Nene

Pull Over! Team Trash is Back!

Woop Woop!

Hey people, I’m finally feeling like myself again.

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Despite my good mood, y’all hoes continue to try the fuck out of it.  Let’s take a look.

“Natural Hair for White Girls”

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Where do I even start at this point?  Like don’t you all ever get tired?  This dumb broad didn’t read this and think, “Oh, I might offend everyone with my malformed attempt at satire?”  She didn’t take any time to actually look at what natural hair means to Black women.

But let’s slow down.  The first “joke” is that she is part of the most statistically oppressed group in America. This is a trap.  What you absolutely never want to do is compare your struggle in an effort to out “oppression” anyone.  Especially as a white woman.  Every person has their individual struggles and every group has a goal that they are working towards.  To recklessly make a joke about being an oppressed white woman without context is dangerous and frankly, irresponsible.

Let me pull a direct quote from this thing.

“We can’t simply refuse to shampoo and condition and get that look in the way that women of color can. This is the face and scalp of black privilege, and if we want a more cohesive society, we need to peel that black scalp back and take a look at the systems that oppress us.”

This ashy ho has somehow interpreted natural hair as not washing or maintaining hair.

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Source: RealityTVGifs)

Besides the sheer inanity of this statement, there really is a far worse implication here.  That natural hair as it grows is “dirty” and “unkempt”.  Without knowing it (because obviously she’s too dumb to function as a real member of society), she has insulted all Black women.  With the actual amount of issues black women encounter on a regular basis (included casual insults from other Black people), now is definitely not the time to sound like a slave master arguing the 3/5 rule.

“The two black women I know – Acura and Delicious, coworkers of mine – come into the teachers’ lounge every day with a sense of confidence that I could only hope to one day fake. Where does that proud sista-girl disposition come from? It comes from their exotic manes.”

Acura and Delicious are obviously real coworkers.  She didn’t make these up these “ethnic” names for the sake of insulting stereotypical Black names while also insulting their attitudes.  Why do they get to be proud of who they are?  Why do they get to enjoy their lives?  It can’t be because they worked hard to get their education degrees and obtain employment.  It can’t be because they are happy with who they are.

It must be their “dirty” afros that give the confidence that I so clearly lack because I’m not doing enough in my own life.  They are so exotic and different. I simply can’t accept their choices because it makes them different than me.

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(Source: RealityTVGifs)

 

“But, how can I have it? How can I get that ethnic flavor? How can we, as white women, cast off the shackles of the patriarchy and achieve true beauty and agency through the power of natural hair? How can we join in and have a part of that look – the part that is naturally owed to us as women?”

Because these women, Acura and Delicious, are happy ONLY BECAUSE OF THEIR HAIR, I’ve decided that I deserve that same happiness.

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I don’t just deserve it, I’m OWED it because I’m a woman.  Our struggles are EXACTLY the same and the only fix to this is for me to somehow obtain an afro.

Sorry, I have to cut the sarcasm here again.  Though this is “satire”, she still does not get how much she has just marginalized an entire group of people.  To ignore all of the actual challenges that Black women face in an effort to jokingly wonder how white women will ever catch up is so selfish and ignorant.  It truly blows my mind that the phrase “oppressed white lady hair” is actually something she typed.

For YEARS, Black people (women and men) used dangerous chemicals in order to fit in with white people.  Relaxers, weaves, and hot combs are all products used to straighten out the natural curls and kinks of our hair in order to fit the standard.  Shit, Countess Vaughn got incredibly sick because of a lace-front wig.  Madame C.J. Walker became the first Black female millionaire through hair care products.  Your “white” hair is not oppressed.  It served and continues to serve as the absolute standard of beauty for all people.  This is in fact why the natural hair counter-culture developed. Natural hair helps to empower Black women because they are allowed to believe who they are is enough.  The “instructions” that this asshole gives in order to change their look to an afro makes light of Black history and the continued struggle to assimilate into “American” culture.

