Guest Post

Guest Post: Instagram’s Explore Page

Editorial Note: Welcome Sass back into the fray for another hilarious post about how you’re fucking up on a daily basis. -Team Trash

The Instagram Explore Page…where the shitty taste of my friends gathers and kills my soul.

Earlier this year…or maybe late last year…or maybe earlier last year? Fuck it, I don’t know, sometime before today, Instagram updated their Popular page to become the Explore page. Before, the Popular page was a place where the most liked pictures on Instagram were showcased. There you could see Kim Kardashian’s newest selfie (even though you don’t follow her, but 10 million other people do) or the latest vegetable that Oprah picked from her garden (because, Queen). Even if you don’t follow them, you were able to see what was popular at the time.

And then that changed.

Now, the Explore page displays a mix of pictures popular in your country, pictures your friends have liked and people similar to the people that you follow. It’s more a platform to discover, or explore (see what they did there?) the world outside of themselves and their immediate circle. Sometimes, there are some good finds there; for example, Mankofit with her killer workout tips, DanaChanel and her inspirational messages, and Oprah with her vegetable garden (because, Queen). But other times…Lord Jesus, bless it. The ratchetry of some of my friends is out, about, and pushed to the forefront of my feed.

Here are the top 5 terrible things I can ALWAYS count on seeing on the Explore page:

1.)  Instagram Models and Boutiques – I probably brought this on myself, honestly, because I follow Draya, but there are A LOT of Instagram models and boutiques featured here. There’s a lot of mesh, a ton of weave, breast, butt and lip augmentation and flesh that I don’t need. Usually, these “fashions” can be purchased on the low – bandage, cut out dresses made of mesh can be purchased for $15.99, which includes shipping, handling, tax, service fees, production costs and materials. These “models” have booking information for club appearances and fully styled “I woke up like this” pictures. Yeah, okay.

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2.)  The Half-Naked Boys – Some of these half naked boys are models of either the Instagram or legitimate variety. Others of them are regular people, stunting for their thirsty Instagram followers, whit their pants halfway removed, giving us pubic hair and six-packs, while they brush their teeth with the caption, “Morning.” Boy, stop.I don’t know how these end up on my page, but my eyes are dead set on people I follow (lowers glasses and glares at Trash). Sometimes you get shirtless, sometimes you get pantsless, and sometimes you get an ass clap/twerk video with the caption, “Bored.” I’m never ready for those videos.

(Editor’s Note: I don’t know what Sass is talking about.  I keep it sophisticated and elegant at all times.  Maybe she should check Class)

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3.)  Philosophical Posts from the Ignorant and Highly Uninformed – Everyone is not bright. We know this. The second I find out which of my friends likes posts like the one below, they’re unfollowed. Dead ass. Ebola can be treated and cured, just like you can HIV? Okay, boss. Catch both, and tell me which one clears up first. Honest to God, one of the comments said that they won’t tell you that drinking Lysol cures HIV and they’re keeping that information from us, too. You’re right, medical professionals just won’t tell us that. How rude of them.

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4.)  Memes – The first go ‘round of memes are usually funny. And then they’re not. Let Olivia from The Cosby Show, Kermit and the tea, the “this could be us, but…,” and all the other dead memes go to their much deserved eternal slumber. They don’t need their own accounts and they most certainly don’t need new life every single day. Are some funny? Certainly? Are most? NOPE! Be mindful of your meme usage, ladies and gents. Send Terrio to school, draw on LeBron’s hairline, cure that awkward looking Black girl of her perpetual confusion, and give that struggle ponytail a weave. However, Kim’s cry face and the Martin Baker on the phone memes will never get old to me. Also, any Rihanna face usually makes for a good time. Just be accurate in the captions.

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5.)  Food posts – Honestly, I don’t have an issue with these, I just needed a fifth and Trash didn’t answer his phone when I needed another suggestion (I set myself up with five, I should have gone for three). I even think that CookinForBae is amazing. This bitch be hungry. Keep sharing those, I need them.

