jermaine dupri

King of Music: J-Kwon

It’s Friday, Friday!

And Trash is finally ready to write a post.  Now we’ve crown a few queens of music.  Queen Cassie and Queen Lumidee.  But you know it’s time to pay homage to a King of music.  But who holds their own against iconic bops like Me And U and Uh Ooh.

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Teen drinking is very bad.  YO, I GOT A FAKE ID, THOUGH!

Bow down, bishes, bow bow down BISHES!!!!

Okay, let’s back up.  J-Kwon came out my senior year of high school and seemed to be a response to the Nelly and Chingy wave of St. Louis based hip hop that had came to dominate the charts.  Now for you all who may not remember, the early to mid-2000’s saw rap music take over the pop charts in a huge way.  It was an amazing time that led to the world’s greatest one hit wonders.  Let’s two step and talk about Tipsy and why it is flawless.

The first verse starts with J-Kwon counting and talking about how great the party is.  The girl is feeling his steez, but she got a bad attitude.  You don’t get none.  The counting structure is clever and you can’t take it. We are jamming obviously because the song snatches wigs. To be honest, I’m struggling to write this post because I’m doing the Chickenhead around my apartment and rapping along.

chickenhead

I don’t know the song just does things to me.  I smile every single time I hear it.  Something about J-Kwon’s crooked smile and centipede cornrows gets me going.  The beat is just random noises.  It’s amazing.  I think the appeal of the song is that it’s not complicated.  It’s a party song about getting drunk and the things that happen at hoodrat house parties.  It doesn’t try to be more than it is and it’s great fun.  Also, J-Kwon’s mush mouth is hilarious.

And Billboard thought so too.  Tipsy went to #7 on the Pop charts and was the #11 song of the whole damn year.  Stay mad haters!

 

Although Wikipedia is being super shady as I do my research, calling this song a “novelty” single.

So J-Kwon achieved international success and had made mince meat of your favorite rappers.  What happened next?

It’s the new improved Hood Hop!

So how do you follow up an anthem about underaged drinking?  A song about the streets with a fun dance attached!  Obviously.

Honestly, the most notable thing about this video is watching J-Kwon step touch all through the video.  At least, his cornrows had hang time.  Hood Hop didn’t quite light up the charts but don’t act like you don’t remember it!

Ooh, I like when he randomly makes letters of a word in the specific line he’s rapping.

And that was that. Although Wikipedia tells me that there were more singles.  Let’s listen to one!

Oh wait! I remember this song!  See, I was being rude.  You and Me was a cute little song.  Unfortunately, the best summer love song that is a rap/sung collaboration was L’il Flip’s Sunshine.  Sorry bout it.

Now as far as I remember, that was the end of his career but there are at least 3 more J-Kwon’s albums to be explored.  I don’t know if I’m quite ready to explore those depths. Even Trash has his limits, yall.

chloe

But because I don’t want you all miss out the rest of the King’s discography, here it is.

Like Dis featuring Andy Milonakis

Take it to the flo, Andy! Take it to the hood, Kwon!

A guest verse on the Fresh Azimiz Remix???

But I don’t see him in the video though.  I have questions.

And the Louie Bounce aka I Smacked Nikki!!!!!

crylaugh

Wait!  Wait!  This is amazing.

YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASS!

Listen, like I said about Lumidee. There are some careers that could only have happened and been sustained during the early 2000’s.  And just as the curse got Chingy, J-Kwon’s brand of rapping wasn’t going to hold up.  We never took him seriously as a rapper and when pushed to try to keep up with the trends, we got I Smacked Nikki.  And he didn’t even have his looks to fall back on.

jkwon2 jkwon3

Eek.  But for one glorious moment, we had Tipsy and J-Kwon was on top of the world.  And that’s why he is a King of Music.

Celebrity Jury: Bow Wow

What’s up, what’s happening??

Now it’s been a while since we have had a court session.  You can catch up here, here, and here! Let’s talk about Shad Moss.  L’il Bow Wow.  Mr. 106 & Park!

LIL-BOW-WOW-TYRA

Get into those luxurious locks!  Let’s get started.

Fact: Bow Wow has some jams.

Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaass!

harlem

snoopdance

 

Don’t be mad!

Fact: This Bow Wow and Omarion thing happened…

bow-wow-o

You know how Watch The Throne was like super successful?  This was the Dollar General version of that.  And it was trash.  The songs were trash.  The only quality thing we got from this was Bow Wow’s sass.

“We gone own the forff quarter!
And if you don’t jump on the bandwagon now…”

::neck roll:: ::finger wave::

This song was trash.  Even if you liked it, you were wrong.

Fact: Bow Wow is not ugly.

Short, yes.  Ugly, no.

bowwow

Fact: Remember him dating Ciara??

Ciara, girl those notes!

Fact: You didn’t think I forgot Marco Polo, did you????

Miley-Cyrus-twerking-1

Fact: Roll Bounce is the worst.

rollbounce

Nope.  Not even a little.  This movie was terrible in every way.

Fact: Bow Wow is realistic.

Currently, Bow Wow is a host on 106 & Park.  This was a show where he dominated the countdowns and was a featured guest at one point.  I remember people clowning him for taking the gig as it was acceptance that he was no longer famous anymore.  I might have even done it.

But let’s get real, times are hard for those stars who came up in the early 2000’s.  It was a different time and sound that is now considered dated by most. So instead of going hungry, Shad took a job that pays consistently and keeps him employed.  He’s not out here scooting across Queen Latifah’s floor or releasing videos with the World Star Hip Hop tag.

So I’m not going to dis finding a way to stay paid without resorting to super flop ass records.

getmoney

Fact: Azimiz???

Fact: Bow Wow led to the best Catfish episode ever.

D-Pimpin: My name is Bow Wow.

    Nev: Your name is not Bow Wow.  What’s your name.

D-Pimpin: Shad Moss.

Did you all watch this episode?  It was incredible.  Part-time model/McDonald’s cashier thinks that Bow Wow is in love with her after a Facebook message response.  She also receives $10,000 which is how she knows it’s real.

D-Pimpin is a struggle rapper/mooch who gets money from her “mixtape” and uses a lambskin dildo to trick unsuspecting straight women.

It is all so AMAZING!

Verdict: Why not?

You know, I went into this thinking that the Bow Wow verdict would be a huge no, but honestly, I like Bow Wow.

Sure he hasn’t had any chart success recently, but he’s managed to get himself attached to the Fast & Furious franchise, keep a steady pay check, and he has some tunes that I jam to.  He hit some financial troubles but so did everyone associated with Jermaine Dupri.  Even Jermaine Dupri.  I just hope Dem Franchise Boyz are set.

So you know, team Bow Wow.  Let’s end with another sassy video clip from the Bow Wow/Omarion days.

claws