food

Guest Post: Instagram’s Explore Page

Editorial Note: Welcome Sass back into the fray for another hilarious post about how you’re fucking up on a daily basis. -Team Trash

The Instagram Explore Page…where the shitty taste of my friends gathers and kills my soul.

Earlier this year…or maybe late last year…or maybe earlier last year? Fuck it, I don’t know, sometime before today, Instagram updated their Popular page to become the Explore page. Before, the Popular page was a place where the most liked pictures on Instagram were showcased. There you could see Kim Kardashian’s newest selfie (even though you don’t follow her, but 10 million other people do) or the latest vegetable that Oprah picked from her garden (because, Queen). Even if you don’t follow them, you were able to see what was popular at the time.

And then that changed.

Now, the Explore page displays a mix of pictures popular in your country, pictures your friends have liked and people similar to the people that you follow. It’s more a platform to discover, or explore (see what they did there?) the world outside of themselves and their immediate circle. Sometimes, there are some good finds there; for example, Mankofit with her killer workout tips, DanaChanel and her inspirational messages, and Oprah with her vegetable garden (because, Queen). But other times…Lord Jesus, bless it. The ratchetry of some of my friends is out, about, and pushed to the forefront of my feed.

Here are the top 5 terrible things I can ALWAYS count on seeing on the Explore page:

1.)  Instagram Models and Boutiques – I probably brought this on myself, honestly, because I follow Draya, but there are A LOT of Instagram models and boutiques featured here. There’s a lot of mesh, a ton of weave, breast, butt and lip augmentation and flesh that I don’t need. Usually, these “fashions” can be purchased on the low – bandage, cut out dresses made of mesh can be purchased for $15.99, which includes shipping, handling, tax, service fees, production costs and materials. These “models” have booking information for club appearances and fully styled “I woke up like this” pictures. Yeah, okay.

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2.)  The Half-Naked Boys – Some of these half naked boys are models of either the Instagram or legitimate variety. Others of them are regular people, stunting for their thirsty Instagram followers, whit their pants halfway removed, giving us pubic hair and six-packs, while they brush their teeth with the caption, “Morning.” Boy, stop.I don’t know how these end up on my page, but my eyes are dead set on people I follow (lowers glasses and glares at Trash). Sometimes you get shirtless, sometimes you get pantsless, and sometimes you get an ass clap/twerk video with the caption, “Bored.” I’m never ready for those videos.

(Editor’s Note: I don’t know what Sass is talking about.  I keep it sophisticated and elegant at all times.  Maybe she should check Class)

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3.)  Philosophical Posts from the Ignorant and Highly Uninformed – Everyone is not bright. We know this. The second I find out which of my friends likes posts like the one below, they’re unfollowed. Dead ass. Ebola can be treated and cured, just like you can HIV? Okay, boss. Catch both, and tell me which one clears up first. Honest to God, one of the comments said that they won’t tell you that drinking Lysol cures HIV and they’re keeping that information from us, too. You’re right, medical professionals just won’t tell us that. How rude of them.

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4.)  Memes – The first go ‘round of memes are usually funny. And then they’re not. Let Olivia from The Cosby Show, Kermit and the tea, the “this could be us, but…,” and all the other dead memes go to their much deserved eternal slumber. They don’t need their own accounts and they most certainly don’t need new life every single day. Are some funny? Certainly? Are most? NOPE! Be mindful of your meme usage, ladies and gents. Send Terrio to school, draw on LeBron’s hairline, cure that awkward looking Black girl of her perpetual confusion, and give that struggle ponytail a weave. However, Kim’s cry face and the Martin Baker on the phone memes will never get old to me. Also, any Rihanna face usually makes for a good time. Just be accurate in the captions.

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5.)  Food posts – Honestly, I don’t have an issue with these, I just needed a fifth and Trash didn’t answer his phone when I needed another suggestion (I set myself up with five, I should have gone for three). I even think that CookinForBae is amazing. This bitch be hungry. Keep sharing those, I need them.

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(Editorial Note: Trash can in fact confirm that this did not happen.  However, I did just see a large man in a taupe sleeveless top with a cowl neck on my Explore page, so carry on.)

