now i’m mad

Quickie Post: You’re Going To Leave That There?

Real quick.

You ever heard the phrase, “If it’s yellow, let it mellow.  If it’s brown, flush it down.”?


Who raised you?  Flush the toilet!  We don’t want to walk in and encounter your waste.  We don’t want an unfortunate accident to happen and it fall into your excrement.

It takes 2 seconds.  You can use your foot.  You can use a paper towel.


Wash your hands afterwards.  I promise it will be okay.

This has been a public service announcement.

Oh No You Didn’t…

Hi Loves,

I know that it’s not often that you get this many posts a day, but I’ve finally gotten the chance to really think about it.  Let’s just start with this:


Look here, you raggedy marshmallow-shaped bitch.  What you are not is a celebrity.  You are a murderer.  And instead of getting eaten by an alligator or swallowing a machete like we asked, you rolled your tubby ass back into the public eye on some bullshit.

Let’s go back to the fact that you are a murderer.

You gained “infamy” when your slovenly ass and your hideous family showed up on National News by disregarding the police, brandishing a weapon, and killing an unarmed child.

Your name is known because you are a criminal who got away on a wave of racism and ignorance.

You are THE LOWEST of the low so much so that when you die, Hell is going to put you in a waiting room because you bring down the property values.

What you are not is a celebrity? What you are is a sick, childish bastard who can’t listen, can’t follow instructions, and apparently can’t keep your hands to yourself because your wife is gone trying to annul your marriage.

And now you want to step in the ring even though you were overpowered by those new Green Apple Skittles.  You couldn’t keep Trayvon off of you but you want to box somebody with your MMA training.

Wasn’t that the premise of your case?  You are a prolapsed sphincter.  You are raccoon vomit.

You want to get “publicity” to pay back those creditors?

You want support from your “fans”?

I hope you get that new deadly gonorrhea. And before it has a chance to take you out, I hope that a pack of rabid mongooses eat off your extremities.

I hope that whomever fights you pulls out a weapon and stands their fucking ground until you’re in a million pieces.

When you sleep at night, I want you to have permanent dreams of Black person after Black person beating the shit out of you until there’s nothing left.

You are the literal worst.


And as a final warning: