Adele

Aretha Butchers The Great Diva Classics – An Album Review

So you might remember this being a thing that happened:

Aretha’s Wet N’ Wild Eye Shadow.

Aretha’s wobbly knockers sitting sideways like boys in the days.

Aretha’s minty green discount prom dress.

Cissy’s perpetual over it face and lack of effort.

It’s amazing.

Well all of this was leading up to a new album release!!!

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So this is a cover of the “great diva classics” and Aretha is here to show you how she does it in 2014.  I’m going to listen to what can only be a flaw-free album.

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I’ll be rating each song on a scale of 1 to 5 Aretha Jigs.  One Aretha Jig being a live Jhene Aiko performance.  Five Aretha Jigs being this Respect performance. Let’s get started!

Track 1: At Last (originally performed by Etta James)

This one starts out pretty well.  Aretha seems comfortable and ready to slay.  But then, we get some of Aretha’s slight liberties where she slides up an octave. But you know this is nice.  Aretha’s trademark rasp and lisp are here, but there was some restraint here.  Both in the performance and the post-production (you’ll see what I mean later).  This is a good start to the album!

Rating: 4/5 Aretha Jigs

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Track 2: Rolling In The Deep – Aretha’s Version (originally performed by Adele)

You’ve already laughed at that live performance.  But how does the recorded version hold up?

Not too well actually.  The autotune on her voice in the verses are strange.  I like her performance during the pre-chorus for the most part.  But I just don’t follow where Aretha was going with the arbitrary octave jumps.  Her slides in the chorus are just as hilarious as they were live.

WE COULD HAVE HAD IT aaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWLLLLL!

ROLLING IN THE DeeeeEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEPPPPPPP!

But I can’t recommend this for any reason other than the lols.  There’s so much happening and it’s such a tonal departure from the original.  That doesn’t mean I’m not going to listen to it over and over again.

The bridge into Ain’t No Mountain High Enough is an interesting choice.  But they’ve autotuned her belting and it’s just so weird and, sorry to say, bad.  It’s just bad.  This is not a good song.  But it is an amazing one.

Rating: 2/5 Aretha Jigs

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Track 3: Midnight Train to Georgia (originally by Gladys Knight & The Pips)

Ooh I love this song!

::starts bopping::

“aHeeeeeeLL AAAAAAAAAYYYYEEEE”

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This one is going to be a hard one.  Part of it is that I absolutely adore the huskiness of Gladys Knight’s voice and her vocal performance on this song.  Aretha staying in her upper register does not fit this song even a little.

Once I get over that tragic mistake, it’s listenable.  The beat is comfortable and the background singers are killing it.  Aretha’s voice is much more natural here than in Rolling In The Deep.  Her ad libs as the song closes is some of the best stuff on the album so far.  It’s not too bad.

Rating: 3/5 Aretha Jigs

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Track 4: I Will Survive – The Aretha Version (originally by Gloria Gaynor)

Okay this is the first song that should really use her upper register.  Is that auto-tune???

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What is the jazz hi-hat??

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Okay.  It speeds ups after the first chorus.  I love the scatting! For the most part, once the disco beat kicks in, this is good.  Not great, but solid.  Aretha could have kept that ending run.

Wait, is that Survivor by Destiny’s Child?!?!?!? Okay, that is how a mash-up is done.  Wait, is this about her broken engagement from Catfish??? Okay Aretha! Sing from your pain!

Whomever thought it was a good idea to use effects on Aretha Franklin’s voice should be put out to pasture.  Her voice may not be at peak, but what in the absolute fuck? Leave it as it is.

This song has all the parts to be a good cover.  I like the scatting and Aretha’s mashup.  But I hate that the auto-tune and I especially HATE the intro.

Rating: 1/5 Aretha Jig 

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Track 5: People (Originally by Barbra Streisand)

Now I’m not as familiar with this song in comparison with the first four tracks.  But I think that it truly benefits from a more laissez-faire approach to the production.  The slower songs let Aretha be Aretha.  That’s all we really need.  My only complaints here are that I wish she had taken a bit more care to enunciate the song.  With the lisp on each “people,” the message loses just a hint of its power.  The other is that there’s a slight thinness to her voice in the later parts of the songs.  I wish it had a little more power to it.

Overall, I like this and it befits the Queen of Soul.

Rating: 4/5 Aretha Jigs

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Track 6: No One (originally by Alicia Keys)

Umm, is that the Casio keyboard Reggae 2 beat?

Wow…this intro…

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It doesn’t get any better from there honestly.  This is a travesty.  The voice is processed with in an inch of its life.  The beat is just awful. The vocal performance does not fit at all.

This is the first song that is actively terrible.  Yikes.

Rating: 0/5 Aretha Jigs

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Track 7: I’m Every Woman/Respect (Originally by Chaka Khan and Aretha Franklin)

Pump up the groove! Okay, this is already miles better than No One.  This song fits so much better on her voice.  I also love that the first voice stays in one octave.  It’s rare that she doesn’t arbitrarily jump up the octave.  (See the second verse and chorus).

