fashion

Another Feelings Dump

What’s up y’all?  While I wouldn’t expect a return to regular posting just yet, I do have some stuff on my mind that I need to get out of my system.  So what better place?

This list is not at all in order of importance.

1) Coping (How to Fail at It) featuring Trash

You all have to know what’s going on in Ferguson, MO at this point.  I’m not here to recap it.  I’m not even here to argue the facts.

I don’t have the strength to point out how all of this is because Black people and their lives are denied value in America.

You should already know that no matter what you wear, no matter how many degrees you have, no matter how much you avoid being “stereotypical,” you’re still just another black person.  When the chips are down, you can be shot.  They will get away with it.

We all know that this teenager is going be criminalized and smeared in the media, because any minor discretion is just another reason his life didn’t matter.  You’re constantly going to be reminded that any fault in his character justified his murder.

We all know that clueless assholes are going to idiotic statements.  Newscasters will say to use “water cannons.” The killer will talk about how his life has ended too, even though he’s at home on paid leave.  New Blacks are going to talk about how Black on Black crime and rap music is the cause of all of this.

You’ve already seen someone on your social media try to make it about them with clueless statements, incorrect information, and a general ain’t-shit demeanor.

Truth is, I’m tired.  I’m trying to deal with all of my outrage, my inability to create meaningful change, my inability to protect people I love from the same fate.  There’s not a day where I don’t think, “I’m blessed to be alive.”  I haven’t done anything to deserve it.  But I am.  Instead of productively letting it out, I’m just stewing in my anger and hopelessness.  It’s making me feel ugly inside and preventing me from enjoying the day-to-day.  I don’t want to be around people because all I want to do is talk about it and be angry.  I don’t have the luxury of taking off and being alone until I’m able to face regular society again.  I’m trying to just plow through life in order to sit home in the dark and think about this situation.

There’s no comfort in knowing that no matter what I do, no matter what advice I give my nephew and niece, no matter how many books I read, and no matter how polite I am, my life means nothing if a White person so deems it.

2) Taylor Swift

I haven’t really raged against the Swift in recent moments because she doesn’t really have a song out and she hasn’t been publicly dating anyone.  Not so lucky for me and the rest of the world, she released “Shake It Off.”

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I’m not going to link because she’s not getting a single view on my behalf.

But this is tangent to the first point.  The root of my hatred of Taylor Swift (and Jennifer Aniston) is that for my money they represent peak whiteness. This isn’t a critique of every white person (again, I should not have to say this) but of the dominant American culture.  I’ll let Omarosa take over…

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Where a “wholesome” and “sweet” girl who are just “hassled” are given passes for complete mediocrity because of her perceived girl next door image.  It’s like “Ooh, she’s bland and I can sing better than her.  Give her all my money!” 

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Throw in some questionable appropriation moments and her absolute refusal to sing on key and it’s already terrible.

But this song has a message of “SUCK IT HATAZ” for critiquing her image.  So she’s shaking off any criticism of her bland, mediocre, white bread music and image that appeals to middle-of-the-road, “put-upon”, middle class America. The very same America that is notably quiet whenever an unarmed Black man is killed in cold blood.

For me, this song is the essence of “First World Problems.”  And this is not the day, the week, the month, nor the year for this shit.

Sure, that may seem like a reach for some readers, but think about it this way.  Think back to a time where you felt depressed or upset over something in your life.  Now somebody you don’t particularly like (a coworker or classmate) comes up gloating about their promotion when you know they do nothing or a great exam score on a test where they have cheated.  You wouldn’t have the time for it.

And that’s what this song is to me.  It’s Taylor Swift singing a song that say “nah nah ni boo boo” to all you minorities for not being White.

Fuck.  Her.

3) Reality TV Thoughts

On a lighter note, Project Runway and Top Chef Duels have come to television.  Since So You Think You Can Dance continues to be pretty terrible, I had high hopes for each of these shows.

Project Runway is about as average as any of the other later seasons with some confounding judging thrown in.  Three of first four episodes have handed out wins to questionable garments. Props to Tom & Lorenzo as the source of these photos.  Also, if you love celebrity fashion, Mad Men, Project Runway, or RuPaul’s Drag Race, it behooves you to frequent their site.  Also, read their book!

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The first two are from comeback contestant Amanda.  Fringe really shouldn’t be a thing.  The second two are from Sandhya.  I like the pink look with the metallic detail, but that poorly dyed, ripped shoulder, frayed edge abomination should have at least put her in the bottom.  No thanks.  That said, I do think that there’s some talent in the cast and the judges seem to be making good cuts.  I have hope that someday Michael Kors will come back.

Top Chef Duels is pretty good!  It’s a lot more low-key than your traditional Top Chef, but it brings back familiar faces and gives them space to be creative.  As a huge Gail Simmons fan, I’m glad she’s a part of the show.  I could live without Curtis Stone, but that’s not my decision.  I hope that the show does well and continues to bring back some great chefs.  (Although, go away Mike Isabella.)

Love & Hip Hop Atlanta is finally winding down after a particularly raggedy season.  When Karlie Redd is the source of your most entertaining moments, it’s time to take stock.  Seeing Rasheeda take Kirk back after complete and blatant disrespect for her, their child, his mother, their family, and her image (which is the family business) is not good television.  Seeing Erica and Scrappy be friends is nice for the sake of their daughter, they’ve been complete non-entities since we stopped seeing O’Shea Da Model and The Bambi.  Benzino continues to be neckless and ThiThi is the most obvious case of fame-hungry gold digger we’ve seen since Flavor of Love 3.  Stevie and Joseline’s soap opera relationship is not funny.  Joseline is best when talking shit about other girls, not crying about beefcake and her awful music.  Tammy & Waka are sweet but boring.  Karlie is trash on trash, but at least she gave us more terrible music and Yung Joc’s decision to air our her sexual habits.  Momma Dee & Deb are reliably fun though.

But let’s about Mimi again.  All of Mimi’s struggles, barring the death of her father, are her own doing based on her own choices.  Her absolute refusal to be told that she is wrong only serves to make her look like the weak-willed dingbat that she is. It’s painful to watch her get mad at people when she is forced to reveal her lies.  Like if you don’t want to hear what they have to say, stop going to them.  If you’re going to defend being wrong so vehemently, you’re going to continue to have to eat crow.

To be frank, I’d have cut her off when she accepted Stevie’s car.  Girl, you can’t be over him and accept things that aren’t child support.  Your dependency is showing.

But truth be told, she needs to leave the show.  Nothing has been good for her since it started and now the world knows her for being an idiot who is easily fooled and bought.  Sucks to be you.

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4) The Future Looks Bleak

If you haven’t gathered, I’m not in the happiest of places now.  As cliché and standard as it sounds, I’m used to telling myself that it will all work out. It will all be okay. But these two weeks have reminded me of the feeling of despair that I either ignored or suppressed as a part of the move.  It’s that I don’t know the future and not seeing much in the way of encouragement.  It’s not that I don’t believe God has a plan or that I believe I should have all the answers.  It just seems like I keep waking up to bad news. It’s like a nightmare. I want more than what this is for America and for my friends.  I don’t know how to tell them that, being someone who hates only tolerates melodrama/emotions.

That said, I’ll end this with simply.  I care.  I’m not great at letting people know that.  I may not ever say to your face.  But you’re cared about and I want what’s best for your mind, body, and soul.

Stay safe everyone and do your best to maintain positivity in your days.

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White Boo Wednesday!

It’s time to celebrate everyone’s new favorite holiday!

So typically, my type tends to revolve around models and the Dwayne Johnsons. But today we are here to celebrate my vanilla lattes.

Nick Bateman

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Yes.

Chad White

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#heyboo

Cam Gigandet

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So what are you doing tonight?

David Beckham

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Let me sit this aaaaaaaaass…

David Gandy

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Who are your white boos??  Leave a comment with pictures.  I’m looking forward to expanding my roster.

Bracket Madness!

Greetings from the ATL!

I’ve made it down to the South after a crazy and hilarious road trip.  But that’s enough about that.  Let’s talk brackets!

