dwayne johnson

Trashy Thursday is Back!

And it’s time, it’s time, it’s time to pay tribute to my patron saint, my guiding light, my spirit animal!

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Tiffany “Miss New York” Pollard

Let’s go back.  All the way to the year 2006.  Flavor Flav aka Foofy Foofy had just had his heart broken by Brigitte Nielsen.   So he turned to the only thing that could heal his pain.  Reality TV!  I’ll save the rest of my summary of the first episode.  But it introduced us to my queen and my diva, MISS NEW YORK.

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Listen.  This woman is life-changing.  She’s so iconic.  She is why reality television was invented.

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Look at her.  Look at that heavy eye makeup.  That flower.  She’s amazing.

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If you recall, New York won a roller skating date with The Foofster.  (“He’s a man, not a Foofy!”)  Her titties swinging low like so many chariots.

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During the first episode after Goldie’s upchuck adventures, New York comes in to greet the ladies having breakfast.

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“Good Morning! Good Morning.  Good Morning.  (To Rain) Not you, you can choke!”

New York on New York.

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Who doesn’t tell themselves that every morning?  It’s a mantra for all of us.

But then, STRIFE! Hottie tried it.

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And now legendary quote number 11?

Excuse the video quality, but I didn’t want to give too much away from the recap.

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“You fucking look like Luther Vandross!!!” Listen if you didn’t love her by this point, you were watching the entire show incorrectly.

More adventures in New York vs. Hottie:

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New York’s first time uttering her signature line.  Like she was eating her steak.  And loving it!

More knifery:

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This was near the end of Season 1 when New York shares a group date with Goldie.  Prior to this meal, we got this brilliant line:

“Goldie is a CUTE girl.  But cute next to gorgeous?  Gorgeous devours cute.”

But then Goldie came in playing to win and snatched that night cap!  Oops.

But New York continued in the competition! And boy, the final 3 episode.  Jesus!

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New York: “Slap me, you bi***” 

Pumkin: ::gross spit::

New York: YOU MOTHER F*CKING WHORE!!!! ::pushes Pumkin::

“YOU’RE GOING TO SPIT IN MY FAAAAACE.  BECAUSE I’M STAYING IN THE HOUSE AND YOU’RE NOOOOOOOT!”

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So we know that she lost.  ::ugly cry:: But then the finale.

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Look at this introduction.  LOOK AT THAT COUNTDOWN!

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firstnight

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She did ALL of these things.  Was she super dramatic?  Could it have been acting?

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Now, some highlights from Season Two.

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Like Brigitte in Season 1, New York was brought back with a lower quality weave and inflated sense of superiority.

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Oops, sorry about that Buckwild!

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Welp! She’s not wrong.

But I have to stop.  This honestly could go on for years and I have to go be productive.

Also, share some of your absolute favorite New York moments.  I’m still working on my Flavor of Love recap which is why I didn’t go in to excruciating detail.  But you just know that she’s iconic and she is who inspires me.

 

“You know what? I just fucked up your date!”

Byeeeeee!

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(All gifs courtesy of Rich Juzwiak & RealityTVGifs.)

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Let Me Sit This…

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I’m kidding of course.  But let’s talk about types.

I’m someone who truly thinks that people have a type or certain traits that they find attractive.  It’s not bad to have a type, especially if that type doesn’t include being a terrible person or Taylor Swift.

Let’s say for instance, you’re me.  In terms of personality, I’m looking for someone who likes books and hoodrat tunes.  Who loves reality shows and learning.  But for looks??

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I tend to favor Team Light Skin, taller than me, and a body that looks like I go to gym but I also like cheese fries.  This doesn’t mean that I’m completely opposed to my melanin rich brethren.  I mean…

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Hey Boo!  ::waves seductively::

His smile is just incredible.  As I mentioned in my guilty pleasure post, sparkling white teeth and gorgeous smile get me every single time.  I remember a “friend” from my past with the most gorgeous smile. It was like he was cute and all when he was squinting and smizing, but a flash of those pearly whites and I was planning our wedding.

You know the deal!

Now Class on the other hand tends to go for a preppier guy.  Someone to watch the Real Housewives with and who can keep up in a duet.  Some like perhaps…

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You know someone who could spend time doing a puzzle and going on long runs.  We both need a positive, sarcastic person with a good heart and a good head on their shoulders.   Broad shoulders.

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But in all honestly, we’re looking at celebrities, athletes, and models here.  These dudes exist, but are mostly fantasy.  Like Tori Kelly says, sometimes we just want someone to hold, someone to give us their jacket when it’s cold.  While these guys are truly nice to look at (if you happen to look like them though, call us boo!), what’s really important here and that we remain open to love in all its forms.

Six pack abs, flawless skin, gorgeous smiles, huggable arms…

I’m sorry I lost my train of thought there.  But seriously, we all have things that pull us in. A perfectly placed tattoo, that v-cut, and kissable lips are great assets and will definitely speak to us.  But really, it’s what’s inside.  Can you show that you’re really there through thick and thin?  When I’m down, are you going to be there to offer words of encouragement?  Getting it in with every man with a killer smile is fun to think about but we all have to look beyond looks if we’re going to find true happiness.

But until then…

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Call me!