Taylor Swift

Another Feelings Dump

What’s up y’all?  While I wouldn’t expect a return to regular posting just yet, I do have some stuff on my mind that I need to get out of my system.  So what better place?

This list is not at all in order of importance.

1) Coping (How to Fail at It) featuring Trash

You all have to know what’s going on in Ferguson, MO at this point.  I’m not here to recap it.  I’m not even here to argue the facts.

I don’t have the strength to point out how all of this is because Black people and their lives are denied value in America.

You should already know that no matter what you wear, no matter how many degrees you have, no matter how much you avoid being “stereotypical,” you’re still just another black person.  When the chips are down, you can be shot.  They will get away with it.

We all know that this teenager is going be criminalized and smeared in the media, because any minor discretion is just another reason his life didn’t matter.  You’re constantly going to be reminded that any fault in his character justified his murder.

We all know that clueless assholes are going to idiotic statements.  Newscasters will say to use “water cannons.” The killer will talk about how his life has ended too, even though he’s at home on paid leave.  New Blacks are going to talk about how Black on Black crime and rap music is the cause of all of this.

You’ve already seen someone on your social media try to make it about them with clueless statements, incorrect information, and a general ain’t-shit demeanor.

Truth is, I’m tired.  I’m trying to deal with all of my outrage, my inability to create meaningful change, my inability to protect people I love from the same fate.  There’s not a day where I don’t think, “I’m blessed to be alive.”  I haven’t done anything to deserve it.  But I am.  Instead of productively letting it out, I’m just stewing in my anger and hopelessness.  It’s making me feel ugly inside and preventing me from enjoying the day-to-day.  I don’t want to be around people because all I want to do is talk about it and be angry.  I don’t have the luxury of taking off and being alone until I’m able to face regular society again.  I’m trying to just plow through life in order to sit home in the dark and think about this situation.

There’s no comfort in knowing that no matter what I do, no matter what advice I give my nephew and niece, no matter how many books I read, and no matter how polite I am, my life means nothing if a White person so deems it.

2) Taylor Swift

I haven’t really raged against the Swift in recent moments because she doesn’t really have a song out and she hasn’t been publicly dating anyone.  Not so lucky for me and the rest of the world, she released “Shake It Off.”

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I’m not going to link because she’s not getting a single view on my behalf.

But this is tangent to the first point.  The root of my hatred of Taylor Swift (and Jennifer Aniston) is that for my money they represent peak whiteness. This isn’t a critique of every white person (again, I should not have to say this) but of the dominant American culture.  I’ll let Omarosa take over…

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Where a “wholesome” and “sweet” girl who are just “hassled” are given passes for complete mediocrity because of her perceived girl next door image.  It’s like “Ooh, she’s bland and I can sing better than her.  Give her all my money!” 

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Throw in some questionable appropriation moments and her absolute refusal to sing on key and it’s already terrible.

But this song has a message of “SUCK IT HATAZ” for critiquing her image.  So she’s shaking off any criticism of her bland, mediocre, white bread music and image that appeals to middle-of-the-road, “put-upon”, middle class America. The very same America that is notably quiet whenever an unarmed Black man is killed in cold blood.

For me, this song is the essence of “First World Problems.”  And this is not the day, the week, the month, nor the year for this shit.

Sure, that may seem like a reach for some readers, but think about it this way.  Think back to a time where you felt depressed or upset over something in your life.  Now somebody you don’t particularly like (a coworker or classmate) comes up gloating about their promotion when you know they do nothing or a great exam score on a test where they have cheated.  You wouldn’t have the time for it.

And that’s what this song is to me.  It’s Taylor Swift singing a song that say “nah nah ni boo boo” to all you minorities for not being White.

Fuck.  Her.

3) Reality TV Thoughts

On a lighter note, Project Runway and Top Chef Duels have come to television.  Since So You Think You Can Dance continues to be pretty terrible, I had high hopes for each of these shows.

Project Runway is about as average as any of the other later seasons with some confounding judging thrown in.  Three of first four episodes have handed out wins to questionable garments. Props to Tom & Lorenzo as the source of these photos.  Also, if you love celebrity fashion, Mad Men, Project Runway, or RuPaul’s Drag Race, it behooves you to frequent their site.  Also, read their book!