It’s March so we’re gearing up for my two favorite things about the spring.  March Madness & Fug Madness!

March Madness

Now being from North Carolina, college basketball is something of a way of life.  Very few people grow up in the state without strong feelings for one of the Big 4. (Obviously Duke is the best).  So the NCAA tournament is great fun for all.

And I’m sure that you’ve heard about the Billion Dollar Bracket.  Now the Negative Nellies and the Bitter Betties are pointing at the odds and pointing out that you have to share.  Meanwhile, I’m planning out how to spend my billion dollars.

 

 

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While I’m a Duke fan, Wisconsin is my pick for the win.  A billion dollars is on the line.  Hometown pride be damned!

If you want to join in the action, click right here and join in!

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Kidding.  Here’s the actual link.

Fug Madness

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Yes! So The Fug Girls are amazing bloggers/authors who talk celebrities who can’t dress themselves, terrible movies, magazine covers,and runway shows.  Their wit and sense of humor is always fun and I’ve been reading them since the days of the Peldons, Bai Ling, and Phoebe Price.  Follow them on Twitter here.  Also check out their books Spoiled and Messy which are both great reads.

But the best part of the year is their March Madness style tournament that decides the worst dressed celebrity of each year.  You’d be shocked how fun it is to vote and root for your “favorites”.  You vote based on the terrible ensembles and the comments section leads to a lot of back and forth.  Does Nicki Minaj dressing like a Fruit Loop count for more than Gwyneth Paltrow looking smug on the red carpet?  It’s your job to decide.  Fill out your bracket and prepare to lose to me! Miley is the heavy favorite to take it this year.

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Are you all looking forward to the tournaments?  Have any fun ideas of your own?  Let us know in the comments section and I look forward to spending my money.

Keep it Simple Sundays

Soooo Sundays boil down to the three C’s for me.

Church

Cleaning

Cocktails

SO today, I’m keeping it quick and simple. Despite the fact that it is 70 degrees in North Carolina, rumors of another wave of wintery mess is on the way. I’M OVER IT! Regardless, the winter months are winding down.  What does that mean?

People are going to start running around pale and shirtless with crusty toenails hanging out. I’m never going to come for  bodies because that is just rude and unnecessary. As long as you are confident, you better work bitch! But the toenails thing….PLEASE run to the nearest salon and have them take care of them TOES! MEN AS WELL! You are NOT exempt (Gay or Straight…Don’t NOBODY want to see or feel crusty, moldy, nasty feet. Please go to Walmart and grab you a pumice stone, moisturizer,  and handle your business on the regular.) I get the appeal and freedom of flip flops and sandals, but PLEASE TAKE CARE OF YOUR FEET. There is nothing worse than eating on the patio of restaurant, looking down on at the floor and seeing a green toenail monster looking at you surround in a seas of dead dry skin.

Just trying to help Y’ALL out with the approaching spring and summer season!

Stay classy and love ya for reading!

Bloop

Drag Race Week – Trash’s Top 10 Queens

Hello hello helloooooo!

I may have missed yesterday but it is still Drag Race week! Here are my top 10 queens of all the seasons.

10. Detox Icunt

“I’ve Had It Officially!”

Watching Season 5 back, I realized that I really loved Detox. However, it was her dressing down of Serena Cha Cha that leapfrogged her into my top over my other contenders (Raven, Chad Michaels, Pandora Boxx, and Jessica Wild).

I think it was clear she had the skills to pay the bills. Great looks ( I loved the blue lips and her crack is wack look); comedy chops, musical talents, and charisma for days. I do think the edit made it seem like she wasn’t trying to win, but I think it was an effect of her being a friend of Willam which led to high expectations.

9. Sharon Needles

“Season 4 will be…CANCELLED!”

Sharon needles is probably the most popular winner of the show. With good reason. after binge watching all 5 seasons over the past few weeks, I firmly believe Sharon played “RuPaul’s Drag Race” better than any other queen who has competed on the show.

I lived her off-kilter humor and quick wit, crazy makeup skills, and fun blend of spooky and glam! Her RuPacolypse look and Plastic Surgery looks were spectacular. Her performances were so strong.

