Ciara

The Purge with Class, Trash, & Asian Sensation

So I just saw a commercial for the Purge Anarchy and thought that this would be a fun quickie post.  And since Asian Sensation is here, she’s going to join me! The challenge is to come up with the first three people you’re taking out if the purge actually happened?

Let’s get started!

Asian Sensation

1) Rihanna

poitup

 

She’s just a terrible human being.  She can’t really sing.  I don’t love her music.  She’s a cyber bully.  An attention whore.  And I just don’t like her.

Don’t call people “Rice Cake.”  I’m Asian.  That’s racist.

Also, don’t come for Ciara.  THE. END.

ny40

2) Miley Cyrus

 

 

smashing!

Also an attention whore.  She needs to stop twerking. White people!  She didn’t invent twerking!  Please cover up your pancakes.  (Her weirdly shaped butt). Stop grinding up on married men.

3) Johnny Manziel

manziel

You’re the king of the douchebags.

Trash

1) Kirk Frost

Rasheeda-and-Kirk-Frost-SFTA-2

 

The epitome of the ain’t shit men who get away with less than shit.  The kind of simpering, chapped lipped, pleather wearing asshole who eats paste.

2) Ann Coulter

hourse

 

It’s one thing to be an asshole for Cable News checks.  It’s another to continue to speak when your 15-minutes of fame has run out and the only reason we still hear from you is because Twitter is free.

3) Everyone Who Hasn’t Washed Their Hands after using the Restroom.

lilnasty

Class

1) The President of FedLoan 

bills

I’m clearing my debt.  Enough said.

2) Taylor Swift

tayryu

I’m taking out Taylor Swift.  Stealing her money.  And returning her Grammy for Album of the Year to the right owner.  Beyonce for “I Am Sasha Fierce.”

3) George Zimmerman

zim

Cuz we ain’t forgot.  NUCCA.

Share your list party people!

Advertisements

Celebrity Jury: Bow Wow

What’s up, what’s happening??

Now it’s been a while since we have had a court session.  You can catch up here, here, and here! Let’s talk about Shad Moss.  L’il Bow Wow.  Mr. 106 & Park!

LIL-BOW-WOW-TYRA

Get into those luxurious locks!  Let’s get started.

Fact: Bow Wow has some jams.

Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaass!

harlem

snoopdance

 

Don’t be mad!

Fact: This Bow Wow and Omarion thing happened…

bow-wow-o

You know how Watch The Throne was like super successful?  This was the Dollar General version of that.  And it was trash.  The songs were trash.  The only quality thing we got from this was Bow Wow’s sass.

“We gone own the forff quarter!
And if you don’t jump on the bandwagon now…”

::neck roll:: ::finger wave::

This song was trash.  Even if you liked it, you were wrong.

Fact: Bow Wow is not ugly.

Short, yes.  Ugly, no.

bowwow

Fact: Remember him dating Ciara??

Ciara, girl those notes!

Fact: You didn’t think I forgot Marco Polo, did you????

Miley-Cyrus-twerking-1

Fact: Roll Bounce is the worst.

rollbounce

Nope.  Not even a little.  This movie was terrible in every way.

Fact: Bow Wow is realistic.

Currently, Bow Wow is a host on 106 & Park.  This was a show where he dominated the countdowns and was a featured guest at one point.  I remember people clowning him for taking the gig as it was acceptance that he was no longer famous anymore.  I might have even done it.

But let’s get real, times are hard for those stars who came up in the early 2000’s.  It was a different time and sound that is now considered dated by most. So instead of going hungry, Shad took a job that pays consistently and keeps him employed.  He’s not out here scooting across Queen Latifah’s floor or releasing videos with the World Star Hip Hop tag.

So I’m not going to dis finding a way to stay paid without resorting to super flop ass records.

getmoney

Fact: Azimiz???

Fact: Bow Wow led to the best Catfish episode ever.

D-Pimpin: My name is Bow Wow.

    Nev: Your name is not Bow Wow.  What’s your name.

D-Pimpin: Shad Moss.

Did you all watch this episode?  It was incredible.  Part-time model/McDonald’s cashier thinks that Bow Wow is in love with her after a Facebook message response.  She also receives $10,000 which is how she knows it’s real.

D-Pimpin is a struggle rapper/mooch who gets money from her “mixtape” and uses a lambskin dildo to trick unsuspecting straight women.

It is all so AMAZING!

Verdict: Why not?

You know, I went into this thinking that the Bow Wow verdict would be a huge no, but honestly, I like Bow Wow.