The next few paragraphs of this fuckshit go on to “instruct” white women to use a combination of motor oil, Vaseline, gasoline, and bleach to strip all of the nutrients out of their hair. Making their hair so fragile and unhealthy is the key to happiness, Black lady style!

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Like I said earlier, the implication here is that the hair that grows out of Black women’s head is unhealthy, weak, and less than ideal.  Don’t forget that it’s all dirty and unkempt!  Pride comes from being a gross Black lady!

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Now listen, I’m a dude.  I’m not a woman with natural hair, so I don’t claim to be an authority on the topic.  But what I do know from discussions with my friends and family is that the power to choose how you want to look is one of the reasons that these women feel confident in themselves.  Their hair is not exotic.  Their hair is not to be mocked in some dumbass “Thought Catalog” blog because you think that you are so clever.  Making jokes about race, especially in light of the past few years, is not easy and not for the stupid.

What this woman has done in an effort to get a few chuckles is reinforce the notion that Black women are unclean and unnatural.  She has implied that Black women should not have the facility to decide how they want to look based on their own merits.  Every decision made is an attempt to embarrass white women.  There is a conspiracy to use their “gross” hair to take over.

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The fact that the editors at a blog called “Thought Catalog” didn’t see the problem with this piece is scary as well.  This was not funny, not informative, and not an opinion that we needed.  To see people defend it and frame Black people as quick to jump to offense lack basic critical reading skills.  I’ve mentioned to a few people that the worst type of racism (for me) is the complacent type who are resistant to change because it makes them uncomfortable.  They would rather not say anything and comfort themselves with the belief that it is “not me” who is being racist and therefore it’s okay.  It’s dangerous and these are the people who block change silently.  I’ll take the KKK over you any fucking day.

In addition, one of the frequent complaints that I’ve heard about feminism is their refusal to acknowledge the difference in the struggle of the minority woman.  The complete disregard of intersectionality has weakened the movement and creates more problems than the group seems to be able to solve.  To me, this article demonstrates the clear amount of disrespect that black feminists complain about.  I’m not even a woman and I’m livid.

What are your thoughts?  Do you think I’m overreacting?  (I’m not.)  Do you think that the post should be removed?  (It should.) Let me know in the comments.  Seriously, I would love to you all weigh in on the issue.

 

Nothin’ In Life Is Free

Especially not me!

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I’m not going to lie, Team Trash is struggling for a post idea. So I started listening to my Basic B*tch Music playlist on Spotify and was inspired by the sweet voiced-hoodrat soul of Oobie.

In this particular bop, Oobie and some random club patron are looking to hook up.  But Oobie GOT BILLS Y’ALL! So she tells him to come correct, pay a light bill or something before you ride this ride.  Height requirements be damned.

And you know what?  I relate to that.  Girl, times is hard.  There’s money on the table.  And we’re trying to get that.  Whether it be in the boardroom, the bedroom, or the back alley behind Magic City! My time and walls are precious and my wallet is thin!

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Kidding!  (Not really)

But in all seriousness, the lesson is here is not let anyone or anything waste your time.  If it or they aren’t offering some real value to your life, tell them hoes to sashay away or pay up. And if you are the bum ass bitch who thinks they can get by, know that you’re going to pay at some point.  Either on the front end or the back end.  Funky Dineva (@FunkyDineva on twitter) has been trying to tell you all that for years and one of these days you’re going to listen.

But as far as I’m concerned, I don’t have time for slackers or deadbeats.  Pay up or shut up!

So what are you doing to further your status as a rich bitch??  And how much do you charge for some of that candy rain?? Kidding!

(Not really).

Let us know in the comments or over at @ClassNTrashShow on Twitter.