Chef Trash Ramsey

Hey Everyone! One thing you might not know about Class & Trash is that we both love to cook.  I thought that it would be fun to share one of my favorite recipes:

Trash’s Warm Kale Salad

Ingredients:
2 lbs Kale
5 strips bacon
1 medium red onion
6 cloves garlic
1 tablespoon Vegetable/Canola Oil
1/2 cup Dijon mustard
1/2 cup sour cream
1/2 apple cider vinegar
8 oz Low Sodium Chicken Broth
1/2 cup golden raisins
Thyme & Seasoning Salt
Salt & Pepper

Prep:
1) Mince the garlic and onions. (Trash tip: Get yourself a mini-food processor!)
2) Cut the bacon into bite-sized pieces.  (I like to use kitchen shears for this.)
3) Wash your kale thoroughly.  (Even if you buy the bagged kale.  I don’t care if it says it’s pre-washed!)
4) Measure out your liquid ingredients.  (You want to use a liquid measuring cup for this.  That way you can combine prior to cooking)

Cook: (Cook time 30-45 minutes)
1) Start a large steam pot on your stove on medium heat with your oil.
2) Add bacon and season with a teaspoon of seasoning salt.  Render until the bacon is about 50% done.  (Usually about 4-5 minutes)
3) Raise the heat to medium high and add your minced onions.  (2-3 mintues)
4) Add your garlic.  Salt & Pepper the entire mixture and cook until translucent. (4-5 minutes)
5) Add your kale and combine so that the bacon, garlic, and onions are distributed throughout.  (In a perfect world, your pot will hold all of the kale. But if your pot is smaller, add the kale handful by handful making sure that you’ve wilted the kale a bit before adding the next bunch.)
6) Once you’ve added all the kale, season generously with salt and pepper.  Lid your kale.  (5 minutes)
7) After 5 minutes, stir your kale and add in your liquid ingredients (chicken broth, vinegar, mustard, and sour cream) and thyme.
8) Once combined, stir again, reduce your heat to medium and replace the lid. (15 minutes)
9) With 5 minutes left, add in your raisins and combine.  Replace the lid. (5 minutes)
10) After the time has passed, taste test your kale (I use a piece with a stem for this).  It should be tender with a bite.  If it’s too tough, cook for an additional 3 minutes.  Season with salt & pepper accordingly.

Enjoy and serve warm! This is a recipe that will taste better the longer it sits.

Some Tips:

Do NOT be stingy with your salt and pepper.  Kale is a hearty green and you will need the seasoning.  I promise.

Do NOT substitute turkey bacon for this recipe.  The fat from the bacon helps to break down the kale.

You can run your bacon through the food processor.  If you do this, reduce the cook time to 2-3 minutes for rendering.

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Pictured here with my Turkey Meatballs and Rigatoni)

Let me know if you decide to try this recipe and share photos!  Have a happy Sunday!

Why Nene Leakes is My Spirit Animal

Well Class has had a rough go the past two weeks.

Let. Me. Tell. You.

I will TRY to be better but until I AM actually better… here is a quick post on Nene Leakes. I don’t care what anyone has to say, she is and will always be my boo! She is just GREAT! Don’t like her? You mad.

 

Nene Hairflip

This one moment from a couple seasons back secures her spot in my life. It sums up my diet and exercise habits perfectly.

Size 10 NEne

Hungry Nene

I like to workout but eating is way more fun. This prevents me from getting in SICKENING shape. Oh well! One day Nene and I will have a delicious meal and lots of wine. (Dream, believe, and receive y’all!)

Let’s all have a fantastic weekend! Shimmy and shake the weekend away! Hug your friends and just love life, okay?! Okay! TURN DOWN FOR WHAT?!

Leo Dancing

 

Love ya for reading!

 

 

 

 

 

The Best And The WORST Of This Week.

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It’s FRIDAY!!!! After a ridiculously long week (that is NOT over), here are 5 things that I am ABSOLUTELY grateful for.

1)   Girl Scout Cookies.

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My lunch yesterday consisted of Girl Scout Cookies. They are a blessing that rolls around once a year. As I type this my mouth is watering but I’m on a 16 hour intermittent fast, and these cookies are not an option today. If you say you don’t like Girl Scout cookies, your whole entire life is a lie.  Yes, you can buy knock offs at the grocery store, but it literally is not the same thing! (Okay it kind of is but you know what I mean.)

2)   This here blog!

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It provides a welcome distraction from daily work life. It reminds me to dream big. It also prevents me from taking naps during my planning period. Watching it grow is super fun! So yay to all you new readers and followers! You’ve made this week DaBomb.com (It’s time to bring that saying back y’all.)

3)   This Song

FINE it’s not the newest but…Beyonce “officially” released it and I wouldn’t be Class if I didn’t acknowledge all that the Queen does. Driver roll up the partition PLEASE!

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4)   My mother

I am the ultimate Momma’s Boy. I’m proud of this fact. Not only do I look like my mother but also we are the same person at the core. When in the midst of a terrible week, she knows just the right words to say. Need to throw shade at a particular situation? She has mastered the art of throwing shade with a smile that will have you dying of laughter (if you aren’t the recipient of the shade that is)Sure we have argued and I was a snobby teenager BUT she is the reason I want to be great. Can a brotha just build his Mom her dream home? ::sappy moment over::

5) Chicken

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Chicken is there when no one else is. It tastes good. It’s affordable. You can prepare it anyway you want. You need a late night snack? Chicken. Don’t know what to have for dinner? Chicken. What goes great on top of pizza? Barbecued….chicken. Thank you chicken for all you do and your nourishment. Too often we forget to give you praise.

