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Raggedy: The Love and Hip Hip Hollywood Story

What’s going on, dear readers?

After letting myself dip back into a touch of depression, I’m battling my way back to a happier place. But that’s enough about that sadness, let’s talk raggedy television and pet peeves.

So I know that you’ve been watching Love and Hip Hop: Hollywood.  It is AWFUL. Insanely entertaining and ridiculous, but awful nonetheless. Let’s go through these dumb story lines.

Ray-J/Teiarra Mari/Publicist Girl: Teiarra Mari is insane.  Like you can see it in her eyes.  There’s some feral going on. Her former relationship with Ray-J is ridiculous, especially considering all that we have heard about Ray-J’s antics.  For the first two episodes, she’s been the focal point wavering between fits of insanity and odd self promotion.  She “changed” her tattoo so that it would say Ray anymore (to ExRay? I guess, girl).  She’s gotten into it with Stripper Princess, Bland Publicist woman, and Hazel-E the Doduo with a grill.  I imagine that she can’t possibly continue down this path, otherwise she’d be removed from the show.  But she did tell us that she didn’t have no daddy around, so that’s obviously why she acts this way.

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Her acting in this video > Her acting on the show.

Ray-J is still trying way too hard to convince us that he’s relevant and interesting.  He’s just a lame.

The publicist girl whose name I don’t recall is boring and will probably serve as the only one who can get these ridiculous women in one place.

Omarion/April/Rattail: Omarion is also a lame.  But he seems to genuinely love April which is just fine.  April is an interesting character.  I don’t think that she is wrong in not wanting to be treated as a second fiddle to his mother.  However, she seems to be trying to take a firm stance which won’t happen unless both she and Omarion take said stance.  Being flippant and rude won’t help her case.

That said, that lady with the rat-tail will never get my support after saying that she’s been the hairdresser for Stevie Wonder.

If I ever meet her in person,we are going to throw hands.  Stevie Wonder is a legend and deserves so much better.

Shah of Sunset/Video Girl/Lean Like a Cholo Stereotype: Boring, dull, and uninteresting.  The one thing I agreed with Publicist Girl about was the lack of understanding why any of these girls would be interested in talking to this man.

Hazel-E/Yung Berg: Eww.  Just EWWWWW. I hate this chick’s face.  She’s the Karlie Redd of this show.  Lamb dressed as mutton to the fullest extreme.  She’s trash on trash.  We don’t want her rap career, we don’t want her face, we don’t want her grill, we don’t want her egg yolk yellow wig.

Yung Berg is someone who is living out the nerd-grown up revenge fantasy.  He clearly grew up getting thumped and probably wearing bobos.  You can tell in the way he brags about having a different chick every day that he’s really not very interesting or having that much sex.  People who do it, don’t say it.

Their “relationship” feels just like Karlie and Benzino.  Forced and nauseating.  Please fire these two.

Moniece/Fizzo Got Flow/Amanda: Fizz is so very good-looking.  I do like that they are showing a custodial father trying to do right by his child.  While Fizz comes across as relatively responsible, he does need to step off trying to force Amanda to be more maternal to his son.

I do think that it is responsible to slowly introduce your companion into your child’s life, especially if you plan on living as one unit.  However, the amount of exposure to the child does not imply that the child is now the mate’s responsibility.  Most people do not mind helping out in small ways, but until there is a tie (marriage/adoption) you as the biological parent should not expect or force them into a parental role.  It’s damaging to the child and always reads to me as a reduction of responsibility of the primary parent.

That said, Amanda comes across as sweet, low-key, and actually smart enough to deal with the insanity of these two.

Moniece is the worst thing to happen to television since Kenya Moore.  I can not stand this person.  What’s interesting is that she is the epitome of someone who comes across as reasonable and mature at first glance.  However, spending more than one minute reveals a latent insanity.  What’s worse is that she does not realize that she is insane, which makes her dangerous.  There is a reason that she is not the custodial parent and only barely has visiting rights.

During her ambush of Fizzo in the studio, it was clear that he is completely over her. This combined with her depiction of her situations as “bouncing from house to house,” starting a sex toy line despite none of us knowing who she is (a la Kandi), and her clear inability to relate in a rational way to anyone demonstrates a woman who must be tortuous to deal with in real life but makes for dramatic television.

She clearly believes that each time she speaks to Fizzo and Amanda, that she is in the right, that she is the damaged party, and that she deserves some sort of retribution despite all evidence to the contrary.  This is the type of delusion that is dangerous to any children (much less her own).

All in all, the show is dreadful. But I’ll be watching to engage in the hilarious tweets and laugh at the general hoodratry.

What are your thoughts on the show?  Let me know!

Celebrity Jury: Ray J

It’s Saturday and it’s time to decide the fate of another “celebrity.”

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Oh wait a minute, ain’t that Brandy’s brother?!

So Ray J, step on down!  It’s time to decide you fate.

Fact:  Ray J has been around a LONG time!

When Brandy burst onto the scene in the early 90’s with her box braids, hits on hits, and slayage; she dragged our dear friend Ray J in our conscious.  But Ray had bigger dreams than bodyrolling and doing the Bankhead Bounce with the catering staff.

Fact: Ray J can’t sing.

Yeah, while Brandy snatched on the final chorus on “I Wanna Be Down,” Ray J does not have said ability.  This is the video that led to the alleged fight between him and Fabolous.  And we all know how this ended.

Thanks Kid Fury! (@KidFury on Twitter)  If you don’t already know, love, and follow him, you LATE!

Fact: Ray  J has bops! Well, been a part of bops.  

Listen.  This is legit a flawless jam.  Trash’s favorite line: “Sexy, can I visit you at work while you slidin’ down the pole, no pannies no shirt!”

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143! AAAAAAAAAAYE WHAT IT DO!

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Obviously, the source of our opening line!  Back when we watched Free & AJ countdown the hottest videos, all of the lesser known R&B sensations were slaying!  Remember Nivea!  We’ll pay tribute to her and her Laundromat soon!

Fact: Ray J is a Petty Betty.

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Bye Ashy!  While I am no fan of the Kardashian, we know you had sex with her.  We know that she got paid millions of dollars while you took home a Happy Meal toy.  We know that she’s gone on to be rich, famous, and inescapable.   We know that you…ummm?

Got that snazzy haircut? I guess.

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Girl what is that?

Fun Fact: I Hit It First is one of Class’s favorite songs and was on his 2013 Top Played from Spotify.

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Fact: Ray J ruins shows.

Ray J was a part of two great shows from the 90’s and early 2000’s, Moesha & One On One.  On both shows, he appeared mid-series and did his very best to ruin it.  We didn’t care about Dorian or how he almost ruined the relationship between Frank & Dee.  We definitely didn’t care about One on One when Flex Washington left to smile at Shanice.  It was trash and he was trash.

Verdict:  Go sit in the corner, sir.

We live in a world where we have enough psuedo-celebrities.  Who keeps letting Ray J make music?  Who keeps letting him act?  Ray J, you are not a thug. You’re not a good singer.  Stick to random appearances in flop rappers songs and find Cris Arroyo and bring back New York!  I know you have his number!

What’s your verdict?  I know that I ignored Family Business and For The Love of Ray J but they just weren’t that illuminating or trashy.  And that’s not what I’m trying to do.

Let us know in the comments or on the Twitter Machine!  Happy Saturday!