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Arbitrary Happy Moments

Greetings earthlings.  This is going to be a quick one but since my mood has been pretty blah for the past few weeks, I thought that I would list out a few of the things that have made me smile this week.  Let’s go.

1) Drake Living Out His Pink/Peter Pan Fantasy

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This.  Is. Amazing.

Like I’m imagining Drake flying out over the audience singing like Janet Jackson or Victoria Beckham’s classic “Not Such An Innocent Girl”.

I patiently await the memes Black Twitter.  Let’s get started.

2) This Tweet

which reminded me of this review of the Bratz Movie (which was apparently a thing)

Especially the song and dance at the 8:00 minute mark.

The reference to capris is at the 11:00 minute mark, but just watch the whole review and giggle.

3) Speaking of Horrible Movies!

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4) This Gif & Video

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5) This Vine.

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What things are lifting your spirits these days?  Let me know so I can chuckle too.

Trashy Thursday: Some Classic Hoodrat Tunes

It’s tiem to get back into Trashy Thursday!  It’s been far too long since we’ve taken a deep dive in to some music for the basics of the world.  Let’s get started!  As per usual, this one is Not Safe For Work so watch and listen accordingly.

1) N*ggaz Ain’t Shit – Mercedes

Monkey on the dick, monkey on the dick!

Listen, as the queen of No Limit for about 2 weeks, Mercedes went on to release bomb ass song after bomb ass song.  I live for her.  This song is so relentlessly catchy, fun to sing along to, and ridiculously vulgar.  I LOVE IT.

If you’ve been paying any attention to me, I love female rap that essentially brags about how bomb she is.  As a huge proponent of faux confidence, these songs speak to me on a fundamental level.  This song is all about how wack these raggedy men are in comparison to her.  And you can’t take her beat or her bang.

“Not your average bitch,
My shit’s on balance.
Pretty face, nice ass and talent!
Never miss a challenge.”

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2) Slob On My Cat Pt. 2 – La Chat

“Get ya knees dirty boy, Eat a bish cat or somethin!”

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La Chat is a goddess.  We last checked in with her in the Chickenhead video, which we all know is a classic.  But here she has the starring role and you simply can not take.  This is a play on “Slob on My Knob” which is another iconic bop.

“Bet he went home and kissed his bish on the mouth. EWW!”

She collaborated most with Three 6 Mafia & Project Pat, but there’s something great about a lady-rapper who is just aggressive.  She’s not trying to be soft despite the vulgar nature of the song.  She’s demanding sex.  And while true equality between the sexes is not just turnabout, it’s refreshing to hear a woman just make a song that says “I want sex.  Why am I not being pleasured yet?”

3) That’s My Juvie – Magnolia Shorty

“DEM HOES BET NOT FUCK WIT MY JU-VAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!”

Now I don’t know how many of you are familiar with New Orleans Bounce Music, but what’s important is that you essentially don’t stop moving your ass when you hear it.  It’s perfect.  You might be more familiar with Homegurl which samples it.  I like both, but the original will always have a special place in my heart.

It’s dumb and repetitive.  And it’s perfect.

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4) One Night Stand – L’il Jon & The Eastside Boys f. Oobie

“I’m seeing me on top of you, doing things that lovers do.  But I don’t belong to you, what’s a girl supposed to do?”

I’m sure that I’ve mentioned Oobie on the blog.  I did!  This song was a trashy hoodrat anthem before “thot” ever became hot.  As I mentioned, Oobie can’t even really sing.  But her sweet, thin voice singing these trashy lyrics serve as a perfect counterpoint to L’il Jon’s uhhh…”rapping.”

But while this song encourages cheating as way to “respect” their relationships, but you know no one is looking.  It’s only for this ONE NIGHT y’all.  We won’t do it again.

The message of this song is so trashy but I fucking love this song.  It’s so dumb.

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“If you know how to keep a secret, you can get it FOR SURE. 
Just make sure you get enough, cuz you can’t get it NO MORE”

5) Phatty – CCB

“Now your girlfriend’s mad cuz I got what she never had!” 

So we’ve gone to New Orleans and now it’s up to DC where gogo reigns supreme.  Now my undergrad institution seemingly recruited 90% of its African-American population from this area which meant that every party gave us a gogo moment where we all beat our feet and broke a sweat.

It’s also repetitive and doesn’t require much of a singing voice, but it’s just so much fun.  Like you may be annoyed at first, but if you have any slice of rhythm, you’re going to find yourself booty popping by the second chorus.  I’ll have to do a post featuring some of my favorite go-go memories from my time in college. Best believe that this will show up.

