i can’t

My New Favorite Person: O’Shea Da Model

Hey People!

So before we get into the meat and potatoes of this entry, I want to talk a bit about Zendaya in the Aaliyah biopic. Now I don’t mind the casting seeing as how she is a singer and acts these days. My hope is that she gets positive press for it because she came across sweet on Dancing With The Stars and I love her song, Swag It Out.

But that’s enough of that. Time for my new bae, light of my life, and fruit of my loom. O’Shea Da Model.

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Yes! O’Shea believes in you! So this king came into my life via Love and Hip Hop Atlanta. He was introduced when Young Joc tried to steal him from Erica at the bowling alley. He then volunteered to pay only to ask Erica for the money.

What a gentleman!

But then strife! Last night, Erica and Scrappy Doo met and O’Shea felt a way about it. So they fought and he left in a huff. Bye Ashy!!!!

But you see, O’Shea runs out of gas in his 2004 Ford Explorer. And has to call Erica to help. Erica finds him by some train tracks.

They argue about how he NEEDED to know about the meeting. Erica is all, you tried to make this dramatic ass exit and couldn’t do it because your car was E.

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So at this point, Erica has pulled out her card and HE GRABS FOR IT WHILE ARGUING HE DOESNT NEED IT!!!!

I. Die.

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EDIT: I was just reminded that he screamed “I KEIR!!!! I KEIR!!!!” during the argument.  He’s just so sensitive, you know!

Let me tell you that this is my absolute favorite scene from the show. I have not laughed so hard at so much struggle since Karlie Redd hit the Louis, Prada, Gucci on Season 1.

Listen, we all hit hard times. And we all need a little help sometimes. But to get on national television and run out of gas while making your dramatic exit?

Welcome to my heart!!!

Have you all been watching?  What do you think of trashy season?  Let me know!

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Quickie Post: Monday Blues

I’m not going to keep you long, but I’m definitely not feeling today at all.  So in order to cheer myself up, I’m posting this hilarious “spoof” video made by Hottie of Flavor of Love.  Yes, the one who put the chicken in the microwave.  I love her.

Enjoy this and hopefully the rest of the week will look up!

Bye!

Trashy Thursday: A Tribute to Turquoise Jeep

So my earlier post was a little angry.  Let’s lighten the mood with some cartoon rappers!

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Yaaaaass bitch Yaaaaass! ::Soulja Boy voice::

So according to Wikipedia, Turquoise Jeep is a real independent label founded by Flynt Flossy (Charlie Murphy lookalike) and Whatchyamacallit (the one with the majestic beard in the back row).  I’m going to be honest, I’ve been riding with the Jeep for years thanks to my cousin, but had no idea whether it was a parody or real life.  They also have a song with Childish Gambino! #famous All I know is that they jam and and I live for it.

So let’s go member by member and talk about my favorite of their anthems.

Yung Humma – Lemme Smang It

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This is the usually how people get their first introduction into the flawless music of the Jeep.  Yung Humma is a rapper with a signature hum (obviously) and is widely known for his luxurious locks.

Just the lyrics, the dance moves, the bored look of the lead light skinned girl.  It’s all so perfect.  Don’t even try to pretend that you didn’t bop and do the dance with him.

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Flynt Flossy’s verse is also amazing.  Like actually hilarious.  And his dance moves!!

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Get into it!

Flynt Flossy – Ooh Aah Sound

Let’s slow it down and get romanticals with Flynt. It was a close race between this and Naughty Farmer but I stan down for Pretty Raheem so here we are!

Get into his green screen. Get into the high art painting of Flynt.  I actually can’t!

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(Source: http://whatculture.com/)

Just yes.  So much yes.

Pretty Raheem – Can He Move It Like This

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Listen.  I could write a whole post on this glory alone.  I love this song so so so so much.  From the technicolor suits

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to the Kid & Play tribute

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and the dudes face when Pretty Raheem disappears

 

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It’s all so so so so good.

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To be serious though, this is a song that actually could have gotten radio play in the 90’s.  Pretty Raheem has a “good” voice and Flynt Flossy is at his most marketable here.  Just body roll and get into it!

Slick Mahony – Sex Syrup

Now while I stan down for Pretty Raheem, my favorite member of the group is Slick Mahoney.  Like he legit makes me so happy.  Wait, here’s some gifs…

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Flawless man is flawless.

