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Pull Over! Team Trash is Back!

Woop Woop!

Hey people, I’m finally feeling like myself again.

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Despite my good mood, y’all hoes continue to try the fuck out of it.  Let’s take a look.

“Natural Hair for White Girls”

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Where do I even start at this point?  Like don’t you all ever get tired?  This dumb broad didn’t read this and think, “Oh, I might offend everyone with my malformed attempt at satire?”  She didn’t take any time to actually look at what natural hair means to Black women.

But let’s slow down.  The first “joke” is that she is part of the most statistically oppressed group in America. This is a trap.  What you absolutely never want to do is compare your struggle in an effort to out “oppression” anyone.  Especially as a white woman.  Every person has their individual struggles and every group has a goal that they are working towards.  To recklessly make a joke about being an oppressed white woman without context is dangerous and frankly, irresponsible.

Let me pull a direct quote from this thing.

“We can’t simply refuse to shampoo and condition and get that look in the way that women of color can. This is the face and scalp of black privilege, and if we want a more cohesive society, we need to peel that black scalp back and take a look at the systems that oppress us.”

This ashy ho has somehow interpreted natural hair as not washing or maintaining hair.

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Source: RealityTVGifs)

Besides the sheer inanity of this statement, there really is a far worse implication here.  That natural hair as it grows is “dirty” and “unkempt”.  Without knowing it (because obviously she’s too dumb to function as a real member of society), she has insulted all Black women.  With the actual amount of issues black women encounter on a regular basis (included casual insults from other Black people), now is definitely not the time to sound like a slave master arguing the 3/5 rule.

“The two black women I know – Acura and Delicious, coworkers of mine – come into the teachers’ lounge every day with a sense of confidence that I could only hope to one day fake. Where does that proud sista-girl disposition come from? It comes from their exotic manes.”

Acura and Delicious are obviously real coworkers.  She didn’t make these up these “ethnic” names for the sake of insulting stereotypical Black names while also insulting their attitudes.  Why do they get to be proud of who they are?  Why do they get to enjoy their lives?  It can’t be because they worked hard to get their education degrees and obtain employment.  It can’t be because they are happy with who they are.

It must be their “dirty” afros that give the confidence that I so clearly lack because I’m not doing enough in my own life.  They are so exotic and different. I simply can’t accept their choices because it makes them different than me.

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(Source: RealityTVGifs)

 

“But, how can I have it? How can I get that ethnic flavor? How can we, as white women, cast off the shackles of the patriarchy and achieve true beauty and agency through the power of natural hair? How can we join in and have a part of that look – the part that is naturally owed to us as women?”

Because these women, Acura and Delicious, are happy ONLY BECAUSE OF THEIR HAIR, I’ve decided that I deserve that same happiness.

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I don’t just deserve it, I’m OWED it because I’m a woman.  Our struggles are EXACTLY the same and the only fix to this is for me to somehow obtain an afro.

Sorry, I have to cut the sarcasm here again.  Though this is “satire”, she still does not get how much she has just marginalized an entire group of people.  To ignore all of the actual challenges that Black women face in an effort to jokingly wonder how white women will ever catch up is so selfish and ignorant.  It truly blows my mind that the phrase “oppressed white lady hair” is actually something she typed.

For YEARS, Black people (women and men) used dangerous chemicals in order to fit in with white people.  Relaxers, weaves, and hot combs are all products used to straighten out the natural curls and kinks of our hair in order to fit the standard.  Shit, Countess Vaughn got incredibly sick because of a lace-front wig.  Madame C.J. Walker became the first Black female millionaire through hair care products.  Your “white” hair is not oppressed.  It served and continues to serve as the absolute standard of beauty for all people.  This is in fact why the natural hair counter-culture developed. Natural hair helps to empower Black women because they are allowed to believe who they are is enough.  The “instructions” that this asshole gives in order to change their look to an afro makes light of Black history and the continued struggle to assimilate into “American” culture.

The next few paragraphs of this fuckshit go on to “instruct” white women to use a combination of motor oil, Vaseline, gasoline, and bleach to strip all of the nutrients out of their hair. Making their hair so fragile and unhealthy is the key to happiness, Black lady style!

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Like I said earlier, the implication here is that the hair that grows out of Black women’s head is unhealthy, weak, and less than ideal.  Don’t forget that it’s all dirty and unkempt!  Pride comes from being a gross Black lady!

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Now listen, I’m a dude.  I’m not a woman with natural hair, so I don’t claim to be an authority on the topic.  But what I do know from discussions with my friends and family is that the power to choose how you want to look is one of the reasons that these women feel confident in themselves.  Their hair is not exotic.  Their hair is not to be mocked in some dumbass “Thought Catalog” blog because you think that you are so clever.  Making jokes about race, especially in light of the past few years, is not easy and not for the stupid.

What this woman has done in an effort to get a few chuckles is reinforce the notion that Black women are unclean and unnatural.  She has implied that Black women should not have the facility to decide how they want to look based on their own merits.  Every decision made is an attempt to embarrass white women.  There is a conspiracy to use their “gross” hair to take over.

