Top Model

Why I Gave Up On ANTM

One thing you should know about Trash is that I love reality television.  I love the constructs, I love watching them build an edit for a contestant and how it all plays out, and I think there is a lot of cultural value in the manipulation of these stories for our entertainment.  Of course, this does not make them all quality shows but it’s a window into human psyche and how certain cues and attitudes play within society.

One of those insights is that we repeatedly fall into the same traps over and over again.  America LOVES a spunky underdog.  We’d rather see someone try hard with a good attitude over consistent excellence.  We “hate” bitchy people, but we wouldn’t be as engaged in a show without a villain to root against.  These cliches and others are used in all of the best reality shows.

So let’s talk about the most consistent reality show in my life, America’s Next Top Model.

antm

I have loved Top Model since I first laid eyes on Jade Cole.

jadespin

I started watching the show with my friend who would give me a ride back to my off-campus apartment when I didn’t have my car yet.  Jade’s brilliant vocabulary and antics had me hooked!

So wonderful and so fabulous.

From there, I caught up on reruns of the early seasons crying with Kelle over her snout, watching my chest go jiggle shimmy with Robyn, having sex with Italian strangers a la Shandi, and learning about tipsy-top models with Naima.

I even know the choreography to Shake Ya Body!

Wholahay?  I was there.

Check ya thighs out in the mirra? I was there.

Jenna’s Chevy Impala? I was there.

Brasilia?  I was there.

Hi! I’m Kyle! I was there.

I even made it through both All-Star seasons and this season with the mens!  We’re talking dedication here.

don

Mostly to Don, but I watched it anyway!

But you know, it took all my strength to realize that I have to stop caving in to the power of Tyra.  This show was once a fun way to spend a hour with fake models doing hilarious challenges.  However crazy, there was always a semblance of reality to some of the things that happened.  There were real designers involved.  Girls went on to at least work in the industry.

This past season, all of the photos were taken on iPads in order to use “Flixel” technology.  It was stupid.

The final runway show for Season 18 was for Forever 21.  It was stupid.

Kelly Cutrone is STILL on the show.  No one likes her.  She isn’t funny.  She isn’t attractive.  She is the worst.

While the show is still entertaining in a way, it is no longer the same hilarious antics that kept us tuned in back in the day.  We no longer have panel challenges.  No more Andre Leon Talley or Janice Dickinson.  It’s a chore to watch each episode because the show stopped trying.  Even when we the fans didn’t take it seriously, it needed to take itself seriously for the show to work.

I remained hopeful that the show would find its ground but it simply hasn’t recovered.  The judging isn’t as spirited.  Even Tyra’s heart isn’t really in it anymore.

I hope that she will let the show end with dignity and then put out the seasons on DVD so that I can enjoy them forever and ever.

But I can’t watch it anymore.  It is just a reminder that I’m getting old and the show has worn out its welcome on the popular culture.

Are there any shows that you’ve had to give up on?  What would you suggest as a replacement??  Let us know in the comments!

Advertisements

Celebrity Jury: Bow Wow

What’s up, what’s happening??

Now it’s been a while since we have had a court session.  You can catch up here, here, and here! Let’s talk about Shad Moss.  L’il Bow Wow.  Mr. 106 & Park!

LIL-BOW-WOW-TYRA

Get into those luxurious locks!  Let’s get started.

Fact: Bow Wow has some jams.

Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaass!

harlem

snoopdance

 

Don’t be mad!

Fact: This Bow Wow and Omarion thing happened…

bow-wow-o

You know how Watch The Throne was like super successful?  This was the Dollar General version of that.  And it was trash.  The songs were trash.  The only quality thing we got from this was Bow Wow’s sass.

“We gone own the forff quarter!
And if you don’t jump on the bandwagon now…”

::neck roll:: ::finger wave::

This song was trash.  Even if you liked it, you were wrong.

Fact: Bow Wow is not ugly.

Short, yes.  Ugly, no.

bowwow

Fact: Remember him dating Ciara??

Ciara, girl those notes!

Fact: You didn’t think I forgot Marco Polo, did you????

Miley-Cyrus-twerking-1

Fact: Roll Bounce is the worst.

rollbounce

Nope.  Not even a little.  This movie was terrible in every way.

Fact: Bow Wow is realistic.

Currently, Bow Wow is a host on 106 & Park.  This was a show where he dominated the countdowns and was a featured guest at one point.  I remember people clowning him for taking the gig as it was acceptance that he was no longer famous anymore.  I might have even done it.

But let’s get real, times are hard for those stars who came up in the early 2000’s.  It was a different time and sound that is now considered dated by most. So instead of going hungry, Shad took a job that pays consistently and keeps him employed.  He’s not out here scooting across Queen Latifah’s floor or releasing videos with the World Star Hip Hop tag.

So I’m not going to dis finding a way to stay paid without resorting to super flop ass records.

getmoney

Fact: Azimiz???

Fact: Bow Wow led to the best Catfish episode ever.

D-Pimpin: My name is Bow Wow.

    Nev: Your name is not Bow Wow.  What’s your name.

D-Pimpin: Shad Moss.

Did you all watch this episode?  It was incredible.  Part-time model/McDonald’s cashier thinks that Bow Wow is in love with her after a Facebook message response.  She also receives $10,000 which is how she knows it’s real.

D-Pimpin is a struggle rapper/mooch who gets money from her “mixtape” and uses a lambskin dildo to trick unsuspecting straight women.

It is all so AMAZING!

