april

Raggedy: The Love and Hip Hip Hollywood Story

What’s going on, dear readers?

After letting myself dip back into a touch of depression, I’m battling my way back to a happier place. But that’s enough about that sadness, let’s talk raggedy television and pet peeves.

So I know that you’ve been watching Love and Hip Hop: Hollywood.  It is AWFUL. Insanely entertaining and ridiculous, but awful nonetheless. Let’s go through these dumb story lines.

Ray-J/Teiarra Mari/Publicist Girl: Teiarra Mari is insane.  Like you can see it in her eyes.  There’s some feral going on. Her former relationship with Ray-J is ridiculous, especially considering all that we have heard about Ray-J’s antics.  For the first two episodes, she’s been the focal point wavering between fits of insanity and odd self promotion.  She “changed” her tattoo so that it would say Ray anymore (to ExRay? I guess, girl).  She’s gotten into it with Stripper Princess, Bland Publicist woman, and Hazel-E the Doduo with a grill.  I imagine that she can’t possibly continue down this path, otherwise she’d be removed from the show.  But she did tell us that she didn’t have no daddy around, so that’s obviously why she acts this way.

<iframe width=”854″ height=”510″ src=”//www.youtube.com/embed/_gx2FWn8SK4″ frameborder=”0″ allowfullscreen>

Her acting in this video > Her acting on the show.

Ray-J is still trying way too hard to convince us that he’s relevant and interesting.  He’s just a lame.

The publicist girl whose name I don’t recall is boring and will probably serve as the only one who can get these ridiculous women in one place.

Omarion/April/Rattail: Omarion is also a lame.  But he seems to genuinely love April which is just fine.  April is an interesting character.  I don’t think that she is wrong in not wanting to be treated as a second fiddle to his mother.  However, she seems to be trying to take a firm stance which won’t happen unless both she and Omarion take said stance.  Being flippant and rude won’t help her case.

That said, that lady with the rat-tail will never get my support after saying that she’s been the hairdresser for Stevie Wonder.

If I ever meet her in person,we are going to throw hands.  Stevie Wonder is a legend and deserves so much better.

Shah of Sunset/Video Girl/Lean Like a Cholo Stereotype: Boring, dull, and uninteresting.  The one thing I agreed with Publicist Girl about was the lack of understanding why any of these girls would be interested in talking to this man.

Hazel-E/Yung Berg: Eww.  Just EWWWWW. I hate this chick’s face.  She’s the Karlie Redd of this show.  Lamb dressed as mutton to the fullest extreme.  She’s trash on trash.  We don’t want her rap career, we don’t want her face, we don’t want her grill, we don’t want her egg yolk yellow wig.

Yung Berg is someone who is living out the nerd-grown up revenge fantasy.  He clearly grew up getting thumped and probably wearing bobos.  You can tell in the way he brags about having a different chick every day that he’s really not very interesting or having that much sex.  People who do it, don’t say it.

Their “relationship” feels just like Karlie and Benzino.  Forced and nauseating.  Please fire these two.

Moniece/Fizzo Got Flow/Amanda: Fizz is so very good-looking.  I do like that they are showing a custodial father trying to do right by his child.  While Fizz comes across as relatively responsible, he does need to step off trying to force Amanda to be more maternal to his son.

I do think that it is responsible to slowly introduce your companion into your child’s life, especially if you plan on living as one unit.  However, the amount of exposure to the child does not imply that the child is now the mate’s responsibility.  Most people do not mind helping out in small ways, but until there is a tie (marriage/adoption) you as the biological parent should not expect or force them into a parental role.  It’s damaging to the child and always reads to me as a reduction of responsibility of the primary parent.

That said, Amanda comes across as sweet, low-key, and actually smart enough to deal with the insanity of these two.

