mtv

King of Music: J-Kwon

It’s Friday, Friday!

And Trash is finally ready to write a post.  Now we’ve crown a few queens of music.  Queen Cassie and Queen Lumidee.  But you know it’s time to pay homage to a King of music.  But who holds their own against iconic bops like Me And U and Uh Ooh.

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Teen drinking is very bad.  YO, I GOT A FAKE ID, THOUGH!

Bow down, bishes, bow bow down BISHES!!!!

Okay, let’s back up.  J-Kwon came out my senior year of high school and seemed to be a response to the Nelly and Chingy wave of St. Louis based hip hop that had came to dominate the charts.  Now for you all who may not remember, the early to mid-2000’s saw rap music take over the pop charts in a huge way.  It was an amazing time that led to the world’s greatest one hit wonders.  Let’s two step and talk about Tipsy and why it is flawless.

The first verse starts with J-Kwon counting and talking about how great the party is.  The girl is feeling his steez, but she got a bad attitude.  You don’t get none.  The counting structure is clever and you can’t take it. We are jamming obviously because the song snatches wigs. To be honest, I’m struggling to write this post because I’m doing the Chickenhead around my apartment and rapping along.

chickenhead

I don’t know the song just does things to me.  I smile every single time I hear it.  Something about J-Kwon’s crooked smile and centipede cornrows gets me going.  The beat is just random noises.  It’s amazing.  I think the appeal of the song is that it’s not complicated.  It’s a party song about getting drunk and the things that happen at hoodrat house parties.  It doesn’t try to be more than it is and it’s great fun.  Also, J-Kwon’s mush mouth is hilarious.

And Billboard thought so too.  Tipsy went to #7 on the Pop charts and was the #11 song of the whole damn year.  Stay mad haters!

 

Although Wikipedia is being super shady as I do my research, calling this song a “novelty” single.

So J-Kwon achieved international success and had made mince meat of your favorite rappers.  What happened next?

It’s the new improved Hood Hop!

So how do you follow up an anthem about underaged drinking?  A song about the streets with a fun dance attached!  Obviously.

Honestly, the most notable thing about this video is watching J-Kwon step touch all through the video.  At least, his cornrows had hang time.  Hood Hop didn’t quite light up the charts but don’t act like you don’t remember it!

Ooh, I like when he randomly makes letters of a word in the specific line he’s rapping.

And that was that. Although Wikipedia tells me that there were more singles.  Let’s listen to one!

Oh wait! I remember this song!  See, I was being rude.  You and Me was a cute little song.  Unfortunately, the best summer love song that is a rap/sung collaboration was L’il Flip’s Sunshine.  Sorry bout it.

Now as far as I remember, that was the end of his career but there are at least 3 more J-Kwon’s albums to be explored.  I don’t know if I’m quite ready to explore those depths. Even Trash has his limits, yall.

chloe

But because I don’t want you all miss out the rest of the King’s discography, here it is.

Like Dis featuring Andy Milonakis

Take it to the flo, Andy! Take it to the hood, Kwon!

A guest verse on the Fresh Azimiz Remix???

But I don’t see him in the video though.  I have questions.

And the Louie Bounce aka I Smacked Nikki!!!!!

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Wait!  Wait!  This is amazing.

YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASS!

Listen, like I said about Lumidee. There are some careers that could only have happened and been sustained during the early 2000’s.  And just as the curse got Chingy, J-Kwon’s brand of rapping wasn’t going to hold up.  We never took him seriously as a rapper and when pushed to try to keep up with the trends, we got I Smacked Nikki.  And he didn’t even have his looks to fall back on.

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Eek.  But for one glorious moment, we had Tipsy and J-Kwon was on top of the world.  And that’s why he is a King of Music.

Celebrity Jury: Bow Wow

What’s up, what’s happening??

Now it’s been a while since we have had a court session.  You can catch up here, here, and here! Let’s talk about Shad Moss.  L’il Bow Wow.  Mr. 106 & Park!