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So what are your thoughts?  Did I miss some of your favorites?  My playlist is always open.  Have a great day, y’all!


 

This has nothing to do with anything but never forget.

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Your New Favorite Rapper: MoonRock

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You may remember the slayage that was my Turquoise Jeep mega-post. You didn’t read it?  Don’t fret, click right here and get caught up!

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But they’ve just released a new track so that you can get Fancy out of your head!  Come through MoonRock!

Get into her Bar Wench Halloween Costume!

Get into her burly, yes somewhat homely eye candy!

Get into the flawless video editing and green screen effects!

Get into the frog with the moving lips!

But seriously, the thing about Turquoise Jeep is that underneath all of their hilarious antics and ridiculous imagery, there’s a solid understanding of rap and song construction.  Wait, before you run away, listen to me.  Almost every song they have is at least an earworm, if not incredibly catchy and listenable.  The flows are on beat, the syncopation is works, and while there is some corny cleverness, it’s never annoying.  It’s always purposeful.

MoonRock is a great addition and I look forward to her and Slick Mahony’s cover of Whatchu Like.

Iconic.

The Purge with Class, Trash, & Asian Sensation

So I just saw a commercial for the Purge Anarchy and thought that this would be a fun quickie post.  And since Asian Sensation is here, she’s going to join me! The challenge is to come up with the first three people you’re taking out if the purge actually happened?

Let’s get started!

Asian Sensation

1) Rihanna

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She’s just a terrible human being.  She can’t really sing.  I don’t love her music.  She’s a cyber bully.  An attention whore.  And I just don’t like her.

Don’t call people “Rice Cake.”  I’m Asian.  That’s racist.

Also, don’t come for Ciara.  THE. END.

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2) Miley Cyrus

 

 

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Also an attention whore.  She needs to stop twerking. White people!  She didn’t invent twerking!  Please cover up your pancakes.  (Her weirdly shaped butt). Stop grinding up on married men.

3) Johnny Manziel

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You’re the king of the douchebags.

Trash

1) Kirk Frost

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The epitome of the ain’t shit men who get away with less than shit.  The kind of simpering, chapped lipped, pleather wearing asshole who eats paste.

2) Ann Coulter

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It’s one thing to be an asshole for Cable News checks.  It’s another to continue to speak when your 15-minutes of fame has run out and the only reason we still hear from you is because Twitter is free.

3) Everyone Who Hasn’t Washed Their Hands after using the Restroom.

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Class

1) The President of FedLoan 

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I’m clearing my debt.  Enough said.

2) Taylor Swift

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I’m taking out Taylor Swift.  Stealing her money.  And returning her Grammy for Album of the Year to the right owner.  Beyonce for “I Am Sasha Fierce.”

3) George Zimmerman

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Cuz we ain’t forgot.  NUCCA.

Share your list party people!

She’s Your Queeeeeen To Be

Hey bishes! Before we get started, it’s time for a dance break.

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But it came to my attention that I never wrote a post celebrating the obvious and well-deserved victory of Bianca Del Rio on RuPaul’s Drag Race!!!!

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Like how flopulous of me!  Let’s rectify this.

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My girl was so fabulous that there really was no other option.  She has style, comedy and performance chops, and enough musical ability not to embarrass herself.  She’s essentially the first queen to truly come ready to play the game and do it well.

And because I’m a lucky ho, I got to see her last night!

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Seen here with Trinity K. Bonet!

So last night, I went to trivia with a good friend and sent a text to someone I met last weekend.  Turns out he was at the same place!  So he invites me to meet him at Bianca’s show.  I, for some reason, didn’t realize she’d be here so I ran home, changed, and got my ass to the show!

The venue was okay although my lack of height really bit me in the butt as you can see from the blurry photos.  But she was hilarious.  Reading people for filth in glamorous gowns.  I cracked up when she told Phoenix (who hosted) that this was a show for winners only.  “Just because you have a mic, doesn’t mean you have the floor!”

There were several other queens there including Mariah who performed to Vanity 6’s Nasty Girl thus winning a permanent place in my heart.

Here’s are a few more pictures of Bianca and the other queens.

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Needless to say, it was a fun night (although my body is le tired) and I would totally go see her again.

