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Black People Are Magic

Hey y’all!

Last night, I went out to Cascade Skating Rink (you saw it in ATL, if you didn’t know it as a cultural landmark) to celebrate a great friend’s birthday.

Something about being in the skating rink watching people just show off how fly they are, hang with their friends, laugh and dance with their partners filled my heart with pride. The varying styles for voluminous Afros to wet and wavy weaves. The Brooks Brothers brothers to the Adidas track suits. There was this expansive representation of Blackness all on the floor skating to Barry White or Migos or Junior M.A.F.I.A. or Frankie Beverly. It was breathtaking.

One of the greatest things about aging has been my increased appreciation of Blackness in every aspect. My family, as wonderful as they are, has always played by the rules of respectability which guided a lot of my younger thoughts. I was prone to making grand statements about how this or that would set back the race. But as I’ve matured, I learned to see the uniqueness of my people and to treasure who we are and who I am.

Things like skating rinks and barber shops were cultural and social centers in the days of segregation. The distinct taste of the food we make and the techniques we use are products of perseverance and poverty. The way we dress, the way we move, and the way we express ourselves delights me. It’s distinctive.

That’s what makes our culture so appealing. We thrive in adversity. We celebrate when there is little reason to do so. We live our lives with a freedom that should be celebrated, not stifled.

In this time where we have to take to the streets just to ask for basic human rights and justice, I’m going to continue to champion Blackness in all of its forms. They may not all apply to me but I refuse to cherry pick which aspects I deem “acceptable” for people and a system that doesn’t give a fuck about us.

Faux Confidence, Sealing the Deal & My Self Image

Hey folks! I hope that you had a stellar weekend.  I definitely did and I’m excited to keep it going a little bit despite my current desire to crawl in my bed.

With all of the great times and friendship, I’m reminded of some of the specific points I made in this post where I stated that I just don’t have much of a personality.  Which is weird to say, but let me try and explain.

For the most part, I think I’m cute with a few pounds to lose, decently charismatic, and fun.  Occasionally, I get off a great joke and in the right circumstances I’m completely capable of owning a room.  I love to talk about television and music, especially the storytelling aspect for television and very specific takeaways from the songs that I’ve heard.  I have a need to relate to people even in cases where my experience is not-related but I’ve convinced myself that this is the way to a human connection.  I crave validation and shine when I hear compliments from someone objective.  And lastly, I do try to humble by downplaying any perceived success on my part while showing that I’m completely capable of holding my own.

Despite that entire paragraph, I’m not sure how it all fits together.  Based on my experience last night, I feel like I came across fun and exciting only to settle into a conversation and instantly feel like I wasn’t equipped to set up the end game.  Even with the obvious easy marks, I felt like I was fighting to find flirty things to say.  I defaulted to weak ass small talk because I truly don’t know what to say.  At least not in a way that would generate real results outside of a phone number exchange.

That 0 or 100% quark is back.  I’m either sounding like a candidate for a job who is trying to impress people or a slutbucket.  And since I don’t want to be perceived as super thirsty (despite evidence to the contrary) or super easy, I tend to ask the same dumb questions because that’s what I practiced in the shower before I got to the cluh.

My trashy Abilene mantra of “You is hot, You is sexy, Guys wanna hit” may get me through the night but it’s not sticking.  Faking it until I make it keeps leading me back to the blog to write this sort of self-involved drivel.  My actual self-image isn’t improving despite me knowing objectively that there are positive things about me.

Like a small example.  I know that my friends had a good time Saturday, but we didn’t do anything.  We just sat around and they joked about it.  I can take the joke, but since I really hate feeling like I’ve disappointed people, I spent a lot of the night upset that I didn’t create a more fun experience for them.  If people act on my recommendation, I feel personally responsible for their good time.  It’s my job to make sure that they are as happy as they could have been given the situation.  That may be coming down too hard on myself (and it really is), but I want everyone to want to visit me and to hang out.  I want people to like my ideas and the thought of doing this again.  Now take this kind of pressure and apply it to situations that lack the same certainty as best friends.

