106 & park

Celebrity Jury: Bow Wow

What’s up, what’s happening??

Now it’s been a while since we have had a court session.  You can catch up here, here, and here! Let’s talk about Shad Moss.  L’il Bow Wow.  Mr. 106 & Park!

LIL-BOW-WOW-TYRA

Get into those luxurious locks!  Let’s get started.

Fact: Bow Wow has some jams.

Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaass!

harlem

snoopdance

 

Don’t be mad!

Fact: This Bow Wow and Omarion thing happened…

bow-wow-o

You know how Watch The Throne was like super successful?  This was the Dollar General version of that.  And it was trash.  The songs were trash.  The only quality thing we got from this was Bow Wow’s sass.

“We gone own the forff quarter!
And if you don’t jump on the bandwagon now…”

::neck roll:: ::finger wave::

This song was trash.  Even if you liked it, you were wrong.

Fact: Bow Wow is not ugly.

Short, yes.  Ugly, no.

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Fact: Remember him dating Ciara??

Ciara, girl those notes!

Fact: You didn’t think I forgot Marco Polo, did you????

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Fact: Roll Bounce is the worst.

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Nope.  Not even a little.  This movie was terrible in every way.

Fact: Bow Wow is realistic.

Currently, Bow Wow is a host on 106 & Park.  This was a show where he dominated the countdowns and was a featured guest at one point.  I remember people clowning him for taking the gig as it was acceptance that he was no longer famous anymore.  I might have even done it.

But let’s get real, times are hard for those stars who came up in the early 2000’s.  It was a different time and sound that is now considered dated by most. So instead of going hungry, Shad took a job that pays consistently and keeps him employed.  He’s not out here scooting across Queen Latifah’s floor or releasing videos with the World Star Hip Hop tag.

So I’m not going to dis finding a way to stay paid without resorting to super flop ass records.

getmoney

Fact: Azimiz???

Fact: Bow Wow led to the best Catfish episode ever.

D-Pimpin: My name is Bow Wow.

    Nev: Your name is not Bow Wow.  What’s your name.

D-Pimpin: Shad Moss.

Did you all watch this episode?  It was incredible.  Part-time model/McDonald’s cashier thinks that Bow Wow is in love with her after a Facebook message response.  She also receives $10,000 which is how she knows it’s real.

D-Pimpin is a struggle rapper/mooch who gets money from her “mixtape” and uses a lambskin dildo to trick unsuspecting straight women.

It is all so AMAZING!

Verdict: Why not?

You know, I went into this thinking that the Bow Wow verdict would be a huge no, but honestly, I like Bow Wow.

Sure he hasn’t had any chart success recently, but he’s managed to get himself attached to the Fast & Furious franchise, keep a steady pay check, and he has some tunes that I jam to.  He hit some financial troubles but so did everyone associated with Jermaine Dupri.  Even Jermaine Dupri.  I just hope Dem Franchise Boyz are set.

So you know, team Bow Wow.  Let’s end with another sassy video clip from the Bow Wow/Omarion days.

claws

Queen of Music: Cassie

Hello and Happy Thursday!  Can you believe it’s almost March?

Now typically, today would be Trashy Thursday and I’d share the hottest of messes that I could find.  But I’m definitely having my man-strual cycle, so I plan to eat snacks and nap all day.  But that doesn’t mean I can’t start a new feature that I like to call “Queen of Music”.

So what makes someone a Queen of Music?  I like to break it down like this:

1 part mediocre vocal talent
2 parts good looks
1/2 part sleeping with producers
4 parts hilarious antics
1/2 part listenable music

So now it’s time to crown our first ever Queen of Music.  Cassandra Ventura, COME ON DOWN!

ocomeondown

Now Cassie is a phenomenally gorgeous woman. Tall, thin, with incredible bone structure and a striking face.  She was meant to be a star.  But then there’s the whole singing thing.  

eek

Cassie just does not have a great voice.  But you know during the first decade of the 2000’s, vocal talent was not necessary to having a hit song. So Cassie and her Myspace page took the internet by storm with her single, ‘Me and U’.

Now I hear you saying, that this isn’t the version you’re used to.  But with a budget of tens of dollars and a flip cam, Cassie made this amazing video.  It is my personal mission to make sure everyone on Earth sees the black-light sequence.  Remember this was a time where Paris Hilton wasn’t a joke.  Well as big a joke.

The moment at 2:50 makes me cackle every single time I see it.  And her dance moves?  ***Flawless.

But anyways, the success of this song and the fact that Cassie looks like a freaking supermodel got the attention of Puff Daddy/P. Diddy/Diddy and he signed her to a record deal. Success was in her reach with the official release of Me & U.

What’s really noticeable is that there were not a lot of changes to this version from her original version.  Diddy was right as the song shot up the charts and became a worldwide success!  Don’t lie, you jammed to it! 

wiigroll

Fun Fact: Trash can actually reenact this entire video.  Don’t be jealous of my boogie!

Cassie was living the good life and she was primed to challenge Rihanna and Amerie for their thrones.  But then tragedy.

The Downfall

Umm…well.  Ooh Cassie what happened here?

Giiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiirl….no.

Cassie! The girl who doesn’t speak English sounds better, well she is actually trying.  Props to the sign in the audience (Elfy, une vraie artiste).

