When Trash Stans Out

Feel free to skip this post Class…

I’m le tired today so this is going to be pretty short.  But if you don’t remember, Trash stans down for Craig David.  And has done so since Fill Me In was released in America back in 2001.  I mentioned it briefly in my dressing down of The Bieber during his Celebrity Jury.  But Craig’s silky smooth voice and vocal control have always just done it for me.

I’ve held off on trying to explain the depths of my love for this man’s music because we’re talking about a thesis here.  But since I’m not feeling too great today, I thought that I would share one of my favorite performances from him since it cheers me up.

This is Hidden Agenda from his second album.   We’re talking about a man who sounds like the recording.  Jumping from chest voice to head voice repeatedly live.  Killing the ad-libs without overdoing it.  I mean what can I say?

Okay, one more.

That last chorus.

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Again, I’m doing my best not to stan completely out.

I know that there are not that many people who love Craig David quite like I do, but any fans?  Let me know in the comments.

Now go to sleep wig! #PLONK

Tomorrow night = Real Housewives of Atlanta Reunion part one.!!!! As I am a life member of Team Nene, I have been preparing myself by reliving some of my favorite Nene Moments….

Moment One…. THIS Phone call… The whole thing can be found on BravoTV.com but this is enough to give you LIFE!

And then Nene kicked Sheree off the show…. “You could use a bl-eaching.”

“Dirt and Grass” ~ Phaedra “I think I tweeted Neverland.” ~Nene Leakes

The older that I get…the more I find myself like Nene. How? Nene has no f*cks to give and no time for BS, BUT she also has a mad shady side and can stir the pot a bit… Now that I think of it, it sounds nothing like me….

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Anyway I hope y’all tune in to watch the first part of the Reunion tomorrow. The reunions are the best part of Real Housewives franchise. I promise if you start watching…you won’t stop.

Need a prievew? Here ya go….

Porsha

 

Do. Work. Porsha!

(Violence is never the answer kids…but when somebody pushes you, sometimes you need to let them know what time it is and push back. Life lesson brought to you by Class and Trash.)

Why I Gave Up On ANTM

One thing you should know about Trash is that I love reality television.  I love the constructs, I love watching them build an edit for a contestant and how it all plays out, and I think there is a lot of cultural value in the manipulation of these stories for our entertainment.  Of course, this does not make them all quality shows but it’s a window into human psyche and how certain cues and attitudes play within society.

One of those insights is that we repeatedly fall into the same traps over and over again.  America LOVES a spunky underdog.  We’d rather see someone try hard with a good attitude over consistent excellence.  We “hate” bitchy people, but we wouldn’t be as engaged in a show without a villain to root against.  These cliches and others are used in all of the best reality shows.

So let’s talk about the most consistent reality show in my life, America’s Next Top Model.

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I have loved Top Model since I first laid eyes on Jade Cole.

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I started watching the show with my friend who would give me a ride back to my off-campus apartment when I didn’t have my car yet.  Jade’s brilliant vocabulary and antics had me hooked!

So wonderful and so fabulous.

From there, I caught up on reruns of the early seasons crying with Kelle over her snout, watching my chest go jiggle shimmy with Robyn, having sex with Italian strangers a la Shandi, and learning about tipsy-top models with Naima.

I even know the choreography to Shake Ya Body!

Wholahay?  I was there.

Check ya thighs out in the mirra? I was there.

Jenna’s Chevy Impala? I was there.

Brasilia?  I was there.

Hi! I’m Kyle! I was there.

I even made it through both All-Star seasons and this season with the mens!  We’re talking dedication here.

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Mostly to Don, but I watched it anyway!

But you know, it took all my strength to realize that I have to stop caving in to the power of Tyra.  This show was once a fun way to spend a hour with fake models doing hilarious challenges.  However crazy, there was always a semblance of reality to some of the things that happened.  There were real designers involved.  Girls went on to at least work in the industry.

This past season, all of the photos were taken on iPads in order to use “Flixel” technology.  It was stupid.

The final runway show for Season 18 was for Forever 21.  It was stupid.

Kelly Cutrone is STILL on the show.  No one likes her.  She isn’t funny.  She isn’t attractive.  She is the worst.

While the show is still entertaining in a way, it is no longer the same hilarious antics that kept us tuned in back in the day.  We no longer have panel challenges.  No more Andre Leon Talley or Janice Dickinson.  It’s a chore to watch each episode because the show stopped trying.  Even when we the fans didn’t take it seriously, it needed to take itself seriously for the show to work.

I remained hopeful that the show would find its ground but it simply hasn’t recovered.  The judging isn’t as spirited.  Even Tyra’s heart isn’t really in it anymore.

I hope that she will let the show end with dignity and then put out the seasons on DVD so that I can enjoy them forever and ever.

But I can’t watch it anymore.  It is just a reminder that I’m getting old and the show has worn out its welcome on the popular culture.

Are there any shows that you’ve had to give up on?  What would you suggest as a replacement??  Let us know in the comments!

Stupid Questions DO Exist.

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Quick Rant.

I HATE STUPID EFFING QUESTIONS!

So i’m in the process of finding a new job because i’m over this life. IF YOU THINK I FOUND ONE, DON’T YOU THINK I WOULD’VE TOLD YOU?! Especially since you think we are “friends”? I hate when people don’t THINK. Ladies and Gentlemen, PLEASE think about what you are saying BEFORE you say it. It saves me time and ranting energy. If not, you look like an IDIOT and I just don’t have the TIME.