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(Editorial Note: Trash can in fact confirm that this did not happen.  However, I did just see a large man in a taupe sleeveless top with a cowl neck on my Explore page, so carry on.)

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The Return of Trashy Thursday

Two posts in two days! It’s almost as if someone runs this blog again.

Today it’s time for another Trashy Thursday where we discuss some of my favorite tunes for the basic.  Let’s get started.

Gigolo – Nick Cannon f. R. Kelly

On the suggestion of Sass, we thought that we should bow down and pay homage to the King of Corny, Nick Cannon.  While he is mostly the worst, he has created some hilarious moments a la this song. Also, if Amber Rose gets with him, I’d be shocked.  Mariah would cut someone.

Sally Got a One Track Mind – Diamond D & The Psychotic Neurotics

Now this is another fantastic Sass suggestion.  This is a little more serious than our normal Trashy Thursday fare, but it’s real life.  Sally is a nasty girl out here doing a lot with her life.  Is that you??

Bloop

Blowjob Betty – Too $hort

Speaking of nasty girls, here’s Too $hort’s version of that song.  It’s more ignorant than the cautionary tale above, but just as real.

Whistle While You Twerk – Ying Yang Twins

What the world needs now is a Ying Yang Twins reunion and a resurgence of crunk.  Now excuse me while I bop around my house.

icekingtwerk

Yasss Bitch – Nicki Minaj

Now I’m not the biggest fan on Nicholas. We know this.  But re-purposing one of my favorite Vines ever??  That’s how it’s done.  Click here for the original Vine.

So that’s it.  Sorry it’s a short one, but you’ll be fine.  I’ll end it with my favorite new Vine.

Like who didn’t do this in high school when you had off-campus lunch?? Byeeeee!

ByeAshy

The Legend of Ratchetbelle

Shakespeare  once said, “A rose by any other name would smell as sweet.”

Aretha Franklin once said, “A rose is still a rose…Baby Girl, you’re still a flower.”

I bring you these wise words, not only to demonstrate how overused roses and floral imagery are in literary and artistic works, but to set  myself up for the story of how I love my friends, Class and Trash.

Sass here, reporting  for duty.

A little over a week ago, I returned from a much needed trip to see my boys. My favorite duo, Class and Trash. Well, really I went to see Trash, but Class can’t turn down a good time, and just happened to be in the area at the same time, accompanied by my newest boo thang Dash. We spent an entire weekend laughing, laughing until we cried, eating, cackling, guffawing and just fellowshipping in a way that most people will never experience in a lifetime. At a stressful and transitional time in all of our lives, I have to admit that this was well needed and much deserved.

The weekend began when I was picked up by a car of black men, one wearing a du-rag, as if I were some kind of Instagram honey, getting flown out to be tip drilled by the squad. You don’t know me well, but I don’t do those things anymore. This was hours after my plane was originally scheduled to arrive, so I arrived under the guise of night, with plans to turn alllllllllll the way up firmly implanted in my brain. Just as an FYI, we went to Trash’s beautiful apartment where an unfortunate bottle of Fireball dared to challenge us. Don’t worry – we handled that within a number of minutes.

We went to a bar, which didn’t give two shits or a damn about my vagina, if you catch my drift. The bartender there, though, God bless him. I’m positive that he hasn’t yet met a liver that he hasn’t destroyed, with his $3 drinks that were composed of 95% alcohol with a splash of mixer. This is not an exaggeration.  I have a healthy appetite for alcohol, and even I had to ask the bartender for an extra cup of the mixer so that my liver wouldn’t commit suicide on the first night. If there’s one thing that I know, it’s that a weekend with Class and Trash will have your liver praying to King Jesus to bring it home. I needed to pace myself so as to not lose on night one. No one likes that person.

I took my first praise break of the weekend during a 1:30 trip to Zaxby’s. If you’ve never been to Zaxby’s, you have 99 problems, and that is most definitely one.

