Club

Faux Confidence, Sealing the Deal & My Self Image

Hey folks! I hope that you had a stellar weekend.  I definitely did and I’m excited to keep it going a little bit despite my current desire to crawl in my bed.

With all of the great times and friendship, I’m reminded of some of the specific points I made in this post where I stated that I just don’t have much of a personality.  Which is weird to say, but let me try and explain.

For the most part, I think I’m cute with a few pounds to lose, decently charismatic, and fun.  Occasionally, I get off a great joke and in the right circumstances I’m completely capable of owning a room.  I love to talk about television and music, especially the storytelling aspect for television and very specific takeaways from the songs that I’ve heard.  I have a need to relate to people even in cases where my experience is not-related but I’ve convinced myself that this is the way to a human connection.  I crave validation and shine when I hear compliments from someone objective.  And lastly, I do try to humble by downplaying any perceived success on my part while showing that I’m completely capable of holding my own.

Despite that entire paragraph, I’m not sure how it all fits together.  Based on my experience last night, I feel like I came across fun and exciting only to settle into a conversation and instantly feel like I wasn’t equipped to set up the end game.  Even with the obvious easy marks, I felt like I was fighting to find flirty things to say.  I defaulted to weak ass small talk because I truly don’t know what to say.  At least not in a way that would generate real results outside of a phone number exchange.

That 0 or 100% quark is back.  I’m either sounding like a candidate for a job who is trying to impress people or a slutbucket.  And since I don’t want to be perceived as super thirsty (despite evidence to the contrary) or super easy, I tend to ask the same dumb questions because that’s what I practiced in the shower before I got to the cluh.

My trashy Abilene mantra of “You is hot, You is sexy, Guys wanna hit” may get me through the night but it’s not sticking.  Faking it until I make it keeps leading me back to the blog to write this sort of self-involved drivel.  My actual self-image isn’t improving despite me knowing objectively that there are positive things about me.

Like a small example.  I know that my friends had a good time Saturday, but we didn’t do anything.  We just sat around and they joked about it.  I can take the joke, but since I really hate feeling like I’ve disappointed people, I spent a lot of the night upset that I didn’t create a more fun experience for them.  If people act on my recommendation, I feel personally responsible for their good time.  It’s my job to make sure that they are as happy as they could have been given the situation.  That may be coming down too hard on myself (and it really is), but I want everyone to want to visit me and to hang out.  I want people to like my ideas and the thought of doing this again.  Now take this kind of pressure and apply it to situations that lack the same certainty as best friends.

I’m scared to approach guys because I don’t want to rejected.  I don’t want to run up on someone only to feel fat and ugly because I’m not their type.  I’m a little too awkward to use the staredown/eye contact trick to get them to come to me.  And even if a guy does say something, I’m ill-equipped to keep his interest.  I may be over-thinking it and projecting, but this is the real Trash.  I struggle to get out of my own way.

My friend happened to be out last night and yelled at me for doubting myself.  He quickly pointed out that I was the only one that a certain someone approached.  I honestly just felt a friendly vibe but that could have been curving myself.

What is clear is that I still have to adjust my attitude and what I’m doing.  If you don’t like the results, you can’t keep using the same tools.  I now have to equip myself somehow and in a truly, genuine way.  I don’t have any interests that generally click with people. I simply don’t have a lot of normal likes and dislikes.  But I’m going to have to present these in a way that makes people want to engage in said activities with me.  I have to stop treating interactions like interviews.  I have to relax and know that what I’ve got and who I am are going to be enough for the right person.

In other news, Atlanta you have been so sexy this weekend.  Like the city always has some cuties, but I feel like the city has been crawling with potential boo things.

But as far as the meat of this post, I don’t have a real plan yet but I hope that this makes even a little sense.  What’s going on in your world, kind readers?  Hopefully you’re feeling like a million dollars.  Why don’t you leave us a nice comment?

When Your Pep Talk Stops Working

Hey folks.  It’s finally Friday which can only me fun fun fun fun.