LIL-BOW-WOW-TYRA

Get into those luxurious locks!  Let’s get started.

Fact: Bow Wow has some jams.

Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaass!

harlem

snoopdance

 

Don’t be mad!

Fact: This Bow Wow and Omarion thing happened…

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You know how Watch The Throne was like super successful?  This was the Dollar General version of that.  And it was trash.  The songs were trash.  The only quality thing we got from this was Bow Wow’s sass.

“We gone own the forff quarter!
And if you don’t jump on the bandwagon now…”

::neck roll:: ::finger wave::

This song was trash.  Even if you liked it, you were wrong.

Fact: Bow Wow is not ugly.

Short, yes.  Ugly, no.

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Fact: Remember him dating Ciara??

Ciara, girl those notes!

Fact: You didn’t think I forgot Marco Polo, did you????

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Fact: Roll Bounce is the worst.

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Nope.  Not even a little.  This movie was terrible in every way.

Fact: Bow Wow is realistic.

Currently, Bow Wow is a host on 106 & Park.  This was a show where he dominated the countdowns and was a featured guest at one point.  I remember people clowning him for taking the gig as it was acceptance that he was no longer famous anymore.  I might have even done it.

But let’s get real, times are hard for those stars who came up in the early 2000’s.  It was a different time and sound that is now considered dated by most. So instead of going hungry, Shad took a job that pays consistently and keeps him employed.  He’s not out here scooting across Queen Latifah’s floor or releasing videos with the World Star Hip Hop tag.

So I’m not going to dis finding a way to stay paid without resorting to super flop ass records.

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Fact: Azimiz???

Fact: Bow Wow led to the best Catfish episode ever.

D-Pimpin: My name is Bow Wow.

    Nev: Your name is not Bow Wow.  What’s your name.

D-Pimpin: Shad Moss.

Did you all watch this episode?  It was incredible.  Part-time model/McDonald’s cashier thinks that Bow Wow is in love with her after a Facebook message response.  She also receives $10,000 which is how she knows it’s real.

D-Pimpin is a struggle rapper/mooch who gets money from her “mixtape” and uses a lambskin dildo to trick unsuspecting straight women.

It is all so AMAZING!

Verdict: Why not?

You know, I went into this thinking that the Bow Wow verdict would be a huge no, but honestly, I like Bow Wow.

Sure he hasn’t had any chart success recently, but he’s managed to get himself attached to the Fast & Furious franchise, keep a steady pay check, and he has some tunes that I jam to.  He hit some financial troubles but so did everyone associated with Jermaine Dupri.  Even Jermaine Dupri.  I just hope Dem Franchise Boyz are set.

So you know, team Bow Wow.  Let’s end with another sassy video clip from the Bow Wow/Omarion days.

claws

The Supreme Diva. The VOICE. Whitney Houston.

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Two years y’all. It’s STILL not real to me but we can’t continue on the day without giving Whitney a shout-out. She is the gold standard. No matter HOW great an artist of today is or will be, Whitney will ALWAYS be better. Many have come close, but she remains untouchable. We DO know that she’s up in Heaven showing OUT in the choir! So here are few of my all-time favorite Whitney Houston moments.

1) THIS. PERFORMANCE. It’s a cool 10:00 long but if you have the time, you won’t regret it. This is how you perform: a band, a stunning dress, and a microphone. This is how you control your voice. This is how you sing with an emotion. This is how you perform without just belting or shouting in a microphone. Her tone is crystal freaking clear.

2) Another live performance that needs to be mentioned. I would DIE if she ever told me to “Shoop” with her. The important parts of this video is the tender moment with her daughter and Monica. Sometimes we forget that Monica can BLOW and Whitney approved.

3) Carrie Underwood, we’ll let you finish BUT Whitney and Brandy had the BEST made for TV Movie-Musical. HANDS. DOWN. You might even be able to find the whole movie online if you search….. 😉

5) This.