Moniece is the worst thing to happen to television since Kenya Moore.  I can not stand this person.  What’s interesting is that she is the epitome of someone who comes across as reasonable and mature at first glance.  However, spending more than one minute reveals a latent insanity.  What’s worse is that she does not realize that she is insane, which makes her dangerous.  There is a reason that she is not the custodial parent and only barely has visiting rights.

During her ambush of Fizzo in the studio, it was clear that he is completely over her. This combined with her depiction of her situations as “bouncing from house to house,” starting a sex toy line despite none of us knowing who she is (a la Kandi), and her clear inability to relate in a rational way to anyone demonstrates a woman who must be tortuous to deal with in real life but makes for dramatic television.

She clearly believes that each time she speaks to Fizzo and Amanda, that she is in the right, that she is the damaged party, and that she deserves some sort of retribution despite all evidence to the contrary.  This is the type of delusion that is dangerous to any children (much less her own).

All in all, the show is dreadful. But I’ll be watching to engage in the hilarious tweets and laugh at the general hoodratry.

What are your thoughts on the show?  Let me know!

Advertisements

A Tribute: Shake Ya Body

It’s come to my attention that some of you have not paid tribute to the one of the greatest music videos and songs of all time.  Well, we here at Class & Trash will not stand for any slander nor any shade for the iconic and legendary Shake Ya Body by Tyra Banks.  Let’s talk about it.

We start the video with Tyra and Jay Manuel freaking out in the dressing room.  Her long curly blond wig shaking.  We catch April, Yoanna, and Sara strutting on the runway before Tyra RIPS OFF HER WIG in frustration to reveal bright red cornrows.  The drama.  The acting.  You can’t take it.

We get to the pre-chorus is a bop.

Let me see you! Take it slow.
Move your body! Let me know.
Let me see you! Lose control.
Leave it up to me to take control of ya!

bodyrollpoint

 

So let me see what you’re working with! Yeah.
I need to see if you move like this. Yeah.
And if you can’t keep up with me, I’ll.  Yeah.
Cuz when it comes to this, I don’t! Play-ahh!

marydance

Yes!  All types of yes.  At this point, you should be bopping your shoulders and flipping your imaginary wig.  The chorus is catchy and you’re dancing in your chair.

The moans with the “Come on, baby!” snatch.

We then get to the second verse & chorus where we get to see Tyra serve you choreography.  Model sexy choreography.  And pop and pop, arm and arm.  Booty shiggle!  We also know that these sensual moves were courtesy of Tony from the episode who gave us the best dance-off ever.

And then Tyra’s iconic microphone lick!  Yes. Yes. Yes.

So then we move to the bridge, which it seriously amazing.  The beat cools down and Tyra’s doing her ad-lib thang over the lyrics wearing a bikini that’s basically a cargo net.  She’s wet and grinding up on the man-candy in the video.

Let me say this
Your body’s callin’ me
I can hear it speak (WOO!)
So let me please you
Just grab my hips real tight
And enjoy the ride
It’s up to you
To make me feel the heat
And let me know if you can keep up with me

The woo is perfect.  PERFECT I TELL YOU!

And then the beat drops and we get the “SHAKE IT, SHAKE IT, SHAKE IT, SHAKE IT! OOHOHOHHHHH…” which is flawless.

alexdance

At this point, you’ve lost yourself to the song.  You’re popping and twerking and getting right!

But then! Camille, Mercedes, and Shandi close us out with the fabulous choreo by dropping it to the floor and serving you hoes.

And just in case you forgot the greatness that is Yoanna filming her dance sequence.

Yes!  The arms.  The shimmy.  The splat!

beylaugh

I also didn’t want you to forget Camille’s “talk to the hand” choreography.

I can not let you leave with Mercedes’ forgetting the choreography.

And lastly, April’s herky jerky dancing greatness with Janice’s comments.

Listen, this song is life changing.  The episode is brilliant.  The video is fabulous.

Don’t you ever come for it again!  Share your favorite Shake Ya Body memory or get blocked.