Sure he hasn’t had any chart success recently, but he’s managed to get himself attached to the Fast & Furious franchise, keep a steady pay check, and he has some tunes that I jam to.  He hit some financial troubles but so did everyone associated with Jermaine Dupri.  Even Jermaine Dupri.  I just hope Dem Franchise Boyz are set.

So you know, team Bow Wow.  Let’s end with another sassy video clip from the Bow Wow/Omarion days.

claws

“I GOT THE VOICE” ~Effie White… Not Jhene Aiko. Bye Girl

Jhene Aiko.

Ma’am. You can not sing. The song is cute but you can not SING. You are dismissed.

Bloop

Now I know that we all come with different voices. Not everyone can be a Whitney, Mariah, Beyonce, Gaga…hell Miley Cyrus or Demi (they have a voices y’all. Especially Miss Demi…girl can BLOW but is stuck in this pop lane.) Heck Janet Jackson is not a belter or the strongest but she can out dance and out coo your fav. She can make you shimmy and then put you in your feelings. Don’t believe me? Go listen to “If” and then put on “I Get So Lonely.”

I digress. Jhene you are the worst. (okay she’s not the worst ::glares at this new Ashanti song and album::). She is BASIC and y’all are going to stop running around like she is the TRUTH. Wait until Jojo releases an album and shows y’all how to SING. Hell Tori Kelly is making her coins singing at charity events and YouTube gatherings and she can sing CIRCLES around you little girl.

Okay. She’s not really that OFFENSIVE. BUT the song is hella basic and the vocals are so lackluster. OVER IT. What I am HERE for is Jojo REHEARSING “Rapture of Love”. Again…REHEARSING…

In 16 seconds Jojo does what your fav can’t. (Remember that time Britney Spears said she had “whiplash” from whipping her hair too hard? BYE ASHY!) Listen when this vocal queen releases her album it’s going to EVERYTHING (it better not get in the way of Bey taking all of the Grammys tho.) While we are talking about Bey…. If this tour rumor is true…My body is ready AND not ready all at once. BITCH. PARTITION LIVE?! AND I GET TO GET MY HOODRAT ON WITH THE FEW JAY-Z SONGS I KNOW?! Bitch. BITCH.

tumblr_mvcu6aPPya1slkg21o1_400

What needs to NOT happen is all the hoodrats trying to see Jay snatching tickets before I get mine. OKAY?!

Happy Thursday Y’all!!

She TRIED that.

Dear Drag Ladies.

We have GOT to stop putting out music. Let just stop.

Now I am a Phi Phi O’hara fan. I am one of ….well I might be the only one. Take a look at her highlight reel.

 

 

Back to the point. While I support Phi Phi and her rudeness (Trash says I would be like her on the show…thats a lie. I’m ACTUALLY a sweet person) I can NOT AND WILL NOT STAND FOR HER MUSIC CAREER.

I can’t believe she got studio time. I can’t believe they gave her a bigger music video budget than Ciara has. I can’t believe she thinks singing is for her. AND YOU KNOW WHAT THE KICKER IS?! She has more money, fame, and success than I do. Girl lets have a sing off. RIGHT. NOW. Time to get my drag together cause this basic bitch life ain’t for me.

So on this here Wednesday, I‘m going to tell Miss Phi Phi to hang up her microphone next to Ashanti’s, Nina Sky, Blu Cantrell, and Lumidee. We are TIRED.


That is all.

 

clearlyumm

Ashanti…Waffle House called…You are LATE to work.

Girl WHAT?! I know i’m late and Trash did a post BUT….

I was sitting here bored as crap. Ashanti came up on one of my playlists which caused me to see what she was doing with her life…

WELL.

 

Ma’am. WHAT IS THIS?! I get that we live in a Beyonce and Lady Gaga world and you feel the need to put on a production. But girl you coulda kept this performance back in 1999 where it belongs. I really tried to like it because the beat is cute…but she up there lookin like someones drunk auntie at the famiy reunion. Also….RAISE YOUR HAND IF YOU KNEW SHE RELEASED AN ALBUM THIS YEAR! HUH?! Not everyone can pull off a surprise album release. Wait. It wasn’t a surprise? Oh. I have questions. Also Rihanna wants her body rolls back….

Maybe the actual recorded version is this bad??? Maybe I can get Trash to listen to the album!!!! This seems like his style! ::body rolls:: (side note: the album version is just as bad)

Ashanti…time is up. Go do something…ANYTHING else. Ciara watch out because this might be you if you don’t work hard after the baby…

A Tribute: #LoveJo

As you all know, we here at Class & Trash love us some Joanna Levesque, better known as Jojo as evidenced here.

lovejo

Yesterday, this queen released an EP via Soundcloud and we HAVE to talk about it.  Class’s comments are in Ole Miss red while Trash’s comments are Duke blue.