6) BET Awards Tribute

Now BET mostly gets it wrong. That award show can be very embarrassing to watch. After the Michael Jackson tribute, I think we were all worried at the what they would throw together for Ms. Houston.  When I say that they got this tribute all the way right? Monica and Brandy came to snatch wigs. And Cissy….okay…I had to stop because tears were welling up. (This wasn’t about hitting the right notes so don’t even come for Momma.

Whitney is, was, and will continue to be music to me. It just doesn’t get better. We miss and love you Nippy!!!!

What are some your favorite Whitney moments?

Is this Black History Month?

THROWBACK!!!!!

Once upon a time, Reality TV was simple. They threw people up in a house and let them deal. This is when the Real World was GREAT! Here’s a short flashback of when the Real World was relevant.

Coral SLAYS. The Miz SLAYS. This was an INCREDIBLE season. I remember watching every single episode. Coral was on this show to educate the people! She was reading before reading was cool. OKAY?!

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Example two:

So now you know not to call people “Panty-Droppin freaks”. Important life lessons I needed to know back in the day.

So what is todays lesson? Coral said it best….Don’t celebrate your ignorance brotha! We want reports from those that didn’t know it was Black History Month (No but really).

Happy Monday Y’all!

Oh and they made up by the end of the season. It wasn’t all hate. MAN I miss this show/season!

Go on and follow, like, and find us on twitta yo (ClassNTrashShow!

Trashy Thursday – Tila Tequila

It’s your favorite day of the week, Trashy Thursday!

taywerq

WORK IT OUT TAY TAY!

Let’s get in our blinged out time-machine with spinning rims and go back to a time when Myspace was the social media of choice, L’il Kim still had most of her natural face, and we were still drinking Sprite Remix.

This queen:

tila

Tila Tequila ran the world for a brief moment.  And I loved her.  She has approximately no talent aside from being pretty and delightfully trashy.  Today, we pay tribute to her legacy.

I Love You

Now, I don’t recall where I was.  But I remember hearing this song and immediately running to download it.  From the intro speech,

“You know, I just want to let you know, that I never felt this way about anybody else.  I…I I think I love you.  So don’t think I’m crazy when I tell you this. But if you ever hurt me,

I FUCKING KILL YOU!”

wigsnatch

to the chorus,

“You better go down when you get with me
You better realize that I’m what you need
You better get here before I count to 3
You better do right, I’ll fuck you up!”

tamarpop

to my personal favorite line,

“You better obey if you want my nookie, You better stop talking to all them hoochies!”

We flawless!  Tila Tequila is territorial and will not tolerate this man not fulfilling her every desire.  This is totally rational.  And while you may be call, “Trash, Tila is so nasty!” You pressed.

This also served as the theme song to her amazing trashy reality show.

This show was MTV’s response to the overwhelming popularity of Flavor of Love and I Love New York.  While this show was not quite on that level of delight, it still was a trashy, messy, amazing program.  The most important of moments being in the first episode…

Listen.  I can’t embed but it BEHOOVES you to click this link and watch Keasha be the greatest.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L9ILxkbYIhU

“CAUTION.  WHOA.  HEY EASY!”

Love her.

Now the show was essentially about Tila’s bisexuality and how she was going to pick the man or lady of her dreams.  It didn’t work out (I DON’T KNOW WHY) but you know how people always say the Biebs looks like a lesbian?

dani

That’s why.

Now let’s go back to the jams!

Stripper Friends

While it’s not “I Love You,” this goes hard in the paint.  The rock influence is there.  Get into her dance moves!

I also enjoy that each line either ends in Heeeeey! or WOOO!  That is good fun.

Fuck Ya Man

This is Team Trash’s anthem.

What’s your favorite Tila Tequila memory? Was it when Vanessa and Brandy fought in the first season?  Domenico’s horrific accent?  Or just the songs?  Let us know in the comments or on Twitter.

BYE GIRL BYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!