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The first two are from comeback contestant Amanda.  Fringe really shouldn’t be a thing.  The second two are from Sandhya.  I like the pink look with the metallic detail, but that poorly dyed, ripped shoulder, frayed edge abomination should have at least put her in the bottom.  No thanks.  That said, I do think that there’s some talent in the cast and the judges seem to be making good cuts.  I have hope that someday Michael Kors will come back.

Top Chef Duels is pretty good!  It’s a lot more low-key than your traditional Top Chef, but it brings back familiar faces and gives them space to be creative.  As a huge Gail Simmons fan, I’m glad she’s a part of the show.  I could live without Curtis Stone, but that’s not my decision.  I hope that the show does well and continues to bring back some great chefs.  (Although, go away Mike Isabella.)

Love & Hip Hop Atlanta is finally winding down after a particularly raggedy season.  When Karlie Redd is the source of your most entertaining moments, it’s time to take stock.  Seeing Rasheeda take Kirk back after complete and blatant disrespect for her, their child, his mother, their family, and her image (which is the family business) is not good television.  Seeing Erica and Scrappy be friends is nice for the sake of their daughter, they’ve been complete non-entities since we stopped seeing O’Shea Da Model and The Bambi.  Benzino continues to be neckless and ThiThi is the most obvious case of fame-hungry gold digger we’ve seen since Flavor of Love 3.  Stevie and Joseline’s soap opera relationship is not funny.  Joseline is best when talking shit about other girls, not crying about beefcake and her awful music.  Tammy & Waka are sweet but boring.  Karlie is trash on trash, but at least she gave us more terrible music and Yung Joc’s decision to air our her sexual habits.  Momma Dee & Deb are reliably fun though.

But let’s about Mimi again.  All of Mimi’s struggles, barring the death of her father, are her own doing based on her own choices.  Her absolute refusal to be told that she is wrong only serves to make her look like the weak-willed dingbat that she is. It’s painful to watch her get mad at people when she is forced to reveal her lies.  Like if you don’t want to hear what they have to say, stop going to them.  If you’re going to defend being wrong so vehemently, you’re going to continue to have to eat crow.

To be frank, I’d have cut her off when she accepted Stevie’s car.  Girl, you can’t be over him and accept things that aren’t child support.  Your dependency is showing.

But truth be told, she needs to leave the show.  Nothing has been good for her since it started and now the world knows her for being an idiot who is easily fooled and bought.  Sucks to be you.

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4) The Future Looks Bleak

If you haven’t gathered, I’m not in the happiest of places now.  As cliché and standard as it sounds, I’m used to telling myself that it will all work out. It will all be okay. But these two weeks have reminded me of the feeling of despair that I either ignored or suppressed as a part of the move.  It’s that I don’t know the future and not seeing much in the way of encouragement.  It’s not that I don’t believe God has a plan or that I believe I should have all the answers.  It just seems like I keep waking up to bad news. It’s like a nightmare. I want more than what this is for America and for my friends.  I don’t know how to tell them that, being someone who hates only tolerates melodrama/emotions.

That said, I’ll end this with simply.  I care.  I’m not great at letting people know that.  I may not ever say to your face.  But you’re cared about and I want what’s best for your mind, body, and soul.

Stay safe everyone and do your best to maintain positivity in your days.

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My Irrational Celebrity Hate List

Another day, another struggle post from Trash.

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Now you all know by now that Team Trash loves pop culture, especially random hot mess pop culture “moments” as evidenced here, here, and here.

But one thing that I firmly believe is that there are few famous people who just piss us off.  Whether it is a sports star of our least favorite team, a certain lispy R&B singer, or a vapid fame-obsessed reality show star, these people and their continued fame pisses us off.  It’s one of the fun parts of life.  Especially for me who takes great pleasure in disliking relatively harmless people.

So I thought that I would share a few people on my hate list and my reasons.  I’m also including a few nice things about them because I like having good karma!

1) Taylor Swift

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Ugh…I can’t stand Taylor Swift.  Most of my problems with her stem from the fact that she really can’t sing and her “I’m so innocent” act.  The popularity of her songs mystifies me.  Tay Tay is a tall, modelesque WOMAN with millions of dollars and tons of success.  Why is she still singing songs that sound like a 11 year old?  It almost feels like she dates guys just to write songs about them.  And while I don’t begrudge her writing talents (obviously, people love it), her music just feels trite.

