Let’s Talk

Hey folks, it’s November.  Trash’s favorite month of the year!  But it seems like the past few weeks have been full of things that piss me off.  Let’s discuss.

Social Media Trash
Now one thing you all know is that Tumblr and Instagram are sites where people have absolutely no couth.  There are blogs out there specifically for posting Catfish’ed nudes.  We constantly see “Post Bad Bitches” accounts.  It’s a part of life that is treated with stunning regularity.  What’s worse is that people are now using these platforms to “communicate” with other participants.  Let’s talk about one specific instance I saw this week.

While scrolling through the Tumblr, I saw an ask.  And I quote

“I think that Jordan Calloway is DL.  I dm’ed him a picture of me playing with myself and he didn’t respond.  And I’M A 10!!!! So he has to be gay!”

Now for those of you who don’t know who Jordan Calloway is, he was in that Drumline 2 movie and looks like this:

 

So you know, I can understand being a little thirsty.  However, what I do not understand is your snap judgment of his sexuality based on your irrational decision to send someone you don’t know footage of your vagina monologues.

WHO IS RAISING YOU?

Seriously, I get that there is a feeling of “intimacy” because we can now “interact” with celebrities and even fine ass regular people via these platforms. But what I don’t get is this sense of entitlement that suggests they have to respond to you no matter what you send.  If you think they are attractive, that means they are OBVIOUSLY attracted to you and are willing to spend their time interacting with a nameless, faceless other. This is regardless of sexuality.  They don’t owe you a laundry list of their sexual preferences or histories.   They don’t owe you nude photos.  They don’t owe you anything.

THEY DON’T KNOW YOU!

Someone told that youngest Jenner girl they wanted to eat chocolate pudding out of her behind.  At the age of 16.  You know that you all don’t have to actually say these things to these people.

I’ll fully admit that I stay creeping.  I’m all about that screenshot/right click + save as lifestyle.

But what I’m not doing is badgering people with my thirst because I was never taught self-control.  Get it together adults.  Make sure these kids know how to act both in real life and on the internet.

Lena Dunham’s “Comedic” Sexual Awakening
I’m going into this having never watched an episode of Girls and only knowing two things about the show.  People either think the show is quirky funny or horribly racist.  And that they used Lady’s “Yankin” on an episode.

I laugh at that .gif constantly.

But anyway, Lena Dunham, the show’s creator and noted hunchback released her book this year with a problematic passage about her sexual “awakening” in the presence of her younger sister.

I’m not here to defend nor condemn this woman (who has proven that she wants to be treated with kid gloves while praised for her edgy and different she is).  I want to talk about over-sharing.  Most of the praise that I’ve read about Lena’s work is that it truly comes from her life and experiences.  The show may be an obnoxious show about privileged white hipsters but that’s her life and experience.  I recall there being a lot of praise for showing her body which isn’t “Hollywood-sized” as well.

The impression that I’ve always gotten is that she thinks that acting like a little girl is cute and has gotten by with this approach.

Why else wouldn’t she stand up straight?

When I read that passage and the resulting media explosion, my only thought was why put this in the book?  Why do you we need to know this about you? Again, I gather that she thought this would make her look more quirky and different. Oh, look at this weirdly curious 6 year old girl who just wanted to know what her vagina was doing!  Isn’t that adorable?!

See it’s not.  At least, a 28-year old woman tells the story isn’t.  This is the kind of attention seeking story that she thinks will “totally piss off the stuffy old people of today. I’m so edgy.” When in reality, stories of the sexual awakening of a child aren’t something we as a general public need to know. Curiosity about the body isn’t gross, in and of itself, but putting out it as a light-hearted comedic joke was never going to work.

Now her sister has to live the rest of her life with the world knowing her sibling touched her genitalia, whether it was sexual or not.

She had to know that sharing a story about touching her younger sister’s body was going to get her labeled as a child molester, truth or not.  Her “rage” at the controversy is totally unearned.

And by the way, if you were a little kid and never looked at another little kid's vagina, well, congrats to you.

— Lena Dunham (@lenadunham) November 1, 2014

I told a story about being a weird 7 year old. I bet you have some too, old men, that I'd rather not hear. And yes, this is a rage spiral.

— Lena Dunham (@lenadunham) November 1, 2014

You want to tell a story about being a weird 7-year old? Talk about actual events.  (I jumped out of the car after we got in an accident and told a police officer to arrest a man for spilling my soda.)  Talk about interaction with your family. (I was given a puppy by my father and proceeded to walk away saying that I asked for a Nintendo.) There are some things that just don’t need to be said because no matter the context, it doesn’t read well.  It speaks to her lack of maturity and refusal to take responsibility for her own actions.

