or nah? Comment, follow, and all that jazz!

Love ya for reading!!!

You Must Be Out of Your Mind

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I’m sorry to keep ranting but who the FUCK made this?

This is literally one of the dumbest things I have ever seen. If you are willing to have sex with a woman under any circumstance, you are responsible for the outcome.  Whether it’s a child or that deadly gonorrhea, whatever happened is the responsibility of both you and the lady.  I am SICK of men trying to duck the responsibilities of raising a child when you are the reason it exists.  It doesn’t matter what the woman did to you, it doesn’t matter what you wanted, you had sex with her and impregnated her.

That child has done nothing to hurt you.  

That child deserves the very best that life has to offer.

You are responsible for providing for that child.

You want to know what prevents pregnancy?  Masturbation.  You want to know what helps prevent pregnancy?  Condoms.  If you don’t have enough self control and enough brainpower to know that the withdrawal method is load of horse shit, you probably should be sterilized.

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Source: StraighfromtheA.com)

Stop blaming these women for not wanting to have abortions.

Stop trying to force women to have abortions.

Stop blaming women because you were too stupid to use protection.

Stop blaming women because you aren’t man enough to take care of your kids.

Stop blaming women because you weren’t raised right.

THIS IS YOUR FAULT!

PREGNANCY IS YOUR FAULT!

THAT CHILD IS YOUR RESPONSIBILITY!

It is 2014!  We shouldn’t have to keep saying this to you.  If you don’t want to have kids, take the steps to prevent pregnancy.  Always use your own non-expired condom (and don’t keep it in your wallet).  Make sure you don’t lay down with any woman who you don’t want to have a child with.  Don’t have sex with just any trick from the club.

You mean to tell me you don’t have enough self control to sleep alone for a night? Weak ass…

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Okay, let me calm down.

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We live in a world where too many kids are being raised in single parent homes.  The thing about it is that kids should not be forced to live without knowing both of their parents.  Regardless of the circumstances related to their birth. Just because you don’t want to have anything to do with his or her mother, that does not mean the child should suffer because you are immature.

Too many men are running around acting like children because you weren’t raised to own up to your choices and mistakes.  The moment you decide to be sexually active, you have made the decision that you are ready to be a father.  If you aren’t ready for that, you need to take REAL steps to prevent it from happening.  And if it does happen and that woman decides to give birth, you should immediately make changes to take care of your child.  Actively choosing to deprive your child of the very best makes you scum.  As far as I’m concerned, you can burn in hell.  But that’s just me.

I’m going to take my rage out on video games.  Leave your thoughts below.

Hug a Teacher Day

::Taps Microphone::

Is this on? Good. Forgive the coarse language but I am FRUSTRATED.

On Saturday, I have to wake up at 4:30 in the morning. I then have to drive an hour to my job, load a bus at 6 am, to take ONE student TWO AND A HALF HOURS AWAY to Junior Region Orchestra Auditions. And NO, this in not a one weekend deal. I OFTEN find myself getting up at the crack of dawn in order to give my students all the opportunities that they deserve.

Now. Some folks out there think that teaching is easy. “Those that can’t do…teach”.  Some say teachers are OVERPAID (Bitch….BYE!). Some say, “why are you complaining….you have the WHOLE summer off.” Well f*ck you too. Teaching is HARD. WORK. You know when you’re in a grocery store of annoying kids and teenagers…well I get classrooms full of them all day. Together. In one room.

No this is not a rant against the general public’s view of teachers either. Don’t be worried. I’m also going to rant about my trifling, piece of shit, administration. SO it snowed everywhere and we lost two weeks of school. Luckily we do not have to make it up on Saturdays! (Praise report!!!!) But we have to find 25 additional hours tutoring or working Gate Duties at sporting events to make this up. Now, everyday I give up my planning, lunch duties, and after school hours working to give my all to my band and orchestra students.

Now I’m almost POSITIVE that my bitchass principal will be sleeping cozily at 4:30 am on Saturday when I am working a full damn day of listening to middle school orchestra auditions.  I’m also sure that NEXT week when I’m at all-state auditions his ass will be asleep. OH and the weekend after that… two days of all county band, which he won’t show up to, that I’M hosting…..he will relax all day with his family. I’m not looking for a pat on the back. I AM looking for him to realize that, I’m already working OVER my allotted time. ON A REGULAR BASIS. I do not HAVE to do any of this shit. It is NOT in my contract. BUT if I were not to attend these events…I would be viewed as a lousy teacher.

I said it yesterday but…I’m DONE with teaching. DONE. Y’all give us 2 cents a day, work us to death, I got no planning today because we have a meeting FOLLOWED by a staff meeting after school…and they could not give a shit. Y’all can even give us a free meal once and a while??? Meanwhile, people are doing basic ass jobs and make more than me and are much more respected. “Oh you teach middle school? Ohhh that sucks.” Teaching is not about money. I get that. I truly enjoy building meaning and lasting relationships with the student body, while getting the chance to teach music. However, I deserve to be treated better. Maybe if we gave teachers the respect that they deserve (and the pay…let be real), there wouldn’t be so many raggedy, angry, lazy, disgruntled, frustrated, terrible, and miserable teachers. All of the GOOD teachers get the entire f*ck out of teaching because they find it’s not worth it.

So today…Go hug a teacher or tell one you appreciate what they have done for you. We TRULY need it. Remember, “Teachers make all other professions possible.”

And YES, I’m still staying positive this week. I ain’t say NOTHING about containing my frustration though.