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As you all can tell, this hasn’t exactly been my week.  It all seemed to culminate last night when I went out despite not really feeling myself.  Now for all of you fabulous readers, I’ve always struggled with genuine confidence, applying the fake it until I make it brand of confidence in hopes that it will turn into the real thing.

Trash Travels: My Week in Atlanta

As you all know, I’ve spent the past few weeks packing and preparing for my move to Atlanta.  I’ve since arrived but I thought that I would share some of the adventures I’ve had in my first full week below the Mason-Dixon Line.

I arrived in Atlanta Sunday night and settled in.  Unfortunately, I woke up Monday Morning to my care being towed away.

Dr.-Who

But you know, it’s the third time my car has been towed in a month.  So whatever, I just have to pull it together.  I call the central police station in Bankhead and ask what I need to bring to get the release form for my vehicle.  They say that I simply need my license.  I ask, “Are you sure?” since my temporary roommate was using her lunch break to help me.  She confirms that I just need my license.

After a 30-minute drive, we arrive and I got through the metal detector and get in line.  The lady behind me exclaims, “I JUST GOT OUT OF JAIL! WHERE’S MY CAR?!?!?”

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Seriously, wtf?  Anyway, I get called to the front only to be told that my registration is required.  I ask why I wasn’t told this when I called to the agent making this face:

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So, we drive to the tow lot since, like a normal person, it was in the car.  I’m in the process of grabbing the registration when I lock my keys in the car.

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I ask the tow lot to call a drive to unlock my car while I get it released.

Back in Bankhead, the line is now 10 people and the computer system decides to crash while I’m getting my release printed.  I can’t.  Luckily, the agent was much nicer to me this time and did a print screen so that I could at least get my car released.  Now add in some rain.

We drive back to the tow lot where a driver has not arrived.  I send my roommate back to work since it should be settled soon.  After another 20 minute wait, I get the car unlocked and drive away in order to make the apartment visit that I had scheduled.  My phone is at 3%.

A few wrong turns later, I make it and really like the place.  Despite my dead phone, I decided to keep viewing apartments.  Things were going well until I ended up in Buckhead instead of the condo.  Oops!

To think, this was only my first full day here.

As the week progresses, I’m still attempting to complete my background screening for my new job and follow my shipment which has all of my items.

The background screen wraps up after a few more calls and faxes but my U-Box is still missing in action even as I write this post.  Literally, I’ve spent about 2 hours on the phone with various workers and offices in an attempt to track this thing down.  SO OVER IT!  Let’s hope that I receive my belongings this week or there will be hell to pay.

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On a lighter note, I’ve had a great time testing some of the best restaurants and reconnecting with friends that I used to see once a year.  We’ve gone out a few times which has been great stress relief after the craziness of the past few weeks.

Friday night, we went to Frank Ski’s for a free “Young Professionals” night.  Needless to say, the crowd wasn’t exactly young and they were professional something.  It was super crowded which made a bit uncomfortable (I hate large crowds), but the DJ was fantastic.  We were also treated to a show from what appeared to be the Junior Varsity Twerk Team.

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These young ladies has taken off their pants and their shoes.  The dance battle was hilarious and ridiculous.  

The next night we went to Houston’s for dinner with a reservation.  I mention this only because we had to wait 45 minutes after making a reservation.  Granted, this was better than the 100 minute wait for those who didn’t call ahead, but still that defeats the entire purpose.  That said, the food was delicious and the 5-Nut Brownie gave me life. We went out to Vanquish only to discover many, many, many Asians.  My temporary roommate is Taiwanese so obviously she was having none of this.  Your best memory involves a 4’7″ Indian man with gross, small hands. Needless to say, he was delightful and I laughed so hard.

And I’m feeling much more comfortable with the area and how my life will be here.  I’ve also found what I think is the perfect apartment for me.  It’s only 2 miles from my office and right on budget.

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I’m looking forward to work on Monday and I really think that things are looking up.  I really am trying to make this move a fresh start and I look forward to finding my happy, to quote NeNe.

Tell me about your week or a time you had a lot going on.  I’ll keep you posted on my adjustment to the area.  Hit us up in the comments section.  Enjoy the rest of your Sunday!