On Saturday, we prospered and flourished, while sitting on the couch watching Orange is the New Black until about 5 PM. I mean, Class went for a run, because he’s the only one who is apparently serious about his position during the upcoming cuffing season. The rest of us got Chik-Fil-A. Agree or disagree with their policies, but that chicken is scrumptious. “When Jesus says ‘YES,’ nobody can say ‘NO'”

yas

That night, two groups went out. Me and my new lifelong best friend Asian Sensation went to a club where Trey Songz was “performing,” while Class, Trash and Dash went to another bar. I’m not one to gossip, so you didn’t hear this from me, but only four people went back to Trash’s house that evening *sips tea and lowers spectacles.*

Bloop

Since there were only a few of us going back to the apartment, we got CookOut and I had my second praise break of the weekend. Again, if you’ve never had CookOut, please call a friend because you’re not living right.

cookout_tray

So remember how I said only four people returned to Trash’s casa on Saturday night? Let me tell you how said person sauntered into the house on Sunday morning just as chipper as can be. The rest of us didn’t let said person CUM into the house without us all coming for their NECK. We made sure to GET IN THAT ASS with all the jokes that a good HAND JOB could muster (okay, that one was a stretch, but I heard said person needed to stretch after their night out, too). There’s nothing to do after an amazingly fun night out besides go to brunch. And continue to drink. Excessively. For hours. It would have been rude not to. We spent the rest of the day clowning at the pool, because drunk swimming is awesome. Another friend, ATRIPP, took us out around her hood, and we had a blast at a private party, like Trash didn’t need to be at work bright and early at 8 AM.

Now let’s come back full circle, friends. Remember how I gave you those inspiring and riveting quotes about roses at the beginning? And the title is, “The Legend of Ratchetbelle?” Let’s go back there, shall we?

I live across the country from ALL of my friends. Where I live, I have friends, but it is the East Coast that knows me, loves me and allows me to be unapologetically me. When I come back to this side of the world, my friends show up, show out and get down. Which has somehow earned me a nickname…they call me Ratchetbelle. Similar to Tinkerbelle, I fly in, sprinkle you with Ratchet Dust and everyone seems to fly high and leave their manners, good sense and panties at home.

Ladies and gentlemen, I am the victim of a slander campaign. Don’t let Class, Trash, Dash, Asian Sensation or ATRIPP fool you into thinking that any of the good times mentioned this weekend are because of me. Whether you call me a rose, Sass or Ratchetbelle, I can’t take credit for the gut busting that laughter caused this weekend. These good times are because of US. A group of friends who wholeheartedly love each other, and enjoy the good things that each person bring to our lives. I could have visited these people in South Africa during Apartheid, and we probably would have made each other laugh, love and live as freely as we did.

The value of a genuine friend is something that everyone should know. I am honored to have spent my time with these people, and I truly cannot wait until all of our paths cross again. With or without my Ratchet Dust.

So to Class, Trash, Dash, Asian Sensation, ATRIPP and everyone else I saw that didn’t get a shout out because this entry is too long already: Thank you for being a friend. Traveled round the world and back again. Your heart is true; you’re a pal and a confidant. *DUN DUN DUNNNNN* And if you threw a party…invited everyone you knew….you would see the biggest gift would be from me, and the card attached would say (all together now) THANK YOU FOR BEING A FRIEND.

xxoo, Sass.

The Purge with Class, Trash, & Asian Sensation

So I just saw a commercial for the Purge Anarchy and thought that this would be a fun quickie post.  And since Asian Sensation is here, she’s going to join me! The challenge is to come up with the first three people you’re taking out if the purge actually happened?

Let’s get started!

Asian Sensation

1) Rihanna

poitup

 

She’s just a terrible human being.  She can’t really sing.  I don’t love her music.  She’s a cyber bully.  An attention whore.  And I just don’t like her.

