Rating the Players NFL Draft

Joining me tonight is a Guest Blogger, The Asian Sensation!  I suggested Smash since she wants to smash the players of the draft, but she said no!



Just so we’re clear, this is not about their playing ability.  This is about how bang-able the player is.  The scale will be from 1 to 10.  Join in at the bottom!

1) Houston Texans: Jadaveon Clowney from South Carolina


Asian Sensation: He has a nice smile and good body.  I can deal with the dreds but the Draft Day hairstyle.  6/10

Trash: That hair though…  But he’s very average looking  in a good way. 5/10

Except for that bump on his lip. Minus one for each of us.

Overall Average: 4.5/10

2) St. Louis Rams: Greg Robinson from Auburn


Asian Sensation: Ooh… I am not happy with this selection. 3/10

Trash: AHHHH! That gap.  I’m convinced that golddiggers settle when they end up with Offensive Linemen.  Those eyebrows. 3/10

Overall Average: 3/10

3) Jacksonville Jaguars: Blake Bortles from UCF


Trash: He’s okay. He’s an average athletic white guy.  Bangable.  Not marriage material.  4.5/10

Asian Sensation: He looks way better after Greg! He’s cuter in motion than he is in pictures.  5/10

Overall Average: 4.75/10

4) Buffalo Bills: Sammy Watkins from Clemson


Asian Sensation: Great player.  He is really busted though.  3/10

Trash: Umm…I’m not feeling this one.  I’m not here for an edge-up with your dreds starting an inch back.  It’s not a good look.  3/10

Overall Average: 3/10

5) Oakland Raiders: Khalil Mack from Buffalo

NCAA Football: Bowling Green at Buffalo

Trash: He’s okay looking.  I mean, I’m not throwing my panties at him.  4.5/10

Asian Sensation: He leaves a lot to be desired but that’s about the best you can do as an offensive lineman. 5/10

Overall Average: 4.75/10

6) Atlanta Falcons: Jake Matthews from Texas A&M


Asian Sensation: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! He is so ugly! 2/10

Trash: His face is odd?  Yeah, he looks like a fat baby.  I’m not interested.  2/10

Overall Average: 2/10

7) Tampa Bay Buccaneers: Mike Evans from Texas A&M


Trash: Well, he’s the best so far.  #heyboo As long as that’s not your daughter.  But he’s missing a tooth so that’s a half point deduction… 6/10

Asian Sensation: Definitely agree with you on the best so far.  6.5/10

Overall Average: 6.25/10

8) Cleveland Browns: Justin Gilbert from Oklahoma State


Asian Sensation: ::raises eyebrows:: Not missing any teeth, looking good.  6/10

Trash: Maybe this is turning around.  He’s cute.  Hey boo!  7/10

Overall Average: 6.5/10

9) Minnesota Vikings: Anthony Barr from UCLA


Trash: Can I hit in the moaaanin?!  8/10

Asian Sensation: New Favorite!  Move over Gilbert! 7.5/10

Overall Average: 7.75/10

10) Detroit Lions: Eric Ebron from North Carolina


Asian Sensation: He’s not Anthony Barr, but he’s kind of cute.  Things are slowly turning around. 5.5/10

Trash: A little disappointing after my new man, Anthony.  5/10

Overall Average: 5.25/10

11) Tennessee Titans: Taylor Lewan from Michigan


Trash: Nope.  That’s going to be no from me sir.  Thanks for playing though.  3/10

Asian Sensation: I thought he was fat cute.  But now he’s just fat.  3/10

Overall Average: 3/10

12) New York Giants: Odell Beckham, Jr. from LSU


Asian Sensation: ::stands up:: YAAAAAASS!!! HE IS FOINE!!! Please cut off that mohawk and we can have sex. 8.5/10

Trash: That hair is offensive.  But also hey! Keep licking your lips, boo.  Here for you. 9/10

Overall Average: 8.75/10

13) St. Louis Rams: Aaron Donald from Pittsburgh

Aaron Donald

Trash: He’s not exactly cute, but drunk in the club, I’d make out with him. 5/10

Asian Sensation: Can we bring Odell back? 4/10

Overall Average: 4.5/10

14) Chicago Bears: Kyle Fuller from Virginia Tech


Asian Sensation: He looks Blasian.  He’s okay by me.  5/10

Trash: The skin is definitely a problem.  He looks like  Bobby Valentino on HGH.  3/10

Overall Average: 4/10

15) Pittsburgh Steelers: Ryan Shazier from Ohio State


Trash: He reminds me of Buddha from I Love New York.  But not hot.  4/10

Asian Sensation: I don’t like his shiny bald head.  Among other things… 4.5/10

Overall Average: 4.25/10

16) Dallas Cowboys: Zack Martin for Notre Dame


Asian Sensation: Just nah… 3.5/10

Trash:  My body is not ready.  3/10

Overall Average: 3.25/10

17) Baltimore Ravens: CJ Mosley from Alabama


Trash:  What happened?  Odell got picked and things were never the same.  ::Drake tears:: 3.5/10