So why is she so low? As much as I want to say that I’m limiting to this ranking to their time on the show, I can not. A few times, Sharon’s humor has gone too far. It is not that expect her to be PC, but I thought she was more clever in her execution of the shock humor.

With that said, she killed both of her lip syncs on the show.

8. Jujubee

“Is your barbecue cancelled…???”

Jujubee brings such a light hearted humor and fun sense of glamour and camp to her drag. On the show, I was rooting for her to truly take out Tyra Sanchez but she seemed to be held back.

But babaaaaay, can this girl lip sync?? Her Black Velvet and Shake Your Love are my favorites. As far as the runway, she tends to shown when she’s servings daytime fish. Her look for the drag mothers challenge and her teen realness during the ball was fantastic.

But Juju’s best moments were when it came to reading a bitch. When the library opened, it was over. Her intro on All Stars???

“My name is Jujubee. I like long walks on the beach, big dicks, and fried chicken.”

Go ahead boo! I live for her.

7. Nina Flowers

“When it said hit TV, I said HIV!”

Nina Flowers! The original genderfuxk queen. The make up skills! The accent! Nina is one of the most popular queens from the first season.

Her blend of fuck you fierce looks, sweet personality, and fly ass drag skills made her a contender for the win. In the final lip sync versus Bebe, she was on FIRE! She took the show seriously without getting catty. And I adore her.

It sucks that she wasn’t able to shine as much on All Stars but unfortunately, Nina definitely benefitted from a season that focused less on performance and comedy as the latter seasons.

That said, I lived for her Drag On A Dime look and the purple finale pantsuit. She killed the choreography in Ru’s video too!

6. Manila Luzon

“600 HUNDRED WHOLE DOLLARS!”

Manila Luzon is incredible. Creative, witty, and campy. Have I mentioned that she is stunning in drag? It always catches me off guard how striking she is. And the MacArthur Park lip sync is legendary. Completely and utterly mesmerizing. I had no idea she had that in her.

There’s a wink and a nudge to her drag that I really respond to. I gagged over the pineapple dress, the black & white striped look, and her Big Bird look. I DIE!

I also loved her shade of the other girls & her cleverness when the spotlight was on. (What do you mean you don’t like big hair?!)

Manila has the goods and was felled by a queen with just had a bit more experience. Truly full of Charisma, Uniqueness, Nerve, and Talent.

5. Bebe Zahara Benet

“FACE FACE FACE, I GIVE FACE, BEAUTY FACE!”

The winner of Season 1 and one of the reasons I fell in love with the show. Bebe is incredible. Her sense of style, poise, and performance skills made her a standout in the first season.

Bebe would storm the runway in a shit ton of wigs, body padded down, and always glamorous. Her lip syncs were fabulous. She rocked the runway and made is EAT IT! The leopard print with the sun hat?? Executive realness? The finale gown!

I don’t know how she would have fared in later seasons, but she was deserving, sweet, dignified, and focused. Love her.

4. Alaska Thunderfuck 5000

“Overall, the season of fish smells like trout!”

Alaska, in a way, is tailor made for me to love. Her droll voice, quick wit, and striking transformation all had me rooting for her to win Season 5. Lil Pound Cake? Her finale speech? The reading challenge?? The perfume commercial? GENIUS.

My personal favorite moment was her skewering Roxxxy Andrews in the puppet challenge.She really grew on the show and broke out of Sharon’s shadow. I absolutely adore her and think she is special.

I also loved her Red look and her Sugar Ball. And her lip sync for the finale? Fantastic.

3. Raja

“NAOMI CAMPBELL IS A……”

My favorite winner of all the seasons however is Raja from Season 3. As I’ve discovered, I love a seasoned queen who’s been around the block a couple times. Raja takes that and combines it with a real fashion sensibility, killer makeup skills, and a runway presence that is mind blowing. I simply can’t pick a favorite look although the Navajo Realness is the first that comes to mind.