I’m scared to approach guys because I don’t want to rejected.  I don’t want to run up on someone only to feel fat and ugly because I’m not their type.  I’m a little too awkward to use the staredown/eye contact trick to get them to come to me.  And even if a guy does say something, I’m ill-equipped to keep his interest.  I may be over-thinking it and projecting, but this is the real Trash.  I struggle to get out of my own way.

My friend happened to be out last night and yelled at me for doubting myself.  He quickly pointed out that I was the only one that a certain someone approached.  I honestly just felt a friendly vibe but that could have been curving myself.

What is clear is that I still have to adjust my attitude and what I’m doing.  If you don’t like the results, you can’t keep using the same tools.  I now have to equip myself somehow and in a truly, genuine way.  I don’t have any interests that generally click with people. I simply don’t have a lot of normal likes and dislikes.  But I’m going to have to present these in a way that makes people want to engage in said activities with me.  I have to stop treating interactions like interviews.  I have to relax and know that what I’ve got and who I am are going to be enough for the right person.

In other news, Atlanta you have been so sexy this weekend.  Like the city always has some cuties, but I feel like the city has been crawling with potential boo things.

But as far as the meat of this post, I don’t have a real plan yet but I hope that this makes even a little sense.  What’s going on in your world, kind readers?  Hopefully you’re feeling like a million dollars.  Why don’t you leave us a nice comment?

She’s Your Queeeeeen To Be

Hey bishes! Before we get started, it’s time for a dance break.

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But it came to my attention that I never wrote a post celebrating the obvious and well-deserved victory of Bianca Del Rio on RuPaul’s Drag Race!!!!

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Like how flopulous of me!  Let’s rectify this.

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My girl was so fabulous that there really was no other option.  She has style, comedy and performance chops, and enough musical ability not to embarrass herself.  She’s essentially the first queen to truly come ready to play the game and do it well.

And because I’m a lucky ho, I got to see her last night!

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Seen here with Trinity K. Bonet!

So last night, I went to trivia with a good friend and sent a text to someone I met last weekend.  Turns out he was at the same place!  So he invites me to meet him at Bianca’s show.  I, for some reason, didn’t realize she’d be here so I ran home, changed, and got my ass to the show!

The venue was okay although my lack of height really bit me in the butt as you can see from the blurry photos.  But she was hilarious.  Reading people for filth in glamorous gowns.  I cracked up when she told Phoenix (who hosted) that this was a show for winners only.  “Just because you have a mic, doesn’t mean you have the floor!”

There were several other queens there including Mariah who performed to Vanity 6’s Nasty Girl thus winning a permanent place in my heart.

Here’s are a few more pictures of Bianca and the other queens.

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Needless to say, it was a fun night (although my body is le tired) and I would totally go see her again.

I Need A Nap

So I haven’t caught you all up on my move.

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Still flopping pretty hard honestly.  I mean, things have definitely progressed.  I’m in my new apartment.  I have AC.  I actually have work to do.  My Uhaul is in Atlanta.  I have furniture.  For the most part, I’m almost there.  In fact, I should be fully done on Saturday.

This is exciting because it seriously has been more than a month.  You know, let me be frank.

I AM SO OVER IT.

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It really isn’t super bad.  Life isn’t hard.  I’m just really tired of trying to get things done.  I want to live in my house normally.  I want to have a group of friends.  I want to sleep in my bed.

But you know, I think that I’m going to be happier soon.  Once I feel settled, I think my posts will have a more positive tone.

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But until then…bye!

Trashy Thursday: Celebrating Tip Harris

It’s my Friday, y’all!

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But let’s get down to business.  Today we celebrate the musical contributions of T.I., winner of the best rapper smile ever award.

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Yes.  But T.I. has been behind many of my favorite bops so let’s pay tribute to him.

Get Loose

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Flawless.

Let’s Get Away

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What You Know

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You Don’t Know Me

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24’s

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Ball

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What are your favorite T.I. songs?  I know I missed some and left some key ones off.  Let’s celebrate!