When Being Single Stopped Being Cute

 1) I never worried about being in a relationship because I love myself. I love “me-time”. I love being able to do whatever I want with no one asking questions. Destiny’s Child taught me that I was independent and I believed them.

2) I grew up in a house where my parents met and fell in love in college.

So naturally I thought this was how love worked! I mean it worked out for Whitley and Dwayne on “A Different World”, right? Imagine my surprise when I left college single. However, I wasn’t pressed because Graduate School was going to be my second shot at love. Right? Wrong. First, let me say that Grad school really doesn’t give a two craps about your feelings. None. Second, it doesn’t help when old married people surround you with kids and they live REAL adult lives. Needless to say my love life flopped in Grad School.

So time to be an adult…a single adult. Personally, I never thought about what dating looked like as an adult. Do people really meet in grocery stores or at the gym? Am I going to win my future lover with my sexy dance body rolls at the club? Will I really be forced to find love online? Well let’s answer these questions.

The grocery store: I don’t know about y’all but I never walk out of the house slaying the game at the grocery store. I’m out there in my finest sweatpants, messed up hair, raggedy shoes on, and to be honest sometimes you just don’t want to shower if you’re only trying to buy some milk, gummy bears, and return to bed. So alas nobody is checking for me at the store.

 The gym? Again, I don’t go to the gym looking cute. I’m trying to keep this figure all the way right. Is it just me or is being sweaty and stinky NOT the formula for true love?

 The Club: So it’s Saturday night. You and your friends decide you’re going to go man hunting at the club. What do you do? Go to the back of the closet and pull out your freakum dress. You look in the mirror and tell yourself “Who is the baddest bitch??? Me.” After you and your friends throw back some liquid courage you find yourself at the club.  So here I am with my friends, single, ready to mingle, and drop it low to the floor. Now I don’t know what the rest of y’all are out here to do. I’ve found there are two types of people.

  1.  Type A) You guys just stand there, throw shade, and look stank. While I’m always here for a shadefest I just wonder……WHY ARE YOU AT THE CLUB? Anyway, these folks are always unbothered and uninterested. (Whatever, their loss. You’re not even all that attractive anyway.)
  2.  Type B) The thirsty people who would date a mongoose if people didn’t think that it was weird. Now listen and listen well. I’m single NOT DESPERATE……DO. NOT. TOUCH. ME. This type B thirsty trick is the one that you are not interested but they think they can be all up in your personal space. Do you not see me serving on the dance floor? Be warned: The type B person can also fool you. They appear to be normal….until they blow up your cell phone 10 minutes later talking about when will they see you next. Bitch, I don’t know. I am too busy dancing to Yonce, no longer interested in your clingy self, and doing my BEST to avoid you.

Suffice to say, the club is not for love. (New hit song?)

Online Dating: They say this is where love is beginning these. I truly have always told myself that I am too young and too cute to be online but times are hard. Let’s all be honest we have all AT LEAST temporarily signed up for an account. Well, I am no different. I made a profile. I was genuine, endearing, put up the cutest pictures, and then I hit submit. After waiting for the next page to load I began to scroll. Now, I’m not trying to insult anyone but it can be ….shocking when some of your “matches” load. I didn’t know that I should be dating people that looked like Gollum from Lord of the Rings. No shade. You know they say that dating someone wrong for you might be a good thing so I click the profiles anyway. Now the do’s and don’ts of creating an online dating profile is a topic for another day. What I WILL say is, take the bathroom selfies somewhere else ESPECIALLY if you haven’t cleaned the damn bathroom mirror. If you have no ambition in life whatsoever, can you hide that? Or find some damn ambition? Needless to say online dating is a flop, for me anyway.

So here I am twenty something and single. It seems like everyone is on their way to engagement, engaged, married, married with kids and a cute house they bought. I’m not really pressed about the kids part. Y’all can keep that! (Hey, I teach your bad behind kids all day. Don’t judge me). I would be lying if I didn’t say that I wasn’t pressed that I’m single. Not just single but single as single as they come.