Lies

Quickie Post: Lies, Fairy Tales, & Fallacies

So this is real quick since I finally get to go back to Atlanta today!  (Which is really starting to feel like home)

But you know, some of you have to stop lying on these little profiles girl.  Now I’m not as opposed to online dating as Class but I do have many of the same issues he has.

However, ladies and gents, we have to keep it real in these mean online streets.  Put your actual height.  Put your actual weight (not your goal weight or your pre-college weight).  Don’t say you love something that you don’t.  Put up a recent picture.  You know, if you actually want to date someone on these sites, don’t be a disappointment when you meet in person.  My plan is to put up pictures of me at my average (which is to say including what I look like at work) with one picture of me when my genes are on 100.  I also save it for last, because I don’t look like that everyday.  That’s me snatching wigs.  This first pic is the Trash you’re going to see during the week.  And if you like that, you damn sure are going to love when I’m feeling my beat and my bang.

So that’s all.  Have a great one and I WILL be back for Trashy Thursday!

Smooches!

Keep Your Mess To Yourself

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Woo hey lovelies!  It’s been a while hasn’t it?  Sorry to leave you without a dope beat to step to, but we’re back.  Let’s get this started with a quick word from our sponsors.

Just for meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

I could tell you stories of this weekend, but they would only bore you.  So I needed to give you all a quick tip in keeping your life in check.

Tighten it the fuck up!

I swear, how are you all living as adults in 2014 without learning how to keep it together.  I’m so sick of hearing back stories about myself from other people.  I’m sick of you all trying to throw the rock and hide your hand.  You’re not swift enough to stop us from figuring out your game, ashy.  Let’s take two quick scenarios.

So you’re not having a great time because you keep “running into” “old flames” who still “want you.”  Cute for you!  Live your best life and fly above ALL the haters.  But if I don’t know them, I really and truly don’t give a fuck.  By sharing all of your trashy past experiences, no matter what the topic of conversation is, you’re always going to look foolish.  Save your bedroom antics for a sleepover or your therapist.  It doesn’t make you look desirable, it makes you look desperate.

Moving on to number two.  Talking recklessly about people you consider your “friends” and casually spilling tea will get your face sliced.  Or at least your ego.  Here’s the thing.  Freudian slips happen.  Sometimes we’re trying to relate and say too much.  But if all I get from you are snide remarks and late shade, why the hell are we hanging out?

You’re mad you weren’t invited?  The exit is that-a-way! My life doesn’t revolve around you and unless you are paying my bills, you can’t direct my time.  Then to reach into my texts?  With unearned indignity?

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Keep it.  Write it in your journal and leave me the hell alone.  Better yet, take those weak reads, pack them up, and send them to the illiterate children of the Third world.  That’s the only way anyone will see them and give a shit.

I don’t know, this came across angrier than I intended.  But it really butters my biscuits to hear someone claim to be a good friend when they have offered nothing but trouble or an obnoxious attitude in the process.

How do you feel about it?  Let me know!

 

 

My Grits Are Overcooked.

You ever have a week when everyone/everything is on your damn nerves? That has been this week for me.

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The weather is on the next level bull shit. It’s raining, snowing, sleeting, and its too damn cold….and then its 70 degrees. I’m over it COMPLETELY. My body is giving up. Like, I have this hint of a cold and I want it to go the EFF away. Whoever pissed mother nature off can apologize NOW. This weather makes me mad and I just want to push people down on the street.

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My apartment is a damn mess. I mean a DAMN MESS. I just don’t have the time to do what needs to be done. So clothes are everywhere. Dishes are taking over and I hate it. I go home and just flop because I can’t deal. I feel overwhelmed with the amount of cleaning that needs to be done. Maybe I’ll get it done this weekend…oh wait…I’m working this weekend again.

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People are on my nerves. Like some of the statements people make on the internet piss me the eff off. SHUT. UP. There is a fine line between celebrating life moments and throwing it in our faces. There is a fine line between health tips and just sounding stupid because we know deep down you aren’t eating to lose weight. There is a fine line between reality and the imaginary world that people tweet, Facebook, or blog about. It’s just annoying. I’m sure I’ve been guilty of being annoying but some take it to the next level. Maybe it’s time for a social media break? Who knows. Why do people try SO DAMN HARD to be someone that they are not?! UGH.