Now here are some things that can kindly go away next week…

1)  My dang job.

No it’s not the children (all the time). It’s the paperwork, the bad parents, and the administration. BYE. ASHY. Teach your teachers right education department

2)   Not sleeping

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So I work all day, have students stay with me after school to practice, have a 3 hour rehearsal for a show I’m in, and then get home around 10pm These 10+ hour days have got to stop. I’m EXHAUSTED!

3)   The last week of the month budget.

I just…. Never have money the last week. The ONLY cool thing about being broke is that you get to be SUPER inventive in the kitchen. Besides that, Being broke can GTFOH.

4)   Colored Contacts

Y’all, we know that is not your natural eye color. Stop. It.

ByeAshy

5)    Blatant Lies

Just live in your reality. That’s all. I’m tired of scrolling and reading about the 19 miles you ran knowing good and well that you were taking a nap. Or knowing you spent your whole life in New Jersey but you’re claiming to have lived your entire life in London. We know what you’re doing.

So what are some of you highlights and lowlights of this week?! Let us know! Comment below or follow us on the twiiter! (@ClassNTrashShow)

Love ya for reading!

Bloop

My Man-strual Cycle

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I am not in a good mood.

I tend to get like this every now and again.  I just want to eat everything in sight, sleep all day, and not be bothered.  I call it my man-strual cycle.

Now obviously, I can not compare this to anything that a woman goes through during that time, but I’d say that my crankiness rivals anyone on these days.  I really should not be around people when this occurs.  So unfortunately, this is going to be a short post.  But I just figured it’d be fun to share my cranky day traditions with you all.

1) Melted Cheese

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No matter what, when I’m feeling this way, I’m about to melt the fuck out of some cheese.  Whether it’s nachos, pizza, grilled cheese, or spinach dip, I’m going to treat myself to some ooey, gooey, goodness.

2) Sweatpants

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Hey Chad!  How you doing?? ::wipes nacho crumbs off face:: 

But really, I refuse to put on real clothing when I’m like this.  I’m going to be comfortable and the world is going to have to deal!

3) Juice

Juice

One thing you must know about both Class and I is that we TREASURE juice.  We could honestly drink it all day, every day.  When we were roommates in college, we had a rule that one could not each other’s stuff in general. But juice was sacred.  We both had one moment of weakness where we could not afford it and would knock on each other’s door sadly and ask for a glass.  That’s how serious it is.

I’ve already drank an entire bottle of Simply Orange today.  You may think, that’s too much! But when you have scurvy, don’t come crying to me!

4) Long Showers

Which I’m about to go take now.

Leave your cranky day routine below and hopefully we will all feel better tomorrow! Catch us on Twitter at @ClassNTrashShow as well!

see ya

 

 

 

 

I WISH Someone Would Not Feed Me At School!

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Listen. What we’re not going to do is not feed our damn children. This article has gotten me all sorts of mad. Don’t know what I’m talking about, take a read.

http://www.cbsnews.com/news/school-lunches-taken-from-elementary-students-over-negative-accounts-in-salt-lake-city-utah/

The gist of the article is that parents say about 50 elementary students in Salt Lake City had their school lunches thrown out because money was owed on their food accounts. Excuse me a minute….

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So you’re telling me that because these kids’ accounts weren’t up to date, you did not allow these kids to eat AND you WASTED food on top of this? Oh bitch.

Public school systems are complete shit; from the administration, to teachers, to these raggedy ass parents (not all but more than there should be). As a teacher, I can tell you first hand that we are not raising our kids right. Unfortunately, somewhere over the years we stopped teaching children the importance of education. (Another blog for another day.) What I can tell you is that, right now, many schools are just a large babysitting service. Is it not the responsibility of the babysitter to provide children with food?!  AND NO, FRUIT AND MILK DO NOT COUNT AS A MEAL. I’m sure the lazy ass gym teachers who don’t do shit could even tell you that this is not a well-balanced meal. A school day is a long damn day. I know we all remember it fondly. CHILDREN HAVE GOT TO EAT. There just no questions about. But someone in this damn school said, “Let’s show these kids what it is! Let’s humiliate them in front of their peers, drain them of energy from no nourishment and bitch when they start acting up in class. THAT’S THE SOLUTION! (high five)”

Since when did ELEMENTARY students become so responsible that they should have taken care of the accounts? Hey idiots in whatever trash ass school this is, these kids can’t exactly say “whoops girl, I got you next paycheck!” At 11 years old I’m pretty sure I had some pennies that my grandma gave me to my name and that’s it. At what point did you talk to the PARENTS. I meant talk to them. Not “we left a message.” That’s what the hell I want to know. Regardless of whose fault that bad lunch accounts are, what we’re not going to do is starve children. What we’re also not going to do is WASTE FOOD.