But beyond style. Raja has a clear love for performing that showed in the comedy, Superstar, and her lip sync versus Carmen. The edge, style, and ability to improvise really helped her stand out. Her “power of Fuck You” speech is legendary.

And because I’ve managed not to mention the ANTM connection, let’s throw out my favorite Sutan moment.

I’m Ty-ra!
I’m Tyra. Ty Ty Baby!
I’m Thai!
We’re all going to Thailand!!!

Lol whut?!

2. Willam

“Your tone seems very pointed right now!”

“Winning feels…correct!”

Listen. Willam was number one on this list up until I did my Season 4 rewatch. Willam’s sarcastic wit, singing voice, comebacks, style, and ability to get the other girls riled up just speak to me. To quote Santino, Willam is the shit and knows she’s the shit. That is true confidence. Willam was never mean or went out of her way to cut others down. She just did well and charmed the judges.

When she was disqualified, I WAS HEATED. No ma’am! Phi Phi was supposed to leave.

The boat challenge runway? The lace bodysuit? Willam was killing it.

But to be honest, her disqualification is still the biggest moment in the show’s history. She is the biggest star since her season has ended. She simply has it all. Literally my only cons for we was the five o’clock shadow in a few episodes and her mediocre lip sync vs Jiggly. But since jiggly was a mess, it didn’t matter. And her joke about being part “Thundercat” more than makes up for those.

1. Latrice Royale

“JESUS IS A BISCUIT!!!

Let him sop you up! It’s Latrice who is my favorite queen from all seasons. Like I mentioned, I had Willam here until my rewatch. But the reason that Latrice is head queen?

She made me f*cking cry. Her elimination was so so so so so sad. And then her speech. I just ugly cried all over the place.

Now let’s break down why she is fabulous.

1) The Quotes
Good God Girl, Get A Grip.
BMW – Body Made Wrong
EAT IT!
The shade…the shade of it all!
Get those nuts away from my face!

2) The Runway
Her Sitcom challenge blue dress?
Her Pretty in Pink
The tur-kwazz boat challenge?
Her blue dress from the Snatch game?

3) Lip Syncs
Listen. Latrice’s Natural Woman is the best damn lip sync in the history of the show. Sorry Ru, Whip My Hair slayed, but Latrice stood in ONE DAMN SPOT. SINGING TO HER FAKE PREGNANT BELLY!

That is star power. No one else even compares. Queen.

Who are your favorites? Let us know below or on Twitter.

Humility is a Beautiful Thing

There is real snow outside and I’m over it. No I don’t mean a dusting… I mean inches of snow and apparently we just let it sit on the ground in the south. Can I get a plow? Some salt? I couldn’t move my car if I wanted to… Anyway, I digress. I have nothing poignant or funny to say today. So I leave you with this PSA….

I am LE TIRED of scrolling through my Facebook, twitter, and instagram and seeing people’s BS. Stop hashtagging and talking about ish that no one cares about. If you are grown and still trying to fool people like you’ve arrived …just go on ahead and stop. We know what you’re doing.

#WorkingHard #Gucci #Famous #ActorInANewFilm #ImBetterThanYou #WhileYouTwerkIWork

HASHTAG WE DON’T GIVE A F*CK. We know those are orange bottom sneakers. We know you are in the local commercial for the Family Dollar Store. Congratulations you are 28 and you work on the weekends but…WE ALL DO HO!  Be proud of your achievements but let your actions and recognition speak for itself. If you have to boast about what you’re doing or what you’ve done, we feel like your covering for something. As friends we WANT to celebrate your achievement but when you slam us in the face it only makes us want to slam your face in the concrete and laugh. I’m talking about the people that get up on in the morning already talking about all they’ve accomplished today. “Got up brushed my #teeth. Put on my #Coach watch. #In the #Office. Ready to #WorkHard. Hope y’all getting that #money!” #F*ckOuttaHere Be real about you are and live in your reality. It is just exhausting to sit and scroll knowing that my status at the bank and their status at the bank is the same: nonexistent. Who are you trying to impress? WHO?! Jesus, be a pool of humility that we can dunk your lying self in.

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BLOOP AND PLONK.