Keep Your Mess To Yourself

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Woo hey lovelies!  It’s been a while hasn’t it?  Sorry to leave you without a dope beat to step to, but we’re back.  Let’s get this started with a quick word from our sponsors.

Just for meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

I could tell you stories of this weekend, but they would only bore you.  So I needed to give you all a quick tip in keeping your life in check.

Tighten it the fuck up!

I swear, how are you all living as adults in 2014 without learning how to keep it together.  I’m so sick of hearing back stories about myself from other people.  I’m sick of you all trying to throw the rock and hide your hand.  You’re not swift enough to stop us from figuring out your game, ashy.  Let’s take two quick scenarios.

So you’re not having a great time because you keep “running into” “old flames” who still “want you.”  Cute for you!  Live your best life and fly above ALL the haters.  But if I don’t know them, I really and truly don’t give a fuck.  By sharing all of your trashy past experiences, no matter what the topic of conversation is, you’re always going to look foolish.  Save your bedroom antics for a sleepover or your therapist.  It doesn’t make you look desirable, it makes you look desperate.

Moving on to number two.  Talking recklessly about people you consider your “friends” and casually spilling tea will get your face sliced.  Or at least your ego.  Here’s the thing.  Freudian slips happen.  Sometimes we’re trying to relate and say too much.  But if all I get from you are snide remarks and late shade, why the hell are we hanging out?

You’re mad you weren’t invited?  The exit is that-a-way! My life doesn’t revolve around you and unless you are paying my bills, you can’t direct my time.  Then to reach into my texts?  With unearned indignity?

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Keep it.  Write it in your journal and leave me the hell alone.  Better yet, take those weak reads, pack them up, and send them to the illiterate children of the Third world.  That’s the only way anyone will see them and give a shit.

I don’t know, this came across angrier than I intended.  But it really butters my biscuits to hear someone claim to be a good friend when they have offered nothing but trouble or an obnoxious attitude in the process.

How do you feel about it?  Let me know!

 

 

Another Music Challenge Post

So I’m running on E when it comes to a topic today.  And you know what that means!  Arbitrary list of 5 music videos!!!

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So there is a 100-day music challenge which I’m obviously not going to do.  But I used Excel’s Random Number Generator to randomly pick 5 of the questions so I could put this small playlist in your life.  Let’s go!

2) A song from the first album you ever bought. (What was the album?)

Song: Tell Him – Lauryn Hill
Album: The Miseducation of Lauryn Hill

Now I was not rich growing up.  I remember being completely jealous of my classmates and friends who had CD players (Discman’s specifically).  The summer between 7th and 8th grade, my mom bought me my first CD player and I was so freaking excited.  The first two CD’s that I owned were gospel compilations (Do they still make WOW Gospel?).  But the first album I purchased with my own money was The Miseducation of Lauryn Hill proving that my taste has been flawless forever.

But this song.  I get emotional listening to it every single time.  Like I remember every time that I’ve craved someone.  That I’ve loved someone.  I just close my eyes and I’m instantly in that moment.  The moment where I fell.  I don’t know how you could listen to this and not feel something inside.

41) A song you can remember from when you were at school.

Song: Joseph’s Coat (The Coat Of Many Colors)

Umm…this is a stupid question.  To force it to make more sense, I’ve decided to pick a song I remember from middle school.  That’s when I got my Lauryn Hill album so why the hell not.

So back in seventh grade, I had my star-making role of Isaachar in my middle school’s production of Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat.  ::sarcasm:: It was really fun though and this is the song that comes to my head as soon as I think of my musical experience.  Also, getting to be nasty was pretty fun.

71) A song by an artist with the same first/last name as you.

Song: All You Wanted – Michelle Branch

Come on White Cousin!  Listen, Class and I were just talking about how the group of ladies who snatched the early 2000’s with their flawless bops, Michelle included.  I think it was a reaction to the Britney/Christina/Jessica/Mandy vein of sugary sweet pop music.  They made Michelle, Avril, Vanessa, and Fefe come across more edgy and “real” and that resonated with huge part of my generation.  Twas a good time.

Don’t even pretend you don’t like this song.  It’s fabulous.

81) An 80’s pop song by an artist who thinks he’s/she’s really cool.

Song: Naughty Girls (Need Love Too) – Samantha Fox

Who made up this challenge again?  These questions are stupid.  So I’m just going to give us an 80’s pop song because WTF.  Why would I assume they think they are cool?  Wouldn’t that only leave me with Corey Feldman as the only option?

