Humor

Pull Over! Team Trash is Back!

Woop Woop!

Hey people, I’m finally feeling like myself again.

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Despite my good mood, y’all hoes continue to try the fuck out of it.  Let’s take a look.

“Natural Hair for White Girls”

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Where do I even start at this point?  Like don’t you all ever get tired?  This dumb broad didn’t read this and think, “Oh, I might offend everyone with my malformed attempt at satire?”  She didn’t take any time to actually look at what natural hair means to Black women.

But let’s slow down.  The first “joke” is that she is part of the most statistically oppressed group in America. This is a trap.  What you absolutely never want to do is compare your struggle in an effort to out “oppression” anyone.  Especially as a white woman.  Every person has their individual struggles and every group has a goal that they are working towards.  To recklessly make a joke about being an oppressed white woman without context is dangerous and frankly, irresponsible.

Let me pull a direct quote from this thing.

“We can’t simply refuse to shampoo and condition and get that look in the way that women of color can. This is the face and scalp of black privilege, and if we want a more cohesive society, we need to peel that black scalp back and take a look at the systems that oppress us.”

This ashy ho has somehow interpreted natural hair as not washing or maintaining hair.

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Source: RealityTVGifs)

Besides the sheer inanity of this statement, there really is a far worse implication here.  That natural hair as it grows is “dirty” and “unkempt”.  Without knowing it (because obviously she’s too dumb to function as a real member of society), she has insulted all Black women.  With the actual amount of issues black women encounter on a regular basis (included casual insults from other Black people), now is definitely not the time to sound like a slave master arguing the 3/5 rule.

“The two black women I know – Acura and Delicious, coworkers of mine – come into the teachers’ lounge every day with a sense of confidence that I could only hope to one day fake. Where does that proud sista-girl disposition come from? It comes from their exotic manes.”

Acura and Delicious are obviously real coworkers.  She didn’t make these up these “ethnic” names for the sake of insulting stereotypical Black names while also insulting their attitudes.  Why do they get to be proud of who they are?  Why do they get to enjoy their lives?  It can’t be because they worked hard to get their education degrees and obtain employment.  It can’t be because they are happy with who they are.

It must be their “dirty” afros that give the confidence that I so clearly lack because I’m not doing enough in my own life.  They are so exotic and different. I simply can’t accept their choices because it makes them different than me.

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(Source: RealityTVGifs)

 

“But, how can I have it? How can I get that ethnic flavor? How can we, as white women, cast off the shackles of the patriarchy and achieve true beauty and agency through the power of natural hair? How can we join in and have a part of that look – the part that is naturally owed to us as women?”

Because these women, Acura and Delicious, are happy ONLY BECAUSE OF THEIR HAIR, I’ve decided that I deserve that same happiness.

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I don’t just deserve it, I’m OWED it because I’m a woman.  Our struggles are EXACTLY the same and the only fix to this is for me to somehow obtain an afro.

Sorry, I have to cut the sarcasm here again.  Though this is “satire”, she still does not get how much she has just marginalized an entire group of people.  To ignore all of the actual challenges that Black women face in an effort to jokingly wonder how white women will ever catch up is so selfish and ignorant.  It truly blows my mind that the phrase “oppressed white lady hair” is actually something she typed.

For YEARS, Black people (women and men) used dangerous chemicals in order to fit in with white people.  Relaxers, weaves, and hot combs are all products used to straighten out the natural curls and kinks of our hair in order to fit the standard.  Shit, Countess Vaughn got incredibly sick because of a lace-front wig.  Madame C.J. Walker became the first Black female millionaire through hair care products.  Your “white” hair is not oppressed.  It served and continues to serve as the absolute standard of beauty for all people.  This is in fact why the natural hair counter-culture developed. Natural hair helps to empower Black women because they are allowed to believe who they are is enough.  The “instructions” that this asshole gives in order to change their look to an afro makes light of Black history and the continued struggle to assimilate into “American” culture.

The next few paragraphs of this fuckshit go on to “instruct” white women to use a combination of motor oil, Vaseline, gasoline, and bleach to strip all of the nutrients out of their hair. Making their hair so fragile and unhealthy is the key to happiness, Black lady style!

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Like I said earlier, the implication here is that the hair that grows out of Black women’s head is unhealthy, weak, and less than ideal.  Don’t forget that it’s all dirty and unkempt!  Pride comes from being a gross Black lady!

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Now listen, I’m a dude.  I’m not a woman with natural hair, so I don’t claim to be an authority on the topic.  But what I do know from discussions with my friends and family is that the power to choose how you want to look is one of the reasons that these women feel confident in themselves.  Their hair is not exotic.  Their hair is not to be mocked in some dumbass “Thought Catalog” blog because you think that you are so clever.  Making jokes about race, especially in light of the past few years, is not easy and not for the stupid.

What this woman has done in an effort to get a few chuckles is reinforce the notion that Black women are unclean and unnatural.  She has implied that Black women should not have the facility to decide how they want to look based on their own merits.  Every decision made is an attempt to embarrass white women.  There is a conspiracy to use their “gross” hair to take over.