Caught Up In The Rapture

bodyroll1 hiproll1

Listen, if there was ever a girl who should cover Anita Baker, it was Jojo with her sickening alto, clear and accurate runs, and ability to convey emotion with her voice.

When the gorgeous opening stops and “INTERNZ, IT’S THE REMIX!”

ciara

Her ability to jump fifths and octaves mid-run is unparalleled.  Come on QUEEN!

The vocal dexterity from 4:13 to 4:33 is just all I could have asked for.

I guess Trash was trying to give y’all a music theory lesson lol…Anyways her voice is like the FINEST piece of Red Velvet cake here. It’s just oozes with sensuality….And the beat drops…and there is no looking back. Flawless. FLAWLESS. FLAWLESS. It just does not get any better musically. Young singers, this is how you riff without over doing. Sickening. 

Take Me Home

Jojo doing Phil Collins?? WHAT? And adding a hoodrat bop to the back?

sundropbootypop

And she killed it!

Her ad libs into and during the last chorus.  Full vocal bliss.  Her voice is just so seductive and adds a sensual quality to a beautiful, but admittedly cold original song. 

But this was just a glimpse of the head voice goodness she was about to give us.

Phil Collins. Jojo stole your song and made it 1,000,000 times better. Sorry no sorry. That’s all I have to say about that. I’m going to continue to do a body roll up against my wall. 

Glory

The first note…

yas

The second Glory????

yas

Listen here, Jojo, you didn’t have to do this to us!  We praise her for her lower register, but this! You can’t tell her she isn’t a soprano here.

THESE RUNS….MY GOODNESS!

yas

The richness of her voice, her ability to jump between octaves, the minor 3rds.  YOU SICKENING WENCH, I CAN’T STAND YOU!!!!

The note at 1:20!!!!  MY JESUS!

Sheldon-ThrowsPapers

I’m not even writing sentences anymore. There’s nothing that I can say that could even compare to the flawlessness that is Glory. 

I….. don’t…. have words…..Whitney Houston is up in Heaven wavering her hand at this recording because it is THAT PERFECT. 

Overall

This is absolutely her best work and if this is what she has in store for her album, you hoes better beware.  Jojo is back and ready to snatch all of the wigs!  EVERY LAST ONE OF THEM!

December 13th Beyonce took all of my hair, edges included. I finally saw new growth on February 13th….On the 14th Jojo took the new growth and took some of my scalp. Jojo is NOT playing. She has not been able to release music in YEARS and she is letting us know to not even bother releasing music in 2014. Nope. Don’t do it. If you haven’t listened to this work….do it now or don’t talk to us. 

No ACTUAL Talent? Get OUTTA Here!

Move.

anigif_enhanced-buzz-11894-1386921238-7

I am annoyed. Why?

I love most shows on Bravo. I can sit all damn and waste it away watching everything on Bravo (except when they play actual movies ::snoozefest::). They all have lives that I want. The life where you wake up, drink mimosas, shop, nap, go out with yo friends,  cuss someone out, and repeat. Tired of that routine? They take a random trip to South Africa or Morocco dahhhhling.  It’s genius television. I love the cute music that some of the bravo-lebrities have given us. “Tardy for the Party” goes hard, “Chic Ce L’est Vie” taught me how to live, and “Money Can’t Buy You Class” is my personal anthem. (Stay classy y’all)

And then “Vanderpump Rules” Season 2 happened. I never cared  that much to watch this show until this scene….

Yes GAWD…. *SPOILER* After all of that the “dirty f*cking whore” did “bang” her boyfriend. ::rolls-eyes – #WhiteGirlProblems::

ANYWAY, the thing that pissed me off is that this show introduced me to aspiring singer Scheana Marie. BYE ASHY.

ByeAshy

 

LISTEN. We have GOT to stop letting basic trollops with TERRIBLE voices get on stages to perform. I COULD USE THAT STAGE (AND PAYCHECK) BETTER. I get that they may like to perform; but learn to act, mime, or ANYTHING that doesn’t involve….SINGING. Even mediocre singers of today have more talent than this trick. Britney could dance, Cassie…is pretty, Rihanna keeps giving us catchy hits, and Ciara…. Uhhh…..she gave us “Goodies” and is a glowing pregnant woman. ALSO F*CK the girl in the video for saying Scheana was awesome. That’s why you got slapped later in the season. Ho. Sit. Down.

Where in the entire heck is my record deal/reality TV show. I have questions. What I do know is that we have got to stand up and say NO to raggedy performers.

I’m out.

tumblr_mf52sfToS31rcd0aoo1_250