Trashy Thursday is Back!

And it’s time, it’s time, it’s time to pay tribute to my patron saint, my guiding light, my spirit animal!

 

Tiffany “Miss New York” Pollard

Let’s go back.  All the way to the year 2006.  Flavor Flav aka Foofy Foofy had just had his heart broken by Brigitte Nielsen.   So he turned to the only thing that could heal his pain.  Reality TV!  I’ll save the rest of my summary of the first episode.  But it introduced us to my queen and my diva, MISS NEW YORK.

 

Listen.  This woman is life-changing.  She’s so iconic.  She is why reality television was invented.

Look at her.  Look at that heavy eye makeup.  That flower.  She’s amazing.

If you recall, New York won a roller skating date with The Foofster.  (“He’s a man, not a Foofy!”)  Her titties swinging low like so many chariots.

During the first episode after Goldie’s upchuck adventures, New York comes in to greet the ladies having breakfast.

“Good Morning! Good Morning.  Good Morning.  (To Rain) Not you, you can choke!”

New York on New York.

Who doesn’t tell themselves that every morning?  It’s a mantra for all of us.

But then, STRIFE! Hottie tried it.

And now legendary quote number 11?

Excuse the video quality, but I didn’t want to give too much away from the recap.

“You fucking look like Luther Vandross!!!” Listen if you didn’t love her by this point, you were watching the entire show incorrectly.

More adventures in New York vs. Hottie:

New York’s first time uttering her signature line.  Like she was eating her steak.  And loving it!

More knifery:

This was near the end of Season 1 when New York shares a group date with Goldie.  Prior to this meal, we got this brilliant line:

“Goldie is a CUTE girl.  But cute next to gorgeous?  Gorgeous devours cute.”

But then Goldie came in playing to win and snatched that night cap!  Oops.

But New York continued in the competition! And boy, the final 3 episode.  Jesus!

New York: “Slap me, you bi***” 

Pumkin: ::gross spit::

New York: YOU MOTHER F*CKING WHORE!!!! ::pushes Pumkin::

“YOU’RE GOING TO SPIT IN MY FAAAAACE.  BECAUSE I’M STAYING IN THE HOUSE AND YOU’RE NOOOOOOOT!”

So we know that she lost.  ::ugly cry:: But then the finale.

Look at this introduction.  LOOK AT THAT COUNTDOWN!

She did ALL of these things.  Was she super dramatic?  Could it have been acting?

Now, some highlights from Season Two.

Like Brigitte in Season 1, New York was brought back with a lower quality weave and inflated sense of superiority.

Oops, sorry about that Buckwild!

Welp! She’s not wrong.

But I have to stop.  This honestly could go on for years and I have to go be productive.

Also, share some of your absolute favorite New York moments.  I’m still working on my Flavor of Love recap which is why I didn’t go in to excruciating detail.  But you just know that she’s iconic and she is who inspires me.

 

“You know what? I just fucked up your date!”

Byeeeeee!

 

(All gifs courtesy of Rich Juzwiak & RealityTVGifs.)

A Tribute: Shake Ya Body

It’s come to my attention that some of you have not paid tribute to the one of the greatest music videos and songs of all time.  Well, we here at Class & Trash will not stand for any slander nor any shade for the iconic and legendary Shake Ya Body by Tyra Banks.  Let’s talk about it.

We start the video with Tyra and Jay Manuel freaking out in the dressing room.  Her long curly blond wig shaking.  We catch April, Yoanna, and Sara strutting on the runway before Tyra RIPS OFF HER WIG in frustration to reveal bright red cornrows.  The drama.  The acting.  You can’t take it.

We get to the pre-chorus is a bop.

Let me see you! Take it slow.
Move your body! Let me know.
Let me see you! Lose control.
Leave it up to me to take control of ya!

 

So let me see what you’re working with! Yeah.
I need to see if you move like this. Yeah.
And if you can’t keep up with me, I’ll.  Yeah.
Cuz when it comes to this, I don’t! Play-ahh!

Yes!  All types of yes.  At this point, you should be bopping your shoulders and flipping your imaginary wig.  The chorus is catchy and you’re dancing in your chair.