Even with that complaint, it’s still good.  I’m bopping you know!

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Now, the Respect portion of the song doesn’t work at all.  I mean, did you click that video I linked earlier in the post?  Now that was over 50 years ago. But once you listen to that, it’s hard to listen to this.  That said it’s still good, and I almost upped the score to five jiggin’ Arethas because I love a good key change.

Rating: 4/5 Aretha Jigs

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Track 8: Teach Me Tonight (This was performed by everyone, but let’s go with Dinah Washington)

Ooh, the slower songs are better.  And this is no exception.  The simple production really lets her shine.  Though the touches of autotune are completely out of place.

But this is beautiful.  This is the kind of cover I want to hear from Aretha Franklin.  Soulful, simple, all about her voice.

Best song on the album, by a wide margin

Rating: 5/5 Aretha Jigs

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Track 9: You Keep Me Hangin’ On (originally by The Supremes)

Okay, the opening is promising.  I love that Aretha performed with a bit of sweetness in her voice (a lovely nod to The Boss).

I like this a lot.  It’s much more relaxed and truly uses Aretha’s gifts appropriately.  Minor pitch correction.  Minimal octave jumps until Aretha is allowed to just go at it.  There’s such restraint here and the album shines in those moments.  Now excuse me while I bop my shoulders.

Another of the finer moments of the album.  Not as good as Teach Me Tonight, but solid all around.

Rating: 5/5 Aretha Jigs (I originally had this at a 4, but I honestly don’t have any real complaints)

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Track 10: Nothing Compares 2 U (originally by Sinead O’Connor)

Did you all know this was written by Prince?  Great diva classic, indeed!

Okay, this is jazzy. With a big band arrangement.  This isn’t what I was expecting.  I like  it, I think.

So I need to actually write about this song.  It’s so far outside of what I was expecting that I’m struggling to write about it.  There’s no way to compare this to the original.  That’s actually smart.  I’m not so sure that the song itself fits the production.  It’s an admirable attempt, but my brain just associates this lyric with Sinead’s buzzcut and lone tear.

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Taking it from  an sparse, emotional ballad to this upbeat, sassy song.

Don’t let my critique take away for Aretha’s singing.  I actually think this is her strongest vocal performance on the entire album.  So soulful and full of life.  The beginning of the album has this weird feeling of trying to modernize Aretha.  I don’t know about you all but that’s not what I want.  She has a voice that is representative of that bygone era and we don’t need to plasticize it, even if it’s not in prime condition.

Rating: 4/5 Aretha Jigs

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Overall Rating: 3/5 Aretha Jigs

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I like this album way more than I thought I would going into this review.  After that Rolling In The Deep, what possible opinion could I have??

But as I started to mention in the last song critique, the strengths of this album lie in letting Aretha be Aretha.  She’s not Kesha.  She doesn’t need vocal effects.  Give her a standard or a song from an era where covers of covers were number one hits and let her do her thing.  Despite age, Aretha still has a remarkable ability to convey emotion in her voice and to really use her voice as an instrument.  Look at the difference in her performance on Keep Me Hanging On versus the power on the opening verse of People.  Most of your famous singers these days are incapable of that versatility and it is why the divas are revered.

The album goes wrong when we try to modernize Aretha to make her “palatable” for the current music scene.  The covers of Rolling In the Deep and No One are easily the worst parts of the album.  Someone with good sense could have stopped this and steered her towards more classic sounding songs or at least better production as it relates to these two.

The other issue that I may not have raised is that there definitely is something cheap sounding about the album.  I mentioned that there are some pre-packaged sounding beats here and there.  Again, this isn’t as big a release in 2014 as say a Taylor Swift album (I just vomited in my mouth typing that). So there’s not going to be as much of an investment in the production on behalf of the label.  This can work for certain artists, but since most classic songs rely on a hearty instrumentation, it weakens the song rather than adding to it.

Go take a listen and let me know what you think! I’m off to bop to Hoodrat Tunes.  My basic side has been neglected.

Beyonce CONTINUES to be better at life…

So…The Grammy’s happened. I won’t lie, on first view I thought the Bey performance was cute but not LIFE.

Now that I am on my tenth view, I just need us to APPRECIATE how she slayed. First off, if you are calling a her a ‘whore’ or a ‘slut’ literally go find a room full of HONGRY (yes with an O) lions and just sit there and let nature do its thing because you are rude and a hater. Lets not forget that she is a grown MARRIED woman. Now no shade to other artists, BUT Rihanna get up on stage, pats her p*ssy and gets praise. Britney gets up there body all out for the world to see and is the princess of pop. Madonna shows her wrinkly boob and is the queen of pop.

Sometimes it be like….

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1) From the moment she started she had our attention. I don’t think we were ready…..

Flashing Lights…Flashing Liiiiights…

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2) Yes, we get it, she wasn’t singing in the beginning. WHATEVER. Ain’t nobody cared because she served us with this moment.