Reason number 1000000000000 why I’ve cut some people out of my friend circle….BECAUSE THEY HAVE NO DAMN SENSE. None. So please take you basic ass self with your dumbass ass questions back to basic-ville and leave me alone.

Why does this annoy me? Because you already know i’m stressed enough as it is. Now your dumb idiotic self has to stick you big ugly nose up in my business.

Truth is….i’m tired of certain people up in my life. Just lying and bullshitting pretending to spread positivity when all they do is throw shade and are rude. First of all, we KNOW your whole existence is a lie.

Second.

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So please call me when you decide to be a good human being.

 

Thanks and be blessed.

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::drops mic::

 

Celebrity Jury: Bow Wow

What’s up, what’s happening??

Now it’s been a while since we have had a court session.  You can catch up here, here, and here! Let’s talk about Shad Moss.  L’il Bow Wow.  Mr. 106 & Park!

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Get into those luxurious locks!  Let’s get started.

Fact: Bow Wow has some jams.

Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaass!

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Don’t be mad!

Fact: This Bow Wow and Omarion thing happened…

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You know how Watch The Throne was like super successful?  This was the Dollar General version of that.  And it was trash.  The songs were trash.  The only quality thing we got from this was Bow Wow’s sass.

“We gone own the forff quarter!
And if you don’t jump on the bandwagon now…”

::neck roll:: ::finger wave::

This song was trash.  Even if you liked it, you were wrong.

Fact: Bow Wow is not ugly.

Short, yes.  Ugly, no.

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Fact: Remember him dating Ciara??

Ciara, girl those notes!

Fact: You didn’t think I forgot Marco Polo, did you????

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Fact: Roll Bounce is the worst.

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Nope.  Not even a little.  This movie was terrible in every way.

Fact: Bow Wow is realistic.

Currently, Bow Wow is a host on 106 & Park.  This was a show where he dominated the countdowns and was a featured guest at one point.  I remember people clowning him for taking the gig as it was acceptance that he was no longer famous anymore.  I might have even done it.

But let’s get real, times are hard for those stars who came up in the early 2000′s.  It was a different time and sound that is now considered dated by most. So instead of going hungry, Shad took a job that pays consistently and keeps him employed.  He’s not out here scooting across Queen Latifah’s floor or releasing videos with the World Star Hip Hop tag.

So I’m not going to dis finding a way to stay paid without resorting to super flop ass records.

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Fact: Azimiz???

Fact: Bow Wow led to the best Catfish episode ever.

D-Pimpin: My name is Bow Wow.

    Nev: Your name is not Bow Wow.  What’s your name.

D-Pimpin: Shad Moss.

Did you all watch this episode?  It was incredible.  Part-time model/McDonald’s cashier thinks that Bow Wow is in love with her after a Facebook message response.  She also receives $10,000 which is how she knows it’s real.

D-Pimpin is a struggle rapper/mooch who gets money from her “mixtape” and uses a lambskin dildo to trick unsuspecting straight women.

It is all so AMAZING!

Verdict: Why not?

You know, I went into this thinking that the Bow Wow verdict would be a huge no, but honestly, I like Bow Wow.

Sure he hasn’t had any chart success recently, but he’s managed to get himself attached to the Fast & Furious franchise, keep a steady pay check, and he has some tunes that I jam to.  He hit some financial troubles but so did everyone associated with Jermaine Dupri.  Even Jermaine Dupri.  I just hope Dem Franchise Boyz are set.

So you know, team Bow Wow.  Let’s end with another sassy video clip from the Bow Wow/Omarion days.

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“I GOT THE VOICE” ~Effie White… Not Jhene Aiko. Bye Girl

Jhene Aiko.

Ma’am. You can not sing. The song is cute but you can not SING. You are dismissed.

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Now I know that we all come with different voices. Not everyone can be a Whitney, Mariah, Beyonce, Gaga…hell Miley Cyrus or Demi (they have a voices y’all. Especially Miss Demi…girl can BLOW but is stuck in this pop lane.) Heck Janet Jackson is not a belter or the strongest but she can out dance and out coo your fav. She can make you shimmy and then put you in your feelings. Don’t believe me? Go listen to “If” and then put on “I Get So Lonely.”

I digress. Jhene you are the worst. (okay she’s not the worst ::glares at this new Ashanti song and album::). She is BASIC and y’all are going to stop running around like she is the TRUTH. Wait until Jojo releases an album and shows y’all how to SING. Hell Tori Kelly is making her coins singing at charity events and YouTube gatherings and she can sing CIRCLES around you little girl.

Okay. She’s not really that OFFENSIVE. BUT the song is hella basic and the vocals are so lackluster. OVER IT. What I am HERE for is Jojo REHEARSING “Rapture of Love”. Again…REHEARSING…

In 16 seconds Jojo does what your fav can’t. (Remember that time Britney Spears said she had “whiplash” from whipping her hair too hard? BYE ASHY!) Listen when this vocal queen releases her album it’s going to EVERYTHING (it better not get in the way of Bey taking all of the Grammys tho.) While we are talking about Bey…. If this tour rumor is true…My body is ready AND not ready all at once. BITCH. PARTITION LIVE?! AND I GET TO GET MY HOODRAT ON WITH THE FEW JAY-Z SONGS I KNOW?! Bitch. BITCH.

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What needs to NOT happen is all the hoodrats trying to see Jay snatching tickets before I get mine. OKAY?!

Happy Thursday Y’all!!