The moans with the “Come on, baby!” snatch.

We then get to the second verse & chorus where we get to see Tyra serve you choreography.  Model sexy choreography.  And pop and pop, arm and arm.  Booty shiggle!  We also know that these sensual moves were courtesy of Tony from the episode who gave us the best dance-off ever.

And then Tyra’s iconic microphone lick!  Yes. Yes. Yes.

So then we move to the bridge, which it seriously amazing.  The beat cools down and Tyra’s doing her ad-lib thang over the lyrics wearing a bikini that’s basically a cargo net.  She’s wet and grinding up on the man-candy in the video.

Let me say this
Your body’s callin’ me
I can hear it speak (WOO!)
So let me please you
Just grab my hips real tight
And enjoy the ride
It’s up to you
To make me feel the heat
And let me know if you can keep up with me

The woo is perfect.  PERFECT I TELL YOU!

And then the beat drops and we get the “SHAKE IT, SHAKE IT, SHAKE IT, SHAKE IT! OOHOHOHHHHH…” which is flawless.

At this point, you’ve lost yourself to the song.  You’re popping and twerking and getting right!

But then! Camille, Mercedes, and Shandi close us out with the fabulous choreo by dropping it to the floor and serving you hoes.

And just in case you forgot the greatness that is Yoanna filming her dance sequence.

Yes!  The arms.  The shimmy.  The splat!

I also didn’t want you to forget Camille’s “talk to the hand” choreography.

I can not let you leave with Mercedes’ forgetting the choreography.

And lastly, April’s herky jerky dancing greatness with Janice’s comments.

Listen, this song is life changing.  The episode is brilliant.  The video is fabulous.

Don’t you ever come for it again!  Share your favorite Shake Ya Body memory or get blocked.

My Favorite Real Housewives Tunes

We here at Class and Trash love terrible music, especially the songs of the Real Housewives.  So we got together with our friend over at Overactive Blogger to rank our top 3 favorite housewife singles.  There are bound to be some repeats (Trash purposely left off Chic, C’est La Vie) because you can’t dispute quality.  Let’s get started!

Overactive Blogger

1) Chic, C’est La Vie – Countess Luann (RHONY)

 

2) On Display – Melissa Gorga (RHONJ)

 

3) Tardy For the Party – Kim Zolciak (RHOA)

Class

1) Tardy For the Party – Kim Zolciak (RHOA)

 

2) Money Can’t Buy You Class – Countess Luann (RHONY)

 

3) Who Gone Check Me Boo? – Sheree Whitfield (RHOA)

Trash

1) Money Can’t Buy You Class – Countess Luann (RHONY)

 

2) Gone With The Wind Fabulous – Kenya Moore (RHOA)

 

3) Bump It – Michelle Salahi (RHODC) 

 

So what are your favorites?  I’m super disappointed that we left out Google Me and Close To You. Let us know in the comments!

 

 

Trashy Thursday: Boss A** Bitch

As I continue to add arbitrary holidays to the week, it’s Trashy Thursday!

Let’s just dive right on into this…

It’s time to pay tribute to my personal anthem.

I mean what can I say?  What words can I write that would pay the complete amount of tribute to these ladies?  These three trollops are so iconic.  So so good.

When this happens…

I live.

The dance moves…

The styling…

This is one of the best things ever.  It gives me hope that struggle rappers will continue on as long as the Internet will let them.

But then! These ladies got their tax refunds and decided they were sick of you all talking shit on your Twitters…

Check thosse technicolor wigs…

Check those sassy camera effects…

I bet you not talking shit now!!!!!

Cuz I’m a boss ass bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch…

The Time Trashy Thursday Became Freaky Friday: Katie Got Bandz

Happy Friday Frans!

How are you all doing?  Living your best life?  I know that I missed Trashy Thursday which is super depressing since that is my favorite day of the week.  But that doesn’t mean I can’t provide you with the flawless hoodrat bops that keep me entertained.

So let’s talk about my queen and your goddess: Katie Got Bandz

#DrillaryClintonNavy

I love her.  She doesn’t pull any punches.  She raps her life.  She is a friend of Chief Keef.  She has created the most iconic gif.  Ever.  