Trash Travels: My Week in Atlanta

As you all know, I’ve spent the past few weeks packing and preparing for my move to Atlanta.  I’ve since arrived but I thought that I would share some of the adventures I’ve had in my first full week below the Mason-Dixon Line.

I arrived in Atlanta Sunday night and settled in.  Unfortunately, I woke up Monday Morning to my care being towed away.

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But you know, it’s the third time my car has been towed in a month.  So whatever, I just have to pull it together.  I call the central police station in Bankhead and ask what I need to bring to get the release form for my vehicle.  They say that I simply need my license.  I ask, “Are you sure?” since my temporary roommate was using her lunch break to help me.  She confirms that I just need my license.

After a 30-minute drive, we arrive and I got through the metal detector and get in line.  The lady behind me exclaims, “I JUST GOT OUT OF JAIL! WHERE’S MY CAR?!?!?”

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Seriously, wtf?  Anyway, I get called to the front only to be told that my registration is required.  I ask why I wasn’t told this when I called to the agent making this face:

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So, we drive to the tow lot since, like a normal person, it was in the car.  I’m in the process of grabbing the registration when I lock my keys in the car.

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I ask the tow lot to call a drive to unlock my car while I get it released.

Back in Bankhead, the line is now 10 people and the computer system decides to crash while I’m getting my release printed.  I can’t.  Luckily, the agent was much nicer to me this time and did a print screen so that I could at least get my car released.  Now add in some rain.

We drive back to the tow lot where a driver has not arrived.  I send my roommate back to work since it should be settled soon.  After another 20 minute wait, I get the car unlocked and drive away in order to make the apartment visit that I had scheduled.  My phone is at 3%.

A few wrong turns later, I make it and really like the place.  Despite my dead phone, I decided to keep viewing apartments.  Things were going well until I ended up in Buckhead instead of the condo.  Oops!

To think, this was only my first full day here.

As the week progresses, I’m still attempting to complete my background screening for my new job and follow my shipment which has all of my items.

The background screen wraps up after a few more calls and faxes but my U-Box is still missing in action even as I write this post.  Literally, I’ve spent about 2 hours on the phone with various workers and offices in an attempt to track this thing down.  SO OVER IT!  Let’s hope that I receive my belongings this week or there will be hell to pay.

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On a lighter note, I’ve had a great time testing some of the best restaurants and reconnecting with friends that I used to see once a year.  We’ve gone out a few times which has been great stress relief after the craziness of the past few weeks.

Friday night, we went to Frank Ski’s for a free “Young Professionals” night.  Needless to say, the crowd wasn’t exactly young and they were professional something.  It was super crowded which made a bit uncomfortable (I hate large crowds), but the DJ was fantastic.  We were also treated to a show from what appeared to be the Junior Varsity Twerk Team.

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These young ladies has taken off their pants and their shoes.  The dance battle was hilarious and ridiculous.  

The next night we went to Houston’s for dinner with a reservation.  I mention this only because we had to wait 45 minutes after making a reservation.  Granted, this was better than the 100 minute wait for those who didn’t call ahead, but still that defeats the entire purpose.  That said, the food was delicious and the 5-Nut Brownie gave me life. We went out to Vanquish only to discover many, many, many Asians.  My temporary roommate is Taiwanese so obviously she was having none of this.  Your best memory involves a 4’7″ Indian man with gross, small hands. Needless to say, he was delightful and I laughed so hard.

And I’m feeling much more comfortable with the area and how my life will be here.  I’ve also found what I think is the perfect apartment for me.  It’s only 2 miles from my office and right on budget.

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I’m looking forward to work on Monday and I really think that things are looking up.  I really am trying to make this move a fresh start and I look forward to finding my happy, to quote NeNe.

Tell me about your week or a time you had a lot going on.  I’ll keep you posted on my adjustment to the area.  Hit us up in the comments section.  Enjoy the rest of your Sunday!