And again, that singing voice.  Just…wow.  She really sounds like a girl who finished 3rd in her high school’s talent show.  Let me provide a handy and hilarious example:

If you can’t make it through the entire performance (I can’t), skip to 3:25 and watch as Taylor rips off her seat belt, yanks the mic out, and seductively struts to the front of the stage only to grace us with that sad, thin cover of One Republic.

No.  Ma’am.

Good Karma Statement: Taylor Swift really is pretty and whenever she dances, an angel gets its wings. 

2) Jennifer Aniston

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The Aniston was number one on this list for so so long.  The thing about me is that I hate blandness.  It really offends me.  And for my money, Jennifer Aniston is the blandest celebrity out there.  My hatred of Friends withstanding, when peopel go on about her great beauty, her sense of humor, and her success I don’t really see it.

And then you add it the press coverage.

Jennifer Aniston just wants to have a baby.

Brad Pitt treated her badly!  

Jennifer Aniston dumped again!  

I have this theory.  Jennifer Aniston is a “beautiful”, “rich”, “down-to-earth”, normal girl who’s worth millions of dollars.  Why does she keep getting dumped?  SHE WAS DUMPED BY FAT VINCE VAUGHAN.  Obviously, there is something about her that is really obnoxious or insane.  See also Halle Berry.

And her so-called natural beauty, girl has been hanging out at the plastic surgeon for years (See the picture above).  It is not wrong to get it, just own up to it.  I hate that.

Basically, I feel like the media wants me to feel sorry for this bland, crazy woman and I refuse to do it.

Good Karma Statement: Jennifer was in Office Space, which is a great movie.

3) Tom Brady

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This all comes down to his sponsorship with Ugg.  We are not going to progress until Ugg boots are out of business for selling those hideous boots.  And Ugg for Men??

Nope.  Absolutely not.

I’ve even stopped rooting for the Patriots because of this.  I just can not abide it.

Also, can he just keep his hair short?  It really helps.

Good Karma Statement: Tom Brady plays football well.  

4) Rita Ora

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The question here isn’t whether I hate Rita Ora.  The question is do we need a Rita Ora?

Like I’m not sure what she does for us as a celebrity.  I know she sings, but that one song I heard was terrible.

And Rihanna still exists.  So what does that leave her?

I will say I was amused at the drama between her and Rob Kardashian.

Good Karma Statement: Craig David approves of her and she was a part of a song that I like by him.

5) Ross Matthews

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You ever just hated someone’s face?  That’s this guy.  He’s not really offensive other than his voice.  I just…I find him annoying.

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Good Karma Statement: Ross has built quite a media career for himself.  And he was a guest judge of Drag Race. 

So there it is?  Who makes your celebrity hate list?  Do you disagree with any of my selections?

Mount your defense and make your list below!  I look forward to your rebuttals.

 

The Best And The WORST Of This Week.

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It’s FRIDAY!!!! After a ridiculously long week (that is NOT over), here are 5 things that I am ABSOLUTELY grateful for.

1)   Girl Scout Cookies.

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My lunch yesterday consisted of Girl Scout Cookies. They are a blessing that rolls around once a year. As I type this my mouth is watering but I’m on a 16 hour intermittent fast, and these cookies are not an option today. If you say you don’t like Girl Scout cookies, your whole entire life is a lie.  Yes, you can buy knock offs at the grocery store, but it literally is not the same thing! (Okay it kind of is but you know what I mean.)

2)   This here blog!

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It provides a welcome distraction from daily work life. It reminds me to dream big. It also prevents me from taking naps during my planning period. Watching it grow is super fun! So yay to all you new readers and followers! You’ve made this week DaBomb.com (It’s time to bring that saying back y’all.)

3)   This Song

FINE it’s not the newest but…Beyonce “officially” released it and I wouldn’t be Class if I didn’t acknowledge all that the Queen does. Driver roll up the partition PLEASE!