Her editors didn’t think this would be a scandal.  But I guess it got people talking about her book, so there’s that.

(Seriously, she’s 28? Someone get her a multi-vitamin or a spa day. Girl looks rough.)

What are your thoughts?  Are you the one sending nasty pics to Tyga’s DM’s?  How dumb is Lena Dunham? Let me know in the comments.

Aloha Class & Trash Readers!

I know it’s been a little while.  We miss you!  How was your week?

This is going to be quick but I thought that I would give you a rundown of the past week and some thoughts.

1) On The Run Tour

Flawless.  No pun intended.  The show was immaculately put together.  It reminded me of how big a Jay-Z fan I am.  And it is always a delight to see Beyonce do what she does best.

Also, Beyonce covered Ex-Factor.  Which…

2) So You Think You Can Dance

This season is the pits.  I’m not going to mince words here.  I was nervous when I saw the cast announced and it felt even more bland that usual.  And the performance show happened.

These kids are talented dancers, don’t get me wrong.  But there isn’t enough diversity of styles.  There’s an immaturity to their movement.  They all even look alike.  It feels like they can all only handle contemporary and the choreography is catering to this at the expense of the show.   I’m trying my best to stick it out as this has been my summer show for years.  But really, I’m not sure how much more I can handle it.

How are you feeling about the season?

3) Lonely

Still boo-hunting?  Yep.  But as per usual, the time after hanging out with some of my best friends is one of complete devastation for me.  I don’t know if anyone feels this way.  But my life is so much better when they are around.  I feel more confident.  I feel more fulfilled.  I feel like there’s hope for me.

That’s a lot to put on a group of people.  But in a way, they are where I get a lot of my energy.

4) Hope For The Future

I’m not one to give out great inspirational advice.  My life isn’t one to model yours after.  However, I do want to tell everyone not to give up.  (including me)

Things get hard.  Life can be unforgiving.  Disappointment is real.  But we can’t stop. Giving up isn’t an option.  Letting today’s problem take us out isn’t going to fix anything.

We’ll get there.

Alright, that’s all I have.  Leave your thoughts below good friends!

 

Faux Confidence, Sealing the Deal & My Self Image

Hey folks! I hope that you had a stellar weekend.  I definitely did and I’m excited to keep it going a little bit despite my current desire to crawl in my bed.

With all of the great times and friendship, I’m reminded of some of the specific points I made in this post where I stated that I just don’t have much of a personality.  Which is weird to say, but let me try and explain.

For the most part, I think I’m cute with a few pounds to lose, decently charismatic, and fun.  Occasionally, I get off a great joke and in the right circumstances I’m completely capable of owning a room.  I love to talk about television and music, especially the storytelling aspect for television and very specific takeaways from the songs that I’ve heard.  I have a need to relate to people even in cases where my experience is not-related but I’ve convinced myself that this is the way to a human connection.  I crave validation and shine when I hear compliments from someone objective.  And lastly, I do try to humble by downplaying any perceived success on my part while showing that I’m completely capable of holding my own.

Despite that entire paragraph, I’m not sure how it all fits together.  Based on my experience last night, I feel like I came across fun and exciting only to settle into a conversation and instantly feel like I wasn’t equipped to set up the end game.  Even with the obvious easy marks, I felt like I was fighting to find flirty things to say.  I defaulted to weak ass small talk because I truly don’t know what to say.  At least not in a way that would generate real results outside of a phone number exchange.

That 0 or 100% quark is back.  I’m either sounding like a candidate for a job who is trying to impress people or a slutbucket.  And since I don’t want to be perceived as super thirsty (despite evidence to the contrary) or super easy, I tend to ask the same dumb questions because that’s what I practiced in the shower before I got to the cluh.

My trashy Abilene mantra of “You is hot, You is sexy, Guys wanna hit” may get me through the night but it’s not sticking.  Faking it until I make it keeps leading me back to the blog to write this sort of self-involved drivel.  My actual self-image isn’t improving despite me knowing objectively that there are positive things about me.

Like a small example.  I know that my friends had a good time Saturday, but we didn’t do anything.  We just sat around and they joked about it.  I can take the joke, but since I really hate feeling like I’ve disappointed people, I spent a lot of the night upset that I didn’t create a more fun experience for them.  If people act on my recommendation, I feel personally responsible for their good time.  It’s my job to make sure that they are as happy as they could have been given the situation.  That may be coming down too hard on myself (and it really is), but I want everyone to want to visit me and to hang out.  I want people to like my ideas and the thought of doing this again.  Now take this kind of pressure and apply it to situations that lack the same certainty as best friends.