Verdict: Why not?

You know, I went into this thinking that the Bow Wow verdict would be a huge no, but honestly, I like Bow Wow.

Sure he hasn’t had any chart success recently, but he’s managed to get himself attached to the Fast & Furious franchise, keep a steady pay check, and he has some tunes that I jam to.  He hit some financial troubles but so did everyone associated with Jermaine Dupri.  Even Jermaine Dupri.  I just hope Dem Franchise Boyz are set.

So you know, team Bow Wow.  Let’s end with another sassy video clip from the Bow Wow/Omarion days.

claws

Hug a Teacher Day

::Taps Microphone::

Is this on? Good. Forgive the coarse language but I am FRUSTRATED.

On Saturday, I have to wake up at 4:30 in the morning. I then have to drive an hour to my job, load a bus at 6 am, to take ONE student TWO AND A HALF HOURS AWAY to Junior Region Orchestra Auditions. And NO, this in not a one weekend deal. I OFTEN find myself getting up at the crack of dawn in order to give my students all the opportunities that they deserve.

Now. Some folks out there think that teaching is easy. “Those that can’t do…teach”.  Some say teachers are OVERPAID (Bitch….BYE!). Some say, “why are you complaining….you have the WHOLE summer off.” Well f*ck you too. Teaching is HARD. WORK. You know when you’re in a grocery store of annoying kids and teenagers…well I get classrooms full of them all day. Together. In one room.

No this is not a rant against the general public’s view of teachers either. Don’t be worried. I’m also going to rant about my trifling, piece of shit, administration. SO it snowed everywhere and we lost two weeks of school. Luckily we do not have to make it up on Saturdays! (Praise report!!!!) But we have to find 25 additional hours tutoring or working Gate Duties at sporting events to make this up. Now, everyday I give up my planning, lunch duties, and after school hours working to give my all to my band and orchestra students.

Now I’m almost POSITIVE that my bitchass principal will be sleeping cozily at 4:30 am on Saturday when I am working a full damn day of listening to middle school orchestra auditions.  I’m also sure that NEXT week when I’m at all-state auditions his ass will be asleep. OH and the weekend after that… two days of all county band, which he won’t show up to, that I’M hosting…..he will relax all day with his family. I’m not looking for a pat on the back. I AM looking for him to realize that, I’m already working OVER my allotted time. ON A REGULAR BASIS. I do not HAVE to do any of this shit. It is NOT in my contract. BUT if I were not to attend these events…I would be viewed as a lousy teacher.

I said it yesterday but…I’m DONE with teaching. DONE. Y’all give us 2 cents a day, work us to death, I got no planning today because we have a meeting FOLLOWED by a staff meeting after school…and they could not give a shit. Y’all can even give us a free meal once and a while??? Meanwhile, people are doing basic ass jobs and make more than me and are much more respected. “Oh you teach middle school? Ohhh that sucks.” Teaching is not about money. I get that. I truly enjoy building meaning and lasting relationships with the student body, while getting the chance to teach music. However, I deserve to be treated better. Maybe if we gave teachers the respect that they deserve (and the pay…let be real), there wouldn’t be so many raggedy, angry, lazy, disgruntled, frustrated, terrible, and miserable teachers. All of the GOOD teachers get the entire f*ck out of teaching because they find it’s not worth it.

So today…Go hug a teacher or tell one you appreciate what they have done for you. We TRULY need it. Remember, “Teachers make all other professions possible.”

And YES, I’m still staying positive this week. I ain’t say NOTHING about containing my frustration though.

No ACTUAL Talent? Get OUTTA Here!

Move.

anigif_enhanced-buzz-11894-1386921238-7

I am annoyed. Why?

I love most shows on Bravo. I can sit all damn and waste it away watching everything on Bravo (except when they play actual movies ::snoozefest::). They all have lives that I want. The life where you wake up, drink mimosas, shop, nap, go out with yo friends,  cuss someone out, and repeat. Tired of that routine? They take a random trip to South Africa or Morocco dahhhhling.  It’s genius television. I love the cute music that some of the bravo-lebrities have given us. “Tardy for the Party” goes hard, “Chic Ce L’est Vie” taught me how to live, and “Money Can’t Buy You Class” is my personal anthem. (Stay classy y’all)

And then “Vanderpump Rules” Season 2 happened. I never cared  that much to watch this show until this scene….

Yes GAWD…. *SPOILER* After all of that the “dirty f*cking whore” did “bang” her boyfriend. ::rolls-eyes – #WhiteGirlProblems::

ANYWAY, the thing that pissed me off is that this show introduced me to aspiring singer Scheana Marie. BYE ASHY.

ByeAshy

 

LISTEN. We have GOT to stop letting basic trollops with TERRIBLE voices get on stages to perform. I COULD USE THAT STAGE (AND PAYCHECK) BETTER. I get that they may like to perform; but learn to act, mime, or ANYTHING that doesn’t involve….SINGING. Even mediocre singers of today have more talent than this trick. Britney could dance, Cassie…is pretty, Rihanna keeps giving us catchy hits, and Ciara…. Uhhh…..she gave us “Goodies” and is a glowing pregnant woman. ALSO F*CK the girl in the video for saying Scheana was awesome. That’s why you got slapped later in the season. Ho. Sit. Down.

Where in the entire heck is my record deal/reality TV show. I have questions. What I do know is that we have got to stand up and say NO to raggedy performers.

I’m out.

tumblr_mf52sfToS31rcd0aoo1_250