“I don’t keep up with Joneses, I am the Joneses.” – Nene Leakes

Linnethea Monique Leakes (Nene Leakes) is a real housewife of Atlanta and one of my Queens. Now before you roll your eyes and stop reading give this a chance! Nene has a humble beginning: small town girl, stripped to pay the bills (bandz made her dance! Ayeeeee!), married rich, became a real housewife, became an actual actress outside of reality TV, saved her marriage, and managed to not make a name for herself merely by hopping on different trashy reality shows and fighting with people. Now yes, she can be loud but she keeps it real.  She described herself perfect; “Let me get you to understand I don’t bully anybody. I stand up for what I believe in and I’m very honest and I always tell the truth. I’m not a liar, I’m not manipulative and I don’t stab you in your back because I will stab you in your chest.”

So here are 5 life lessons that Nene has taught us.

1)   “Close ya legs to married men!” But really. It’s 2014. These trollops have GOT to stop sleeping around with married men, women, or both(didn’t want to leave anyone out). Just don’t do it. While I’m parked right here, all those cheaters in general, go somewhere else with that. Until you do right, your life will never be right. OKAY?! (snaps fingers in Z formation)

2)   “You touch me girl, I will wear that wig off your head. A straight hooker. Andy, I’m gonna respect you and let you do this interview next to this trashbox. Trashy hooker. Go on.” – Listen, sometimes you need to check someone and let him or her know what time it is. I try to remain calm, cool, and collected at all times. The problem is that it tricks people into thinking you are weak and they can walk all over you. No ma’am, not today or EVER! God gave of mouths, voices, words, and opinions. USE THEM (Wisely. You probably don’t want to pop off at the president of your company or Oprah). Don’t let anyone steal your shine.

3)   “I’m just not into trying to convince people to like me. I always say to myself, ‘It is what it is.’ I walk into a situation knowing that people are either going to love me or they’re going to love me or they’re not, and that’s OK. I’m just going to be me. You can’t be everything to everyone.”  Y’all I just ran around my room in praise in worship. Not everyone is going to like you in life. Point. Blank. Period. Don’t stress over it and REALLY take the time to appreciate those people that love you for YOU! Can I get an amen from the choir? It’s one of those lessons that people learn in their own time, but once you learn it your REAL friendships become stronger.

 4)   “I think that everyone is saying all kinds of things about ’rich.’ Not only am I rich from doing some of the things I’ve been able to do, but I’m rich in spirit. I’m rich in health. I’m rich in every possible way.”  I’m just as guilty as everyone in believing that while money can’t buy happiness, it surely can buy you a crap ton of things (or at least pay off my car and student loans). If someone put a million dollars in your bank account today, TRY and tell me that after you body rolled, whipped your hair, and popped your booty, you wouldn’t be ten times happier! That being said, while we all wait for this money to magically appear, we do need to begin shifting our focus to the richness in life that we have. Yes, it is hard to believe that we are rich in life every time an agent from our student loan providers calls wanting more money that we CLEARLY don’t have, BUT at least we are alive to receive that phone call, right?!

 5)   “I am here now because I am supposed to be here. And I guess when it is my time to cross over there, I will be over there. I am not religious, but I am spiritual, honey. My day is coming!” Be Patient. Be Daring. Be Bold. Be Great. Know that nothing in life lasts forever, so if you’re going through something, it has to end. What we can’t do is kick are feet back, eat Ben and Jerrys Milk and Cookies Ice Cream (GET INTO THIS FLAVOR THO! Thank us later), and expect life to change in the way we want it. Hard work is always rewarded at SOME point in life. If you’re really feeling down and out ask yourself, what would Beyonce do? Oh you know, Perform at the Presidents inauguration, Perform at the Superbowl, wake innocent people up early in the morning for a PEPSI COMMERCIAL (still pressed about it), go on a sold out world tour, be a wife, raise a child, OH and record a flawless album with accompanying videos (Girl WHAT and HOW?). Stan moment over but really….go and be GREAT y’all!

Who do you find inspiration in, be it your parent or a reality show star? Comment here OR tweet us @ClassNTrashShow. I’ll leave you with one of Nene’s finest moments. Need a lesson on how to set someone straight? Watch below and be sure to watch Real Housewives of Atlanta every Sunday. Now twirl on THAT! BLOOP!