Don’t call people “Rice Cake.”  I’m Asian.  That’s racist.

Also, don’t come for Ciara.  THE. END.

ny40

2) Miley Cyrus

 

 

smashing!

Also an attention whore.  She needs to stop twerking. White people!  She didn’t invent twerking!  Please cover up your pancakes.  (Her weirdly shaped butt). Stop grinding up on married men.

3) Johnny Manziel

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You’re the king of the douchebags.

Trash

1) Kirk Frost

Rasheeda-and-Kirk-Frost-SFTA-2

 

The epitome of the ain’t shit men who get away with less than shit.  The kind of simpering, chapped lipped, pleather wearing asshole who eats paste.

2) Ann Coulter

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It’s one thing to be an asshole for Cable News checks.  It’s another to continue to speak when your 15-minutes of fame has run out and the only reason we still hear from you is because Twitter is free.

3) Everyone Who Hasn’t Washed Their Hands after using the Restroom.

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Class

1) The President of FedLoan 

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I’m clearing my debt.  Enough said.

2) Taylor Swift

tayryu

I’m taking out Taylor Swift.  Stealing her money.  And returning her Grammy for Album of the Year to the right owner.  Beyonce for “I Am Sasha Fierce.”

3) George Zimmerman

zim

Cuz we ain’t forgot.  NUCCA.

Share your list party people!

Rating the Players NFL Draft

Joining me tonight is a Guest Blogger, The Asian Sensation!  I suggested Smash since she wants to smash the players of the draft, but she said no!

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Just so we’re clear, this is not about their playing ability.  This is about how bang-able the player is.  The scale will be from 1 to 10.  Join in at the bottom!

1) Houston Texans: Jadaveon Clowney from South Carolina

clowney

Asian Sensation: He has a nice smile and good body.  I can deal with the dreds but the Draft Day hairstyle.  6/10

Trash: That hair though…  But he’s very average looking  in a good way. 5/10

Except for that bump on his lip. Minus one for each of us.

Overall Average: 4.5/10

2) St. Louis Rams: Greg Robinson from Auburn

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Asian Sensation: Ooh… I am not happy with this selection. 3/10

Trash: AHHHH! That gap.  I’m convinced that golddiggers settle when they end up with Offensive Linemen.  Those eyebrows. 3/10

Overall Average: 3/10

3) Jacksonville Jaguars: Blake Bortles from UCF

bortles

Trash: He’s okay. He’s an average athletic white guy.  Bangable.  Not marriage material.  4.5/10

Asian Sensation: He looks way better after Greg! He’s cuter in motion than he is in pictures.  5/10

Overall Average: 4.75/10

4) Buffalo Bills: Sammy Watkins from Clemson

watkins

Asian Sensation: Great player.  He is really busted though.  3/10

Trash: Umm…I’m not feeling this one.  I’m not here for an edge-up with your dreds starting an inch back.  It’s not a good look.  3/10

Overall Average: 3/10

5) Oakland Raiders: Khalil Mack from Buffalo

NCAA Football: Bowling Green at Buffalo

Trash: He’s okay looking.  I mean, I’m not throwing my panties at him.  4.5/10

Asian Sensation: He leaves a lot to be desired but that’s about the best you can do as an offensive lineman. 5/10

Overall Average: 4.75/10

6) Atlanta Falcons: Jake Matthews from Texas A&M

matthews

Asian Sensation: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! He is so ugly! 2/10

Trash: His face is odd?  Yeah, he looks like a fat baby.  I’m not interested.  2/10

Overall Average: 2/10

7) Tampa Bay Buccaneers: Mike Evans from Texas A&M

evans

Trash: Well, he’s the best so far.  #heyboo As long as that’s not your daughter.  But he’s missing a tooth so that’s a half point deduction… 6/10

Asian Sensation: Definitely agree with you on the best so far.  6.5/10

Overall Average: 6.25/10

8) Cleveland Browns: Justin Gilbert from Oklahoma State

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Asian Sensation: ::raises eyebrows:: Not missing any teeth, looking good.  6/10