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4)   My mother

I am the ultimate Momma’s Boy. I’m proud of this fact. Not only do I look like my mother but also we are the same person at the core. When in the midst of a terrible week, she knows just the right words to say. Need to throw shade at a particular situation? She has mastered the art of throwing shade with a smile that will have you dying of laughter (if you aren’t the recipient of the shade that is)Sure we have argued and I was a snobby teenager BUT she is the reason I want to be great. Can a brotha just build his Mom her dream home? ::sappy moment over::

5) Chicken

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Chicken is there when no one else is. It tastes good. It’s affordable. You can prepare it anyway you want. You need a late night snack? Chicken. Don’t know what to have for dinner? Chicken. What goes great on top of pizza? Barbecued….chicken. Thank you chicken for all you do and your nourishment. Too often we forget to give you praise.

Now here are some things that can kindly go away next week…

1)  My dang job.

No it’s not the children (all the time). It’s the paperwork, the bad parents, and the administration. BYE. ASHY. Teach your teachers right education department

2)   Not sleeping

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So I work all day, have students stay with me after school to practice, have a 3 hour rehearsal for a show I’m in, and then get home around 10pm These 10+ hour days have got to stop. I’m EXHAUSTED!

3)   The last week of the month budget.

I just…. Never have money the last week. The ONLY cool thing about being broke is that you get to be SUPER inventive in the kitchen. Besides that, Being broke can GTFOH.

4)   Colored Contacts

Y’all, we know that is not your natural eye color. Stop. It.

ByeAshy

5)    Blatant Lies

Just live in your reality. That’s all. I’m tired of scrolling and reading about the 19 miles you ran knowing good and well that you were taking a nap. Or knowing you spent your whole life in New Jersey but you’re claiming to have lived your entire life in London. We know what you’re doing.

So what are some of you highlights and lowlights of this week?! Let us know! Comment below or follow us on the twiiter! (@ClassNTrashShow)

Love ya for reading!

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Trashy Thursday – Tila Tequila

It’s your favorite day of the week, Trashy Thursday!

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WORK IT OUT TAY TAY!

Let’s get in our blinged out time-machine with spinning rims and go back to a time when Myspace was the social media of choice, L’il Kim still had most of her natural face, and we were still drinking Sprite Remix.

This queen:

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Tila Tequila ran the world for a brief moment.  And I loved her.  She has approximately no talent aside from being pretty and delightfully trashy.  Today, we pay tribute to her legacy.

I Love You

Now, I don’t recall where I was.  But I remember hearing this song and immediately running to download it.  From the intro speech,

“You know, I just want to let you know, that I never felt this way about anybody else.  I…I I think I love you.  So don’t think I’m crazy when I tell you this. But if you ever hurt me,

I FUCKING KILL YOU!”

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to the chorus,

“You better go down when you get with me
You better realize that I’m what you need
You better get here before I count to 3
You better do right, I’ll fuck you up!”

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to my personal favorite line,

“You better obey if you want my nookie, You better stop talking to all them hoochies!”

We flawless!  Tila Tequila is territorial and will not tolerate this man not fulfilling her every desire.  This is totally rational.  And while you may be call, “Trash, Tila is so nasty!” You pressed.

This also served as the theme song to her amazing trashy reality show.

This show was MTV’s response to the overwhelming popularity of Flavor of Love and I Love New York.  While this show was not quite on that level of delight, it still was a trashy, messy, amazing program.  The most important of moments being in the first episode…

Listen.  I can’t embed but it BEHOOVES you to click this link and watch Keasha be the greatest.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L9ILxkbYIhU

“CAUTION.  WHOA.  HEY EASY!”

Love her.

Now the show was essentially about Tila’s bisexuality and how she was going to pick the man or lady of her dreams.  It didn’t work out (I DON’T KNOW WHY) but you know how people always say the Biebs looks like a lesbian?

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That’s why.

Now let’s go back to the jams!

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While it’s not “I Love You,” this goes hard in the paint.  The rock influence is there.  Get into her dance moves!

I also enjoy that each line either ends in Heeeeey! or WOOO!  That is good fun.

Fuck Ya Man

This is Team Trash’s anthem.

What’s your favorite Tila Tequila memory? Was it when Vanessa and Brandy fought in the first season?  Domenico’s horrific accent?  Or just the songs?  Let us know in the comments or on Twitter.

BYE GIRL BYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

Beyonce CONTINUES to be better at life…

So…The Grammy’s happened. I won’t lie, on first view I thought the Bey performance was cute but not LIFE.