Asian Sensation: Alabama! You can’t have all this talent and not any looks to back it up. 4/10

Overall Average: 3.75/10

18) New York Jets: Calvin Pryor from Louisville


Asian Sensation: He has a cute face but I don’t like his dreds. 5.5/10

Trash: I definitely do not see it for his hair, but he’s not bad looking.  4.5/10

Overall Average: 5/10

19) Miami Dolphins: Ju’Wuan James from Tennessee


Trash: He’s not the worst we’ve seen.  But he won’t inspire any lustful cat deddy looks from me.  2.5/10

Asian Sensation: I’m starting to get sleepy.  I need someone to wake me up and he’s not it. 3/10

Overall Average: 2.75/10

20) New Orleans Saints: Brandin Cooks from Oregon State


Asian Sensation: He’s okay, but he’s not lighting my world on fire.  5/10

Trash: I agree.  Very average looking.  4.5/10

Overall Average: 4.75/10

21) Green Bay Packers: Ha Ha Clinton-Dix from Alabama

ha ha

Trash: His name is really Ha Ha.  Like Ha and Ha.  Like his name is the sound of a chuckle.  Not terrible looking though. 4/10

Asian Sensation: Kinda cute, unfortunately, your name is Ha Ha.  6/10 (ignoring his name)

Overall Average: 5/10

22) Cleveland Browns: Johnny Manziel from Texas A&M


Asian Sensation: Good. Bye.  4/10

Trash: Meh… He’s not lighting my world on fire.  He just seems like a lame. Good. Bye.  4/10

Overall Average: 4/10

23) Kansas City Chiefs: Dee Ford from Auburn


Trash: Not bad, not bad.  He looks like someone who would make you a nice meal after a “night of passion.” 6/10

Asian Sensation: He looks like a guy I went to college with.  5/10

Overall Average: 5.5/10

24) Cincinnati Bengals: Darqueze Dennard from Michigan State


Asian Sensation: He’s not ugly but I’m definitely NOT feeling it. 4/10

Trash: I thought we were trending up.  Guess not.  Not cute.  3.5/10

Overall Average: 3.75/10

25) San Diego Chargers: Jason Verrett from TCU

Jason Verrett

Trash: Ooh.  That hair isn’t it, but you know, I’d hit it.  I’m not mad at his smile.  4.5/10

Asian Sensation: He’s got a cute face.  Fix the teeth and hair and I see a potential “Hey Boo.” 6/10

Overall Average: 5.25/10

26) Philadelphia Eagles: Marcus Smith from Louisville


Asian Sensation: He is fine! I can’t stop watching his youtube videos. 8/10

Trash: Wait, who is this?  I’m feeling this one. #howyoudoin’ 7/10

Overall Average: 7.5/10

27) Arizona Cardinals: Deone Bucannon  from Washington State


Trash: He exists.  I’m not mad that I’m looking at him.  His tears are super sweet though.  5.5/10

Asian Sensation: Almost cute.  On the cusp of cute.  5.5/10

Overall Average: 5.5/10

28) Carolina Panthers: Kelvin Benjamin from Florida State


Asian Sensation: He looks like a girl in the face.  I want to give him an N/A because I don’t rate girls. He looks like a black Jessica Biel in this picture!


Team Trash tried to step in at this point.  Asian Sensation definitely refused to budge from her N/A. When forced, she came up with a 4/10.

Trash: He looks too young for me.  Not terrible though.  So many dreds tonight… 4/10

Overall Average: 4/10

29) New England Patriots: Dominique Easley from Florida


Trash: Shrug.  I guess we just don’t have much gas left in the tank.  These dudes are not making me want them.  4/10

Asian Sensation: He has some good angles. Full frontal is not exactly the best one though. 4/10

Overall Average: 4/10

30) San Fransico 49ers: Jimmie Ward from Northern Illinois


Asian Sensation: He’s cute but I’m not moved by him. 5/10

Trash: See, I started talking shit and then they give us a cute chocolate man.  ::winks seductively:: 7/10

Overall Average: 6/10.

31) Denver Broncos: Bradley Roby from Ohio State


Trash: He’s cute enough.  I guess.  I don’t know, I feel like I’m repeating myself.  So many blah picks.  4.5/10

Asian Sensation: Good skin, but nothing else really.  4.5/10

Overall Average: 4.5/10

32) Minnesota Vikings: Teddy Bridgewater from Louisville


Asian Sensation: Don’t even have to look him up.  He’s fugly.  3/10

Trash: I bet the sex is wack, but he probably is real gentle.  Cute smile though!  5/10

Overall Average: 4/10

So that’s it!  We came, we judged, we conquered.  The overall average for this 2014 Class was a 4.71 which is a little depressing.  Although we know that money has a way of making people better looking.  Who were your favorites??? Let us know!



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