Trash: Maybe this is turning around.  He’s cute.  Hey boo!  7/10

Overall Average: 6.5/10

9) Minnesota Vikings: Anthony Barr from UCLA

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Trash: Can I hit in the moaaanin?!  8/10

Asian Sensation: New Favorite!  Move over Gilbert! 7.5/10

Overall Average: 7.75/10

10) Detroit Lions: Eric Ebron from North Carolina

ebron

Asian Sensation: He’s not Anthony Barr, but he’s kind of cute.  Things are slowly turning around. 5.5/10

Trash: A little disappointing after my new man, Anthony.  5/10

Overall Average: 5.25/10

11) Tennessee Titans: Taylor Lewan from Michigan

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Trash: Nope.  That’s going to be no from me sir.  Thanks for playing though.  3/10

Asian Sensation: I thought he was fat cute.  But now he’s just fat.  3/10

Overall Average: 3/10

12) New York Giants: Odell Beckham, Jr. from LSU

beckhams

Asian Sensation: ::stands up:: YAAAAAASS!!! HE IS FOINE!!! Please cut off that mohawk and we can have sex. 8.5/10

Trash: That hair is offensive.  But also hey! Keep licking your lips, boo.  Here for you. 9/10

Overall Average: 8.75/10

13) St. Louis Rams: Aaron Donald from Pittsburgh

Aaron Donald

Trash: He’s not exactly cute, but drunk in the club, I’d make out with him. 5/10

Asian Sensation: Can we bring Odell back? 4/10

Overall Average: 4.5/10

14) Chicago Bears: Kyle Fuller from Virginia Tech

fuller

Asian Sensation: He looks Blasian.  He’s okay by me.  5/10

Trash: The skin is definitely a problem.  He looks like  Bobby Valentino on HGH.  3/10

Overall Average: 4/10

15) Pittsburgh Steelers: Ryan Shazier from Ohio State

shazier

Trash: He reminds me of Buddha from I Love New York.  But not hot.  4/10

Asian Sensation: I don’t like his shiny bald head.  Among other things… 4.5/10

Overall Average: 4.25/10

16) Dallas Cowboys: Zack Martin for Notre Dame

martin

Asian Sensation: Just nah… 3.5/10

Trash:  My body is not ready.  3/10

Overall Average: 3.25/10

17) Baltimore Ravens: CJ Mosley from Alabama

mosley

Trash:  What happened?  Odell got picked and things were never the same.  ::Drake tears:: 3.5/10

Asian Sensation: Alabama! You can’t have all this talent and not any looks to back it up. 4/10

Overall Average: 3.75/10

18) New York Jets: Calvin Pryor from Louisville

pryor

Asian Sensation: He has a cute face but I don’t like his dreds. 5.5/10

Trash: I definitely do not see it for his hair, but he’s not bad looking.  4.5/10

Overall Average: 5/10

19) Miami Dolphins: Ju’Wuan James from Tennessee

james

Trash: He’s not the worst we’ve seen.  But he won’t inspire any lustful cat deddy looks from me.  2.5/10

Asian Sensation: I’m starting to get sleepy.  I need someone to wake me up and he’s not it. 3/10

Overall Average: 2.75/10

20) New Orleans Saints: Brandin Cooks from Oregon State

cooks

Asian Sensation: He’s okay, but he’s not lighting my world on fire.  5/10

Trash: I agree.  Very average looking.  4.5/10

Overall Average: 4.75/10

21) Green Bay Packers: Ha Ha Clinton-Dix from Alabama

ha ha

Trash: His name is really Ha Ha.  Like Ha and Ha.  Like his name is the sound of a chuckle.  Not terrible looking though. 4/10

Asian Sensation: Kinda cute, unfortunately, your name is Ha Ha.  6/10 (ignoring his name)

