vh1

Quickie Post: Saaphyri vs. H-Town

So this was on my mind this morning:

Saaphyri is amazing. My personal favorite part of this is when Saaphyri yells “GET OFF OF ME!”  while clinging to H-Town’s hair.

beylaugh

Also: You better quit interruptin’ my prayers before God directs me to whoop your ass.

 

Advertisements

Raggedy: The Love and Hip Hip Hollywood Story

What’s going on, dear readers?

After letting myself dip back into a touch of depression, I’m battling my way back to a happier place. But that’s enough about that sadness, let’s talk raggedy television and pet peeves.

So I know that you’ve been watching Love and Hip Hop: Hollywood.  It is AWFUL. Insanely entertaining and ridiculous, but awful nonetheless. Let’s go through these dumb story lines.

Ray-J/Teiarra Mari/Publicist Girl: Teiarra Mari is insane.  Like you can see it in her eyes.  There’s some feral going on. Her former relationship with Ray-J is ridiculous, especially considering all that we have heard about Ray-J’s antics.  For the first two episodes, she’s been the focal point wavering between fits of insanity and odd self promotion.  She “changed” her tattoo so that it would say Ray anymore (to ExRay? I guess, girl).  She’s gotten into it with Stripper Princess, Bland Publicist woman, and Hazel-E the Doduo with a grill.  I imagine that she can’t possibly continue down this path, otherwise she’d be removed from the show.  But she did tell us that she didn’t have no daddy around, so that’s obviously why she acts this way.

<iframe width=”854″ height=”510″ src=”//www.youtube.com/embed/_gx2FWn8SK4″ frameborder=”0″ allowfullscreen>

Her acting in this video > Her acting on the show.

Ray-J is still trying way too hard to convince us that he’s relevant and interesting.  He’s just a lame.

The publicist girl whose name I don’t recall is boring and will probably serve as the only one who can get these ridiculous women in one place.

Omarion/April/Rattail: Omarion is also a lame.  But he seems to genuinely love April which is just fine.  April is an interesting character.  I don’t think that she is wrong in not wanting to be treated as a second fiddle to his mother.  However, she seems to be trying to take a firm stance which won’t happen unless both she and Omarion take said stance.  Being flippant and rude won’t help her case.

That said, that lady with the rat-tail will never get my support after saying that she’s been the hairdresser for Stevie Wonder.

If I ever meet her in person,we are going to throw hands.  Stevie Wonder is a legend and deserves so much better.

Shah of Sunset/Video Girl/Lean Like a Cholo Stereotype: Boring, dull, and uninteresting.  The one thing I agreed with Publicist Girl about was the lack of understanding why any of these girls would be interested in talking to this man.

Hazel-E/Yung Berg: Eww.  Just EWWWWW. I hate this chick’s face.  She’s the Karlie Redd of this show.  Lamb dressed as mutton to the fullest extreme.  She’s trash on trash.  We don’t want her rap career, we don’t want her face, we don’t want her grill, we don’t want her egg yolk yellow wig.

Yung Berg is someone who is living out the nerd-grown up revenge fantasy.  He clearly grew up getting thumped and probably wearing bobos.  You can tell in the way he brags about having a different chick every day that he’s really not very interesting or having that much sex.  People who do it, don’t say it.

Their “relationship” feels just like Karlie and Benzino.  Forced and nauseating.  Please fire these two.

Moniece/Fizzo Got Flow/Amanda: Fizz is so very good-looking.  I do like that they are showing a custodial father trying to do right by his child.  While Fizz comes across as relatively responsible, he does need to step off trying to force Amanda to be more maternal to his son.

I do think that it is responsible to slowly introduce your companion into your child’s life, especially if you plan on living as one unit.  However, the amount of exposure to the child does not imply that the child is now the mate’s responsibility.  Most people do not mind helping out in small ways, but until there is a tie (marriage/adoption) you as the biological parent should not expect or force them into a parental role.  It’s damaging to the child and always reads to me as a reduction of responsibility of the primary parent.

That said, Amanda comes across as sweet, low-key, and actually smart enough to deal with the insanity of these two.

Moniece is the worst thing to happen to television since Kenya Moore.  I can not stand this person.  What’s interesting is that she is the epitome of someone who comes across as reasonable and mature at first glance.  However, spending more than one minute reveals a latent insanity.  What’s worse is that she does not realize that she is insane, which makes her dangerous.  There is a reason that she is not the custodial parent and only barely has visiting rights.

