Tips

Quickie Post: Tips for Flirting

Hey lovely people,

Class and I are struggling for post ideas today but since I just got a message on OkCupid, I thought it would be fun to share a few tips for flirting with me on the internets.

1) Talk to me.

I know that sounds simple, but I like talking to potential suitors. I want to get to know you and I want you to know me.

2) Save your nudes for later.

You know, I’m a simple man who appreciates the beauty of your body. But I don’t know your real name. I don’t need to see your peen.

At least not yet…

3) Hygiene is key.

You all already know that showers are important. But you know, clean your mirrors before you selfie. Make sure your room is clean in the background. LOTION YOUR BODY.

Alrighty, are you all dating online? What do you want to see in your potential matches? Let us know in the comments or on Twitter at @ClassNTrashShow.

Keep it Simple Sundays

Soooo Sundays boil down to the three C’s for me.

Church

Cleaning

Cocktails

SO today, I’m keeping it quick and simple. Despite the fact that it is 70 degrees in North Carolina, rumors of another wave of wintery mess is on the way. I’M OVER IT! Regardless, the winter months are winding down.  What does that mean?

People are going to start running around pale and shirtless with crusty toenails hanging out. I’m never going to come for  bodies because that is just rude and unnecessary. As long as you are confident, you better work bitch! But the toenails thing….PLEASE run to the nearest salon and have them take care of them TOES! MEN AS WELL! You are NOT exempt (Gay or Straight…Don’t NOBODY want to see or feel crusty, moldy, nasty feet. Please go to Walmart and grab you a pumice stone, moisturizer,  and handle your business on the regular.) I get the appeal and freedom of flip flops and sandals, but PLEASE TAKE CARE OF YOUR FEET. There is nothing worse than eating on the patio of restaurant, looking down on at the floor and seeing a green toenail monster looking at you surround in a seas of dead dry skin.

Just trying to help Y’ALL out with the approaching spring and summer season!

Stay classy and love ya for reading!

Bloop

Hug a Teacher Day

::Taps Microphone::

Is this on? Good. Forgive the coarse language but I am FRUSTRATED.

On Saturday, I have to wake up at 4:30 in the morning. I then have to drive an hour to my job, load a bus at 6 am, to take ONE student TWO AND A HALF HOURS AWAY to Junior Region Orchestra Auditions. And NO, this in not a one weekend deal. I OFTEN find myself getting up at the crack of dawn in order to give my students all the opportunities that they deserve.

Now. Some folks out there think that teaching is easy. “Those that can’t do…teach”.  Some say teachers are OVERPAID (Bitch….BYE!). Some say, “why are you complaining….you have the WHOLE summer off.” Well f*ck you too. Teaching is HARD. WORK. You know when you’re in a grocery store of annoying kids and teenagers…well I get classrooms full of them all day. Together. In one room.

No this is not a rant against the general public’s view of teachers either. Don’t be worried. I’m also going to rant about my trifling, piece of shit, administration. SO it snowed everywhere and we lost two weeks of school. Luckily we do not have to make it up on Saturdays! (Praise report!!!!) But we have to find 25 additional hours tutoring or working Gate Duties at sporting events to make this up. Now, everyday I give up my planning, lunch duties, and after school hours working to give my all to my band and orchestra students.

Now I’m almost POSITIVE that my bitchass principal will be sleeping cozily at 4:30 am on Saturday when I am working a full damn day of listening to middle school orchestra auditions.  I’m also sure that NEXT week when I’m at all-state auditions his ass will be asleep. OH and the weekend after that… two days of all county band, which he won’t show up to, that I’M hosting…..he will relax all day with his family. I’m not looking for a pat on the back. I AM looking for him to realize that, I’m already working OVER my allotted time. ON A REGULAR BASIS. I do not HAVE to do any of this shit. It is NOT in my contract. BUT if I were not to attend these events…I would be viewed as a lousy teacher.