Just on the pure humiliation of these children, everyone in that damn school involved needs to be fired. Lunch ladies, the classroom teachers for not standing up, and the damn administration who allowed this to be okay. Regardless of how bad these kids are, for the SEVEN damn hours they are in that school. It is the school’s responsibility and JOB to feed and take care of those kids. For some of those kids that might be the ONLY damn meal they get to eat that day.

While I’m on this school kick. Hey Parents, while I don’t fault you for this…MAYBE this is your cue to get more involved in you child’s education instead of letting TV shows raise them. Let me tell you one thing about my Mom and Dad. There are two people that you did not eff with, and that was AND IS their children. When I say whatever school this was would cease to exist when they got done with it….I mean it.

Moral of the story. Public schools around the nation. WE HAVE GOT TO DO AND BE BETTER.

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I Get Soooo Weak!

It’s Friiiiiday, Friiiiday!

Gotta get down on Friiiiidaaaaaay!

I hope everyone is looking forward to the weekend, especially those of you who do not have to work on Monday.

Tonight, I want to talk about those things that we just can’t resist.  Whether it’s that late night bag of Haribo gummy bears or paying that extra $20 for that sessual magenta 22-inch sew in, we all have those things that just make us feel better.  Since it’s the weekend and we are having fun, I’ll share a few of my weaknesses and guilty pleasures.

1) “He Said, She Said” by Ashley Tisdale

I actually think it was B. Scott who introduced me to this tune. (HEY GURR!) I remember thinking, oh here’s another non-singing Disney girl come to ruin our ears.

But then, I felt my toe tapping.  A shoulder bop took over, but I fought it off.  But then I whipped my imaginary hair and body rolled in my chair.  Ashley had won.

I used to be ashamed of my love of this song, but then Class & part-time lover @Cheri_Angela (Check her out at http://cheriarmour.com/)validated that the song is everything.

I dare you to click play.  There’s no chance of you making it through without bopping.

2) Doritos Locos Tacos from Taco Bell

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This trashy piece of deliciousness…  ::sighs::

Taco Bell has had so much bad press.  But if I’m not mistaken, this amazing, evil taco has sold more than any other menu item.

You would think it’s just a novelty, but something about it works.  I can never seem to get away from “The Bell” without one in my hand.

NOOOOM nom nom nom! Just call me the Doritos Locos Taco Monster.

3) White Teeth

If only I could count the amount of money that I’ve spent on teeth whitening products.  Having perfectly straight, white teeth has and remains a goal of both Class & Trash.  But this fondness extends to potential mates.

I’m certainly not above telling somebody no because their teeth look like they’ve been chewing tobacco.  The way people treat their teeth is really a sign that they take care of themselves and also that they are considerate of you.  No one is looking to free that piece of gristle from your back teeth when things are getting hot and heavy.

No one.

4) Cocktail Time

PATRON TEQUILA!

I’M DRUNK OFF MARGARITAS, THAT PATRON!

47 Of Beyonc�'s Absolute Best Dance Moves

I’d like to pretend that alcohol doesn’t make my hips sway a la Beyoncé.  But I love liquor.  I love when you first start feeling the buzz.  I love that it lowers my inhibitions.  I love that it allows to feel like I’m better than everyone instead of just saying I am.

As part of the show, we’ll be building in some of our favorite cocktail recipes for you to try.  If you have one that you think we should feature, let us know on the Twitter.  I want to sip on it and sing “I been drinkin.  I been draaaaaankin.”

5) Aunt Sandy!

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(Source: foodnetworkhumor.com)

As much as I love cocktail time, Aunt Sandy loves it more.  As we all know, cocktail time is the BEST TIME OF THE DAY!

Sandra Lee is a terrible cook.  Let’s be clear.  She is lazy, her recipes are expensive, and she has what we call a tenuous grasp of the English Language.

That said, she’s flawless.  She’s like the In Living Color of cooking shows.  Her ineptitude in the kitchen is LEGENDARY.  The Kwanzaa Cake alone is the stuff of nightmares.  Her inability to chop onions is amazing.

And her tablescapes?!  I can’t even.  Just take a tour here (http://foodnetworkhumor.com/category/food-network-hosts/sandra-lee/) and let all that is Aunt Sandy envelope you.

To wrap this up, let’s just watch a week’s worth of Semi-Homemade edited down into a 2-minute clip.  I can assure you, this is truly representative of the show.