Overall Average: 5/10

22) Cleveland Browns: Johnny Manziel from Texas A&M

manziel

Asian Sensation: Good. Bye.  4/10

Trash: Meh… He’s not lighting my world on fire.  He just seems like a lame. Good. Bye.  4/10

Overall Average: 4/10

23) Kansas City Chiefs: Dee Ford from Auburn

ford

Trash: Not bad, not bad.  He looks like someone who would make you a nice meal after a “night of passion.” 6/10

Asian Sensation: He looks like a guy I went to college with.  5/10

Overall Average: 5.5/10

24) Cincinnati Bengals: Darqueze Dennard from Michigan State

dennard

Asian Sensation: He’s not ugly but I’m definitely NOT feeling it. 4/10

Trash: I thought we were trending up.  Guess not.  Not cute.  3.5/10

Overall Average: 3.75/10

25) San Diego Chargers: Jason Verrett from TCU

Jason Verrett

Trash: Ooh.  That hair isn’t it, but you know, I’d hit it.  I’m not mad at his smile.  4.5/10

Asian Sensation: He’s got a cute face.  Fix the teeth and hair and I see a potential “Hey Boo.” 6/10

Overall Average: 5.25/10

26) Philadelphia Eagles: Marcus Smith from Louisville

smith

Asian Sensation: He is fine! I can’t stop watching his youtube videos. 8/10

Trash: Wait, who is this?  I’m feeling this one. #howyoudoin’ 7/10

Overall Average: 7.5/10

27) Arizona Cardinals: Deone Bucannon  from Washington State

bucannon

Trash: He exists.  I’m not mad that I’m looking at him.  His tears are super sweet though.  5.5/10

Asian Sensation: Almost cute.  On the cusp of cute.  5.5/10

Overall Average: 5.5/10

28) Carolina Panthers: Kelvin Benjamin from Florida State

benjamin

Asian Sensation: He looks like a girl in the face.  I want to give him an N/A because I don’t rate girls. He looks like a black Jessica Biel in this picture!

benj-biel

Team Trash tried to step in at this point.  Asian Sensation definitely refused to budge from her N/A. When forced, she came up with a 4/10.

Trash: He looks too young for me.  Not terrible though.  So many dreds tonight… 4/10

Overall Average: 4/10

29) New England Patriots: Dominique Easley from Florida

easley

Trash: Shrug.  I guess we just don’t have much gas left in the tank.  These dudes are not making me want them.  4/10

Asian Sensation: He has some good angles. Full frontal is not exactly the best one though. 4/10

Overall Average: 4/10

30) San Fransico 49ers: Jimmie Ward from Northern Illinois

ward

Asian Sensation: He’s cute but I’m not moved by him. 5/10

Trash: See, I started talking shit and then they give us a cute chocolate man.  ::winks seductively:: 7/10

Overall Average: 6/10.

31) Denver Broncos: Bradley Roby from Ohio State

roby

Trash: He’s cute enough.  I guess.  I don’t know, I feel like I’m repeating myself.  So many blah picks.  4.5/10

Asian Sensation: Good skin, but nothing else really.  4.5/10

Overall Average: 4.5/10

32) Minnesota Vikings: Teddy Bridgewater from Louisville

bridgewater

Asian Sensation: Don’t even have to look him up.  He’s fugly.  3/10

Trash: I bet the sex is wack, but he probably is real gentle.  Cute smile though!  5/10

Overall Average: 4/10

So that’s it!  We came, we judged, we conquered.  The overall average for this 2014 Class was a 4.71 which is a little depressing.  Although we know that money has a way of making people better looking.  Who were your favorites??? Let us know!

 

My Favorite Real Housewives Tunes

We here at Class and Trash love terrible music, especially the songs of the Real Housewives.  So we got together with our friend over at Overactive Blogger to rank our top 3 favorite housewife singles.  There are bound to be some repeats (Trash purposely left off Chic, C’est La Vie) because you can’t dispute quality.  Let’s get started!