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The fact that the editors at a blog called “Thought Catalog” didn’t see the problem with this piece is scary as well.  This was not funny, not informative, and not an opinion that we needed.  To see people defend it and frame Black people as quick to jump to offense lack basic critical reading skills.  I’ve mentioned to a few people that the worst type of racism (for me) is the complacent type who are resistant to change because it makes them uncomfortable.  They would rather not say anything and comfort themselves with the belief that it is “not me” who is being racist and therefore it’s okay.  It’s dangerous and these are the people who block change silently.  I’ll take the KKK over you any fucking day.

In addition, one of the frequent complaints that I’ve heard about feminism is their refusal to acknowledge the difference in the struggle of the minority woman.  The complete disregard of intersectionality has weakened the movement and creates more problems than the group seems to be able to solve.  To me, this article demonstrates the clear amount of disrespect that black feminists complain about.  I’m not even a woman and I’m livid.

What are your thoughts?  Do you think I’m overreacting?  (I’m not.)  Do you think that the post should be removed?  (It should.) Let me know in the comments.  Seriously, I would love to you all weigh in on the issue.

 

Keep it Simple Sundays

Soooo Sundays boil down to the three C’s for me.

Church

Cleaning

Cocktails

SO today, I’m keeping it quick and simple. Despite the fact that it is 70 degrees in North Carolina, rumors of another wave of wintery mess is on the way. I’M OVER IT! Regardless, the winter months are winding down.  What does that mean?

People are going to start running around pale and shirtless with crusty toenails hanging out. I’m never going to come for  bodies because that is just rude and unnecessary. As long as you are confident, you better work bitch! But the toenails thing….PLEASE run to the nearest salon and have them take care of them TOES! MEN AS WELL! You are NOT exempt (Gay or Straight…Don’t NOBODY want to see or feel crusty, moldy, nasty feet. Please go to Walmart and grab you a pumice stone, moisturizer,  and handle your business on the regular.) I get the appeal and freedom of flip flops and sandals, but PLEASE TAKE CARE OF YOUR FEET. There is nothing worse than eating on the patio of restaurant, looking down on at the floor and seeing a green toenail monster looking at you surround in a seas of dead dry skin.

Just trying to help Y’ALL out with the approaching spring and summer season!

Stay classy and love ya for reading!

Bloop

Please Act Right In Public

I’m currently monitoring middle school honors orchestra auditions. Imagine hundreds of screeching cats. My head hurts and people’s inability to act right is on my nerves. So here are 5 ways not to piss people off in overly crowded places.

1) DO. NOT. TOUCH. ME.

There are HUNDREDS of people in a small room? Wtf are you pushing me for??? Let’s all calm down, be patient, and act right. It’s not that hard. You KNOW BETTER! One of these days your going to bump into the wrong one and they may punch you in the face.

2) There is NOTHING wrong with saying “excuse me”

Let’s face it. You need to get around the room. Just say excuse me. It’s simple and it keeps me from being EXTRA rude and irritated.

3) Brush your teeth

Listen. If you are walking into a crowded room and yo breath stank?!?! Go somewhere else. Keep your mouth closed. Do ANYTHING that doesn’t involve you opening that mouth spreading the most vile smell ever. While we are on hygiene. WEAR DEODORANT YA NASTY!

4) Don’t talk loudly.

If everyone would talk at a calm speaking level this would not be an issue. Some of y’all want to act like this a playground and yell your conversations. Listen. I don’t care/ WE don’t care about your conversation. Shut. Up. SHUT. UP. They will be the FIRST ones mad when they miss an important announcement. MAYBE IF YOU CLOSED YOUR BIG DAMN MOUTH YOU WOULDN’T HAVE MISSED IT!

5) Please keep your obnoxious laugh to a 5 on a 10 scale.

This goes to you person that snorts really loud or has to cackle at an ear shattering decibel level. Was the joke that funny? Methinks not. Everyone’s laugh is unique and sometimes people say funny things. But you are just laughing to be heard. You’re laughing at a knock joke and we are tired of hearing it. STFU.

Readers. What are some things that just grind your gears that people do in large crowds crammed into a small room? Comment, like, share, and follow! (Twitter:@ClassNTrashShow)

Love y’all!

Who is Class and Trash?

You may be saying….”Another blog?!?!” The answer is Yes. Deal.  HOWEVER, this is the best one on the Internet!

Who are we? Well that’s simple. We are two former college roommates who are just trying to go out…and make it through the day. (If you know where that last part is from, you have found your new home.) That being said we are in our mid-twenties, masters degrees in hand, jobs secured, professional, successful, and single as all can be (call us). We are celebrities in our minds and while we wait for the rest of the world to discover us, we have decided to use 2014 to stage our takeover. Who run the world? We do.

So what is this blog? Not a place for the hard-hitting political issues or motivational stories. We will let CNN or whatever news outlet you prefer handle that. This IS the place for RuPaul’s Drag Race, Music News, Pop Culture in general, and social commentary as we try to live our best lives. What we deliver is fun shade and our special brand of TLC.

That being said, follow us here and on twitter (ClassNTrashShow) and make sure to pay our website a visit. Tell your friends, cousins, colleagues, and your mom and dad! (Okay maybe not mom and dad but you catch the drift, spread the word!) Be sure to comment and give suggestions/questions.

Bloop and Plonk!