hygeine

Quickie Post: Tips for Flirting

Hey lovely people,

Class and I are struggling for post ideas today but since I just got a message on OkCupid, I thought it would be fun to share a few tips for flirting with me on the internets.

1) Talk to me.

I know that sounds simple, but I like talking to potential suitors. I want to get to know you and I want you to know me.

2) Save your nudes for later.

You know, I’m a simple man who appreciates the beauty of your body. But I don’t know your real name. I don’t need to see your peen.

At least not yet…

3) Hygiene is key.

You all already know that showers are important. But you know, clean your mirrors before you selfie. Make sure your room is clean in the background. LOTION YOUR BODY.

Alrighty, are you all dating online? What do you want to see in your potential matches? Let us know in the comments or on Twitter at @ClassNTrashShow.

Please Act Right In Public

I’m currently monitoring middle school honors orchestra auditions. Imagine hundreds of screeching cats. My head hurts and people’s inability to act right is on my nerves. So here are 5 ways not to piss people off in overly crowded places.

1) DO. NOT. TOUCH. ME.

There are HUNDREDS of people in a small room? Wtf are you pushing me for??? Let’s all calm down, be patient, and act right. It’s not that hard. You KNOW BETTER! One of these days your going to bump into the wrong one and they may punch you in the face.

2) There is NOTHING wrong with saying “excuse me”

Let’s face it. You need to get around the room. Just say excuse me. It’s simple and it keeps me from being EXTRA rude and irritated.

3) Brush your teeth

Listen. If you are walking into a crowded room and yo breath stank?!?! Go somewhere else. Keep your mouth closed. Do ANYTHING that doesn’t involve you opening that mouth spreading the most vile smell ever. While we are on hygiene. WEAR DEODORANT YA NASTY!

4) Don’t talk loudly.

If everyone would talk at a calm speaking level this would not be an issue. Some of y’all want to act like this a playground and yell your conversations. Listen. I don’t care/ WE don’t care about your conversation. Shut. Up. SHUT. UP. They will be the FIRST ones mad when they miss an important announcement. MAYBE IF YOU CLOSED YOUR BIG DAMN MOUTH YOU WOULDN’T HAVE MISSED IT!

5) Please keep your obnoxious laugh to a 5 on a 10 scale.

This goes to you person that snorts really loud or has to cackle at an ear shattering decibel level. Was the joke that funny? Methinks not. Everyone’s laugh is unique and sometimes people say funny things. But you are just laughing to be heard. You’re laughing at a knock joke and we are tired of hearing it. STFU.

Readers. What are some things that just grind your gears that people do in large crowds crammed into a small room? Comment, like, share, and follow! (Twitter:@ClassNTrashShow)

Love y’all!