Hey people, I’m finally feeling like myself again.
Despite my good mood, y’all hoes continue to try the fuck out of it. Let’s take a look.
“Natural Hair for White Girls”
Where do I even start at this point? Like don’t you all ever get tired? This dumb broad didn’t read this and think, “Oh, I might offend everyone with my malformed attempt at satire?” She didn’t take any time to actually look at what natural hair means to Black women.
But let’s slow down. The first “joke” is that she is part of the most statistically oppressed group in America. This is a trap. What you absolutely never want to do is compare your struggle in an effort to out “oppression” anyone. Especially as a white woman. Every person has their individual struggles and every group has a goal that they are working towards. To recklessly make a joke about being an oppressed white woman without context is dangerous and frankly, irresponsible.
Let me pull a direct quote from this thing.
“We can’t simply refuse to shampoo and condition and get that look in the way that women of color can. This is the face and scalp of black privilege, and if we want a more cohesive society, we need to peel that black scalp back and take a look at the systems that oppress us.”
This ashy ho has somehow interpreted natural hair as not washing or maintaining hair.
Besides the sheer inanity of this statement, there really is a far worse implication here. That natural hair as it grows is “dirty” and “unkempt”. Without knowing it (because obviously she’s too dumb to function as a real member of society), she has insulted all Black women. With the actual amount of issues black women encounter on a regular basis (included casual insults from other Black people), now is definitely not the time to sound like a slave master arguing the 3/5 rule.
“The two black women I know – Acura and Delicious, coworkers of mine – come into the teachers’ lounge every day with a sense of confidence that I could only hope to one day fake. Where does that proud sista-girl disposition come from? It comes from their exotic manes.”
Acura and Delicious are obviously real coworkers. She didn’t make these up these “ethnic” names for the sake of insulting stereotypical Black names while also insulting their attitudes. Why do they get to be proud of who they are? Why do they get to enjoy their lives? It can’t be because they worked hard to get their education degrees and obtain employment. It can’t be because they are happy with who they are.
It must be their “dirty” afros that give the confidence that I so clearly lack because I’m not doing enough in my own life. They are so exotic and different. I simply can’t accept their choices because it makes them different than me.
“But, how can I have it? How can I get that ethnic flavor? How can we, as white women, cast off the shackles of the patriarchy and achieve true beauty and agency through the power of natural hair? How can we join in and have a part of that look – the part that is naturally owed to us as women?”
Because these women, Acura and Delicious, are happy ONLY BECAUSE OF THEIR HAIR, I’ve decided that I deserve that same happiness.
I don’t just deserve it, I’m OWED it because I’m a woman. Our struggles are EXACTLY the same and the only fix to this is for me to somehow obtain an afro.
Sorry, I have to cut the sarcasm here again. Though this is “satire”, she still does not get how much she has just marginalized an entire group of people. To ignore all of the actual challenges that Black women face in an effort to jokingly wonder how white women will ever catch up is so selfish and ignorant. It truly blows my mind that the phrase “oppressed white lady hair” is actually something she typed.
For YEARS, Black people (women and men) used dangerous chemicals in order to fit in with white people. Relaxers, weaves, and hot combs are all products used to straighten out the natural curls and kinks of our hair in order to fit the standard. Shit, Countess Vaughn got incredibly sick because of a lace-front wig. Madame C.J. Walker became the first Black female millionaire through hair care products. Your “white” hair is not oppressed. It served and continues to serve as the absolute standard of beauty for all people. This is in fact why the natural hair counter-culture developed. Natural hair helps to empower Black women because they are allowed to believe who they are is enough. The “instructions” that this asshole gives in order to change their look to an afro makes light of Black history and the continued struggle to assimilate into “American” culture.
The next few paragraphs of this fuckshit go on to “instruct” white women to use a combination of motor oil, Vaseline, gasoline, and bleach to strip all of the nutrients out of their hair. Making their hair so fragile and unhealthy is the key to happiness, Black lady style!
Like I said earlier, the implication here is that the hair that grows out of Black women’s head is unhealthy, weak, and less than ideal. Don’t forget that it’s all dirty and unkempt! Pride comes from being a gross Black lady!
Now listen, I’m a dude. I’m not a woman with natural hair, so I don’t claim to be an authority on the topic. But what I do know from discussions with my friends and family is that the power to choose how you want to look is one of the reasons that these women feel confident in themselves. Their hair is not exotic. Their hair is not to be mocked in some dumbass “Thought Catalog” blog because you think that you are so clever. Making jokes about race, especially in light of the past few years, is not easy and not for the stupid.
What this woman has done in an effort to get a few chuckles is reinforce the notion that Black women are unclean and unnatural. She has implied that Black women should not have the facility to decide how they want to look based on their own merits. Every decision made is an attempt to embarrass white women. There is a conspiracy to use their “gross” hair to take over.
The fact that the editors at a blog called “Thought Catalog” didn’t see the problem with this piece is scary as well. This was not funny, not informative, and not an opinion that we needed. To see people defend it and frame Black people as quick to jump to offense lack basic critical reading skills. I’ve mentioned to a few people that the worst type of racism (for me) is the complacent type who are resistant to change because it makes them uncomfortable. They would rather not say anything and comfort themselves with the belief that it is “not me” who is being racist and therefore it’s okay. It’s dangerous and these are the people who block change silently. I’ll take the KKK over you any fucking day.
In addition, one of the frequent complaints that I’ve heard about feminism is their refusal to acknowledge the difference in the struggle of the minority woman. The complete disregard of intersectionality has weakened the movement and creates more problems than the group seems to be able to solve. To me, this article demonstrates the clear amount of disrespect that black feminists complain about. I’m not even a woman and I’m livid.
What are your thoughts? Do you think I’m overreacting? (I’m not.) Do you think that the post should be removed? (It should.) Let me know in the comments. Seriously, I would love to you all weigh in on the issue.