Overactive Blogger

1) Chic, C’est La Vie – Countess Luann (RHONY)

countess1

 

2) On Display – Melissa Gorga (RHONJ)

 

3) Tardy For the Party – Kim Zolciak (RHOA)

Class

1) Tardy For the Party – Kim Zolciak (RHOA)

 

2) Money Can’t Buy You Class – Countess Luann (RHONY)

 

3) Who Gone Check Me Boo? – Sheree Whitfield (RHOA)

boo

Trash

1) Money Can’t Buy You Class – Countess Luann (RHONY)

 

2) Gone With The Wind Fabulous – Kenya Moore (RHOA)

gone

 

3) Bump It – Michelle Salahi (RHODC) 

 

So what are your favorites?  I’m super disappointed that we left out Google Me and Close To You. Let us know in the comments!

 

 

Guest Post: The One

Coming to you for the 99 and the 2000, we’re happy to have another Guest Post from Brash.  You may remember her from Trash traveling to The Read Live in New York.  Show her some love! -Team Trash

Hey y’all! This is B to the Rash – capuhtul B means I’m bout dat life. Or…just Brash. Hi. Class and Trash have graciously allowed me to contribute to this hilarious blog. I haven’t really had a strong, formulated opinion about anything lately, but recently I’m beginning to think I’m being trolled by social media.

It seems like everybody is finding ‘the one’ these days. At least according to my Facebook feed filled with incessant engagement announcements, wedding albums, and links to blog posts about married life.  Personally, I do happen to believe there is someone special out there for everyone. And I don’t believe this just because I’m another one of Disney’s Happily Ever After victims. I truly feel that there is someone out there who will tolerate my surliness, my propensity to nap for hours upon end, my extreme reluctance to ever leave my bed, my love affair with anything fried, and perhaps my complete lack of interest in doing anything physical that doesn’t involve a happy ending for me. But enough about my issues that I refuse to take any steps to resolve. How are people knowing if they have found ‘the one’, particularly at the tender age of 20 something?!?

A lot (not all mind you but A LOT) of these couples have dated a couple of years fresh out of college, gotten into the rhythm of having decent sex, pooping in front of each other, sharing an Amazon prime account, etc., then decide they allegedly want to spend the rest of their lives together.

1

Full disclosure: I am a single woman with a slight (read: major) aversion to marriage. The thought of being legally bound to someone for the rest of my life sends me into a full blown panic attack. However, I think I’m raising a valid question whether you’re single, in a relationship, or married. How do you know, from just dating this person for 2 or 3 years, and you are only a 25 year old with next to zero life experience, that THIS is the person you want to wake up to everyday for the next 50 or 60 years? I mean. There’s stuff in my freezer that have lasted longer than some of my relationships that I’m still iffy about. And with the casual way that people marry and divorce…

2

…I’m just a little hesitant when people feel the need to flood my timeline about every activity that they do with ‘the one’ but can’t define their singular hopes and dreams outside of their relationship. I remember asking a classmate, who had been telling me about this guy she’d been seeing for several months, in a half-serious way if the guy was the one. This girl looked me dead in the eye and breathed out ‘I think so.’

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What is the point to this post, one might ask? Are these just the bitter ramblings of a single woman? Nah. Y’all can keep your love where you have to share things like a bathroom and wake up to morning breath. For now Netflix and Adam & Eve are doing their job quite nicely. My point, however, is with the way that people sashay into our lives on a constant basis for a season or two, shouldn’t we use a little more precaution when bestowing upon someone such a heavy title? Maybe go through a life experience or two before we assign that label? I just think ‘the one’ has been watered down and overused to something unrecognizable. That being said, I’ll let y’all in on a little secret: I’ve already found my ‘the one.’ They’re actually 4 ‘the ones.’ They’re my best friends and my soulmates. And now that I have officially ripped off a Carrie Bradshaw quote and at the risk of rambling like one of those Cosmopolitan magazine articles, I’m out.

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