Let’s just get to the music.  You don’t need my synopsis to understand her flawlessness.  I’ll post a gif to represent my response to the each song.

I Need A Hitta

Pop Out

Ridin’ Round And We Drillin’

Rich Bitch

They Know How I’m Rockin’

Yes.  Every song is flawless.  That gif is flawless.  Follow Katie on Twitter here and get your life.  For your pleasure, I’ve copied some of my favorite tweets from my queen.

SO MUCH DESIGNER SHIT THAT I COULD GIVE AWAY CLOTHES

DONT WANT NO BOTTOM JUST TOP BITCH U WEAK

ITS CRAZY I DONT EVEN TRUST BITCHES ENOUGH TO VENT SHIT TO THEM

BITCH U MAD? Y U MAD?

What’s your favorite Katie moment?  How long have you been a part of the Drillary Clinton Navy?   WHEN WILL YOUR FAVE?

Follow us over at @ClassNTrashShow on Twitter and leave us a comment.  We miss you!  We love you!  You look good!

Trashy Thursday: Step Daddy

It’s Trashy Thursday!

Which all of our new followers and readers (hey friends!) means that I dig into my well of YouTube playlists for some delightful piece of pop culture from the past.

Do you remember this??

So this is Hitman Sammy Sam.  Unfortunately, our king nor this bop has a Wikipedia page so I will have to remember his career from scratch.

Well…this was it.  But in 2003 or 2004, Hitman Sammy Sam brought us this bop about the tension that can rise from blended families.  Having moved in, our intrepid hero is dealing with having to take care of his lady’s offspring.  The kids are unruly and have irrational wants like food, going to the zoo and playing Uno!

He can’t be expected to deal with all of that!

He lets us know his frustration only to get sass from our teenage co-star and her iconic verse:

“This ain’t yo house no way!” SHUT UP!

Before Nicki Minachos was singing Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star, the visionary Hitman added “The Itsy Bitsy Spider” to his hit!

KING SHIT!

So I don’t think there’s more to this story.  I don’t know if he released an album or was signed to Cash Money.  Maybe he was a part of Murder Inc??  But at least we have this song to treasure and remember him by!

Do you remember this jam?  What are some of your favorite trashy jams from the past?  Let us know in the comments or over on Twitter at @ClassNTrashShow.

Also, just because, here’s the video for My Baby Daddy.  Just because.

 

Trashy Thursday: The Flawless Music Career of Kevin Federline

Now back before Britney Spears was hanging out in Vegas and coming across…lucid, she was married to the one, the only, the incomparable Kevin Federline.

True love obviously.

Now during their marriage, King K.Fed convinced the Princess of Pop to build him a studio to their home.  And once this bold and completely correct decision was made, the King created all that is right with the world.

YES.

YES.

YES.

It’s a Brazilian ass-shaker!

YES.

The finger dance and the face where he is like THIS IS THE JAM!

YES.

“In Portuguese, it means bring ya ass, On the floor and move real fast!”

YES.

PO PO PO PO POPOZAO! POPOZAO!

Okay, I’ve calmed down.  Seriously though, I have a huge love for songs that are so bad, that they wrap around to being entertaining.  Kevin’s obvious love for this song and childish man-boy glee at this anthem is EVERYTHING.

Now let’s cover his first official release.  Yes, the Kevin Federline album actually happened.

This is Lose Control.

This is that hip hop flavooooor, mixed with a little bit of rock and roll!”

So what if he can’t actually rap!  This song is a bop and you’re mad about it!

Let’s not forget that he actually performed this live!

ICONIC!

With a guest appearance from Britney and her umm… wig, those fly dances, the DJ doing his best to hype the performance.

Kevin is a delight and we did not treasure him while we had him.  Come back to us, King!

Let us know about your favorite Britney and KFed moment in the comments below or on the Twitter at @ClassNTrashShow.

The Greatest Rap Battle of All Time. OF ALL TIME!

::cues Girlfight by Brooke Valentine::

We bout to write a poooooooooost!

We bouts to hear some traaaaaaaaash!

