flirting

Faux Confidence, Sealing the Deal & My Self Image

Hey folks! I hope that you had a stellar weekend.  I definitely did and I’m excited to keep it going a little bit despite my current desire to crawl in my bed.

With all of the great times and friendship, I’m reminded of some of the specific points I made in this post where I stated that I just don’t have much of a personality.  Which is weird to say, but let me try and explain.

For the most part, I think I’m cute with a few pounds to lose, decently charismatic, and fun.  Occasionally, I get off a great joke and in the right circumstances I’m completely capable of owning a room.  I love to talk about television and music, especially the storytelling aspect for television and very specific takeaways from the songs that I’ve heard.  I have a need to relate to people even in cases where my experience is not-related but I’ve convinced myself that this is the way to a human connection.  I crave validation and shine when I hear compliments from someone objective.  And lastly, I do try to humble by downplaying any perceived success on my part while showing that I’m completely capable of holding my own.

Despite that entire paragraph, I’m not sure how it all fits together.  Based on my experience last night, I feel like I came across fun and exciting only to settle into a conversation and instantly feel like I wasn’t equipped to set up the end game.  Even with the obvious easy marks, I felt like I was fighting to find flirty things to say.  I defaulted to weak ass small talk because I truly don’t know what to say.  At least not in a way that would generate real results outside of a phone number exchange.

That 0 or 100% quark is back.  I’m either sounding like a candidate for a job who is trying to impress people or a slutbucket.  And since I don’t want to be perceived as super thirsty (despite evidence to the contrary) or super easy, I tend to ask the same dumb questions because that’s what I practiced in the shower before I got to the cluh.

My trashy Abilene mantra of “You is hot, You is sexy, Guys wanna hit” may get me through the night but it’s not sticking.  Faking it until I make it keeps leading me back to the blog to write this sort of self-involved drivel.  My actual self-image isn’t improving despite me knowing objectively that there are positive things about me.

Like a small example.  I know that my friends had a good time Saturday, but we didn’t do anything.  We just sat around and they joked about it.  I can take the joke, but since I really hate feeling like I’ve disappointed people, I spent a lot of the night upset that I didn’t create a more fun experience for them.  If people act on my recommendation, I feel personally responsible for their good time.  It’s my job to make sure that they are as happy as they could have been given the situation.  That may be coming down too hard on myself (and it really is), but I want everyone to want to visit me and to hang out.  I want people to like my ideas and the thought of doing this again.  Now take this kind of pressure and apply it to situations that lack the same certainty as best friends.

I’m scared to approach guys because I don’t want to rejected.  I don’t want to run up on someone only to feel fat and ugly because I’m not their type.  I’m a little too awkward to use the staredown/eye contact trick to get them to come to me.  And even if a guy does say something, I’m ill-equipped to keep his interest.  I may be over-thinking it and projecting, but this is the real Trash.  I struggle to get out of my own way.

My friend happened to be out last night and yelled at me for doubting myself.  He quickly pointed out that I was the only one that a certain someone approached.  I honestly just felt a friendly vibe but that could have been curving myself.

What is clear is that I still have to adjust my attitude and what I’m doing.  If you don’t like the results, you can’t keep using the same tools.  I now have to equip myself somehow and in a truly, genuine way.  I don’t have any interests that generally click with people. I simply don’t have a lot of normal likes and dislikes.  But I’m going to have to present these in a way that makes people want to engage in said activities with me.  I have to stop treating interactions like interviews.  I have to relax and know that what I’ve got and who I am are going to be enough for the right person.

In other news, Atlanta you have been so sexy this weekend.  Like the city always has some cuties, but I feel like the city has been crawling with potential boo things.

But as far as the meat of this post, I don’t have a real plan yet but I hope that this makes even a little sense.  What’s going on in your world, kind readers?  Hopefully you’re feeling like a million dollars.  Why don’t you leave us a nice comment?

Let’s Talk: Bad Texters

It’s Monday.  I’m still sick.  So my attitude is a little salty.   So let’s talk about these flops for a second. Now, I pretty much have a close knit group of friends with whom I text and chat on the phone.  I find it easier to limit my irritation.  But after one of those “nights” out, I ended up trading numbers with a bunch of people who I don’t recall meeting and it reminded me that some people are awful at this texting thing.  So let’s lay out some ground rules.

1) No dumb acronyms. 

So I got a text the other day that started with “hru?”  What pray tell is that?

I was able to gather that it means “How are you?” but seriously, how hard is it to just type that out?  You couldn’t spare the additional second it takes to send a proper greeting?  We aren’t using T9 anymore and there isn’t a character limit.  It won’t hurt you.  I promise.

2) Calm down, ho!

If I haven’t responded in 9-10 messages spread over a day or two, there’s a few reasons.

A) I’ve lost my phone.

B) There’s an emergency situation.

C) I’m in a place with no signal.

D) I DON’T WANT TO TALK TO YOU.

So calm down, have a Kit Kat, and when I respond, we can chat.  If I don’t respond, hit that block button and keep me out of your life.

3) Respond.  

This may seem contrary to point two, but it is not.  If we are having a conversation that entails plans or any serious matter and there’s a period where you might not be able to reply, let somebody know.  If I’m at work and have a meeting, I’ll simply send a quick message as I walk that says, I’ll be back in a bit.  If you feel yourself falling asleep, just say so.  It saves times and is way more considerate.

4) Do not include people who don’t each other in group chats.

I don’t want to get messages about things I don’t care about from people I don’t know.  Unless I was told before hand, don’t just include my number in this.

5) No One Letter Responses

This is literally only okay if I’m picking you up and text you that I am here.  Otherwise, save that lazy shit for someone else.

6) Stop Yelling At Me

Give that exclamation point a rest.  Caps lock too.  So nasty and so rude!

7) Restrain yourself on emojis.

I know that the iPhone has a multitude of fun emojis.  But every sentence doesn’t need a smile.  And please know that the winky face is only for certain occasions.  Otherwise, it’s weird.

8) “What’s Up”

If you text me that and don’t continue the conversation, you’re edging towards getting deleted.  Why text me if you don’t have anything to talk about or can’t carry a conversation.  You initiated, talk to me hussy!

That’s all I have for now, but feel free to add your own rules!