Woo hey lovelies! It’s been a while hasn’t it? Sorry to leave you without a dope beat to step to, but we’re back. Let’s get this started with a quick word from our sponsors.
Just for meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
I could tell you stories of this weekend, but they would only bore you. So I needed to give you all a quick tip in keeping your life in check.
Tighten it the fuck up!
I swear, how are you all living as adults in 2014 without learning how to keep it together. I’m so sick of hearing back stories about myself from other people. I’m sick of you all trying to throw the rock and hide your hand. You’re not swift enough to stop us from figuring out your game, ashy. Let’s take two quick scenarios.
So you’re not having a great time because you keep “running into” “old flames” who still “want you.” Cute for you! Live your best life and fly above ALL the haters. But if I don’t know them, I really and truly don’t give a fuck. By sharing all of your trashy past experiences, no matter what the topic of conversation is, you’re always going to look foolish. Save your bedroom antics for a sleepover or your therapist. It doesn’t make you look desirable, it makes you look desperate.
Moving on to number two. Talking recklessly about people you consider your “friends” and casually spilling tea will get your face sliced. Or at least your ego. Here’s the thing. Freudian slips happen. Sometimes we’re trying to relate and say too much. But if all I get from you are snide remarks and late shade, why the hell are we hanging out?
You’re mad you weren’t invited? The exit is that-a-way! My life doesn’t revolve around you and unless you are paying my bills, you can’t direct my time. Then to reach into my texts? With unearned indignity?
Keep it. Write it in your journal and leave me the hell alone. Better yet, take those weak reads, pack them up, and send them to the illiterate children of the Third world. That’s the only way anyone will see them and give a shit.
I don’t know, this came across angrier than I intended. But it really butters my biscuits to hear someone claim to be a good friend when they have offered nothing but trouble or an obnoxious attitude in the process.
How do you feel about it? Let me know!