Hello my lovelies.  After a crazy few days, Team Trash is back and fix your life like Iyanla, chicken noodle soup, and good sex.

Today, we’re here to discuss the most important rap verse on the planet.  No, not you Biggie.  Sorry Grandmaster Flash.  Hey Run DMC, no this isn’t about you either.

We’re talking about the second verse in “Chickenhead” by Project Pat.  With a guest appearance from thug queen, La Chat, the verse is a tit for tat argument between two club patrons.  Let’s discuss.

“Yeah, you like my outfit. Don’t even fake the deal. I thought you said you had your girl on the light bill.”

Right off the bat, we can see how jazzy and fancy La Chat is.  Her drawstring ponytail blowing in the breeze.  Her bedazzled jean jacket is obviously stunting on you other, more basic ladies.

And it’s clear that while she was spending her coins at the swap meet, Project Pat was supposed to be covering pesky things like electricity!

“Always in my face, talkin’ this and that. Girl, I had to buy some rims for the Cadillac.”

But why should La Chat be the only one making the bitter Betty’s of the world jealous?  Project Pat needed those chrome-like rims for the Cadillac?  Pat needs you hoes to pay attention when a pimp rides up on spinners.

And he is sick of y’all trying to come for him when he has done and said nothing to you!

“You riding clean but your gas tank is on E. Be stepping out, ain’t got no decent shoes on your feet.”

La Chat clocks his Cadillac, having been in it obviously.  Pat is really just hood rich (Trademark: Big Tymers) and that car is on its last leg!  And if that wasn’t enough, Pat is wearing those Lugz pretending that they are Timberland Boots!

WE CAN TELL THE DIFFERENCE!

“That’s just the meter broke, You on know what you talkin bout. Anyway, them new Jordans fin to come out!”

With La Chat taking the upper hand, Pat is forced to admit his Pumas aren’t really what’s hot in the street.  But it doesn’t matter because all the money that he’s saving by not fixing the broken meter in the Cadillac is going towards some shoes next week.  So there!

“Hate to see you in the club, you mobbin’ wit a mug. Knowing that you ridin’ wit ya boy, you nothing but a scrub.”

La Chat tries to strike the death blow here.  She don’t want no scrub and Project Pat fits the profile.  That busted up Cadillac isn’t even his!  You better get a Razor Scooter with that Jordan money!

“But he was with me.  That’s when you hated. Cuz when I got up on ya friend, you damn near fainted.”

But Pat sees an opportunity.  Trick, you know that’s his car!  You was in it last week.  But that’s in the past because he was talking to La Chat’s girl, LaCreamy!  She’s a woman with taste.  And that Cadi must have done you right, because you seem to be mad!

“I sholl did, in her face drinkin on that ‘Gnac. Mouth full of gold, but yo ass need some Tic Tics.”

La Chat is appalled!  Not only is her ponytail more glamorous and sexy than LaCreamy’s but you don’t hit on my friend a week after some of her Cadillac lovin’!  And anyways, LaCreamy said your breath stinks.  Take that Jordan money and invest in Mentos.  The Freshmaker.

“WHAT! You need some gum. Breath like some thundah!  What you lookin’ at, I don’t want ya phone numbah!”

Project Pat finally loses it.  You can come for his footwear and automobile, he stays with minty fresh breath.  GET INTO MY BINACA!  And it’s obvious what the problem it.  La Chat is sprung and craving for another taste of that “good good”.

But she can’t have any!

Let’s take a smoke break.  That was all so amazing.

But for real, if Chickenhead was made today, it would probably be that thot nonsense and be mixed using an iPad mini.  What was so great about this era of rap was that even in a song built around two people going at it while sipping on Alize, there was work put into the production.  The looped strings are everything.  The fact that it cuts out at certain point so you can focus on the lyrical content is subtle but it works.  It’s just a fun, trashy song that only would have worked at that time.

So are you a chickenhead?  Who won the rap battle?  What trashy rap songs do you love unabashedly? Let us know in the comments below or on Twitter at @ClassNTrashShow.

Shout out to romvn.tumblr.com for the amazing Chickenhead .gifs.  All of the rest are from Tumblr but unfortunately, I do not recall the original poster.