During her ambush of Fizzo in the studio, it was clear that he is completely over her. This combined with her depiction of her situations as “bouncing from house to house,” starting a sex toy line despite none of us knowing who she is (a la Kandi), and her clear inability to relate in a rational way to anyone demonstrates a woman who must be tortuous to deal with in real life but makes for dramatic television.

She clearly believes that each time she speaks to Fizzo and Amanda, that she is in the right, that she is the damaged party, and that she deserves some sort of retribution despite all evidence to the contrary.  This is the type of delusion that is dangerous to any children (much less her own).

All in all, the show is dreadful. But I’ll be watching to engage in the hilarious tweets and laugh at the general hoodratry.

What are your thoughts on the show?  Let me know!

Trashy Thursday is Back!

And it’s time, it’s time, it’s time to pay tribute to my patron saint, my guiding light, my spirit animal!

ny11

 

Tiffany “Miss New York” Pollard

Let’s go back.  All the way to the year 2006.  Flavor Flav aka Foofy Foofy had just had his heart broken by Brigitte Nielsen.   So he turned to the only thing that could heal his pain.  Reality TV!  I’ll save the rest of my summary of the first episode.  But it introduced us to my queen and my diva, MISS NEW YORK.

ny1

 

Listen.  This woman is life-changing.  She’s so iconic.  She is why reality television was invented.

ny100

Look at her.  Look at that heavy eye makeup.  That flower.  She’s amazing.

ny6

If you recall, New York won a roller skating date with The Foofster.  (“He’s a man, not a Foofy!”)  Her titties swinging low like so many chariots.

ny8

During the first episode after Goldie’s upchuck adventures, New York comes in to greet the ladies having breakfast.

ny9ny10

“Good Morning! Good Morning.  Good Morning.  (To Rain) Not you, you can choke!”

New York on New York.

ny20

Who doesn’t tell themselves that every morning?  It’s a mantra for all of us.

But then, STRIFE! Hottie tried it.

ny1ny2

And now legendary quote number 11?

Excuse the video quality, but I didn’t want to give too much away from the recap.

ny30

“You fucking look like Luther Vandross!!!” Listen if you didn’t love her by this point, you were watching the entire show incorrectly.

More adventures in New York vs. Hottie:

ny60ny61ny63

New York’s first time uttering her signature line.  Like she was eating her steak.  And loving it!

More knifery:

ny40

This was near the end of Season 1 when New York shares a group date with Goldie.  Prior to this meal, we got this brilliant line:

“Goldie is a CUTE girl.  But cute next to gorgeous?  Gorgeous devours cute.”

But then Goldie came in playing to win and snatched that night cap!  Oops.

But New York continued in the competition! And boy, the final 3 episode.  Jesus!

ny11ny5

New York: “Slap me, you bi***” 

Pumkin: ::gross spit::

New York: YOU MOTHER F*CKING WHORE!!!! ::pushes Pumkin::

“YOU’RE GOING TO SPIT IN MY FAAAAACE.  BECAUSE I’M STAYING IN THE HOUSE AND YOU’RE NOOOOOOOT!”

ilive

So we know that she lost.  ::ugly cry:: But then the finale.

ny3

Look at this introduction.  LOOK AT THAT COUNTDOWN!

ny7
firstnight

ny4

She did ALL of these things.  Was she super dramatic?  Could it have been acting?

matter

Now, some highlights from Season Two.

ny3

Like Brigitte in Season 1, New York was brought back with a lower quality weave and inflated sense of superiority.

ny50ny51

Oops, sorry about that Buckwild!

ny70 ny71

Welp! She’s not wrong.

But I have to stop.  This honestly could go on for years and I have to go be productive.

Also, share some of your absolute favorite New York moments.  I’m still working on my Flavor of Love recap which is why I didn’t go in to excruciating detail.  But you just know that she’s iconic and she is who inspires me.

 

“You know what? I just fucked up your date!”

Byeeeeee!

ny2

 

(All gifs courtesy of Rich Juzwiak & RealityTVGifs.)

My New Favorite Person: O’Shea Da Model

Hey People!

So before we get into the meat and potatoes of this entry, I want to talk a bit about Zendaya in the Aaliyah biopic. Now I don’t mind the casting seeing as how she is a singer and acts these days. My hope is that she gets positive press for it because she came across sweet on Dancing With The Stars and I love her song, Swag It Out.

But that’s enough of that. Time for my new bae, light of my life, and fruit of my loom. O’Shea Da Model.