That wet hair flip. Those eyes. My God

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3)Body.

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4) She stood up.

Ladies and Gentlemen. THIS is proper twerking etiquette. PLEASE take notes. There will be a test this weekend. Her body is so SICKENING. NO ONE can deliver this. NO. ONE. All you basic twerkers, HAVE A SEAT!

DAT BOOTY THO!!!!!!

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5) And then Beyonce brought her HUSBAND Jay-Z out and made him feel awkward….. Can you blame him tho? You literally have the HOTTEST female on the planet grinding up on your body. I’m telling you right now I would have been dead on the floor. Knocked out. Somebody call 9-11. I FULLY understand why Jay just bopped like an awkward middle schooler. Image

6) Surfboardt.

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7) Finally Bey caressed Jay and let him know that this was just the beginning of the night. He clearly was getting the Partition performance later that evening…..

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And then this happened….

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If for some DUMB reason you missed it, here is the FULL performance. PLEASE get into 4:30 to watch Sir Paul McCartney give you his surfboardt bop in the bottom left corner.

Should Beyonce have performed another song? Probably. Is she pressed about her performance? Yeah. Did she STILL snatch your edges? OBVIOUSLY! How does she continue to do this you might be wondering. What people need to realize is that Beyonce’s B- performance is your favs A+. Beyonce on a bad day can STILL outperform….everyone. However, next time we need the dancers, Les Twins, the all-female band, and of the THE MAMAS. We just needed some sickening harmonies, a tenor sax solo, and Ashley serving behind Bey. So no this won’t be in her iconic performance reel but still Queen of the World Bey snatched. Call her a whore to my face and see what happens tho….Fair warning.

As for the rest of the Grammy’s. GIRL BYE.

Congrats Katy Perry for the iconic step, bop, and snap.  I will say this one time only….I TRULY missed Rihanna. Why you ask? The show just missed her basic choreography and all of the wrong notes. Most of the show was just boring and flat. Metallica needs to find Jesus. Also Adele, we know you’re happy and crap but you BETTER be in SOMEONES studio.

That is all I have to say about the Grammy’s.

Happy Tuesday y’all! Stay warm and dry over the next few days east coast!

It’s Britney B*tch!

I love Ms. Britney Jean Spears. I really do. However, someone out there in the internet had the nerve to ask, “Why does Britney Spears always get snubbed at the Grammy’s?” Excuse me?! Britney is the princess of pop but she has fallen off of the throne. You can’t be mad at her either. All she wants to do is have a family, raise her kids, drink a frap, and eat Cheetos. CAN SHE LIVE??! Yet y’all keep demanding more from her and she drags her lazy butt out on the stage only for people to be disappointed in her performance. The Grammy’s haven’t snubbed her, they just recognize that she lacks depth. I understand that at one point she served us aggressive hair flips and fierce choreography….

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But recently…. not so much….

 1)   We all understand that Britney does not sing live a lot of the time. (Trying to be nice here.) Why? Because this is what it sounds like live….

Girl what are those notes? What are those runs?! Is anything about this Grammy worthy?! GURL BYE! PLEASE keep it real and don’t lie on this girl and say those were flawless vocals. Can you imagine at this years Grammy Britney following a P!nk or Adele performance? That would be downright RUDE!

 

2) I can already hear the Brit stans saying, “Well Britney is a dancer. It has always been about performance not about her voice.” That’s good and all but we can’t forget this gem….. 

When Rihanna is laughing…you REALLY have a problem.

 

3) Okay FINE that was a low blow. She was going through some things I get it. She was really slaying the dance scene during the femme fatale era correct? WRONG.COM She was just as lazy and uninspired as ever. 

::lazily pops chests, jumps in air, flips blonde extensions::

I just don’t have the TIME. Whitney Houston….Celine Dion….Mariah Carey… THOSE women win Grammys….Britney Girl, you can win all the VMAs you want. 

4) Maybe the Grammy’s are a bit upset that XFactor allowed her to judge SINGERS…. Out of all the people you could pick to judge SINGING, she might be the least qualified. Who are they going to ask next? Cassie? Ciara? Mickey Mouse? You failed Simon Cowell. 

5) This Gif sums up how many bothers she has left to give…

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I will give credit where credit is due. The new Vegas show looks really cute! I’m not flying out to Vegas to see it because frankly I can listen to the Cd’s and give fierce choreography in my apartment; BUT it does look like she is bending her knees more and flipping her hair with some passion. That should be applauded y’all! (No shade….okay a bit of shade.)

Moral of the story is: Entertaining? YES! Grammy award winner? No to the ma’am. Case closed. Bloopity bloop and plonk. 

Am I the only one who thinks that if she wants a Grammy, she better work b*tch? What are your thoughts? Does Britney still have “it”? Go ahead and follow @ClassNTrashShow on twitter or just follow this blog and let us know in the comments! (Go do it now…RIGHT NOW!)