tiffany pollard

Trashy Thursday is Back!

And it’s time, it’s time, it’s time to pay tribute to my patron saint, my guiding light, my spirit animal!

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Tiffany “Miss New York” Pollard

Let’s go back.  All the way to the year 2006.  Flavor Flav aka Foofy Foofy had just had his heart broken by Brigitte Nielsen.   So he turned to the only thing that could heal his pain.  Reality TV!  I’ll save the rest of my summary of the first episode.  But it introduced us to my queen and my diva, MISS NEW YORK.

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Listen.  This woman is life-changing.  She’s so iconic.  She is why reality television was invented.

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Look at her.  Look at that heavy eye makeup.  That flower.  She’s amazing.

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If you recall, New York won a roller skating date with The Foofster.  (“He’s a man, not a Foofy!”)  Her titties swinging low like so many chariots.

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During the first episode after Goldie’s upchuck adventures, New York comes in to greet the ladies having breakfast.

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“Good Morning! Good Morning.  Good Morning.  (To Rain) Not you, you can choke!”

New York on New York.

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Who doesn’t tell themselves that every morning?  It’s a mantra for all of us.

But then, STRIFE! Hottie tried it.

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And now legendary quote number 11?

Excuse the video quality, but I didn’t want to give too much away from the recap.

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“You fucking look like Luther Vandross!!!” Listen if you didn’t love her by this point, you were watching the entire show incorrectly.

More adventures in New York vs. Hottie:

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New York’s first time uttering her signature line.  Like she was eating her steak.  And loving it!

More knifery:

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This was near the end of Season 1 when New York shares a group date with Goldie.  Prior to this meal, we got this brilliant line:

“Goldie is a CUTE girl.  But cute next to gorgeous?  Gorgeous devours cute.”

But then Goldie came in playing to win and snatched that night cap!  Oops.

But New York continued in the competition! And boy, the final 3 episode.  Jesus!

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New York: “Slap me, you bi***” 

Pumkin: ::gross spit::

New York: YOU MOTHER F*CKING WHORE!!!! ::pushes Pumkin::

“YOU’RE GOING TO SPIT IN MY FAAAAACE.  BECAUSE I’M STAYING IN THE HOUSE AND YOU’RE NOOOOOOOT!”

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So we know that she lost.  ::ugly cry:: But then the finale.

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Look at this introduction.  LOOK AT THAT COUNTDOWN!

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firstnight

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She did ALL of these things.  Was she super dramatic?  Could it have been acting?

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Now, some highlights from Season Two.

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Like Brigitte in Season 1, New York was brought back with a lower quality weave and inflated sense of superiority.

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Oops, sorry about that Buckwild!

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Welp! She’s not wrong.

But I have to stop.  This honestly could go on for years and I have to go be productive.

Also, share some of your absolute favorite New York moments.  I’m still working on my Flavor of Love recap which is why I didn’t go in to excruciating detail.  But you just know that she’s iconic and she is who inspires me.

 

“You know what? I just fucked up your date!”

Byeeeeee!

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(All gifs courtesy of Rich Juzwiak & RealityTVGifs.)

Fantasy vs. Reality

Morning minions!

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So I’ve always be the type of person who escapes into my own head to deal with ignore my problems.  Instead of dealing with the here and now, I tend to be a bit proponent of escaping into a fantasy world where everything happens according to my will versus the real thing.

However, as I continue to transition into my new life in Georgia, I find that I have less to escape.  My usual coping techniques aren’t working as well because the stresses of real life have been reduced.  I spent most of my time up north mustering up every bit of strength I had to get through the day.  So my time at home was spent running away from the very real issues that I was facing there.

Here, my job doesn’t tax nearly as much and I find that I actually don’t mind the people I work with.  I don’t feel like the world is going to end every time I wake up.  It’s a better feeling, but a new one for sure.

My hope is that I’ll be able to infuse my reality with some of the more exciting elements of my fantasies.  Being able to travel and go on vacation without worry.  Living my best life and what not!

In other random news, I’ve decided that I’m going to re-watch Flavor of Love, I Love New York, and Rock of Love and share my ten favorite lines from each episode.  I have to find right day of the week to post this but hopefully you will love it just as much as I do!

If not?

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Have a great one!

My Man-strual Cycle

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I am not in a good mood.

I tend to get like this every now and again.  I just want to eat everything in sight, sleep all day, and not be bothered.  I call it my man-strual cycle.

Now obviously, I can not compare this to anything that a woman goes through during that time, but I’d say that my crankiness rivals anyone on these days.  I really should not be around people when this occurs.  So unfortunately, this is going to be a short post.  But I just figured it’d be fun to share my cranky day traditions with you all.

1) Melted Cheese

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No matter what, when I’m feeling this way, I’m about to melt the fuck out of some cheese.  Whether it’s nachos, pizza, grilled cheese, or spinach dip, I’m going to treat myself to some ooey, gooey, goodness.

2) Sweatpants

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Hey Chad!  How you doing?? ::wipes nacho crumbs off face:: 

But really, I refuse to put on real clothing when I’m like this.  I’m going to be comfortable and the world is going to have to deal!

3) Juice

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One thing you must know about both Class and I is that we TREASURE juice.  We could honestly drink it all day, every day.  When we were roommates in college, we had a rule that one could not each other’s stuff in general. But juice was sacred.  We both had one moment of weakness where we could not afford it and would knock on each other’s door sadly and ask for a glass.  That’s how serious it is.

I’ve already drank an entire bottle of Simply Orange today.  You may think, that’s too much! But when you have scurvy, don’t come crying to me!

4) Long Showers

Which I’m about to go take now.

Leave your cranky day routine below and hopefully we will all feel better tomorrow! Catch us on Twitter at @ClassNTrashShow as well!

see ya

 

 

 

 

Oh No You Didn’t…

Hi Loves,

I know that it’s not often that you get this many posts a day, but I’ve finally gotten the chance to really think about it.  Let’s just start with this:

http://www.tmz.com/2014/01/30/george-zimmerman-celebrity-boxing-match/

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Look here, you raggedy marshmallow-shaped bitch.  What you are not is a celebrity.  You are a murderer.  And instead of getting eaten by an alligator or swallowing a machete like we asked, you rolled your tubby ass back into the public eye on some bullshit.

Let’s go back to the fact that you are a murderer.

You gained “infamy” when your slovenly ass and your hideous family showed up on National News by disregarding the police, brandishing a weapon, and killing an unarmed child.

Your name is known because you are a criminal who got away on a wave of racism and ignorance.

You are THE LOWEST of the low so much so that when you die, Hell is going to put you in a waiting room because you bring down the property values.

What you are not is a celebrity? What you are is a sick, childish bastard who can’t listen, can’t follow instructions, and apparently can’t keep your hands to yourself because your wife is gone trying to annul your marriage.

And now you want to step in the ring even though you were overpowered by those new Green Apple Skittles.  You couldn’t keep Trayvon off of you but you want to box somebody with your MMA training.

Wasn’t that the premise of your case?  You are a prolapsed sphincter.  You are raccoon vomit.

You want to get “publicity” to pay back those creditors?

You want support from your “fans”?

I hope you get that new deadly gonorrhea. And before it has a chance to take you out, I hope that a pack of rabid mongooses eat off your extremities.

I hope that whomever fights you pulls out a weapon and stands their fucking ground until you’re in a million pieces.

When you sleep at night, I want you to have permanent dreams of Black person after Black person beating the shit out of you until there’s nothing left.

You are the literal worst.

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And as a final warning:

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