ANTYWAYS! Let’s talk about Samantha Fox and how she is one of my patron saints.  Some people have martyrs and holy people, I have late 80’s pop stars.  Don’t judge me.

But this song is EVERYTHING.  This is a bop in every sense.  The dance beat with the hip hop influence.  The male background singers? Come on!

The gayest gang since the Bad video.

Her dance moves??

NO MORE FUN AND GAMES OF THE MIND!

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91) A song for a romantic dinner.

Title: Kiss Me On My Neck – Erykah Badu

Some of us haven’t been to romantic dinners.  Rude ass questions.

But legit, I don’t give Erykah Badu nearly the props she deserves for the quality music she has brought to my life.  I feel like this is the kind of song you want playing gently as you wrap up the meal where you dance and sway a bit together.  As the dinner turns towards a nightcap.

And who doesn’t want a kiss on their neck? Amiright???

Now it’s on you people. Are these questions as dumb as I think they are?  What song would have picked for that 80’s question?  Leave us a comment below!

Transformations

Morning party people!  I’m feeling renewed after a long and interesting weekend.  But I’m figured it was time to really get back into this thing.  So let’s talk.

Now you all know that I’ve been working on me in terms of finding my inner skinny, becoming more mental healthy, and looking for a boo thing.  And to be honest, I’ve been relatively successful in my short time in Atlanta.  Next week will mark three months since I’ve moved and I’m down 10 more pounds, I managed to snag a date, and I’m not up at night worrying about tomorrow.  This isn’t meant to brag or boast, as I haven’t quite adjusted to all of these changes.

Today, I actually woke up on my first alarm, got out of bed, and went to the gym.  Me!

Shockandawe

You know how I feel about working out.  I still hate working out, but I know that it’s a necessary evil if I want to lose weight.  That combined more conscious versions of my favorite dishes have really helped. I’ve even found a brand of Greek Yogurt that doesn’t make me want to hurl.

While that doubt creeps in occasionally yelling “You’re fat, ho!” I know that I’m doing the best I can and not to beat myself up if I decide to grab a taco or burger.

I had a draft post discussing the challenge that friend of the blog, Asian Sensation, came up with last month.  Essentially, the goal was to have someone to flirt with by June 15th, otherwise you would have to go on a date with the first person online who messages you.  My matches are and have always been trash (and not in the good way), so it was imperative that this did not happen.

This has led to me going out SOOOOO MUCH.  By myself even.  And I hate doing that almost as much as I hate working out.  But you know, the efforts have paid off.  I’ve met some really nice people who I could see becoming great friends and even perhaps more.  There’s always a messy element when you’re coming into established groups of friends, but I’m navigating it as best I can.

And lastly, let’s get a bit more serious.  Six months ago, I didn’t even like waking up in the morning.  I hate my job, my face, my body, all of that.  I was at a breaking point.  While I can’t say that I’m fully recovered from that depression, I’m really working to make sure that I see the value in my life and making sure that I try my raise my self-confidence.  I’m still going to meet with a counselor soon, but my hope is that the focus will be on my internal distress and not the environmental factors that drove me batty before.

So that’s the skinny on my life.  I’m on Episode 5 of OINTB and I’ll have my notes once I finish the season.  But needless to say, it’s amazing so far.

Let’s chat.  Have you been working to improve your life this year?  How are you progressing?  What’s your motivation?  Let me know!

Fantasy vs. Reality

Morning minions!

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So I’ve always be the type of person who escapes into my own head to deal with ignore my problems.  Instead of dealing with the here and now, I tend to be a bit proponent of escaping into a fantasy world where everything happens according to my will versus the real thing.

However, as I continue to transition into my new life in Georgia, I find that I have less to escape.  My usual coping techniques aren’t working as well because the stresses of real life have been reduced.  I spent most of my time up north mustering up every bit of strength I had to get through the day.  So my time at home was spent running away from the very real issues that I was facing there.

Here, my job doesn’t tax nearly as much and I find that I actually don’t mind the people I work with.  I don’t feel like the world is going to end every time I wake up.  It’s a better feeling, but a new one for sure.

My hope is that I’ll be able to infuse my reality with some of the more exciting elements of my fantasies.  Being able to travel and go on vacation without worry.  Living my best life and what not!

In other random news, I’ve decided that I’m going to re-watch Flavor of Love, I Love New York, and Rock of Love and share my ten favorite lines from each episode.  I have to find right day of the week to post this but hopefully you will love it just as much as I do!

If not?

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Have a great one!