I’m scared to approach guys because I don’t want to rejected.  I don’t want to run up on someone only to feel fat and ugly because I’m not their type.  I’m a little too awkward to use the staredown/eye contact trick to get them to come to me.  And even if a guy does say something, I’m ill-equipped to keep his interest.  I may be over-thinking it and projecting, but this is the real Trash.  I struggle to get out of my own way.

My friend happened to be out last night and yelled at me for doubting myself.  He quickly pointed out that I was the only one that a certain someone approached.  I honestly just felt a friendly vibe but that could have been curving myself.

What is clear is that I still have to adjust my attitude and what I’m doing.  If you don’t like the results, you can’t keep using the same tools.  I now have to equip myself somehow and in a truly, genuine way.  I don’t have any interests that generally click with people. I simply don’t have a lot of normal likes and dislikes.  But I’m going to have to present these in a way that makes people want to engage in said activities with me.  I have to stop treating interactions like interviews.  I have to relax and know that what I’ve got and who I am are going to be enough for the right person.

In other news, Atlanta you have been so sexy this weekend.  Like the city always has some cuties, but I feel like the city has been crawling with potential boo things.

But as far as the meat of this post, I don’t have a real plan yet but I hope that this makes even a little sense.  What’s going on in your world, kind readers?  Hopefully you’re feeling like a million dollars.  Why don’t you leave us a nice comment?

When Your Pep Talk Stops Working

Hey folks.  It’s finally Friday which can only me fun fun fun fun.

As you all can tell, this hasn’t exactly been my week.  It all seemed to culminate last night when I went out despite not really feeling myself.  Now for all of you fabulous readers, I’ve always struggled with genuine confidence, applying the fake it until I make it brand of confidence in hopes that it will turn into the real thing.

Changing Me

Hey people,

 

This is really quick but I figured that  could share a bit more about my life right now.  I’m working on getting my sexy on as part of the #GetChose2014.  (Props to Freshalina who has a new podcast that is life.)

But as part of my mission to end this single, overweight life, I’m having to take stock of what consequences my actions have.  And that is the hardest thing.  I can’t just make excuses for my choices.  I don’t have a lot of self control.  I’m incredibly lazy.  I’m pretty superficial.  I’m incredibly awkward.

But I’m not going to let that stop me.  I will have to keep going to the gym.  I will have to resist Zaxby’s siren song.  I will have to stop waiting for things to happen to me.  I have to take charge and create opportunities.  So what if it’s fake confidence right now?  I’ll get there.

Are you all working on yourself?  How do you stay focused?  Let a bish know!

Quickie Post: You Don’t Know

Good Morning All and Happy Friday!

I just had to come to you really quick this morning just to get this out.  I was perusing Twitter this morning and came across a tweet essentially judging people for tweeting about getting drunk or turning up on the weekend.  Essentially bragging that “I don’t have to escape my life because I’m so great and you all are miserable because you’re not on my level.”

GIRL SHUT UP!

I’ve written about people who use social media with a tone of pure condescension.  There really is a way to talk about yourself and your accomplishments without coming across as judgmental.  You don’t have to try and make people feel small in order to build yourself up.

But really, what I wanted to say is that you don’t know what people are going through.  You don’t know why people need to take a break or escape from the current moment.  You don’t realize the things that people don’t put online.  By being dismissive of what people are trying to do with their weekend and their money. you could be making a bad situation worse.

If you don’t have nothing nice to say, just shut the fuck up.

That’s all.

 

 

Quickie Post: WASH YOUR HANDS

Why are you all so nasty??

So my temporary roommate and I just got back from Whole Foods.  We walk in to see a man fresh from his workout with a back carved by Jesus.

So being the Trash that I am, I follow him to the restroom (I also had to use it, don’t judge me!).  I finish up and walk out to wash my hands when I hear him walk out.

But there was something missing.  You see there was no water run.  There was no hand soap used.  There was no drying of hands.

Luckily, he wasn’t cute.  But that is so nasty!  I don’t know who raised you.  I don’t know why.

He then proceeded to go out and put his nasty hands all over the self-serve baked good.  NO SIR!

So this is my PSA.  If you can’t practice good hygiene, you gotta go.

Guest Post: Random Musings

Welcome back our diva, Sass!  Here to hit you with another guest post.  Let’s get into it!