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I’m tired of useless, unwarranted advice. My coworker is the worst about this. Bitch you don’t need to tell me what to do. EVER. Leave me alone. It’s worse when you turn to a friend and they add their two cents in on how to handle it. SHUT UP. This is when I pretend that my phone is breaking up. “Oh girl, I gotta go!” This has been the week of unsolicited advice and I’m over it. Unless your Oprah or Beyonce, you can skip me with advice unless I ask.

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I’m tired of feeling mediocre. I just want so much out of life and I feel stuck. Trapped with potential and no outlet to be f*cking great(f*cking great differs from being just great). So what is the solution? If I knew, I would have the money, man,  and the private island that I dream about. So what is my temporary solution? Girl scout cookies. Lots and lots of girl scout cookies.

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How has your week been? Let us know!

The Best And The WORST Of This Week.

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It’s FRIDAY!!!! After a ridiculously long week (that is NOT over), here are 5 things that I am ABSOLUTELY grateful for.

1)   Girl Scout Cookies.

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My lunch yesterday consisted of Girl Scout Cookies. They are a blessing that rolls around once a year. As I type this my mouth is watering but I’m on a 16 hour intermittent fast, and these cookies are not an option today. If you say you don’t like Girl Scout cookies, your whole entire life is a lie.  Yes, you can buy knock offs at the grocery store, but it literally is not the same thing! (Okay it kind of is but you know what I mean.)

2)   This here blog!

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It provides a welcome distraction from daily work life. It reminds me to dream big. It also prevents me from taking naps during my planning period. Watching it grow is super fun! So yay to all you new readers and followers! You’ve made this week DaBomb.com (It’s time to bring that saying back y’all.)

3)   This Song

FINE it’s not the newest but…Beyonce “officially” released it and I wouldn’t be Class if I didn’t acknowledge all that the Queen does. Driver roll up the partition PLEASE!

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4)   My mother

I am the ultimate Momma’s Boy. I’m proud of this fact. Not only do I look like my mother but also we are the same person at the core. When in the midst of a terrible week, she knows just the right words to say. Need to throw shade at a particular situation? She has mastered the art of throwing shade with a smile that will have you dying of laughter (if you aren’t the recipient of the shade that is)Sure we have argued and I was a snobby teenager BUT she is the reason I want to be great. Can a brotha just build his Mom her dream home? ::sappy moment over::

5) Chicken

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Chicken is there when no one else is. It tastes good. It’s affordable. You can prepare it anyway you want. You need a late night snack? Chicken. Don’t know what to have for dinner? Chicken. What goes great on top of pizza? Barbecued….chicken. Thank you chicken for all you do and your nourishment. Too often we forget to give you praise.

Now here are some things that can kindly go away next week…

1)  My dang job.

No it’s not the children (all the time). It’s the paperwork, the bad parents, and the administration. BYE. ASHY. Teach your teachers right education department

2)   Not sleeping

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So I work all day, have students stay with me after school to practice, have a 3 hour rehearsal for a show I’m in, and then get home around 10pm These 10+ hour days have got to stop. I’m EXHAUSTED!

3)   The last week of the month budget.

I just…. Never have money the last week. The ONLY cool thing about being broke is that you get to be SUPER inventive in the kitchen. Besides that, Being broke can GTFOH.

4)   Colored Contacts

Y’all, we know that is not your natural eye color. Stop. It.

ByeAshy

5)    Blatant Lies

Just live in your reality. That’s all. I’m tired of scrolling and reading about the 19 miles you ran knowing good and well that you were taking a nap. Or knowing you spent your whole life in New Jersey but you’re claiming to have lived your entire life in London. We know what you’re doing.

So what are some of you highlights and lowlights of this week?! Let us know! Comment below or follow us on the twiiter! (@ClassNTrashShow)

Love ya for reading!

Bloop