Now that I am on my tenth view, I just need us to APPRECIATE how she slayed. First off, if you are calling a her a ‘whore’ or a ‘slut’ literally go find a room full of HONGRY (yes with an O) lions and just sit there and let nature do its thing because you are rude and a hater. Lets not forget that she is a grown MARRIED woman. Now no shade to other artists, BUT Rihanna get up on stage, pats her p*ssy and gets praise. Britney gets up there body all out for the world to see and is the princess of pop. Madonna shows her wrinkly boob and is the queen of pop.

Sometimes it be like….

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1) From the moment she started she had our attention. I don’t think we were ready…..

Flashing Lights…Flashing Liiiiights…

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2) Yes, we get it, she wasn’t singing in the beginning. WHATEVER. Ain’t nobody cared because she served us with this moment.

That wet hair flip. Those eyes. My God

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3)Body.

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4) She stood up.

Ladies and Gentlemen. THIS is proper twerking etiquette. PLEASE take notes. There will be a test this weekend. Her body is so SICKENING. NO ONE can deliver this. NO. ONE. All you basic twerkers, HAVE A SEAT!

DAT BOOTY THO!!!!!!

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5) And then Beyonce brought her HUSBAND Jay-Z out and made him feel awkward….. Can you blame him tho? You literally have the HOTTEST female on the planet grinding up on your body. I’m telling you right now I would have been dead on the floor. Knocked out. Somebody call 9-11. I FULLY understand why Jay just bopped like an awkward middle schooler. Image

6) Surfboardt.

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7) Finally Bey caressed Jay and let him know that this was just the beginning of the night. He clearly was getting the Partition performance later that evening…..

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And then this happened….

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If for some DUMB reason you missed it, here is the FULL performance. PLEASE get into 4:30 to watch Sir Paul McCartney give you his surfboardt bop in the bottom left corner.

Should Beyonce have performed another song? Probably. Is she pressed about her performance? Yeah. Did she STILL snatch your edges? OBVIOUSLY! How does she continue to do this you might be wondering. What people need to realize is that Beyonce’s B- performance is your favs A+. Beyonce on a bad day can STILL outperform….everyone. However, next time we need the dancers, Les Twins, the all-female band, and of the THE MAMAS. We just needed some sickening harmonies, a tenor sax solo, and Ashley serving behind Bey. So no this won’t be in her iconic performance reel but still Queen of the World Bey snatched. Call her a whore to my face and see what happens tho….Fair warning.

As for the rest of the Grammy’s. GIRL BYE.

Congrats Katy Perry for the iconic step, bop, and snap.  I will say this one time only….I TRULY missed Rihanna. Why you ask? The show just missed her basic choreography and all of the wrong notes. Most of the show was just boring and flat. Metallica needs to find Jesus. Also Adele, we know you’re happy and crap but you BETTER be in SOMEONES studio.

That is all I have to say about the Grammy’s.

Happy Tuesday y’all! Stay warm and dry over the next few days east coast!

Beyonce at the Grammys

Listen. It’s Grammy Sunday, a fight is happening on Real Hoodrats uhhhh Houewives of Atlanta, I have to lesson plan, clean my apartment, AND do laundry. Clearly i’m just now starting the day, so I’m keeping it simple and cute today.

Whenever there is an award show, Oscar’s included, I only ask ONE question. “Is Beyonce going to be there? If she’s not I most likely will not tune in. In honor of tonight and the QUEEN PERFORMING (YAS GOD) … I present her Grammy performances.

BOW DOWN BITCHESSSSSS!

1) Beyonce and Queen Tina Turner. Listen. LISTEN. Look at God.

2) Dangerously in Love….When she catches that bird …. I knew it was love.

3) If I were a Boy…. She literally OPENED by stomping on your snap-and-go wig…. You just had to deal with it.

4) One time she performed Listen…and we did. SHE’S MORE THAN WHAT-UHHHHH…. YOU MADE OF HERRR!

5) WHO RUN THIS MOTHA?! (Shut up, I know it was her AMA performance BUT WHEN WILL YOUR FAV?!?!?!?!?!?!??!) 

Y’all ready for the Grammy’s?! Next year she BETTER win 55 Grammys for this album. Best Folk Album? Beyonce. Best Rock Song? Yoncé. Taylor Swift is just going to have to sit back and deal. #SorryNotSorry