I think it’s because the rest of the group has redeemable qualities.  Pretty Raheem is not a bad singer, Humma and Flynt pull out some clever rhymes here.  Slick Mahony is the epitome of delightful.  He’s not the best singer, he’s no the best dancer and he’s dressed like an 80’s lounge lizard.  I am obsessed with him.

Sex Syrup has long been a favorite of mine.  We know that Turquoise Jeep loves breakfast food and sex and this is just another fantastic jam.  We also get another feature from Yung Humma and his remy! When the girl dances on the stack of pancakes, I lose it every time.

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Like that is the most delightful thing ever.  EVER!

 Whatchyamacallit – Licky Sticky

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So Whatchyamacallit is the Lyfe Jennings/Nate Dogg of the group doing a lot of hook singing.  But he got his shine on Licky Sticky and we got this body rolling anthem!

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I’m not convinced that he and Flynt Flossy aren’t brothers.  Or at least cousins.  And this is another song where there isn’t as much humor.  Like imagine yourself in a dark cluh.  You grainin on dat wood with your boo thing for the night.  If this came on, don’t act like you wouldn’t be feeling some type of way!!!

Go head boo!

Whatchya – Taste You Like Yogurt

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Y’all.  I just discovered this today.  Y’all.  They are amazing.

So to show that Turquoise Jeep is nothing but on top of the trends, here’s something for your EDM fans!

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Like y’all.  I don’t even have any commentary.  You just have to watch.  The German…and the effects… My mind is blown.  I’m unable.

I have nothing.  What’s your favorite Turquoise Jeep jams??  Did I miss your favorites??  Share with us!

Quickie Post: Why We Can’t Have Nice Things

You remember Soulja Boy?  Yes you do!

Well you will recall he had an associate?? Arab!
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Well he has music!

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I absolutely can not!!!!!  It’s so terrible.  And perfect.  Like this is one of the top 10 worst songs I’ve ever heard.  I adore it.

What are your thoughts??

 

King of Music: J-Kwon

It’s Friday, Friday!

And Trash is finally ready to write a post.  Now we’ve crown a few queens of music.  Queen Cassie and Queen Lumidee.  But you know it’s time to pay homage to a King of music.  But who holds their own against iconic bops like Me And U and Uh Ooh.

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Teen drinking is very bad.  YO, I GOT A FAKE ID, THOUGH!

Bow down, bishes, bow bow down BISHES!!!!

Okay, let’s back up.  J-Kwon came out my senior year of high school and seemed to be a response to the Nelly and Chingy wave of St. Louis based hip hop that had came to dominate the charts.  Now for you all who may not remember, the early to mid-2000’s saw rap music take over the pop charts in a huge way.  It was an amazing time that led to the world’s greatest one hit wonders.  Let’s two step and talk about Tipsy and why it is flawless.

The first verse starts with J-Kwon counting and talking about how great the party is.  The girl is feeling his steez, but she got a bad attitude.  You don’t get none.  The counting structure is clever and you can’t take it. We are jamming obviously because the song snatches wigs. To be honest, I’m struggling to write this post because I’m doing the Chickenhead around my apartment and rapping along.

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I don’t know the song just does things to me.  I smile every single time I hear it.  Something about J-Kwon’s crooked smile and centipede cornrows gets me going.  The beat is just random noises.  It’s amazing.  I think the appeal of the song is that it’s not complicated.  It’s a party song about getting drunk and the things that happen at hoodrat house parties.  It doesn’t try to be more than it is and it’s great fun.  Also, J-Kwon’s mush mouth is hilarious.

And Billboard thought so too.  Tipsy went to #7 on the Pop charts and was the #11 song of the whole damn year.  Stay mad haters!

 

Although Wikipedia is being super shady as I do my research, calling this song a “novelty” single.

So J-Kwon achieved international success and had made mince meat of your favorite rappers.  What happened next?

It’s the new improved Hood Hop!

So how do you follow up an anthem about underaged drinking?  A song about the streets with a fun dance attached!  Obviously.

Honestly, the most notable thing about this video is watching J-Kwon step touch all through the video.  At least, his cornrows had hang time.  Hood Hop didn’t quite light up the charts but don’t act like you don’t remember it!

Ooh, I like when he randomly makes letters of a word in the specific line he’s rapping.

And that was that. Although Wikipedia tells me that there were more singles.  Let’s listen to one!

Oh wait! I remember this song!  See, I was being rude.  You and Me was a cute little song.  Unfortunately, the best summer love song that is a rap/sung collaboration was L’il Flip’s Sunshine.  Sorry bout it.

