First off….It’s been one month of Class And Trash! AWOOT! So now that there are a bunch of posts here, please share share share the blog! We want to be here to stay! We would love to make this bigger and better one-day but that needs YOU! ANYWAY on to the post…
February 14th…… A day that all couples look forward to. It is also a day that all single as shit people dread. Whether we want to admit it or not. I don’t really grasp that excitement that couples have, so this is for all my single ladies (and gents out there) to nod and snap their fingers to in agreement; and for all the couples to take note about why we feel salty when you talk to us about it….
So here we go:
5 Ways to Not Piss off Your Single and Bitter Friends on Valentines Day:
1) Don’t Ask.
Bitch you’re my friend. You know I don’t HAVE any romantic partner in my life. I don’t even have a fake text message boo. What in the entire heck do you think I’m going to do today but sit and try to avoid being on social media?!?!?!?! For most single people, this day is just another day. We wake up and try not to think about it…… and then….. then y’all want to start asking too many damn questions. “So what are you doing tonight?” “Ohhhh noooo!!! Don’t just stay in by yourself!” Which brings me to number two.
2) “Well why don’t you hang out with us?”
Oh. OKAY. This sounds like a PERFECT Valentines Day to me!!! And it’s on a Friday this year? PERFECT way to kick off the weekend! SO while you are lovey dovey in the corner with the man or woman of your dream, I’ll just sit here and eat more bread at the restaurant. Or maybe I’ll hold my own hand at the movie. Ooooooh wait I’ll just buy my own chocolate and gifts! YASSSS! (note alllllll the sarcasm)
You get the idea….. The point is I’d rather sit, eat chocolate, and drink cheap bottle of wine. Alone. Trust me it’s OKAY. I will be OKAY. This is NOT the first time at the single rodeo. The fake pity party is not needed today. I know you’re trying to help but it makes me get all into my feelings.
3) Congrats on your flowers, cards, chocolates, etc.
Listen. It’s Valentines Day. We know that your going to receive a present while the single clan waits for the sale on the 15th…but do we need to see the Facebook Status, Twitter, and instragram (with filter) shared up and down on the timeline?!?!?! It’s just extra. How many stuffed animals, flowers, and boxes of chocolates do we need to see? (DRINKING GAME ALERT! Take a shot every time one of these status or images rolls across your timeline!) I rather scroll down and see messages about snow and what an idiot Justin Bieber is today.
4) I’m sure you’ll find someone soon.
Okay trick. This one right here. That statement will make me flip a table and lose it. Why? Because I’m working on it. Maybe I’m picky. Maybe my standards are too high. Maybe my checklist is too long. But i’m working on it. What I don’t need is fake sympathy tho. So now go on and enjoy your day! Call me tomorrow and we’ll will turn up! Kthanks
5) Don’t Apologize to me
I know I’m single. It ain’t your fault. Really. No explanation on this needed.
Okay that sounded a lot more bitter than it was meant to be. I’m really not super pressed as I’ve grown accustomed to this life. That and my mom will forever be my one true valentine So there’s that. It just gets real frustrating. ESPECIALLY new couples; Trollop you were single yesterday…get off of my timeline with that tripe.
With that being said. Hope all my couples truly have a magical day! But just keep it with your boo/if your friends ask you about your day. And to my single friends…there has got to be a club for single people to go shimmy and flirt, right? Let all find that. Put on that sexy outfit and stay away from the thirsty single tricks who are just trying to get it in…that’s how you catch diseases.
Ladies? ……Say I …look so good tonight!
HAPPY VALENTINES DAY!!! We love you like XO!