I said it yesterday but…I’m DONE with teaching. DONE. Y’all give us 2 cents a day, work us to death, I got no planning today because we have a meeting FOLLOWED by a staff meeting after school…and they could not give a shit. Y’all can even give us a free meal once and a while??? Meanwhile, people are doing basic ass jobs and make more than me and are much more respected. “Oh you teach middle school? Ohhh that sucks.” Teaching is not about money. I get that. I truly enjoy building meaning and lasting relationships with the student body, while getting the chance to teach music. However, I deserve to be treated better. Maybe if we gave teachers the respect that they deserve (and the pay…let be real), there wouldn’t be so many raggedy, angry, lazy, disgruntled, frustrated, terrible, and miserable teachers. All of the GOOD teachers get the entire f*ck out of teaching because they find it’s not worth it.

So today…Go hug a teacher or tell one you appreciate what they have done for you. We TRULY need it. Remember, “Teachers make all other professions possible.”

And YES, I’m still staying positive this week. I ain’t say NOTHING about containing my frustration though.

All the Single Ladies!!!!

First off….It’s been one month of Class And Trash! AWOOT! So now that there are a bunch of posts here, please share share share the blog! We want to be here to stay! We would love to make this bigger and better one-day but that needs YOU! ANYWAY on to the post…

February 14th…… A day that all couples look forward to. It is also a day that all single as shit people dread. Whether we want to admit it or not. I don’t really grasp that excitement that couples have, so this is for all my single ladies (and gents out there) to nod and snap their fingers to in agreement; and for all the couples to take note about why we feel salty when you talk to us about it….

So here we go:

5 Ways to Not Piss off Your Single and Bitter Friends on Valentines Day:

1)   Don’t Ask.

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Bitch you’re my friend. You know I don’t HAVE any romantic partner in my life. I don’t even have a fake text message boo. What in the entire heck do you think I’m going to do today but sit and try to avoid being on social media?!?!?!?! For most single people, this day is just another day. We wake up and try not to think about it…… and then….. then y’all want to start asking too many damn questions. “So what are you doing tonight?” “Ohhhh noooo!!! Don’t just stay in by yourself!” Which brings me to number two.

2)   “Well why don’t you hang out with us?”

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Oh. OKAY. This sounds like a PERFECT Valentines Day to me!!! And it’s on a Friday this year? PERFECT way to kick off the weekend! SO while you are lovey dovey in the corner with the man or woman of your dream, I’ll just sit here and eat more bread at the restaurant. Or maybe I’ll hold my own hand at the movie. Ooooooh wait I’ll just buy my own chocolate and gifts! YASSSS! (note alllllll the sarcasm)

You get the idea….. The point is I’d rather sit, eat chocolate, and drink cheap bottle of wine. Alone. Trust me it’s OKAY. I will be OKAY. This is NOT the first time at the single rodeo. The fake pity party is not needed today. I know you’re trying to help but it makes me get all into my feelings.

3)   Congrats on your flowers, cards, chocolates, etc.

bianca punch

Listen. It’s Valentines Day. We know that your going to receive a present while the single clan waits for the sale on the 15th…but do we need to see the Facebook Status, Twitter, and instragram (with filter) shared up and down on the timeline?!?!?! It’s just extra. How many stuffed animals, flowers, and boxes of chocolates do we need to see? (DRINKING GAME ALERT! Take a shot every time one of these status or images rolls across your timeline!) I rather scroll down and see messages about snow and what an idiot Justin Bieber is today.

4)   I’m sure you’ll find someone soon.

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Okay trick. This one right here. That statement will make me flip a table and lose it. Why? Because I’m working on it. Maybe I’m picky. Maybe my standards are too high. Maybe my checklist is too long. But i’m working on it. What I don’t need is fake sympathy tho. So now go on and enjoy your day! Call me tomorrow and we’ll will turn up! Kthanks

5)   Don’t Apologize to me

I know I’m single. It ain’t your fault. Really. No explanation on this needed.

ByeAshy

Okay that sounded a lot more bitter than it was meant to be. I’m really not super pressed as I’ve grown accustomed to this life. That and my mom will forever be my one true valentine So there’s that. It just gets real frustrating. ESPECIALLY new couples; Trollop you were single yesterday…get off of my timeline with that tripe.

With that being said. Hope all my couples truly have a magical day! But just keep it with your boo/if your friends ask you about your day. And to my single friends…there has got to be a club for single people to go shimmy and flirt, right? Let all find that. Put on that sexy outfit and stay away from the thirsty single tricks who are just trying to get it in…that’s how you catch diseases.

Ladies? ……Say I …look so good tonight!

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HAPPY VALENTINES DAY!!! We love you like XO!