In a month that has seen so much good for other people (Trash’s new job, Class’ upcoming play, Kim & Kanye getting the Vogue cover, Chris Brown goes to jail…wait, what?), it’s been a pretty bad one for me.

Full disclosure: I work a job I hate. Like, hate. HATE. HATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATE. HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATE.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m thankful that I have a job, because Sallie Mae doesn’t care either way; those payments are still due. As are rent, utilities, car insurance, and other bills. All due, and they don’t care about anything besides a receiving payment on the correct date. So I’m glad that I can make those payments and be an upstanding member of society, but I wish I was able to do that with a job that didn’t make me physically sick each day. I often come home nauseous with headaches, sleepless nights dreading the next day, etc. It’s a mess.

Over the past nine months or so, I’ve been applying for other jobs to no avail. I end up getting interviews that go nowhere. So what made this month particularly vomit-inducing? Over the past two weeks, I’ve received roughly 15, “Thanks, but no thanks” emails and phone calls in response to my interviews and resume submissions. That much rejection isn’t good for a person! It messes with your mind…just ask Kenya Moore!

The rejection, coupled with the overall disgusting-ness of my job, have put quite a damper on my mood this month. I also don’t have a lot of friends where I live, so I’ve lacked an outlet to blow off steam. It’s a little much right now, and I have to admit that I’m not myself. The feelings of defeat and failure almost choke me every day, leading me to wallow in a pit of despair. Again, I’m not normally like this. I’m the happy, bubbly girl, always up for a good laugh, who is always there to cheer up her friends. Meanwhile, many of my friends don’t care to, or don’t know how to, cheer me up. I haven’t shared my issues with a lot of people, because, like I said, I’m always the happy one. People act like they don’t know how to receive my pain, which causes them to almost dismiss my feelings. And that makes me angry. Very angry.

Here’s the thing: to have a friend, you need to be a friend. If you can come to me, crying about everything from a hang nail to death, then I would like the same. As I’m sitting around crying about feeling defeated, don’t tell me that it’s just because Aunt Flow is approaching and I’ll be fine when my hormones pass. If Aunt Flow was on the way, I would have beat the shit out of someone for saying that, and then peed on them , to literally add insult to injury. Wow, that was aggressive…someone get that girl some medication!

What makes it even worse (in my book anyway), is that it was a woman who said this to me. To belittle a woman’s feelings based on the fact that they’re hormonal is what sexist assholes do to women all the time. I’m not a huge feminist, but I don’t appreciate being belittled or insulted because my genitals resemble a taco more than they do the 14″ long, thick and perfectly shaped Italian sausage that I’m pretty sure I would have if I were a boy

*cue Beyonce. Always cue Beyonce.*

All in all, I’m just writing this just to point out that no matter the reason, gender, race, scale, or nature of your feelings, fears, dreams, aspirations, or doubts they are VALID. They matter. You are entitled to them and they are yours. Never let anyone project to you that anything that you feel is less than important. Don’t drown in your sadness, but don’t let anyone tell you that the reason for your sadness is wrong. Expressing your emotions is always better than internalizing them, so phone a friend. A good one. An understanding one. One that has no problem letting you cry on their left, while pouring shots with their right.

Wait, what?

All or Nothing

Good Evening Everyone.  How are you doing?

I just wanted to come to you quickly with a bit of insight into the life of Team Trash.  I’m not someone who feels halfway about things.  I’m not one to be wishy-washy.  I tend to be 0% or 100% in every aspect of my life.

It’s only as I get older that I find that trait of mine has become a hindrance.  With each new venture that I’ve come across, I see myself either being far too patient and forgiving of people on one extreme.  At the other extreme, I’m cursing people out and showing my ass.  This imbalance holds me back because I come across as afraid to ask for what I want or even deserve.  And if I do let my temper flare, it’s unprofessional, unpleasant, and no good for any parties involved.  I don’t want to come across as crazy when I’m angry but I’m not great at conveying how upset I am without getting crazy.

It’s not effective and I think that I need to find a way to show how I’m feeling without losing my cool or level head.

What do you all think?  Is there a way to be stern without blowing a gasket?  How do you all handle these issues?  Let me know in the comments!

Bye Francesca!

Quickie Post: Optimistic

Hey people.

Just another quickie post for you all.  Today has been a good day for me and I’m starting to feel like my life in Atlanta is taking shape.  Things definitely get tough but as long as you are doing your best and taking the right steps, things do work out.

To celebrate that, I thought I’d give you all a song I listen to when I need encouragement.

Don’t give up and keep going for your dreams.