Now as far as I remember, that was the end of his career but there are at least 3 more J-Kwon’s albums to be explored.  I don’t know if I’m quite ready to explore those depths. Even Trash has his limits, yall.

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But because I don’t want you all miss out the rest of the King’s discography, here it is.

Like Dis featuring Andy Milonakis

Take it to the flo, Andy! Take it to the hood, Kwon!

A guest verse on the Fresh Azimiz Remix???

But I don’t see him in the video though.  I have questions.

And the Louie Bounce aka I Smacked Nikki!!!!!

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Wait!  Wait!  This is amazing.

YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASS!

Listen, like I said about Lumidee. There are some careers that could only have happened and been sustained during the early 2000’s.  And just as the curse got Chingy, J-Kwon’s brand of rapping wasn’t going to hold up.  We never took him seriously as a rapper and when pushed to try to keep up with the trends, we got I Smacked Nikki.  And he didn’t even have his looks to fall back on.

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Eek.  But for one glorious moment, we had Tipsy and J-Kwon was on top of the world.  And that’s why he is a King of Music.

Trashy Thursday: The Hoodrat Tunes of Youtube, Part 2

It’s Thursday, Thursday.  Getting Trashy on Thuuuursday!!

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So I hope that you all are having a great day.

It’s time to take another deep dive into my YouTube favorites for hilarious musical delights.  See Part 1 here.

1) Donk In The Trunk – Mowett Ryder

Listen.  I’m going to tell you right now that I bopped to this one.

“Stop drop drop, pick it up then drop it!”

Mowett definitely has some good friends because while it looks okay, is definitely a budget version of Lady’s Yankin video.  Her booty shots are questionable but you can tell her hips don’t lie.  Also, the scene where the two men release her from the trunk so she can twerk has me dying.

AND THEN!!!! She slides a credit card down the crack of one of her video dancers.  BUT SHE PICKS THE ONE WITH THE FLATTEST OF ASSES.

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She does the rest of the girls but I am dying.

AND THEN, we see a girl on a handstand popping it for one of the trunk negros and he proceeds to make it drizzle on her with about $4.

I. CAN. NOT!

2) Cupcakin’ – J. Nash and J-Stalin

Let’s slow it down for all the ladies out there.

We’re back to flip phone production levels here.

On Sunday, we can go to chuuuuurch! ::jump cut to him standing outside of a chruch::

So romantic y’all.  The shoulder rolls.  The ashy lips.  The harmonies.  The Casio keyboard background.

He continues through the days of the week in the second verse.

WHEN HE BODYROLLS IN FRONT OF THE WATERFALL!!!!

Is that a green screen J. Nash???  This poor girl looks so sad that she is in this video.  That blazer with the popped collar.

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And then J-Stalin is here.  Umm, what is this verse?  What just happened??

This is amazing.

3) Queen of The Lesbians 

Now I wouldn’t be doing my job if I didn’t tell you that this is a remake of the Queen of Vagina.  Majela will get her own post because there’s just so much to talk about.

Seriously, one of the greatest to ever do it.  This girl is so serious.  I can’t even comment, I’m just going to leave the lyrics to the four verses of this masterpiece.

Girls come and see my vagina, ohhh.
Girls come and see my vagina, ehhh.
Girls come and see my bum,
Girls come and see my bum,
Girls come and see my vagina, ohhh.

I am queen of the lesbians,
Queen of the lesi-lesbians,
Lesbians.  Lesbians.
I am queen of the lesbians.

Girls come and see my vagina, ohhh.
Girls come and see my vagina, ehhh.
Girls come and see my bum,
Girls come and see my bum,
Girls come and see my vagina, ohhh.

Women, they love me.
I use them to have sex. Oh.
Women, they love me,
I use them to have sex.

I love women.
I love them.
I love them. I love them. Oh.
I love women.
I love them.
I love them. I love them. Oh.
I love women.
I love them.
I love them. I love them. Oh.

4) Ting Ting – J-Menace

YES YES YES YES!

Now those of us of a certain age group will fondly (or not so fondly) remember BET Uncut.  This was where BET showed their trashiest, most low budget hoodrat tunes.  Essentially, if a video was filmed in a strip club, it would appear here.  I got so many classic jams from this show.

SHAAAAAAAAKE that ting ting! 

The grammar.  The forced rhymes.  The off beat body rolls.  I just can not take it.

My personal favorite line: “The way that ting ting.  Shift.  Sides.”

What are your favorites?  Let us know in the comments or on the Twitter at @ClassNTrashShow.