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The fact that the editors at a blog called “Thought Catalog” didn’t see the problem with this piece is scary as well.  This was not funny, not informative, and not an opinion that we needed.  To see people defend it and frame Black people as quick to jump to offense lack basic critical reading skills.  I’ve mentioned to a few people that the worst type of racism (for me) is the complacent type who are resistant to change because it makes them uncomfortable.  They would rather not say anything and comfort themselves with the belief that it is “not me” who is being racist and therefore it’s okay.  It’s dangerous and these are the people who block change silently.  I’ll take the KKK over you any fucking day.

In addition, one of the frequent complaints that I’ve heard about feminism is their refusal to acknowledge the difference in the struggle of the minority woman.  The complete disregard of intersectionality has weakened the movement and creates more problems than the group seems to be able to solve.  To me, this article demonstrates the clear amount of disrespect that black feminists complain about.  I’m not even a woman and I’m livid.

What are your thoughts?  Do you think I’m overreacting?  (I’m not.)  Do you think that the post should be removed?  (It should.) Let me know in the comments.  Seriously, I would love to you all weigh in on the issue.

 

Unrealistic Expectations

Now far be it from me to tell people to lower the standards of what they are looking for in a mate.  But I just need to have a word with my straight brethren.  It seems that a lot of you ashy, crusty men have a laundry list of demands from the women you can’t attract, can’t date, and can’t keep.  This came up in a conversation between Overactive Blogger, Class, and I last night when a mutual acquaintance tweeted some nonsense about how a woman can’t expect to keep a man when she doesn’t treat him like one.

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See here’s the thing.  There is this prevailing notion among some of you that “females” only exists to cater to your whims.  To keep you house clean, breed a litter of ugly children, and fulfill your sexual desires.  And sure, there are some ladies who will want to do that.  But it should be their choice.  We live in a world where two incomes is almost the minimum to survive.  So your part-time hours at Stop & Shop aren’t going to cut it.  If your wife or girlfriend is busy working and paying the student loans that she took out in order to get a job, then that just MAY cut into the time she has to lotion your toe talons and make a from scratch meal every single night.  If you all have kids, between their activities, working, and household chores, your needs may simply come last.

Whenever I hear something like this, I feel as though it’s just your precious male ego taking a hit but women DO NOT NEED YOU to live a thriving, successful life.  If anything, raggedy ain’t shit Tyrese-lite men like you are making it easier for them to know who to avoid.  The only women who are going to put their own needs behind “her man’s” delusions are either women who choose to do so (as is their right) or women with such low self-esteem that they believe that is the only way to keep a man.

So here’s a few handy tips on not being an asshole.  Because I’m generous like that…

1) STOP REFERRING TO WOMEN AS FEMALES.

Why are we still doing that?  Saying female makes it sound like you’re describing a primate or a specimen.  It’s not attractive and it’s irritating.

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2) You can’t date Instagram models.

Now if you are single, there’s nothing wrong with treating yourself to a little eye candy.  And if you happen to meet a girl you like that caters to your eye candy visions, good for you!  But let me let you in on a little secret.  You are at best AVERAGE.  And the thing about these “bad bitch” accounts is that these bad bitches aren’t interested in dating your regular ass.  That’s why Catfish is going into its 3rd season.

Get off the internet scouring for the woman who looks like Cassie, cooks like your grandmother, and f*cks you like Jenna Jamison.

3) It is 2014, not 1920.

Now I’m not a woman and I can’t speak for women.  But I can tell you that in today’s world, equitable relationships are in vogue.  Speaking specifically to African Americans, women are now getting more degrees and higher paying jobs and then having to come home and babysit a man-child who was never taught to take responsibility for his actions.  And they simply don’t have the time for man-boy antics and selfish whims.

4) Your wife/girlfriend is not your mother.

Women aren’t responsible for getting your life together.  It is not her job to upgrade you.  It is not her job to make sure you go to work.  Her job is to support, care, and love you just as you do to her.  If she’s working late, make her a meal.  If both of you are home, why not clean together?  All that I’m trying to say is that you all seem to be looking for someone to fix your life and cover your faults, but Iyanla is booked.  Motivate yourself to take care of her and you’ll be surprised what she’ll be willing to do for you.

5) Use discretion.

Listen, we all want to get some.  It’s human.  I’m going to say this once.

WRAP IT THE FUCK UP!

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There are too many condoms brands for you to blame women for getting pregnant.  There is too much free porn for your to catch chlamydia.  Dating is hard enough without having to deal with you not getting tested, thinking that pulling out prevents pregnancy, and leaving women to be single mothers.  Don’t stick your dick in everything and perhaps it will ease the burden of getting to know the type of women you want to date.

All in all, I simply want my straights to find happy, enduring relationships.  While individual relationships may vary, you all have to stop creating these unrealistic expectations of women while you sit there with ashy elbows and chapped lips.  Take care of yourself, take care of your lady, and you will find a happy medium where you both are happy and you don’t have to get on Twitter talking about how “Women these days don’t scrape the barnacles off the backs of they men like they use to!”

Ladies, how do you deal with raggedy men? Fellas, are you expecting too much? Let us know in the comments or over on the Twitter (@ClassNTrashShow).