See the thing about Cassie is that she really can’t sing or dance.  She also doesn’t have a metric ton of charisma to back it up.  Me and U is a great song because of the production (Ryan Leslie is fantastic at his job), not because of her raw talent.  When forced to perform the song live, her career became derailed and it seemed the world became more interested in laughing at her than singing along with her.  

But that didn’t stop Cassie from trying!

“Try to take me out to dinner, I CANCEL IT!”

They attempted to step up the dancing in this video and cut all the live performances from her schedule.  But the song never gained a lot of traction and Bad Boy was now scrambling to figure out to do with Cassie.

Diddy attempted to have her sub for Nicole Scheherazade in a live performance of Come To Me.

She was paired with L’il Wayne during the peak of his career.

And none of that really worked.  The thing is that the general public is willing to ignore mediocre singing talent if you bring it with catchy songs (Rihanna), fierce dance moves (Jennifer Lopez), and water cooler discussion (Ke$ha).  But Cassie really doesn’t have any of those things.

Now this post is coming across like I’m bashing our Queen of Music, but really I find everything about Cassie super entertaining.  It’s the combo of being extremely beautiful but seemingly clueless about where her talents lie.  Had she accepted that she should be modeling and not singing, this post would be a lot different.  Most of her songs are slickly produced and fun to listen to, but the addition of her singing has no effect in making the song better.  I’ll provide two examples below.

King Of Hearts

I LOVE THIS SONG! It’s the perfect workout song.  The production is spot-on!  There’s a lot going that gradually builds as the song builds to the breakdown and final chorus.  The pounding bass line, the echoed voices, the synth line, and the gradual build-in of chords around her voice all work.  Even the use of having Cassie’s “harmonies” being an octave apart was smart.  

But notice, that all of my praise goes to Cassie’s production team and not her singing.  The only “interesting” thing she adds is the random octave jump on the “King of Hearts” in the last chorus.  She looks incredible in the video though.

The Boys

Now I’m no fan of Nicki Minaj, but can you point out what Cassie adds to this song besides the off-key “You Get Hiiiiigh” and looking supremely gorgeous in all of her outfits?  I’ll wait.

cookie

 

But with that said, my world would be incomplete without the musical stylings of Cassie.  She is a delight, seems like a really sweet girl, and she’s managed to keep her record deal despite a relative lack of success.  You go girl!  

Now I’m going to go dance to King of Hearts.  Leave your favorite Cassie memories below and make your nomination for the next QUEEN! OF! MUSIC!

Celebrity Jury: Ray J

It’s Saturday and it’s time to decide the fate of another “celebrity.”

ray1

Oh wait a minute, ain’t that Brandy’s brother?!

So Ray J, step on down!  It’s time to decide you fate.

Fact:  Ray J has been around a LONG time!

When Brandy burst onto the scene in the early 90’s with her box braids, hits on hits, and slayage; she dragged our dear friend Ray J in our conscious.  But Ray had bigger dreams than bodyrolling and doing the Bankhead Bounce with the catering staff.

Fact: Ray J can’t sing.

Yeah, while Brandy snatched on the final chorus on “I Wanna Be Down,” Ray J does not have said ability.  This is the video that led to the alleged fight between him and Fabolous.  And we all know how this ended.

Thanks Kid Fury! (@KidFury on Twitter)  If you don’t already know, love, and follow him, you LATE!

Fact: Ray  J has bops! Well, been a part of bops.  

Listen.  This is legit a flawless jam.  Trash’s favorite line: “Sexy, can I visit you at work while you slidin’ down the pole, no pannies no shirt!”

shethemanbootypop

143! AAAAAAAAAAYE WHAT IT DO!

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Obviously, the source of our opening line!  Back when we watched Free & AJ countdown the hottest videos, all of the lesser known R&B sensations were slaying!  Remember Nivea!  We’ll pay tribute to her and her Laundromat soon!

Fact: Ray J is a Petty Betty.

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Bye Ashy!  While I am no fan of the Kardashian, we know you had sex with her.  We know that she got paid millions of dollars while you took home a Happy Meal toy.  We know that she’s gone on to be rich, famous, and inescapable.   We know that you…ummm?

Got that snazzy haircut? I guess.

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Girl what is that?

Fun Fact: I Hit It First is one of Class’s favorite songs and was on his 2013 Top Played from Spotify.

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Fact: Ray J ruins shows.

Ray J was a part of two great shows from the 90’s and early 2000’s, Moesha & One On One.  On both shows, he appeared mid-series and did his very best to ruin it.  We didn’t care about Dorian or how he almost ruined the relationship between Frank & Dee.  We definitely didn’t care about One on One when Flex Washington left to smile at Shanice.  It was trash and he was trash.

Verdict:  Go sit in the corner, sir.

We live in a world where we have enough psuedo-celebrities.  Who keeps letting Ray J make music?  Who keeps letting him act?  Ray J, you are not a thug. You’re not a good singer.  Stick to random appearances in flop rappers songs and find Cris Arroyo and bring back New York!  I know you have his number!

What’s your verdict?  I know that I ignored Family Business and For The Love of Ray J but they just weren’t that illuminating or trashy.  And that’s not what I’m trying to do.

Let us know in the comments or on the Twitter Machine!  Happy Saturday!