20140617-102605-37565531.jpg

Yes! O’Shea believes in you! So this king came into my life via Love and Hip Hop Atlanta. He was introduced when Young Joc tried to steal him from Erica at the bowling alley. He then volunteered to pay only to ask Erica for the money.

What a gentleman!

But then strife! Last night, Erica and Scrappy Doo met and O’Shea felt a way about it. So they fought and he left in a huff. Bye Ashy!!!!

But you see, O’Shea runs out of gas in his 2004 Ford Explorer. And has to call Erica to help. Erica finds him by some train tracks.

They argue about how he NEEDED to know about the meeting. Erica is all, you tried to make this dramatic ass exit and couldn’t do it because your car was E.

uglycry

So at this point, Erica has pulled out her card and HE GRABS FOR IT WHILE ARGUING HE DOESNT NEED IT!!!!

I. Die.

deathbanana

 

EDIT: I was just reminded that he screamed “I KEIR!!!! I KEIR!!!!” during the argument.  He’s just so sensitive, you know!

Let me tell you that this is my absolute favorite scene from the show. I have not laughed so hard at so much struggle since Karlie Redd hit the Louis, Prada, Gucci on Season 1.

Listen, we all hit hard times. And we all need a little help sometimes. But to get on national television and run out of gas while making your dramatic exit?

Welcome to my heart!!!

Have you all been watching?  What do you think of trashy season?  Let me know!

Let’s Talk: Mimi Faust Does Porn

Happy Monday Readers,

Sorry about the absence. Hope that you all had a super exciting weekend!

So Mimi and her overgrown naked mole rat of a boyfriend have unleashed their “sex tape” porno flick to a flurry of tweets, blog posts, and reactions.

nikko

This is after the super trailer for Love & Hip Hop Atlanta was released.

 <div><a href=”http://www.vh1.com/shows/love_and_hip_hop_atlanta/series.jhtml&#8221; style=”color: #439cd8;” target=”_blank”>Love &amp; Hip Hop Atlanta</a></div>

Now I (Trash) love this show in all of its basic glory. From the moment Joseline sang Bailar and Karlie Redd served us Louis, Prada, Gucci, I was hooked. The show is hilarious and the amount of fuckery this cast exposes is just glorious.

Now Mimi has always come across as a relatively composed, if somewhat weak willed woman. Her stupid relationship with Stevie J and her allowance of the constant disrespect people show her have turned me off. She doesn’t make wise decisions and she puts it all out there on VH1 for the world to see.  This is a woman that let Joseline refer to her as Molly the Maid to her face.

The chase for fame is why we are in this situation now. And that’s what I’m here to talk about today.

Now, I read about this situation on Funky Dineva a few months ago. My first thought was why would a woman with a child willingly participate in a staged “sex tape” with an unsigned “rapper/producer”? The only acceptable reason for me seemed to be that perhaps she couldn’t afford to take care of her daughter.

But here’s the thing, Mimi is still a cast member on a successful and popular reality show. Stevie J, for ALL of his faults, seems to be on the same page with providing monetary support for their daughter. She also has that maid business. Between these ventures, there should be enough coins to reasonably care for her daughter.

That’s what makes this so baffling. This seems like such a poor decision. But it’s one that makes complete sense given her history.

The problem with Mimi, much like many other young parents, is that she has forgotten that her desires and whims should not come before those of her daughter. Her decision to release this tape with a boyfriend while in the public eye simply comes off as a desperate plea for attention and “stardom.”

Let’s be clear, Mimi is not a slut or hoe for having sex on camera. She should not be told she can’t make this decision. There’s a ton of women and men who have done worse for less.

Joseline is judging her like we haven’t seen her with foreign objects in her poonani. K. Michelle is judging her like she doesn’t have grape jelly in her derrière.

That’s not the argument.

That said, we’ve now seen her inner and outer labia and Nikko’s gross face hanging from a shower rod. I’m not a psychic, but I’m 99.99% sure this is not going to make them famous. It’s not going to lead to a record deal. It’s not going to lead to a spin off show. It’s not going to gain any level of fame that she already didn’t have.

But she is going to find that she has lost any sort of moral high ground or position of trust that she had. She is now responsible for explaining this decision and the public’s reaction to this. And had she thought about the repercussions of this for that child, she might have truly thought this through.

What do you all think?  Was Mimi irresponsible or expressing herself as an adult?  Would you do this?  Let us know in the comments below.